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<The opening credits play but the logo is replaced with one saying "The Keanu Reeves Show". As the screen fades in, Keanu Reeves is sitting limp behind the desk with strings attached to his arms that go all the way up to the ceiling>
Keanu?: <His lips do not move, the voice is coming from offstage somewhere> Good evening folks and welcome to the Keanu Reeves show! Tonight we have a special guest, straight off the set of his newest movie. Please welcome Atlus Parker of "Monster Helix"!
<Atlus walks in, his trenchcoat billowing behind him. He only recieves mild applause as he sits in the chair next to the desk>
Keanu?: Good evening, Mr Parker.
Atlus: Good eve- <He stops midsentence to eye Keanu? suspiciously>
Keanu?: Is there a problem, Mr Parker?
Atlus: It's Atlus. And where's Base Gastly?
Keanu?: <Laughs nervously> Base Gastly? He's uh...he's um...hold on. <Loud whispering can be heard from offstage followed by several curses> Base Gastly is away...on vacation.
Atlus: Vacation, huh? <He pauses for several moments> Alright.
Keanu?: Well now that we've gotten that out of the way, we'll start the interview. First off, tell us a little about yourself.
Atlus: Well, Keanu. I'm around 5'8" tall, brownish hair, blue eyes. I like long walks on the beach, puppies, and sunsets.
Keanu?: Is this going anywhere?
Atlus: Not really.
Keanu?: <A string moves his arm stiffly, knocking over a pile of notecards onto the floor at Atlus' feet> Then would you mind reading the answers from these cards?
Atlus: <Looks at the cards then back up to Keanu> Or we could just start talking about the movie.
Keanu?: Fair enough. Now in the movie "Monst-HOOT!
Atlus: Monst-hoot?
Keanu?: Uh...HOOT! I mea-HOOT! Hold up a sec-HOOT! <More cursing is heard offstage as long as some more hoots. The guzzling of water is heard and the hoots stop> I'm sorry, I had the hiccups.
Atlus: What kind of person hoots when he has the hiccups?
Keanu?: Aren't I supposed to be asking the questions around here?
Atlus: I don't know. Are you really Keanu?
<Someone offstage shouts "He knows!" followed by others trying to shush him>
Keanu?: Yes, why of course I'm Keanu Reeves. Why would you doubt me?
Atlus: You haven't used the word Whoa in every other sentence.
Keanu?: Yes I...er...whoa?
Atlus: What have you done with the real Keanu? <Stands up walks to the desk looking at the strings> What are these for?
Keanu?: Nothing! Nothing at all!
Atlus: <Tugs lightly on the string> What happens if I pull this?
Keanu?: DON'T PULL IT!
<Atlus pulls on the string. From up above a Hoot-Hoot falls and hits the desk getting knocked out>
Atlus: What is this?! <Pokes Keanu's body> This man has been dead for some time! <Sees the curtains off to the side moving> Who's there?
Keanu?: Pay no attention to the Pokémon behind the curtain!
Atlus: Pokémon? <Runs over to the curtain and pulls it back quickly, revealing 3 Noctowls> Noctowls?! You know what you all can do!
Noctowl #1: We gots no knees, suckah!
Noctowl #2: Everyone! Glaring Gaze!
<All 3 Noctowls begin to stare at Atlus>
Atlus: ...um...
<They stare harder>
Atlus: Whatever you're doing, it's not working...
Noctowl #1: Curses! Everyone! Plan B!
Atlus: Plan B?
<Noctowl #3 produces a wooden bat and hits Atlus over the head, knocking him unconscious>
Noctowl #3: B for bat, yo! Grab that camera!
<Two of the Noctowls pick up Atlus and carry him off stage. The third grabs the camera and turns it off. Several minutes later it comes back on. Atlus, Lugia, and Base Gastly are tied up and hanging over a boiling pot. Atlus comes to and looks down then over to Base Gastly and Lugia>
Lugia: Hey you're Atlus Parker! We're saved! Do that psychic blast thingy and we're saved!
Atlus: There's one problem with that...
Lugia: What's that?
Atlus: This isn't "Monster Helix"...
Lugia: Oh...right...
<The Noctowls gather around the pot and chant>
Noctowls: Hoot! Hoot hoot! Hoot!
Atlus: What are they saying?
Base Gastly: I dunno, I think it's french.
Atlus: French? Let me try to communicate with them...um...je voudrais manger les enfants Hoot-Hoots.
<The Noctowls chant louder, obviosuly in a fury now>
Base Gastly: What'd you say?!
Atlus: I told them that we mean no harm, I think.
Lugia: <Squeals> We're doomed!
????: <Speaks with a well cultured British accent> Not if I can help it.
Base Gastly: Who's that?!
<The Noctowls stop circling around the pot and stare into the darkness where the voice is coming from>
????: Prepare for trouble! And make that double! I wish you the best and I wish you well! When you face the wrath of myself... <Steps from the shadows and into the light> ...Victor! the Victreebell! En garde!
Base Gastly, Lugia, & Atlus: <In unison> Oh boy...
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