Aum Gung Ganapathaye Namah
Namo tassa bhagavato arahato samma-sambuddhassa
Homage to The Blessed One, Accomplished and
Fully Enlightened
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most
Merciful
Test Diary
A Collection of Articles, Notes and References
Chapter 35
(December 2006)
(Revised:
Sunday, February 04, 2007)
By
A Pseudo Monk
What’s in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet.
- William Shakespeare
Copyright © 2002-2010 A Pseudo Monk
The following educational writings are STRICTLY for
academic research purposes ONLY.
Should NOT be used for commercial, political or any other purposes.
(The following notes are
subject to update and revision)
For free distribution only.
You may print copies of this work for free distribution.
You may re-format and redistribute this work for use on computers and computer
networks, provided that you charge no fees for its
distribution or use.
Otherwise, all rights reserved.
8 "... Freely you
received, freely give”.
-
Matthew 10:8 :: New American Standard Bible (NASB)
The attempt to make God just in the eyes of sinful men will always
lead to error.
- Pastor William L. Brown.
1 “But mark this: There will be terrible
times in the last days.
2 People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their
parents, ungrateful, unholy,
3 without
love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good,
4 treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of
God—
5 having a
form of godliness but denying its
power. Have
nothing to do with them.
6 They are the kind who worm their way into homes and gain control over weak-willed women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all
kinds of evil desires,
7 always learning but never able to acknowledge the truth.
8 Just as Jannes and Jambres opposed Moses, so
also these men oppose the
truth--men of
depraved minds, who, as far as
the faith is concerned, are rejected.
9 But they will not get very far because, as in the case of those
men, their folly
will be clear to everyone.”
-
2 Timothy 3:1-9 :: New International Version (NIV)
The right to be left alone – the most comprehensive of rights, and the right most valued by a free people
-
Justice Louis Brandeis, Olmstead v.
15 I know thy works, that
thou art neither cold nor hot: I would
thou wert cold or hot.
16 So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth.
-
Revelation 3:15-16 :: King James Version (KJV)
6 As he saith also in another place, Thou art a priest for ever after the order of Melchisedec.
-
Hebrews 5:6 :: King James Version (KJV)
3 Without father, without mother, without descent, having neither beginning of days, nor end of life; but made like unto the Son of God; abideth a priest continually.
- Hebrews 7:3 :: King James Version (KJV)
Therefore, I say:
Know your
enemy and know yourself;
in a
hundred battles, you will never be defeated.
When you
are ignorant of the enemy but know yourself,
your chances
of winning or losing are equal.
If ignorant both of your
enemy and of yourself,
you are sure to be
defeated in every battle.
-- Sun Tzu, The Art of War, c. 500bc
There are two ends not to
be served by a wanderer. What are these two? The pursuit of desires and of the pleasure which springs from desire,
which is base, common, leading to rebirth, ignoble, and unprofitable; and the pursuit of pain and
hardship, which is grievous, ignoble, and unprofitable.
- The Blessed One, Lord Buddha
3 Neither let the son of
the stranger, that hath joined himself to
the LORD, speak, saying, The LORD hath utterly separated me from his people: neither let the eunuch say, Behold, I am a dry tree.
-
Isaiah 56:3 :: King James Version (KJV)
19:12 For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some
eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's
sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.
- Matthew 19:12 :: King James Version
(KJV)
21 But this kind does not go out except by prayer and fasting.
-
Matthew
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I receive numerous letters of pathetic tales of dissipated, lost youth. The recent trend in the increase of vulgar, cheap and aphrodisiac literature and obscene films, both Indian and Western, had added to the miseries of misguided youth. Loss of the vital energy creates great fear in their mind. The body becomes weak, memory fails, the face becomes ugly and the young man is not able to remedy his pitiable condition due to shame. But there is no cause for despair. Even if a few of the hints in the following pages are observed, he will develop the correct attitude to life and will lead a disciplined spiritual life and ultimately attain supreme bliss.
Difference
between physiological pollution and pathological pollution
Spermatorrhoea is involuntary seminal discharge. Nocturnal discharge, night pollution, Svapna-Dosha, wet dream are all synonymous terms. Ayurvedic doctors call this disease Sukra-Megha. This is due to the evil habits in youth. In severe cases, discharges occur in daytime also. The patient passes semen along with urine during micturition. If there is occasional discharge, you need not be alarmed a bit. This may be due to heat in the body, or the pressure of loaded bowels or bladder on the seminal bags. This is not a pathological condition.
Night pollution is of two kinds, namely, physiological
pollution and pathological pollution. In
physiological pollution, you will be refreshed. You should not be afraid
of this act. You should not mind if the discharge
of semen is very occasional. You need not worry about it. This is also a slight
flushing of the apparatus or a periodical cleansing through a slight overflow
from the reservoir in which the semen is stored up. This act may not be
attended with evil thoughts. The person may not be aware of the act during the
night. Whereas, in pathological pollution,
the act is accompanied by sexual thoughts. Depression follows. There is
irritability, languishment, laziness, inability to work and concentrate.
Occasional discharges are of no consequence, but frequent nocturnal pollutions
cause depression of spirits, debility, dyspepsia, low
spirits, loss
of memory, severe pain in the back,
headache, burning of the eyes, drowsiness and burning sensation at urination or during the flow of
semen. The semen becomes very thin.
Causes
and consequences
Wet dreams and spermatorrhoea may be due to various causes like constipation, a loaded stomach, irritation-producing or wind-producing food, impure thoughts and long self-abuse done in ignorance.
Seminal weakness, nocturnal emissions, lascivious dreams and all other effects of an immoral life will surely lead one to a miserable state of living if not checked by proper medicines. But these medicines cannot produce a permanent cure. One can get temporary relief during the time one takes the medicine. Even doctors of the West admit that such medicines cannot effect a permanent cure. The moment the medicine is discontinued, the patient will find his disease all the worse. In some cases, the patient becomes impotent by the use of drugs. The only effective permanent cure can be had through the system of ancient Yoga. Nasti Yogat Param Balam. There is no strength higher than that of Yoga. The different methods given in this book will enable you to get success if practiced regularly.
(Reference: Swami Sivananda. (1997) Practice
of Brahmacharya. (WWW Edition) Himalayas,
Test Diary
December 2006
To continue
Monday, December 04, 2006
To continue
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Internet Connection: Home computer
IP Address:
59.91.241.162
Monday, December 04, 2006 0847 a.m.
– 0207 p.m. IST
http://www.whatismyipaddress.com/
sreegopal
Check emails; delete junk emails
sreenarayana
Check emails; delete junk emails
sreegopalsreekumaran
Delete junk mails
sreegopalsreekumaran
Check emails; delete junk emails
Send email regarding undergraduate
degree program
New Mexico Institute of Mining and
Technology New
George Zamora. (Thursday,
August 03, 2006) N
M Tech Research Division Given High-Tech Laser System.
http://infohost.nmt.edu/mainpage/news/2006/3aug01.html
The ultra-short pulses of high energy delivered by the laser unit
allow New Mexico Tech researchers and collaborators to cut, shape,
and drill energetic
materials precisely,
without
generating any of the resultant heating, melting, or decomposition of surfaces usually
associated with the more common pulsed lasers, whose pulse lengths are 100,000 times
longer than
those provided by the FLCWS.
Eyes in the sky help
http://www.herald-dispatch.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20061125/NEWS01/61125001
Read and save a copy.
Helmet-cams help police crack down on crime
http://news.com.com/Helmet-cams+help+police+crack+down+on+crime/2100-11746_3-6137519.html
Read and save a copy.
Police getting new guns
http://dwb.heraldonline.com/local/story/6250497p-5456225c.html
Read and save a copy.
Posse Segways into mall patrol duties over holidays
http://www.eastvalleytribune.com/index.php?sty=79519
Read and save a copy.
http://albuquerque.bizjournals.com/albuquerque/stories/2002/07/15/daily12.html
Read and save a copy.
Talk isn’t cheap
http://www.fcw.com/article96766-11-13-06-Print
Read and save a copy.
Squad car locators blocked
http://www.jsonline.com/story/index.aspx?id=534578
Read and save a copy.
Jerry Seper. (Friday,
November 24, 2006)
Virtual 911 tackles online child threats.
http://www.washingtontimes.com/national/20061123-111736-8505r.htm
Read and save a copy.
Virtual 911 tackles online child threats
By Jerry Seper
THE
November 24, 2006
Law-enforcement authorities in the
"Online predators pose serious risks to children when they
go looking for instant gratification," said Department of Homeland Security Assistant
Secretary Julie L. Myers, who heads
The round-the-clock Internet "watch" shifts began last year in
Britain and Australia, spearheaded by Jim Gamble, chief executive officer of
Britain's Child Exploitation and Online Protection Center and chairman of the
Virtual Global Taskforce (VGT).
"The Internet is a great place for children to learn, have fun and
communicate with their peers," Mr. Gamble said. "But where
children go, then child sex predators will follow. That is a fact and one that every
police force, no matter where they are, has to face up to.
"The VGT is not only saying enough is enough in cracking down on
child sex abuse but is going further in recognizing the global dimension of the
Internet and delivering a worldwide virtual police presence," he said.
"Now, for the first time, with law-enforcement agencies from
major continents coming together we are starting to deliver a truly global
response -- a
presence that will say to children, if you feel in any danger, any threat, then
report that attack to us and we will deliver that truly 24/7 policing
response."
ICE spokeswoman Kadia H. Koroma said that under the 24/7 watch system,
one nation's member agency on the task force essentially serves as the on-call,
Internet police officer for a portion of each day. After the completion of one
shift, she said, the responsibility for the next shift rotates to a VGT member
agency from another nation.
Ms. Koroma said investigators have real-time access to one another to respond to
immediate threats, no matter where the suspected violation is taking place.
The watch system has produced some early success, including information
provided in a chat room and reported to authorities in the
Within minutes of the first report, Ms. Koroma said, police were at the
man's house, where they found images of child pornography. She said the
response mitigated risks posed by him to other children to whom he had access.
The four countries also are discussing ways for each nation to
meet with industry leaders to discuss what technology can be used to make the
Internet safer for children.
"We're finding that industry is very keen to be involved in
addressing the impact of this crime," said Greg Harrigan of the Australian
Federal Police. "They want to make it clear that the use of their
technology for any criminal purposes, particularly abuse against children, will
not be tolerated."
Staff Sgt. Mike Frizzell of the
Royal Canadian Mounted Police said
Created in 2003, the VGT is a law-enforcement network composed of ICE, the
Jim McKay. (Wednesday,
November 6, 2006)
Completing the Data Puzzle.
http://www.govtech.net/magazine/story.php?id=102123
Read and save a copy.
In Florida, eager efforts to connect the dots began
when law enforcement agencies realized the Florida Information Crime Center --
a state database that provides arrest and warrant information -- was not
covering all the bases.
Even though all officers can access that statewide
resource from their squad car laptops, when they encounter individuals
who act suspiciously but not illegally, they document these behaviors in a
written field interview report, which isn't usually shared with other
jurisdictions or even within a jurisdiction. Sharing this information, along with pawnshop
sales, vehicle accident reports and other incident reports, was the impetus for
developing regional information sharing systems.
homeopathy education study courses
homeopathy education study courses
homeopathy study
http://www.medical-colleges.net/homeopathic_australia.htm
Read and save a copy.
http://www.internationalgraduate.net/
http://www.abchomeopathy.com/l.php/8
Clinical Homoeopathy Training Course
http://www.classicalhomoeopathy.com/clicors.htm
Read and save a copy.
Courses and Curriculum Overview
http://www.homeopathynz.co.nz/pl/homeopathy_courses/13/1
Read and save a copy.
Becoming a Homeopath - Frequently Asked Questions
http://www.homeopathy-soh.org/becoming-a-homeopath/Educfaq.aspx
Read and save a copy.
Becoming a Homeopath
http://www.homeopathy-soh.org/becoming-a-homeopath/
Read and save a copy.
Graduate Programme
http://www.homeopathynz.co.nz/flex/post_graduate/46/1
Read and save a copy.
http://www.a-r-h.org/EducationLinks.htm
Read and save a copy.
http://www.a-r-h.org/Publications/Books/WhichHomeopathyCourse2ndEdn.pdf
Save a copy
Haller, John S. Patients in the History of
Homeopathy (review) Bulletin of the History of Medicine - Volume 77, Number 2,
Summer 2003, pp. 479-480 The Johns Hopkins University Press
Dr. Kotok, Homeopath, Russian website
http://www.homeoint.org/kotok/index.htm
ECCH – Representing Homeopaths in
http://www.homeopathy-ecch.org/content/view/44/63/
http://www.wholehealthnow.com/homeopathy_info/weblinks2.html
Read and save a copy.
The history of homeopathy in the Russian Empire
until World War I, as compared with other European countries and the
http://www.homeoint.org/books4/kotok/index.htm
Homéopathe International
http://www.homeoint.org/english/index.htm
Homeopathy for Everyone
http://www.hpathy.com/homeopathy/
Homeopathy INFO
http://www.wholehealthnow.com/homeopathy_info/index.html
Siegfried Letzel. The Educational System of
Homeopathy in
http://www.hpathy.com/Status/homeopathy-Germany2.asp
Save a copy
Michael Castleman. The Strange Case of
Homeopathy
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-20040302-000003.html
Save a copy
Homeopathy Journals and Publications
http://www.wholehealthnow.com/homeopathy_info/weblinks.html
Save a copy
Homeopathy Suppliers and Pharmacies
http://www.wholehealthnow.com/homeopathy_info/weblinks3.html
Save a copy
Homeopathy Organizations
http://www.wholehealthnow.com/homeopathy_info/weblinks4.html
Save a copy
Homeopathy Internet Resources
http://www.wholehealthnow.com/homeopathy_info/weblinks5.html
Save a copy
Stephen Barrett, M.D. Homeopathy: The Ultimate
Fake
http://www.quackwatch.org/01QuackeryRelatedTopics/homeo.html
Save a copy
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To continue
Tuesday, December 05,
2006
0000 a.m. ~ 0330 a.m. 3:30 Sleep
I did not have
a...normal...sound sleep...
Short pulses of...vague
dreams noted...intermittently...I don’t remember anything of those
dreams...
I woke
up...frequently...tossing to this side...that side...
The penis was mostly
tensed...relaxing...stiffening...relaxing...stiffening...
The voices of the
monitoring medical representative family...noted...every time...I woke
up...regained awareness...
An overall heated
up...condition...of the body...noted...
No carnal/erotic thoughts
noted...
No images of women noted
either...
Written around 1235 p.m.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
0330 a.m. – 0345
a.m. 0:15 Lay on mat, not sleepy
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative
family...monitoring...talking...
Written around 1236 p.m.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Revised around 0328 p.m.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
0345 a.m. – 0353
a.m. 0:08 Sit on mat, not sleepy
0353 a.m. – 0355
a.m. 0:02 Prostrate to the omnipresent
invisible Lord; stand
up; manual emission check; to toilet
Emission check: No emission stains noted...in the white
dhoti...
Written around 0151 p.m.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
0355 a.m. – 0432
a.m. 0:37 Undressº, emission
check¹, urinal², brush teeth, jala neti, thread neti, anoint head
with ayurvedic oil, shower, wipe the body dry with a towel, prayer, apply a
pinch of ayurvedic powder Rasnadi to head, apply Nycil powder to itchy areas of
the body, dress in towel
º The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative family...talking...
Written around 0159 p.m.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Revised around 0328 p.m.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
¹ Emission
check: No emission stains
noted...in the white dhoti...
A bit of moistness...something
sticky...under the scrotal sac...not much...
I didn’t feel any
emission...
But how come this
moistness?...
No dry scaly patches...or
emission stains...in the surrounding pubic area...
Written around 0203 p.m.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
² Urinal: Some bubbles in urine...most of them
vanish in 3-5 minutes...some remain as it is...behind...crowded
together...adamant...
No physical
tiredness...to the body...noted...
I thus classify this
instance of sleeping as...Suspect...
Since no bodily sensation...of
any emission...is noted...I consider this instance as...slowly getting tired...
May the Lord be
praised...
Inshallah!
Written around 0206 p.m.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Emission Suspect
Relative Amount Low
How do I feel? Slowly getting
tired
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative family...talking...
Written around 0207 p.m.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Revised around 0328 p.m.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
0432
a.m. - 0438 a.m. 0:06 Dress in outdoor cloths: Brown underwear, black pants, dark ash
checkered handkerchief, white banian, purple full-sleeves shirt
0438
a.m. - 0442 a.m. 0:04 To room, prostrate to the omnipresent
invisible Lord;
partially untie mosquito net, fold net, blanket, mat
0442 a.m. - 0456 a.m. 0:14 Write a fair copy of
the request for two months long leave addressed to the company production
manager
0456 a.m. - 0505 a.m. 0:09 To room, prostrate to
the omnipresent
invisible Lord; collect
bag, to downstairs; a cup of tea, kisses to mother, collect some money from
mother, wear cream brown socks, canvas shoes; kiss to mother; leave
0505 a.m. - 0507 a.m. 0:02 To Thampanoor by car
with father
That sports
cyclist...near GPO...
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
Ka-yi-ka a-bya-si
a-nu...he is a sports man...
- The medical representative to his sucker
daughter...monitoring the stalking victim...and his surroundings...from a far
away distance...
Written around 0515 a.m.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Revised around 0241 p.m.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
0507 a.m. - 0526 a.m. 0:19 Wait on the road side,
near the Ayurvedic pharmacy
0526 a.m. - 0603 a.m. 0:37 To Technopark by
company bus; sit on the second left side seat to the door
Around 0553 a.m. Tuesday,
December 05, 2006
Problem...danger...noted...
A sudden spread out...a
subtle...sublime feeling...
An urge to scream
aloud...
The mental noting...lots of
new voices...hush-hush...soft...apart from the usual monitoring medical
representative family...
The voices are too
irritating...
A feeling to call
aloud...for the fast moving bus to stop...and to run out...as a mad man...just
anywhere...into that cold morning...
The only alternative...to
calm myself...in this crowded bus...
Deep breathe in...deep
breathe out...for 3-5 minutes...
And then...breathe
in...count 1-4...hold...count 1-16...and breathe out...count 1-8...repeat...and
repeat...and repeat again...until the bus reached its destination...
The monitoring medical
representative family...closely keep track...the breathing process...from a far
away distance...the attempts of a man...to control himself...to limit
himself...in dangerous surroundings...surrounded by people...
Written around 0254 p.m.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Revised around 0311 p.m.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Once a woman from
Nonetheless, if you want the
Shakti to work with its full power, you have to take care of it. This
Shakti creates a new life
in man. After receiving it, you should be able to digest it. You
should not lose it or throw it away by undisciplined living or by neglecting your sadhana. Instead,
you should try to
understand it and enhance it.
Meditation, chanting, the
repetition of the mantra, faith and love for the Guru, a pure and regular life, all make the
Shakti increase. Generally speaking, once you have received the Shakti, love for
God and the desire for sadhana begin to arise in you on their own. The Shakti itself leads you on
the proper path.
(Reference: Swami Muktananda. (October 1986) Kundalini: The Secret of Life. (Second Indian
Edition)
12 For ye shall go
out with joy, and be led forth with peace: the mountains and the hills shall
break forth before you into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap
their hands.
-
Isaiah 55:12 :: King James Version (KJV)
0603 a.m. -
0613 a.m. 0:10 To II floor via ICFAI
and the steps near the ground floor Rangoli restaurant; leave bag, to toilet,
urinal; wash hands, face, eyes, mouth; wipe, talk to a colleague who confirms
my promotion from Medical Transcriptionist Grade III to Grade II
0613 a.m. - 0625 a.m. 0:12 Talk to colleague, take
a notebook and the leave application, leave bag, to training office, collect my
LOM Chapter 5 Digestive System photostat notes from a training TL, to New
Module, talk to the morning shift-in-charge AL – I have to wait, to talk
to the production manager in person, about the long leave application; talk to
a colleague and present him a meal voucher
0625 a.m. - 0715 a.m. 0:50 To proofer’s lab;
login to terminal PR2-84 with a proofer’s permission; browse computer
files, read physical examination document, start reading Americanisms
e-booklet/document
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative family...talking...cyberstalking...about
some initial problems...I encountered...in accessing the reference
folder...where the above two documents are located...
Written around 0330 p.m.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Revised around 0334 p.m.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
0715 a.m. - 0720 a.m. 0:05 To New Module, talk to
a colleague, talk to
0720 a.m. - 0725 a.m. 0:05 To toilet, urinal; wash
hands, face, eyes, mouth; wipe
0725 a.m. - 0730 a.m. 0:05 A cup of tea at tea
lounge
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative family...talking...
Written around 0330 p.m.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
0730 a.m. - 0815 a.m. 0:45 To New Module, continue
reading the Americanisms document
0815 a.m. - 0825 a.m. 0:10 Notes the arrival of
the production manager outside through the side wall glass; shut down terminal,
to the reception area, wait near the manager’s cubicle
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially some of the foreign ones...where they
laughing?...for that dark pretty PD (Production Department) woman also came to
see the manager...his room was vacant...and I said...he will be coming soon...
Maybe they
laughed...because...I talked to a young woman...after a long time...without
much problems...and she was one of those in their watch list...seductive women
working in the company...who can impress others...especially this man...
Written around 0351 p.m.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Revised around 1134 a.m.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
0825 a.m. - 0830 a.m. 0:05 Talk to the Production
Manager; give the leave application
0830 a.m. - 0831 a.m. 0:01 Leave office, to tea
lounge; put note into bag
0831 a.m. - 0833 a.m. 0:02 Exit Nila building
taking the steps nearest to the toilet, exit II floor, I floor, at ground floor
walk past Rangoli restaurant and ICFAI
The mental noting...voices...from
a far away distance...beyond visual range...
Ummm...po...go now...
- The medical representative to his daughter...as
the man walked out of the Nila building...
As the man walked past
the car park...there stood a young woman...in yellow churidar...of medium
height...a bit flabby...
Who is this woman?...
Maybe an innocent worker
at Nila...maybe a visitor to the campus...
Or even the cabaret
dancer...I don’t know...I just noted...what I felt...
Anyway I didn’t
look at the woman...
You know why?...
These are the days of
deliberate conversation...Since 24-hour surveillance is ongoing...any
woman...who happen to walk past me...come near me...the monitoring medical
representative family...talk as if it is some stalker...And do you expect me to
peer into the face...look closely...at the face of each and every woman...I
see...as a reflex reaction...to those voices...
My Lord...my
emission...will go over the roof...if I look only at women...in such a detailed
manner...trying to confirm...if it is indeed the stalker...
Another point is...why
this...Ummm...po...go now...being said by the medical representative family...
This is not the first
time...I am listening to the same sentence...
For example...whenever I
left that lodge...Vrindavan...at Guruvayoor...there was this...Ummm...po...go
now...as if the woman is waiting...somewhere nearby...hiding...and waiting for
a signal...from her parents...to pounce onto the man...as he walks by...and
rape him...then and there...no matter where...
WHY?...this talk...
Maybe the family...is
actually far away...kilometers away...yet they say this...as if to create a
make-believe situation...to the victim...who just can’t confirm...how far
away this voices are emanating...and how far the voices are true...
Maybe they are fond of
causing mental disturbance...to their victim...make him mad...
Written around 0840 a.m.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Revised around 0453 p.m.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
0833 a.m. - 0842 a.m. 0:09 Walk to Technopark
gates
0842 a.m. - 0848 a.m. 0:06 Walk to Pallinada bus
stop
0848 a.m. - 0850 a.m. 0:02 Wait for public bus
0850 a.m. - 0939 a.m. 0:49 City bus to General
Hospital Junction: Red/Orange bus;
bus fare – Rupees 8.50; bus no: KL-15.1329 TA295)
Around 0851 a.m. Tuesday,
December 05, 2006
The man boards the
bus...through the back entrance...walks to the front...to a vacant seat
there...
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
Show koodi poyi...a-ta-nu
ka-ri-yam...his show off...became too much...went over the roof...that is the
reason...
- The old woman to someone else...her
daughter?...the cabaret dancer?...as her reason...on why the man took...a two
month long leave...from the company...with the intent of...resigning later...
THANKS...for creating all
this...show...for me...
For a long time...I used
to stay...locked inside my house...
Now I go to work...and
come back...straight away...to home...after work...
There is little contact
with anyone else...I rarely talk to anyone...rarely interact with people...
And it is such a
person...showing off!!...
Written around 0854 a.m.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Revised around 0507 p.m.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
0939 a.m. - 0951 a.m. 0:12 Walk back home via
0951 a.m. - 0957 a.m. 0:06 Kisses to mother;
return money to mother; remove shirt, banian, socks, handkerchief and put them
for washing; wash hands, face, and mouth
0957 a.m. - 1000 a.m. 0:03 Rice, dosa, curry, and
water for birds
1000 a.m. - 1004 a.m. 0:04 To upstairs toilet;
undress, urinal, wash hands, face, feet, wear indoor dress: White dhoti
1004 a.m. - 1006 a.m. 0:02 Diary notes on paper
1006 a.m. - 1009 a.m. 0:03 Ayurvedic medicine for
Schizophrenia – lehiyam, kashayam, laxative
1009 a.m. -
1037 a.m. 0:28 Food: Masala dosa x3, sambar, payar (legume)
twaran, a cup of semya payasam, a glass of water; kisses to mother; discussion
with mother
The discussion this day
morning...
The flower Hibiscus...is
a favorite flower...for the navagrahas...the Hindu astrological
grahas...planets...
The job...it pays only
around...Rs. 2500 – Rs. 3500...yet I had to forego it...in spite of
poverty...
Some women...some
families...should know...something called limit...where to stop
something...where not to go...where not to continue something...
If they don’t show
that sort of etiquette...manners...there is nothing...a poor man...can do...to
save himself...
Just throw off the
job...and walk away...
I mean...the hunting of
women...coming into Technopark...at night...to show off to the stalking
victim...
What point in working
night shift...when you can’t leave the lab...for the whole night...not
even to eat...not even to drink tea...not even to go to the toilet...not even
to urinate...not even to wash face, if sleepy...OUT OF FEAR...that some woman
is lurking somewhere...to waylay...to show off her body...as those voices
continuously suggest...
When I talked this to my
mother...I was a bit...loud...and agitated...as noted by the medical
representative family...from a far away distance...
Written around 1137 a.m.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Revised around 0623 p.m.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
1037 a.m. - 1043 a.m. 0:06 Interstate phone call
to
1043 a.m. - 1052 a.m. 0:09 Try to call to
1052 a.m. - 1110 a.m. 0:18 To the toilet below
staircase, defecate: Loose motion,
wash, wipe
1110 a.m. - 1135 a.m. 0:25 Try to call to
1135 a.m. - 1244 p.m. 1:09 Diary notes on paper; a
cup of tea, arrange notes and books for travel to Chennai; daily diary notes on
computer
1244 p.m. - 0103 p.m. 0:19 Defecate: Loose motion
0103 p.m. - 0117 p.m. 0:14 To downstairs; look for
Karnataka and Tamil Nadu travel maps
0117 p.m. - 0137 p.m. 0:20 Refer travel maps; a
cup of tea
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
Kon-du va-chu pi-de-kan
no-ki-ya-tu...ma-nam ke-du-te ka-la-nu...we tried to catch him...by putting
it...in there...we tried to catch him...with an intensive effort...but he
humiliated us...
- The bastard medical representative to a young
man...who queried the bastard on the latest hunting news...
The bastard and his
sucker daughter continues monitoring...as usual...
Written around 0145 p.m.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Revised around 0754 p.m.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
0137 p.m. - 0354 p.m. 2:17 Daily diary notes on
computer, tidy personal things
0354 p.m. - 0400 p.m. 0:06 To downstairs, wait for
mother to serve food
0400 p.m. - 0435 p.m. 0:35 Food: Rice, sambar, tapioca puyuku,
cauliflower murukuvatti, a glass of rice water; ayurvedic medicine for
Schizophrenia – kashayam; a glass of semiya payasam
0435 p.m. - 0535 p.m. 1:00 Discussion with
motherº, loiter around¹
º I talk about...
Visiting a certain temple
in Chennai...when I attend the personal contact classes...at the
The car racing days in
My testing with various
food stuffs...10-12 eggs a day...the way the usual shopkeepers...looked in
wonder...when I used to go for shopping...to buy...weekly...5-7 packs (a dozen
in each pack)...of eggs...apart from vegetables and meat...
Then those cherished
mushrooms...of various sizes...the baby ones were found to be a relish...some
large ones...develop a certain fungus...or decay in a certain manner...after a
few days...
Sedimentation in the
liver...if certain drugs...or food stuffs...or drinks...are consumed...some
indigestible protein can stay back...as it is...sedimentation which can later
become some sort of poison...to the whole body and mental system...the
so-called food poisoning...or kai-visham...and the need for good flushing
off...of the internal organs...to prevent sedimentation...
Those ash heap...in a
corner of the garden...for a long time...gives the ground underneath...a change
in color...a difference...maybe from brown to black...º¹
Written around 0708 p.m.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
º¹ So too in
many internal organs...but that change in color...actually modifies the
underlying cells...tissues...damaging them...creating a sort of damaged
area...impure area...which the specific organ...finds hard to clean
itself...unless and until...we bring in some external agent...to flush off the
whole thing...and still the problem remains...that is...even if that
indigestible protein or impurity is removed...by flushing...how to remove those
damaged cells...very fast...and bring in fresh ones...certain internal organs
take time to regenerate new cells...unlike the external skin...which
replenishes very fast...
Laxatives can be used for
flushing...
Even certain counter
foods can be consumed...which clubs with the indigestible
protein...absorbs...sucks in...as a sponge...say, opposing proteins join
together...as do unlike charges...and together leaves the specific organ...
The concept of internal
flushing is rare in Allopathy...alternate medical systems like Ayurveda have
such a concept...
A heap of garbage...over
a long time...gives rise to bad odor...so too sedimentation in internal body organs...and
this odor...or other gases...other airs...can in turn...affect the mind...cause
mental imbalance...for mental stability depends on air...the air you breathe
in...as well as the other airs...within the body...within cavities...within
organs...and so on...
I believe...this is one
of the reason...that prescription of ayurvedic laxative...as my daily morning
medicine for Schizophrenia...is very important...as stressed by the ayurvedic
physician...for to a commoner...a layman...the question arises...what is a
laxative doing...to treat a mental problem...
Even if you don’t
have a mental problem...still it is worth while...for internal purity...to have
a regular internal flushing...for aiding the upkeep...of a good mind...strong
mind...which can tackle any type of thought...good...as well as dirty...as it
comes in...regularly...from outside....from that great Ocean...
Written around 0728 p.m.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
¹ The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative
family...talking...discussing about my conversation with mother...
Written around 0732 p.m.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
According to the medical
representative...to many men...seven eggs a day...is the maximum...Consuming
more than that...is just unimaginable...
But then I...this
savage...rarely mingle with others...so I don’t know...many standard
things...acceptable things of society...
Say...how many eggs is
ideal for a man to consume...in a day...
How many times in a
week...is ideal for a man...to masturbate...
How many times...in a
week...do a normal man...have sex...
How long...do a normal
man...continue inserting...at a stretch...
Do he keep on going for
hours...forgetting everything...until that cock cries in the morning...to wake
up...to wake the other cock up...from the continuous act...as if you slept in
it...forgetting everything...
And so on...
These things...you can
learn easily...get to know something...about...only when you mingle with
friends...share each others experiences...joke about others mistakes...admire
others adventures...as that chubby and healthy...bridegroom...who suddenly
turned...skinny and pale...in just one month...after marriage...as if he saw the
Devil himself...face to face...which naturally leads to the conclusion...that
one of the sex participants...was a bit vigorous...in milking...or being
milked...
The other option...is
trial and error...just keep on going...oblivious...until somebody remind
you...gently...to stop...or when you hear others joke...at how good you
are...as it happened...when the neighborhood women...began laughing at me...as
that man...that savage from India...who excel their men...in masturbation...he
masturbates a lot without looking...while they masturbate less with looking...
Written around 0748 p.m.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Revised around 0243 p.m.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Then I listen to the
laughter of many a woman...young and old...who compare my large quantity of egg
consumption...to my daily masturbation...as I mentioned before...
Losing too much of
energy...means you need some food out there...which can replenish the lost
energy...in a short time...to continue the act...the next night or day...to
keep on going...and the best food...for such replenishing...is EGGSº...
Mother hen...was really
choosy...selecting the ideal food...to go in to make a good egg...which will
then contain...all the proteins...needed for her little chick...in
development...to grow healthy...in a short time...
And if that chick is a
male...to grow up quickly...as healthy as possible...to fuck the mother...to
bring out more better eggs...
And the cycle
continues...
With this much egg
consumption...there is another problem...especially if you don’t have a
strenuous exercise program...as those hard core body builders...or if you
don’t masturbate...or fuck...Body builders too need a lot of
energy...protein...as fast as possible...to fatten up...those muscles...in
various parts of the body...to show off...to entice women...
The problem is a stout
penis...always...most of the time...who imagines himself to be a body
builder...All the excess energy from the eggs goes in...to heat him up...and I
said you don’t exercise...masturbate...or fuck...So what can the poor
thing do?...other than dress like a bridegroom...and wait for the bride...
Written around 0810 p.m.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Revised around 0247 p.m.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
5 Which is as a bridegroom coming out of his chamber, and rejoiceth as a strong man to run a race.
-
Psalms 19:5 :: King James Version (KJV)
º I said this from
experience...for there was a time...I was too weak...with excessive loss of
energy...and just needed something fast...to counter the imbalance...and
testing various food stuffs...finally led me to the nice and simple...eggs...
If you eat 2 or more
whole chicken a day...with other meats...like beef, lamb etc...it bogs you
down...makes you feel heavy...unable to go in...for the next round in
bed...with that belly heaviness...
It will be something
like...getting intoxicated with liquor...before the act...which just spoils the
act...you don’t do much there...
Too much of meat
consumption...for that extra energy...calls for a relaxation time...for the
body to set in...remove the waste materials from the body...and so on...
So as in
intoxication...you need to wait...to become sober...to get going...
Half a day...or even 24
hours...depending on the quantity of meat consumed...you have to lay
low...inactive...which is just unthinkable...to many who know the pleasure...of
exercising the penis...by diverse means...
And there comes...the
nice and simple...eggs...to the rescue...
Just break it up...pour
it down...that hole up there...and go in...to exercise...
Written around 0815 p.m.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Revised around 0829 p.m.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
Ni che-nu am-ba-la-til
to-ye...you go to the temple...to pray...
- A 40+ year old woman...advising the cabaret
dancer...about the temple in Chennai...
Na-kna-ke-da-yi
po-kum...it will be a shame...
- The sucker in reply...
I again ponder on the
words of the old woman...ku-de ni-na va-ra-nu...we are people...who stood by
him...stood with him...to give him publicity...to make him famous...
Written around 0545 p.m.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Revised around 0630 p.m.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Seems my abuses...are not
strong enough...
Maybe that is why...that
woman advised...the sucker...to try to show herself...to display her flabby
flesh...in a temple...surroundings...
Or maybe...I have
stumbled across...made a great discovery...accidentally...a new species of
animal...hitherto unknown to man...one whose skin is so thick...that the most
thick skinned animal...is nothing...pales in comparison...before it...
And the new species is
called...woman...
Written around 0555 p.m.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Revised around 0303 p.m.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
No wonder...many a
man...have to...push in and out...their poor rod...a countless number of
times...with the maximum exertion possible...evoking all the names...of
God...or the abusive words...abuses...of the Devil...that they know of...while
pushing...into that deep, thick skinned hole...to derive...a little bit of
happiness...satisfaction...that something little happened...maybe a very small
dent...to that hard...rock like surface...thick skin...
For if the woman’s
skin was so soft...as the poets describe...as soft as cotton...one
insertion...one push...would have sufficed...
And no more sex with that
woman again...the hole gets out of order...ruptured...beyond recognition...for
the rest of the woman’s life...
Written around 0558 p.m.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Revised around 0310 p.m.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Praise the Lord...the
great maker...the great sculptor...for making...especially that area of a
woman...as strong as a diamond...adamant...to withstand...any tremendous
pressure...any tremendous strength...any tremendous heaving...of any man...
Written around 0637 p.m.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Revised around 0333 p.m.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
6+ years in this city was
a failure...now to come all the way to Chennai...to a temple there...just to
display that body...that face...
Maybe I give a
suggestion...something which may be hard...in this city...especially when lots
of men and women...know the story...the drama...and the players...
The temple may have a
temple pond...
Why not the woman...have
a leisurely bath there...ni-ra-tu...
And then drenched in
water...with water dripping...era-no-du ku-di...with just a white...thin piece
of cloth...see through...to cover her body...with nothing underneath...with
hair spread all around...her shoulders...and some seductively in the front...to
cover those huge breasts...walk around the temple...looking for her man...
Over these years...many a
time I have listened to those words of the father...era-no-du ku-di...imploring
his daughter...to exhibit to him...what ever is possible...in public...
And I wondered...at how a
father...admired the beauty of his creation...so as to adopt such strange
tactics...to seduce...
And as a safe
option...decided not to mention...the medical representative as the father of
the woman voyeur...for it saves the face...of many a father...who are unlucky
to have daughters...
Written around 0902 p.m.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Revised around 0908 p.m.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
0535 p.m. - 0600 p.m. 0:25 To upstairs, a cup of
tea, diary notes on paper
Around 0834 p.m. Tuesday,
December 05, 2006
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
satyam ellam pu-ra-tu
va-nu...All the truth came out...
- The medical representative...
After 6+ years of
monitoring, isn’t?...
Isn’t a pity...a
shame...that you took this long a time...which the sexy Australian woman...took
less than 2 years to understand...maybe 1 year or so...
I am very proud of
MEN...who show excessive sex instincts...who go to great extents...to fuck...to
masturbate...They are the true men...
Only such men...of the
extreme...can withstand...if turned around...the other way...
For the distance between
the opposites is very, very short...hardly a hair breadth...
A small change...that is
all needed...for such men...to carry over that instinct of the body...into the
mind...to unite with anything out there...with the mind...to expand their
limited horizon of the body...into a vast ocean...of the universe...To become
the One...
Just imprison that
penis...from leaking...that is all...
The mind takes over...the
rest of it...
Written around 0844 p.m.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Revised around 0435 p.m.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
What if I call...this
path...the way of the Devil...the dark side...
The only difference
is...the Devil decided to be a celibate...and unite with others...by other
means...not of the body...but of the mind...using the very evil...sex as a
tool...
Thus he removes the
limitation of his physical body...to unite with only a given number of
people...
He just expanded his
horizon...to include just anything...out there...to make everything his...his
own kingdom...
Written around 1028 p.m.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
5 And the devil, taking him
up into an high mountain, shewed unto him all the kingdoms of the world in a moment of time.
6 And the devil said unto him, All this power will I give thee, and the glory of them: for that is delivered unto me; and to whomsoever I will I give it.
- Luke 4:5-6 ::
King James Version (KJV)
8 "... Freely you received, freely give”.
-
Matthew 10:8 :: New American Standard Bible (NASB)
Ponder...
...for that is delivered unto me...
Who...delivered unto
me?...
Written around 1230 p.m.
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Revised around 1232 p.m.
Thursday, December 07, 2006
I once mentioned the
problem with western people...who become sanyasins...and come to India...to
preach Hinduism...many a white sanyasis (male) are there...many a white
sanyasinis (female) are there...
The problem is...in their
younger days...they are brought up in the Bible...which separates God from the
Devil...positive from negative...good from evil...they grew up hating the word
Devil...while
enjoying in their mind...what that Devil symbolize...
In Hinduism...you
don’t have such a separation...for all come from the same source...
And when you have a
background in separation...it will be really hard to move over...to the other
side...to accept...unity....the oneness...God and Devil are one itself...
Sex in never seen as
evil...it is a natural part of life...to indulge is not a sin...you just have
to know when you want it...when you don’t want it...
Written around 1051 p.m.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Revised around 1124 a.m.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
0600 p.m. - 0910 p.m. 3:10 Daily dairy notes on
paper; ayurvedic medicine for Schizophrenia – kashayam
0910 p.m. - 0915 p.m. 0:05 To downstairs, call
company production manager to confirm the leave application
0915 p.m. - 0940 p.m. 0:25 Food: Dosa x2,
cauliflower murukuvatti, tapioca puyuku, a glass of water; ayurvedic medicine
for Schizophrenia – honey with medicine, kashayam
0940 p.m. - 1000 p.m. 0:20 Browse photo collection
saved in the computer
I please my
monitors...with the tantric photos...of Tibetan Vajrayana...that path...as
strong as a diamond...adamant...to withstand...any tremendous pressure...any
tremendous strength...any tremendous heaving...
Written around 0320 p.m.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Revised around 0334 p.m.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
From experience...the
irony that I find is ...whenever I write on tantricism...to my monitors...it is
dirty...bad...vulgar...I teach only bad things...
Whenever I look at their
action...their voyeurism...their sexual baiting...their harassment...I find it
is the very things...they call dirty...bad...vulgar...
Written around 1057 p.m.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
You will find a huge
difference...in my writings...in early 2002-2003...compared to present day...
I just had to find a reason
to console myself...at what I am undergoing...my pain...my agony...
It is easy to say...what
they are doing is evil...
But then they are also
sons and daughters of the same god...
And the same god
activates them...as he activates me...
So what I think as
evil...which they are doing...cannot really be evil...it has to be something
which co-exists...
If I call them as
evil...then I compared it with something...my personal things...for
example....which then has to be good...since their’s is evil...
Thus this good have to
coexist with that evil...
Since my good deals with
me...since their evil deals with me...the same coin...naturally this good and
evil are the opposite sides of the same coin...
That is the way I
inferred...that is the way I believe...trying to find an answer...to
explain...why this is happening to me...voyeurism, stalking, surveillance, and
so on...
And I generalized
it...from an individual case...
Written around 1106 p.m.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Revised around 1127 a.m.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
17 And if a man shall take his sister, his
father's daughter, or his mother's daughter, and see her nakedness, and she see his nakedness; it is a wicked thing; and they shall be cut off in the sight of their
people: he hath uncovered his sister's
nakedness; he shall
bear his iniquity.
- Leviticus
20:17 ::
King James Version (KJV)
Having said that...we
come to the next irony...
Will you then praise
someone...who visually rapes you?...
In the society we live
in...we are expected to abuse...one who rapes you...
The one who praises his
rapist...will be someone who was not raped...it was mere consensual sex...how
beautiful that insertion was...come on again...let’s go for another
round...and so forth...
The whole drama changes
its context...with few readers...and if somebody do read...such
experiences...the reader will call the victim...mad...for he is lauding his
stalkers...instead of cursing them...abusing them...berating them...
Written around 1114 p.m.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Revised around 1131 a.m.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
1000 p.m. - 1116 p.m. 1:16 Daily diary notes on
computer
1116 p.m. - 1124 p.m. 0:08 Shut down computer terminal; change dress; to toilet, urinal, wash hands
1124 p.m. - 1130 p.m. 0:06 To room, lock door, prostrate
to the omnipresent invisible Lord; lay down on mat to sleep
1130 p.m. - 1200 a.m. 0:30 Sleep
Insert the daily overall monitoring template here
To continue
Saturday, December 09,
2006
0000 a.m. - 0000 a.m. 0:00
To continue
0936 a.m. - 0944 a.m. 0:08 Read Dr. K
Balakrishna Warier. (May 2002) Anushtana
Vijnanakosham: Applied Astrology. (in Malayalam)
(3/e)
The mental noting...voices...from a far away
distance...beyond visual range...
Listening to the medical representative
family...discussing my highlights...with blue and red color pen...on the
page...
Oh!...ever heard of such a teacher
before...who gives live...distance education...to the masses...
The teacher...never sees his
students...of various age groups...men, women, youth, boys, girls, kids...face
to face...and the teacher...teaches various subjects...emphasizing
sex...union...all through...his teachings...in an aviyalº...mixture...format...
Yes...my Lord...there is such a man...in
º that sumptuous vegetarian
dish...containing lot of different vegetables...mixed together...a well known
delicacy...in this state of Kerala...
Written around 1138 a.m.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Revised around 0803 p.m.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
0944 a.m. - 0958 a.m. 0:14 Defecate –
loose motion, wash, wipe
0958 a.m. - 1139 a.m. 1:41 Diary notes on paper
1139 a.m. - 1151 a.m. 0:12 Defecate –
loose motion (not much), wash, wipe
1151 a.m. - 1158 a.m. 0:07 To downstairs, loiter
around, mother reboils tea, kisses to mother, to upstairs
Around 1201 p.m.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
va-li-pi-ru aa-yi po-yi...
-
The sucker to someone...a man?...
How do I translate that
word...va-li-pi-ru...how about cheat?...
I cheated her...
As if I fucked some other woman...or
is it...I didn’t fuck this woman...ignoring her 24-hour watch...for the
last 6+ years...
If that is what
this...va-li-pi-ru...cheating...is...this long duration monitoring...but no
sex...no payment...in return...
Then don’t this woman
think...that there is another woman...who is more eligible...to be
fucked...repeatedly,...for her monitoring...is in the 10+ yearº...
That is why...I don’t
have...much to talk...to this local woman...
That woman...the siren...didn’t
complain...of va-li-pi-ru...cheating...where as this one...is too
demanding...to get that thing out...
Decent men...don’t
like...demanding women...who will make...a donkey...of that penis...that golden
rod...in a few days...
Written around 1210 p.m.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Revised around 0833 p.m.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
º and she is nearly 4 years in
Oh!...no...her boyfriend doesn’t
like...this type of conversation...for he likes¹ her...in spite of her
stalking...watching some other man...
Anyway...she needs security...while in a
foreign country...and some physical comfort...
Written around 0826 p.m.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Revised around 0926 p.m.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Yes...I am jealous...as is any other
man...to use the word...love...
Written around 0836 p.m.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
1158 a.m. - 1201 p.m. 0:03 Read HSBC bank statement
for November 2006
Decide to terminate the account
there...in February 2007...due to their exorbitant fees...unbearable...to a
poor man...like me...
Written around 1213 p.m.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Revised around 0840 p.m. Thursday,
December 14, 2006
1201 p.m. - 1214 p.m. 0:13 Diary notes on paper; a
cup of tea; refer the word moonstuck in dictionary
moonstuck adj
slightly mad; wild and wandering in the mind (supposedly as a result of
the moon’s influence).
(Reference: A
Around 0129 p.m.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
The mental noting...voices...from
a far away distance...beyond visual range...
e-ghe-ru ti-ri-chu pi-di-chu ka-la-nu...he held it...the other way...
- The cabaret
dancer...in a moaning tone...to her parents...
Usually man gets tempted by women...
What happens...when women get tempted...by a man...
Have sleepless nights...because of that man...
He held his penis...the other way...making the woman...badly in
need...of that penis...
Usually men...moon...expose...to show their penis...to get the
attention...of any woman...to make her feel interested...towards that rod...
But here...the spy devices...brought about...the reverse
scenario...something turned around...the other way...
After watching a penis...for over 6+ years...the woman...can’t
forget it...that penis keeps on coming back...to her mind...haunting her...
The more it haunts her...the more she continues looking...keeping
tabs...
Did I ASK her...to watch my penis??...eh?...
Written around 0137 p.m.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Revised around 1013 p.m.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Did I write any love letter...
O...Pretty damsel...who desires...physical comfort...who watch my
penis...day and night...for it is fickle...it can be stolen...by other women...
After years...of monitoring...when you see my penis...everywhere...and
nothing else...you might consider...fucking...by diverse means...for then...all
penises...will look...the same...as mine only...
Fucking the penis...of a youth...will be like fucking...my penis...
Fucking the penis...of an old man...will be like fucking...my penis...
Fucking the penis...of a scavenger...will be like fucking...my penis...
Fucking the penis...of a diseased man...will be like fucking...my
penis...
Fucking the penis...of your father...will be like fucking...my penis...
Fucking the penis...of any man...will be like fucking...my penis...
Fucking the penis...of a stray dog...will be like fucking...my penis...
Fucking the penis...of anything...will be like fucking...my penis...
And thus transforms...a pretty damsel...into a devadasi...a whore...par
excellence...catering to the needs of any man...anything out there...as if
that...is her Lord...ONLY...but in diverse forms...fucking her...by diverse
means...
Written around 0904 p.m.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Revised around 1145 a.m.
Friday, December 15, 2006
1214 p.m. - 0154 p.m. 1:40 Read Dr. K
Balakrishna Warier. (May 2002) Anushtana
Vijnanakosham: Applied Astrology. (in Malayalam)
(3/e)
Around 0935 a.m.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
a-tu o-ru
the-er-tha-da-nam aa-yi-ri-kum...it will be a pilgrimage...indeed...
- The medical representative...in a teasing
tone...narrating what he listened...to some man...
Some man...of the newly
mushroomed monitors...monitors who monitor for the sake of reading my
notes...NOT for stalking...or pushing women to him...
Something like that
veiled reference...to my previous diary note...the pilgrim’s
progress...to his destination...the slow movement of the penis...brushing
softly...on the trembling thighs...of a woman...progressing upward...to her
house...that hole...covered with hair...heavy forest...
As if the man is leaving
this city...once in a while...at those holidaying men...going to far away
places...to fuck the women there...women who are not commonly available...in
their home city...
To enjoy...that different
taste...in a different settings...in a different surroundings...
Written around 0216 p.m.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Revised around 0713 p.m.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
I find it strange...at
the way...men and women...view this cross-border fucking...of men...even women
nowadays...on holiday trips...business trips etc...as
bad...dirty...vulgar...and so on...
I already mentioned
this...sometime in year 2003/2004...in an earlier writing...
Look at that bee...or a
butterfly...that pollinates...flowers...in a garden...transferring
pollen...between flowers...of the same garden...
The long term end result
is...you will get an inferior variety...of flower...which was born out of
fertilization...between plants...of that garden alone...
The same is true...for animals...say
local cows...
The long term end
result...maybe a cow which gives less milk...born out of
fertilization...between bull and cow...of that region...city...or town...or
village alone...
And finally a day
comes...when you have to import...the sperm of a majestic bull...from
overseas...to fertilize...the local cow...to give birth to a cow...which can
give more milk...
So too for horses...
To get that finest racing
horse...the seed of Arabian horses...known for their speed...is always in
demand...
So understanding this
scientific concept...why do people dislike...that cross border fucking...
Those vigorous young
men...are ignorantly...doing a great thing...for the welfare...of human
kind...to bring about...better men and women...as the future generation...
From experience...if my
travels in Indonesia...as noted in my diary notes...the 24-hour
monitoring...was true...was observed...by a group of people...from
Thiruvananthapuram, South India...then that day is not far...when wives of many
holidaying men...men on business tour...watch the intimate details of their
men...while far away from home...say a woman...watching her man...fucking some
women...in a far away land...thousands of kilometers away...
Imagine that
scenario...the husband is madly fucking a woman...while on a tour to
Canada...or elsewhere...The wife in South India...or somewhere thousands of
kilometers away...tries to call...to contact...by mobile phone...sending
miscall after miscall...to change the attention of her man...from entering that
woman’s hole further...by taking that mobile phone...to talk...to
answer...to his wife...back home...who is watching closely...how her
husband...fuck differently...to that woman...in a different place...
Oh!...such a woman...will
be steaming in jealousy...in envy...on watching...something she should not be
(according to her husband)...she should be (according to her)...watching...
Maybe...to settle
scores...she will call in...neighborhood men...or men of the street...or even
male college friends...to fuck them...in leisure...until her husband
returns...from overseas...
Some sort of mental...tit
for tat...action-reaction...reply...
Only thing is...she knows
and saw her husband’s fucking...while he didn’t see...her
reply...to it...how she fucked well...with various men...with that extra
vigor...va-si thir-kal...to settle scores...instead of the usual lazy manner...
Written around 0240 p.m.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Revised around 0739 p.m.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
0154 p.m. - 0247 p.m. 0:53 Diary notes on paper
0247
p.m. - 0324 p.m. 0:37 Food: White rice, sambar, beans twaran,
steamed vegetables with less flavor, steamed legumes (payar) twaran, boiled
yoghurt with ka-ri-ya-pi-lla leaves (ka-chi-ya mo-ru), thick sarkara rice
payasam, one Rasakatali banana, half large muruku x2; ayurvedic medicine for Schizophrenia
–kashayam; discussion with mother on astrology
0324 p.m. - 0330 p.m. 0:06 Loiter around
0330 p.m. - 0337 p.m. 0:07 Prepare
Morning breakfast...A thought
passes...
Nowadays in courts...only
when a crime is physically done...can you get charged...
Imagine that
scenario...when a deviant thought...arising in the mind...of a man or
woman...itself becomes a crime...in the then court of law...
Any thought...that runs
counter...to the interests...of the society...the state...the nation...is
considered deviant...
Here...in my stalking
case...I have documented...thought reading...reaction to thoughts...by various
men and women...
Don’t you think...a
time will come...when...similar thought reading...feeling the throbbing...of
other’s thought...in one’s mind...becomes widespread...
Refer ancient Buddhist
manuals...
Read the translation of
the Buddhist Monastic Code...by Thanissaro Bhikku...
Any physical action...traces
back to thought...as its origin...unless and until...it is a reflex action...
Thus...don’t we
have a different approach...to crime fighting...to nip a bud away...at the
thought stage itself...before it evolves into a tree...of physical action...
Oh!...compared to this
day...we can call that so-called futuristic society...as advanced...
Written around 0405 p.m.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Revised around 0704 p.m.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
0337 p.m. - 0406 p.m. 0:29 Diary notes on paper
Today morning...I heard a
woman saying...she tested my racing concept...and a man laughed...in joy...I
don’t know...what I heard is true or not...
This type of racing
things...as is any initial activity...may look tedious...in the beginning
stages...
As is any training
program...you need to practice daily...to attain perfection...
The true
joy...doesn’t come...in the first time...10th time...100th time...it
comes only when...you are so used to it...it is part of your daily
routine...where it becomes an off-hand thing...as is for any activity...
In short, you live in
it...with nothing else...
So those who say...they
did something...couple of times...and found it joyful...I just don’t
accept that joy...as joy...
Written around 0417 p.m.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
0406 p.m. - 0435 p.m. 0:29 Diary notes on paper, CD-Write, collect tea
from downstairs; kisses to mother; a cup of tea
0435 p.m. - 0510 p.m. 0:35 Daily diary notes on
computer
0510 p.m. - 0523 p.m. 0:13 Mother reboils tea;
kisses to mother
0523 p.m. - 0527 p.m. 0:04 A cup of tea
0523
p.m. - 0748 p.m. 2:25 Daily diary notes on
computer; notes; diary notes
on paper; ayurvedic medicine for Schizophrenia –kashayam
I wonder...why...after reading the notes...of a mad man...that certain
women develop...a strange mania...especially when they fuck...someone else...
The mania...is he fucking along with?...exciting both the
participants...
Some of the monitors...know...how I sleep...soundly...locked inside a
room...like Dracula...within a coffin...who is really inactive...while
sleeping...
And he rarely emits...
You cannot take...such a mad man...to court...saying that...it was
he...who was in fact fucking...
Written around 0546 p.m.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Last 1 hour or so...voices noted in many
observation posts...men and women...even small children...enjoying...some video
or something...about some women fucking hard...the other night...
I think...it is natural nowadays...that
if any man or woman fucks...his or her neighbors...get some sort of clipping...of
that event...to share amongst many...to savor at leisure...
My Lord...many a woman...will be
disgraced...unknowingly...that too...when women in neighboring
houses...secretly enjoy...your intimate activities...in
bed...unwinding...letting go...of that basic requirement...of the flesh...
Such clippings...will make any normal
man of society...to emit...masturbate...a lot...
But then...what is emission...what is
masturbation...for those...who live only for SEX?...
Written around 0703 p.m.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
0748 p.m. - 0807 p.m. 0:19 Shut down computer;
diary notes on paper
I feel some sort of
strange aversion...to many of my women monitors...most of the young
ones...monitor for the sole purpose of fucking...They and their families...enjoy
watching...others fuck...
The irony is...their
families rarely fuck...the older women are like pressure cookers...which want
badly to steam...but don’t steam...
I find it very
strange...they don’t fuck physically...merely enjoy what others do...and
it is they...who try to rape me...
I wonder...for what
purpose...in the long term?...For they are like castrated ones...who rarely
fuck...yet they harbor this intension...this high profile agenda...for united
effort...to fuck a mad man...who is undergoing treatment...for
Schizophrenia...for years...
As if...there isn’t
a healthy man...amongst them...to fuck their women properlyº...
Yes, my Lord...I live in
a mad world...and no wonder, I am mad...
Written around 0757 p.m.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Revised around 0632 p.m.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
º If at all...there
is such a
All their sex...is
nothing...but a few push and pull...barely enough...to make that stomach
bulge...
And once it starts to
bulge...the sex chapter is nearly closed...with mostly
fondling...caresses...and lots of laughing...ke...ke...ke...ke...
No wonder...many a man
grow beard...and wander as a mad man...due to insufficient sex...for their
women...at home...prefer less sex...prefer to watch others doing...and
talk...rather than indulge...and some of the revolutionary men...ditch the
bitch...at home...and seek refuge...in whorehouses...the comfort of...a
whore’s warm hole¹...
Written around 0805 p.m.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
¹ admiring her
fidelity...and flexibility...in satisfying his desires...compared to
the...flabby bitch...at home²...
Written around 0937 p.m.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
² For all the flabby
bitch knows...is to watch TV...and to roll her tongue...on herself...with loud
talk...persistent complaints...on this and that...and constant gossip...and
chatter...while the other one...knows how to listen...to his pains...and to
roll her tongue...on him...where ever he desires...to be cooled...
Written around 0951 p.m.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
0807
p.m. - 0841 p.m. 0:34 To toilet, undressº, anoint head with ayurvedic oil,
just standing...and blabbering...as a mad man, shower, wipe the body dry with a
towel, prayer, apply a pinch of ayurvedic powder Rasnadi to head, dress in
blue/green dhoti
º The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative family...talking...
Written around 0134 p.m.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Revised around 0151 p.m.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
0841
p.m. - 0853 p.m. 0:12 Dress in indoor cloths: Pink and white full-sleeves shirt, to
room, burn incense, camphor, ring bell, prostrate to the Lord, brief prayer
0853
p.m. - 0905 p.m. 0:12 Browse Karate book and periodical, Heidenstam.
0905 p.m. - 0911 p.m. 0:06 Diary notes on paper
0911
p.m. - 0925 p.m. 0:14 Food: White rice, sambar, beans twaran (all
leftover due to loss of appetite); one Robesta green banana, a glass of water; ayurvedic medicine for Schizophrenia –
medicine with honey, kashayam; discussion with mother
0925 p.m. - 0930 p.m. 0:05 Talk to mother about
the need for an old lamp, stand, and betel utensils
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative
family...talking...listening...
Written around 0151 p.m.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
0930 p.m. - 0935 p.m. 0:05 To upstairs, urinal, wash hands
Around 0951 p.m.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
a-ri-ghu ku-da-ta-tu po-le...kan-dal
ma-ti...See him...as if...you don’t know him...you haven’t heard
his story...you don’t know anything...
-
A man advising...a woman...and her daughter...
What else...can a flabby woman do...other
than act ignorance...to her own failings...which she is not at all
prepared...to change...
A pumpkin...always have to
maintain...herself...as a pumpkin...before others in society...
If a pumpkin...suddenly becomes
slender...and thin...like a drumstick...the neighbors might think...Oh! that
woman is having...some dreaded disease...
And we live in a society...where
pumpkins are considered beautiful...due to that hanging down...of fat...at all
those places...where it is not supposed to be...and like an elephant...the
pumpkin...walks...proudly...slowly...in honor...while her husband...fucks a
slender bitch...at night...for who can lift this pumpkin to bed...other than a
bulldozer?...
A slight turning...of the pumpkin...in
bed...can pulverize...deform...mutiliate...the young man’s penis...
So sucker...when are you going to
loose weight?...for you rival your bastard father...in size...bulkiness...
At least he got an excuse...his beer
drinking...
What about you?...drinking that...that
comes out of the penis...of many men?...
I never thought...it makes one so
fat...especially those ass...those buttocks...
Ahh!...how slender is your
mother’s buttocks...one can rotate it easilyº...compared to your
huge mass...
Didn’t you ponder on
this...whenever you stand...out there...to show off your face?...that the parts
which you cover with cloths...are just too horrible...
Did you think...after the initial
seduction...you can send in your thin mother...to fuck the bridegroom...in the
dark fucking bedroom...for that so-called first-night?...
Make sure...you remember...all these
things...next time...if you care...to stage...another
run-in...coincidence...for you know...I don’t have much time...to give a
lengthy sermon... titillating
talk...face to face...on the above details...and it is good...that you are
reading...instantaneously...what I have to say...what I have written...now...
How interesting...it will be...when my
romantic notes...love letters...go to the web...for others to read...about a
pumpkin woman...who tried to force love...onto a drumstick¹...
Written around 1013 p.m.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Revised around 1152 a.m.
Friday, December 15, 2006
º I understand...why you became so
virulent...with virilism...
Because of that thin slender ass...of
the old whore...he must have fucked her everyday...every night...all through
her stomach bulging days...playing with the rotation...merry-go-round...like a
curious boy...
Written around 0304 p.m.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Revised around 1006 p.m.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Intercourse during pregnancy is a serious offence
against the Laws of Nature. It undermines the health of both the parties and of the unborn
babe. Neither
the husband nor the wife gets proper recompense and both lose their vitality
slowly and surely. The child when it is born and grows up develops undue
sexual irritation
and in most cases turns out a masturbator.
(Reference: V M Kulkarni. (1931) Naturopathy: The Art of Drugless Healing.
¹ The word drumstick...got
different meanings...
Here in these parts of the world...there
is a vegetable...called drumstick...long...slender...a thin beauty...the exact
opposite of a pumpkin...In Malayalam...they call it...mu-ri-gha-ka....
Oh...yes...you can ponder...on the
various other meanings...of that word...drumstick...someone who drums about...a
drummer...a whistleblower...one with a loud mouth...one who lets everyone
know...what is going on...and so on...
Written around 1152 a.m.
Friday, December 15, 2006
Strange...that that thin woman...gets
emotional...whenever she sees...the word marriage...as if the mother
doesn’t know...or knows too much...the status of her daughter...and the
likely outcome...of having to give...moral support...to her voyeur
companion...in all respects...whenever needed...
Written around 1020 p.m.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
So sucker...when are you going to kill
me...for humiliating you...with po-gha-cham...inflated talkº...
Written around 1023 p.m.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Revised around 0336 p.m.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
º at how sensuous...this chilli
is...to those men...to whom the fatter a woman is...the more sexier she is...
For there are also men...to whom the
thinner a woman is...the more sexier she is...as is your mother...
Written around 1020 p.m.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
ma-kal sa-tya-ma-yi-tu...I hereby take
solemn oath...by my children...(I will reply...tit for tat...)
-
The sucker to her mother...in a grave tone...
I heard...you are divorced...but I
didn’t hear...that your stomach bulged before...
Son or daughter?...
Which orphanage?...
A chilli like you...will hide many
things...
That small kid...outside
Technopark...is it yours?...
Maybe your bastard father...is too
old...to have such a small kid...
Didn’t your ex-...fuck
properly...the same one minute business?...or maybe...he was too tired...after
daily milking...that beer that made you fat...
He must have been milked dry...oo-ti
ku-di-chi-ri-kum...sucked dry...like a vampire...by a vamp...so that he finally
decided...to abscond...to run away...while he can...than later...when somebody
will have to...drag him away...or still later...carry him away...from
death...due to the natural...but frequent...bloodletting...of men..fucking
women...
Written around 1033 p.m.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Revised around 0938 p.m.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
So...any pumpkin out there...accompanied
by her dog mother...copycats of the sucker and her whore mother...who wishes to
talk to me...on various things...to clear doubts...on philosophy...on
fucking...on how to become one...already know...now...what to expect...from
this mad man...who may not show...any manners...or decency...at all...to say
bluntly...what his perverted mind...tells him...to speak...
Written around 1038 p.m.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Revised around 0939 p.m.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
I really liked that tone...a raised
dancing tone...as if with an apple...or mango seed...stuck in the throat...of
your father...when he said...ma-nam ke-du-ta-ru-the...don’t disgrace
me...make me lose face...to you...so that you don’t speak...unwanted
things...infuriating things...which on hearing...I get stimulated...to
write...some of the best...vulgar things...ever written...out there...
So he fears humiliation...
Umm...I got an attack area...so that is
one of his weak points...which I can capitalize on...
So chilli...when was the last
time...your father...fucked your mother?º...
When I wrote...tu-lu-bu-na
tu-da...trembling...shivering thighs...as the penis slowly...brushes on it...on
its onward journey...to that forest house...called hole...do you know...how
passionately...slowly...word by word...that old man...narrated it...to your
mother¹...
Strange...that old woman...suddenly got
frightened!...
º Did you watch
it...carefully...zooming in...to that bridging...the penis and hole²...
¹ emphasizing...the juiciness...of
those words...wondering...how a small guy....a boy...can write...such great
things...which old men...find hard...to control...in practice...while
humping...
Written around 1046 p.m.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Revised around 0356 p.m.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
² 6+ years...of day and
night...detailed watch on...monitoring of my penis...you have seen
mostly...accidental leakage...
A chilli...like you...must have
yearned...to see...the actual flowing out...squirting...of that liquid...when
fucking is in progress...anywhere in the neighborhood...of your
house...including...your parent’s bedroom...
Some fire precisely...some fire accurately...some
fire somewhere else...some fire everywhere...some don’t fire at all...
So...my dear...you must
have...enjoyed...a hell lot of fucking...by various men and women...in your
vicinity....using those spy devices...by staying awake...all night...
The stars...are mostly
seen...clearly...only at night...
Written around 0419 p.m.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Revised around 0426 p.m.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
What a virilism!...
If you fuck...a man...will it be...a gay
relationship...ending in less satisfaction...
If you fuck...a woman...will it be...a
lesbian relationship...ending in less satisfaction...
If both give less satisfaction...what
about fucking...another virilescent woman...another woman stalker?...
Written around 0425 p.m. Thursday,
December 14, 2006
Revised around 1012 p.m.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
All this watching...live fucking...in
the vicinity...where does it all go...within you?...sucker...
You must be badly...smoldering...
Badly in need...of a man...
And it must be very hard...that you
can’t do anything...with that man...readily available to you...near to
you...always...your own father...in spite of all this smoldering...
Written around 0431 p.m.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Revised around 0943 p.m.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
I wonder...when men of the
neighborhood...infuriated for being violated...of their fucking privacy...by
your covert monitoring...are going to settle scores...with you...by fucking
you...more violently...and repeatedly...than they fucked their women...to show
you something different...than what you watched...covertly...for sexual
gratification...
Do you know...those women...whom you
watched...being fucked...will help...their men...to ensure...you get...the apt
answer...for violating their personal...intimate privacy...and gossiping it all
around...
He fired everywhere...ha...ha...ha...
He gets tired very
fast...ha...ha...ha...
He can’t hold that erect...for
long...inside her...ha...ha...ha...
His is a bit small...ha...ha...ha...
It is hard for him...to get it
erect...even if she helps...ha...ha...ha...
That old man...a-ma-van...still
fucks...pa-ya-ru po-le...so energetic...with vigor...ha...ha...ha...
She didn’t have orgasm...however
hard he heaved...she can’t turn on...ha...ha...ha...
She wanted it badly...she was pulling
it...into her...with vigor...ha...ha...ha...
She didn’t want it...but he badly
needed it...so he forced her...raped her...ha...ha...ha...
Do you know...how she cries...when he is inside her...ha...ha...ha...
Do you know...what they talked...while doing it...ha...ha...ha...
Written around 0439 p.m.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Revised around 1143 a.m.
Friday, December 15, 2006
Yes...there may be...nothing wrong...in
daily nocturnal observation...according to those women voyeurs...
When reversed...turned around...
Analysis...of each event...gives a
realistic picture...of who...what...you really are...and why...
She wanted it badly...she was pulling
it...into her...with vigor...ha...ha...ha...
She is an easy target...for male sex predators...A
stranger...(maybe her boss at her work place...)who smiles to her...couple of
days...may be enough...to be her bed guest...to be invited to bed...when her
husband is away...
And it also helps...many...to know...to
study...the strength...and weakness...of those men...and women...who fuck...for
that fucking act...brings out...to the open...many of your hidden
feelings...suppressed emotions...which are otherwise...hard to detect...
It thus helps...an
‘innocent’ monitor...to build a detailed profile...of yours...
Your
strength...weakness...failings...will naturally...carry over...to other
activities...in your social life...
It is hard for him...to get it
erect...even if she helps...ha...ha...ha...
Such a man...can be miserable...in
office...in business...in his work routine...
Thus you already know...where he
stand...and you also know...how to handle him...with such foreknowledge...
Can you sent such a man...on a crucial
mission...say military mission?...for he is a man...unsatisfied...brooding over
his physical weakness...diability...
Ponder on that teasing...by a woman...or
a man...he can’t get it erect...even if she helps...How humiliating it
will be?...
For out there...a hell lot of men are
there...with sexual problems...of various sorts...and so too are women...
Ponder on that woman colleague...who
hush-hush says to another woman...
Don’t talk to her today...she is
in a bad mood...because...yesterday night...
She didn’t want it...but he
badly needed it...so he forced her...raped her...ha...ha...ha...
Even things which you
only...or what was confined...within the bedroom ONLY...is nowadays open
secret...because of these high tech devices...
Written around 0612 p.m.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Revised around 1143 a.m.
Friday, December 15, 2006
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Reference
Kalidasa: life and works
http://www.cs.colostate.edu/~malaiya/kalidas.html
Samasyaapuurtii
by Sameer Mahajan ([email protected])
raamaabhishheke jalamaaharantyaaH
hastaachchyuto hemaghaTo yuvatyaaH .
sopaana maargeNa karoti shabdaM
ThaaThaM ThaThaM ThaM ThaThaThaM Tha ThaM ThaaH ..
Once King Bhoj lying on his
bed saw a young beautiful girl on her way to fetch water. But
as she reached the stairway she stumbled and dropped the vessel. The King
listened to the noise made by the vessel and it gave him an idea. The next day
he called his courtiers and gave the puzzle to solve ``ThaaThaM ThaThaM ThaM
ThaThaThaM Tha ThaM Thaa.h''
None was able to solve it. Kalidas, when asked,
demanded two days of time or the solution. He observed Bhoj's daily schedule
minutely for those two days. The observation provided him the insight into the solution and
he gave the above mentioned answer. The meaning is quite
straightforward.
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1049 p.m. - 1055 p.m. 0:06 To toilet, urinal, wash hands; to room; lock
door, prostrate to the omnipresent invisible Lord; lay down on floor to sleep; cover with white blanket
1055 p.m. - 1200 a.m. 1:05 Sleep
Around 0443 p.m.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
Kas-ta-ma-nu...please feel sorry for me...
-
The sucker...to her parents...on reading...the above notes...from a far away
distance...as they are being typed...
What kas-ta-ma-nu?...why feel
sorry?...
Why should a grown-up woman...stay
awake...and watch...other women...in the neighborhood...being fucked?...
You should have...found some man...out
there...to fuck daily...
Not watching the fucking of
others...and say...kas-ta.ma-nu...feel sorry for me...
And it doesn’t take much...to
find a man...either...
Just stand every evening...outside the
house gates...with an effervescent smile...lots of
makeup...ornaments...gyrating your hips...fondling your breasts...some men will
walk in...for that night...
And so on...every day...
Written around 0447 p.m.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Revised around 1024 p.m.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Insert the daily overall monitoring template here
Sunday, December 10, 2006
0000 a.m. ~ 0500 a.m. 5:00 Sleep
Couple of dreams noted...
No carnal/erotic thoughts
noted...
An image of a woman...was
a bit clear...compared to other women...in the dream...
One dream...dealt with
theory tests...on Language of Medicine...at the workplace...Everyone have to
take the test...I was the only one given exception...
Another dream...was a
workplace...far away...we have to board express bus...in a desolate highway...a
sort of desert area...with brown sands...
Another dream...I
walk...in darkness...in a town area...
And I want to urinate...I
go into a shop...request the shopkeeper...whether I can use the restroom...A
middle aged woman...comes with a key...to open the restroom...at the back...I
enter the restroom...to urinate...and the door was closed behind...I
didn’t know...that woman locked the door...and left...Sometime
later...the door was opened...and in came...some men...and women...all middle
aged...25-40 years of age...they accost me...threaten me...have sex or
not...This dream was in a greenish twilight...My presence...in that town...must
have fore-traveled...
Written around 1026 a.m.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Revised around 0328 p.m.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
0500 a.m. - 0600 a.m. 1:00 Lay on floor, not
sleepy
The time period is not clear...for I
woke up...and lay...not sleepy...for some time...During sleep also...I woke up intermittently...to
sense that strange feeling...the trio...the medical representative
family...monitoring with a vengeance...talking and talking...and their
voices...came from the South direction...Usually it is from the North...but
now...it reversed...I wonder...how?...
My abuses...don’t seem to have
any effect...in stopping them...from violating my privacy...
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
Don’t have...any inhibition...in
seeing him...
-
The bastard father advising his daughter...
After some time...
a-du-ta aa-la-yi po-yi...he is the next
man...he became the next man...
-
The sucker...to her family...
So what?...whoever a person
is...whoever a person became...so what?...
a-tu kon-du an-di ta-ghi kon-du na-ta-ka-noe?...
Does that mean...you have
to...support...balance...his penis...in any manner...either by...being his
woman...or by being...his follower...for both deals
with...supporting...balancing...
I am a mad man...who prefers to
be...left alone...
Written around 1038 a.m.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Revised around 0336 p.m.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Is it something...like a wanderer...with
a burden...a knapsack...on his back...
When he takes rest...relaxes...lays
down...his massive burden...his heavy knapsack...is laid down...on to
something...maybe the ground...maybe a table...to hold...to support...
So too that man...when he takes
rest...relaxes...lays down...his massive burden...his heavy penis...is laid
down...on to someone...maybe a woman...maybe onto some so-called follower...or
admirer...to hold...to support...to balance...
Written around 0346 p.m.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
0600 a.m. – 0620 a.m. 0:20 Sit on floor, not
sleepy
0620 a.m. – 0622
a.m. 0:02 Prostrate to the omnipresent invisible
Lord; stand up; manual
emission check; to toilet
Emission check: No emission stains noted...in the
dhoti...
Written around 1041 a.m.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
0622
a.m. - 0708 a.m. 0:46 Undressº, emission check¹,
urinal², brush teeth, jala neti, thread neti, clean wash basin area,
anoint head with ayurvedic oil, prayer, shower, wipe the body dry with a towel,
prayer, apply a pinch of ayurvedic powder Rasnadi to head, dress in towel
º The mental noting...voices...from a far away
distance...beyond visual range...
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative family...talking...
Written around 1113 a.m.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
¹ Emission
check: No emission stains noted...
Written around 1047 a.m.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
² Urinal: Some bubbles in urine...some disappear
in 5-10 minutes...After half an hour or so...a mucoid slick...on the top
layer...with few bubbles...
No physical
tiredness...to the body...noted...
I thus classify this
instance of sleeping as...No emission...
May the Lord be
praised...
Inshallah!
Written around 1047 a.m.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Revised around 1119 a.m.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Emission Nil
How do I feel?
As I walked...from the adjacent room...to
the toilet...within the next room...the direction...of voices...of the medical representative family...slowly
moved...from South...to North...and I found it interesting...that change...how
is that?...
Written around 1050 a.m.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Revised around 1126 a.m.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
0708 a.m. - 0712 a.m. 0:04 Dress: Maroon underwear, black stripped
tracksuit, yellow half sleeves shirt
0712 a.m. - 0719 a.m. 0:07 Partially untie
mosquito net, fold net, fold blanket, tidy personal things
0719 a.m. - 0727 a.m. 0:08 Rice, thick sarkara
rice payasam, and water for birds
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
Ka-lu pi-di-kan pa-tu-mo...can we catch
hold of his legs...fall onto his feetº?...
-
The old woman to her family...
Somebody once pondered...why Lord
Padmanabha...lays in a strange inclined posture...at Padmanabha Swamy
temple...that famous temple...in the city of Thiruvananthapuram
(Trivandrum)...The very name of the city...derives...from that symbolic
representation of the Lord...
What the man...very experienced in
social matters...arrived at...concluded is...the inhabitants of this
city...have an uncanny ability...ka-lu va-ra-an...to pull you down...
They fall on your feet...with all
humbleness...then slowly hold to...cling onto...your legs...and in an
unsuspecting moment...give a strong push...or pull...and there you fall...to
the happiness of the humble one...who fell at your feet
earlier...before...acting as a follower...
No wonder...fearing
this...understanding this...cognizing this...beforehand...the all-knowing
Lord...decided...to relax...in a position...where it is hard...to topple him...
The net result...He remains
untoppled...and everyone bows before him...always...in abject
humbleness...slavery...for He was undefeated...could not be defeated...and He
relaxes...in pride...enjoying...what his enemies tried to do to him...TURNED
AROUND...making them fuck...to the fullest...by diverse means...
And the ignorant laughed...in happiness...in
joy...at that boon...the Lord gave them...
Written around 1110 a.m.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Revised around 0401 p.m.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Some...thanked him...for the
satisfaction...thus enjoyed...
Some...abused him...for the satisfaction...thus
enjoyed...
Some...after enjoying it...called it
sin...so that others...don’t enjoy it...
Some...understanding it...without
enjoying...gave it...back to him...to enjoy...
Written around 1149 a.m.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Revised around 0402 p.m.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
º After all these writings...what
use?...this falling on feet...because they say both things...always...
The next One...and...fuck the
woman...and the monitoring...continues as usual...
Written around 1104 a.m.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Revised around 0108 p.m.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
0727 a.m. - 0733 a.m. 0:06 Diary notes on paper
0733 a.m. - 0735 a.m. 0:02 To terrace
0735 a.m. - 0804 a.m. 0:29 Meditation, facing West
Various thoughts pass by...in the
initial phases...of the sitting...
And I listen...to my thoughts...being
confirmed...by the loud cricket commentary...of the cabaret dancer...talking to
someone else...word by word...
Those birds are having a merry time
behind me...
And then that wave...I...donned in
Buddhist yellow robes...with a red slash...as my master’s ceremonial
robes...
Somewhere in a different
world...attending...a vast congregation...of Buddhist monks...
In that hall...I was the lowest...of
all...and thus I was deputed...to this lower world...to prepare...the
surroundings...for something...
The cabaret dancer watches...a part of
the vision...talking...to others nearby...
I relax...into that nothing...beyond...
Written around 1152 a.m.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Revised around 0406 p.m.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Around 0755 a.m. Sunday,
December 10, 2006
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
When he wrote...all the dirt...he lost
interest...in that dirt...
-
A wise Brahmin monitor...analyzing...my writings...my day-to-day life...
Written around 1202 p.m.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Revised around 0408 p.m.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Around 1153 a.m. Sunday,
December 10, 2006
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
Vee-ra va-dam aa-ki ka-la-nu...he made it up...he is acting...he is
boasting off...
- The bastard
father to his daughter...referring to my writing...at around 1152 a.m. Sunday, December
10, 2006...commenting...as he read zooming in...from a far away distance...
I am a mad man...I wrote what I felt...I write what I feel...
But I also understand...that this boasting...vee-ra va-dam...ceases to
be a boasting...to this man...only when...I fuck his daughter...
I pity that man...running after me...with his lollipop...in the 6+
year...
A lollipop...I refuse to lick...from head to toe...
Written around 1158 a.m.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Revised around 0411 p.m.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
A big lollipop...created...from his small lollipop...down under...
Written around 0155 p.m.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Revised around 0157 p.m.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
0804 a.m. - 0814 a.m. 0:10 Relax in savasana
0814 a.m. - 0817 a.m. 0:03 To first floor toilet,
wash hands, face; to downstairs
0817 a.m. - 0824 a.m. 0:07 Call brother at
Around 0823 a.m. Sunday,
December 10, 2006
The mental noting...voices...from
a far away distance...beyond visual range...
a-ghe-ru-de a-du-the o-ru vas-tu na-ta-kan po-ku-ni-la...We won’t
be able to do anything...any foul play...to him...
- The sucker to
her family...listening to the phone call...
As if...plans for sexual baiting...
Isn’t this...the very woman...watching the man sleeping...all
night...commented at around 0500 a.m. this day morning...that he is the next
One...as an excuse...for watching his penis...along with her family...
And now...the same whore...wonders to her parents...about what sort of
foul play...is going to be successful?...
So...I should not be abusing...a potential rapist...isn’t??...
For what else...this 6+ years of...24-hour voyeurism...day and
night??...
Fuck the woman...that is the only objective...those bastards have...no
matter what excuse...they say otherwise...
Written around 1212 p.m.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Revised around 0418 p.m.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
A woman-man...a virilescent woman...a woman masquerading as a
man...constantly discussing...with her parents...on how to rape her male
victim...in spite of her 6+ years of...voyeurism...visual rape...
Written around 0229 p.m.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Revised around 0417 p.m.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
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Reference
Davi-Ellen Chabner.
Language of Medicine. Chapter 18. Endocrine System.
Page 643
Androgens, Estrogens, and Progestins
– These are male and female hormones that maintain the secondary sex
characteristics, such as beard and breast development, and are
necessary for reproduction. These hormones are also produced in the ovaries and
testes. Excess
adrenal androgen secretion in females
lead to virilism (development
of male characteristics), and excess adrenal
estrogen and progestin secretion in males produces feminization (development of feminine characteristics.
Page 659
Adrenal Cortex - Hypersecretion
Adrenal virilism: Excessive output of adrenal androgens.
Adrenal
hyperplasia or tumor can cause this condition in adult women.
Symptoms include amenorrhea, hirsutism (excessive
hair on the face and body),
acne, and deepening of the voice. Drug
therapy to suppress androgen production and adrenalectomy are possible treatments.
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Reference
Stedman
Medical Dictionary 2.0 (1996)
adrenal
1.
Near or upon the kidney; denoting the suprarenal (adrenal) gland.
2.
A suprarenal gland or separate tissue or product thereof. See Also: suprarenal.
adrenal gland
Syn:
suprarenal gland.
adrenalectomy
Removal of one or both adrenal glands.
amenorrhea
Absence or abnormal cessation of the menses.
hyperplasia
An increase in number of cells in a tissue or organ, excluding tumor formation, whereby the bulk of the part or organ may be
increased. See Also: hypertrophy.
Syn: numerical hypertrophy, quantitative hypertrophy.
suprarenal gland
A flattened, roughly triangular body
resting upon the upper end of each
kidney; it is one of the ductless glands furnishing internal
secretions (epinephrine and
norepinephrine from the medulla and steroid hormones from the cortex). Syn:
glandula suprarenalis [NA], adrenal body, adrenal capsule, adrenal gland, atrabiliary capsule, epinephros, glandula atrabiliaris, paranephros,
suprarenal body, suprarenal capsule.
virilescence
Assumption of male characteristics
by the female.
virilism
Possession
of mature masculine somatic characteristics by a girl, woman, or prepubescent
male; may be
present at birth or may appear later, depending on its cause; may be relatively mild (e.g.,
hirsutism) or severe and is commonly the result of gonadal or
adrenocortical dysfunction, or of androgenic therapy.
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0824 a.m. - 0827 a.m. 0:03 Diary notes on paper
0827 a.m. - 0830 a.m. 0:03 Ayurvedic medicine for
Schizophrenia – lehiyam, kashayam, laxative; wait while mother serves
food
0830 a.m. - 0855 a.m. 0:25 Food: Dosa x2, sambar, payar (legume) twaran,
a roasted banana sliced into 2, a glass of water, a half piece of muruku, a
small cup of milk
0830 a.m. - 0903 a.m. 0:33 Read Brian Austin. (2000) Using the Internet in easy
steps .compact. (1/e)
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
A strange irritation comes up...on
listening to the bastard medical representative’s hush hush voices...the
predator is very puffed up...a can-do attitude on anything...
Somehow...he wants his daughter
fucked...and that too...very badly...and the new monitors...lots of
them...their presence...have given a boost...to the morale of this father...to
do any nasty thing he want...using these spy devices...to accomplish his
objective...
It is the noting...of instances like
this...which occur periodically...that I fall back...onto that writing...that
this man...and his family...will pay with blood...for their actions...one
day...
Any investigator out there...can verify
this...can-do anything...gung ho attitude...of a big brother...lording over the
life of his/her victim...using high tech gadgets...
Written around 1221 p.m.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Revised around 0838 p.m.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
0903 a.m. - 0905 a.m. 0:02 To upstairs, change
dress to blue/green dhoti
0905 a.m. - 0914 a.m. 0:09 Defecate –
loose motion, wash, wipe
0914 a.m. ~ 0940 a.m. 0:26 Diary notes on paper
Around 1225 p.m. Sunday,
December 10, 2006
The mental noting...voices...from
a far away distance...beyond visual range...
Bha-yan-ka-ra swami aa-yi po-yi...en-te ammo...he became a great
swami...Oh! My mother!...
- A whore
woman...teasing...
What else...whore...can you expect?...with this type of 24-hour
surveillance...extending for over 10+ years...in all...
Either I fuck...all those women...who watch my penis...to the
fullest...or become a monk...
What else...BASTARD WHORE??
Written around 1228 p.m.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Revised around 0842 p.m.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
And irrespective...of what happened...for the last 10+ years...the
whores...continue their surveillance...day by day...night by night...into the
future...for he...is an animal...first of all...then only...a man...and then
only...a so-called monk...
So...who knows...maybe...tomorrow...maybe...the day after...or
maybe...some other day...a small mistake...can happen...he can be...toppled...
Such...is the assumption...of woman...THE WHORE!!...
Let anyone out there...who investigates this case...try to prove
otherwise...the opposite...of what I narrated...That all this...is false...
It is a challenge...
I...stand by...my experiences...what happened to me...
Written around 1235 p.m.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Revised around 0845 p.m. Tuesday,
December 12, 2006
0940 a.m. - 0954 a.m. 0:14 Tidy personal things;
shift a round sitting stool and an old lamp upstairs
0954 a.m. - 1007 a.m. 0:13 Defecate, wash,
wipe
1007 a.m. - 1115 a.m. 1:08 Diary notes on paper
1115 a.m. - 1121 a.m. 0:06 Loiter; to downstairs;
reboil tea
1121 a.m. - 1135 a.m. 0:14 To upstairs; a cup of
tea
1135 a.m. - 1140 a.m. 0:05 Diary notes on paper;
browse Heidenstam.
1140 a.m. - 1142 a.m. 0:02 Urinal, wash hands
1142 a.m. - 1144 a.m. 0:02 Discussion with father
on how to send emails
1144 a.m. - 0100 p.m. 1:16 Diary notes on paper
Around 1240 p.m. Sunday,
December 10, 2006
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
Va-cha-ka-ma-di e-thi-ri
ku-tu-ta-la-nu...his empty talk...boasting...is a bit too much...
- A woman...in a very understanding tone...
When you face...this type
of 24-hour monitoring...the constant feeling...of being watched...together with
voices...commenting on...each and every action...of yours...
Ponder...what is the
outcome??...
An intense fear...on what
can happen to you...
Such a victim...need to
express himself/herself...in some manner...so as...not to get...COMPLETELY
MAD...because of the ongoing...sexual harassment...
That explains my
writing...my diary notes...of pain...of agony...
It is strange...such a
victim of pain...write jokes...writes in a manner...that makes others
laugh...pondering on that...irony...cynicism...of certain facts...which normal
people of society...don’t talk...shun away from...or act as the
wise...the elegant...the educated...well-mannered...with etiquette...and so
on...where as in reality...nothing...but hollowness...is what there is...
All...a
make-believe...each and every...man...woman...just anything...out there...
Look at that...the
father’s description of his daughter...back in year 2002-2003...as the
great CABARET DANCER...Look at the woman in person...an ugly, flabby
pumpkin!!...a replica of her hideous father...
Written around 1250 p.m.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Revised around 0853 p.m.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Yes...it is
only...va-cha-ka-ma-di...empty talk...boasting...meaningless talk...
And make sure...if any of
you...go to court...for defamation...you mention this word also...so that...there
is no point...in filing a case...for defamation...
Written around 1255 p.m.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Revised around 0855 p.m.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
0100 p.m. - 0115 p.m. 0:15 Loiter around, to
downstairs, wait for food to be served
0115 p.m. - 0135 p.m. 0:20 Food: White rice, steamed vegetables with less
flavor, rasam, one glass of water
0135 p.m. - 0155 p.m. 0:20 Thick sarkara rice
payasam, one Robesta green banana
0155 p.m. - 0235 p.m. 0:40 Rearrange showcase
items at ground floorº, rearrange portraits in attic¹ – all
under the close monitoring of my beloved monitors
º The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
That is...tantric
Buddhism...
- Two 40+ years old male foreign monitors discussing...
Written around 0437 p.m.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
¹ The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
Shhh...
-
An young woman trying to shut down the cabaret dancer...from speaking out loudly...as
a cricket commentary...whatever thoughts flow through my mind...
There is nothing...in
taking pride...at that...
Once upon a time...the
Australian stalker...too had the same symptoms...
Something that comes
out...of long years of observation...surveillance...that is all...
And it fades away...when
certain circumstances are altered...as it happened to the Australian siren...
The less you take pride
of it today...the less embarrassment when it fades away...
And it is NOT something
that comes out of genuine love...
For if it was...then many
wives would have been very understanding...and closer to their husbands...since
the ancient past...present...future...and all those husbands...down the
ages...could have had practiced...a vow of silence...since the wife understands
everything...without a single word...or sign...
Written around 0448 p.m.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Revised around 0456 p.m.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Just think...kiss...she will
run to you...and start kissing...madly...passionately...
Just think...suck...she
will run to you...and start sucking...madly...passionately...
Just think...fuck...she
will run to you...and start fucking...madly...passionately...
Written around 0458 p.m.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Revised around 0902 p.m.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23 For the husband is
the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he
is the saviour of the body.
24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so
let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
-
Ephesians 5:22-24 :: King James Version (KJV)
Those who do manage to awaken the
Kundalini without the grace of a Guru do have certain experiences, but they
get confused
because they do not have the guidance of a perfect master. They are
limited by their previous knowledge, which is inadequate to explain these new
experiences, and therefore, they hesitate to accept many experiences as valid. They doubt the
experiences which come to them and to others,
not
understanding that
Kundalini’s
powers are limitless,
and that She can manifest unlimited worlds inside as well as outside. To speak with authority
about the workings of Kundalini, one must have practiced Kundalini Yoga under
the guidance of a perfect master. One must have practiced it in a
systematic fashion according to scriptural injuctions and must have achieved final
perfection.
Many lesser teachers can effect a partial awakening, but the
Kundalini soon becomes dormant again, leaving the seeker in an anxious
state.
(Reference: Swami Muktananda. (October 1986) Kundalini: The Secret of Life. (Second Indian
Edition)
0235 p.m. - 0258 p.m. 0:23 Urinal, defecate, wash,
wipe
Small lumps of fecal
matter...
Written around 0302 p.m.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Last 1-2 hours...I listen
to the voice of the medical representative...talking to others...at how
humiliating it will be...when my writings to the web...
These people...have
created a system...for vast dissemination...of my hand written notes...to many
men and women...in this city...Before them....the people of this city...who are
thus aware...of the ongoing activities...there is no humiliation...to this
voyeur family...
So being in this
city...and no shame...I wonder why these people care for the world...If it was
indeed a shame...it should have been...before the people of this city...people
who see these voyeurs face to face...And if that had been the case,...this
surveillance...would have stopped...long, long ago...would have never...gone
into the 6+ year...would not continue now...
Thus these voyeurs...are
shameless...they have only one mission...somehow get that bitch fucked...That
is all...All this shame, humiliation...they say that they undergo...is
nothing...for it would NOT had been thereº...had they stopped
surveillance...and gone elsewhere...to do something else...corner some other
innocent man¹...to try a hand...if he can fuck...more better...the
bitch...than the previous ones...which will...only end in failure...for this
bitch is a real chilli...That poor man’s penis...will burn...with
hotness...when chilli...of high quality...very good grade...is
applied...liberally...So as I advised...let her own father...fuck his
daughter...at leisure...guided by her mother...Thus a lot of agony will be
saved...to neighborhood men...
Written around 0317 p.m.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Revised around 0508 p.m.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Any doubts?...try to
contact me in Chennai...when I go for my study tour...
I am yearning...to test Chennai
police...to see how that woman there...patronized her police force...during her
administration...It will be a good field study...comparing it with the great
Kerala police...
Written around 0320 p.m.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Revised around 0510 p.m.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
º and from the other
side...all humiliation, shame...will be washed away...as the washing away of
sin...if that golden rod...can be inserted...ONCE...into that gutter hole...of
the bitch...or allow that...red, rosy lips...massage...that dirty piece of
hanging flesh...of the so-called Jesus...kar-ta-vu...
Written around 0520 p.m.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Revised around 0512 p.m.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
¹ wherever I go...I
am closely monitored...
When some
handsome...tall...or well-built man is seen...at the places I go...I have noted
how the stalker feels...how she yearns...for such good specimens...any man...to
spent some time with...to fuck hard...in privacy...and I always used to
wonder...at the hard hearted nature of her parents...who stop her from going
further...to indulge with...fuck....all those men...who attract her
senses...raise her passion...sexually excite her...by just seeing them...from a
far away distance...
6+ years of
observation...monitoring...
A hell lot of men...were
there...who have caused this woman...some sort of passion...to arise...
And that sexual
excitation...remains unsatisfied...smoldering...day and night...as that hot
ember...
Written around 0520 p.m.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Revised around 0520 p.m.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
0115 p.m. - 0155 p.m. 0:40 Read Brian Austin. (2000) Using the Internet in easy
steps .compact. (1/e)
Where else in India...do
you find...a young woman...her father...and mother...sitting wide awake...all
night...for 6+ years...watching the penis of a man...which they want...to be
inserted...into their daughter’s hole?º...
Who is thus really
mad?...
Sad...there is such a
shortage of penis...in this land of Kamasutra...in the land of Krishna...6+
years in the waiting list...waiting...and waiting...for a penis!!...
No...the world should not
know this...that such a thing happened...in a country...with the second largest
population...in the world...where a hell lot of men...with penis...of high
quality...very good grade...of various size...shape...and weight...are out
there¹...
º Is the daughter so
special?...A virgin?º¹...for that special honor?...
I have heard...she is a
divorced woman...
I have heard...her sucking...many
other penises...
So how is this bastard so
special?º²...
º¹ untouched by
man...
Never seen...a man
before...
Never thought of...a man
before...
Never ever
had...temptation...
Never ever pondered
on...that feeling...
On what will happen...when
the tongue...of a man...slowly licks...her hole...the sides...and then slowly
moves in...burrowing into...her...
On what will
happen...when a penis goes in...into her...hole...
On what will
happen...when that penis rotates...
On what will
happen...when that penis...moves to and fro...in and out...of her hole...
On what will
happen...when that penis goes in...into her...anus...
On what will
happen...when that penis...is licked...and sucked...with her mouth...
What will be...the
taste...of that squirted liquid...
Even modern
women...educated all through...the young age...in the closed confines...of
convents...exclusively for women...guided by nuns...are NOT immune...to what I
said above...
So where is this
sucker...watching my penis leakage...for 6+ years?...
Written around 0339 p.m.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Revised around 0917 p.m.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
¹ daydreaming...for
such a golden opportunity...that bonanza...a woman...waiting...ONLY...to
fuck...with nothing else to do...24 hours a day...
OHH!!...GOD!!...
Written around 0345 p.m.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Revised around 0528 p.m.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
º² By the
way...dear father of the woman...at what age...did your chilli...lose her
virginity?...get that thing ruptured...with pride...
Make sure...you have an
answer...for this...when any court examines this case...
For to get...a proper
understanding...of this case...the court have to know...how much sexually
active...the stalker was...
6+ years of monitoring...a
penis,...no normal woman...can do that...unless and until...she is a...sex
maniac...sexually perverted...
Written around 0351 p.m.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Revised around 0556 p.m.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
0258 p.m. - 0351 p.m. 0:53 Diary notes on paper
0351 p.m. - 0355 p.m. 0:04 Prepare to type diary
notesº, turn ON computer
º The stalking
family...the sucker and her father...just don’t want...this day’s
diary notes...to go to the web...
So let this day’s
diary notes go in...as soon as possible...
Isn’t that the
right way?...old woman...a-ta-le a-ti-te o-ru...sa-ri?...eh?...
Do something...what the
other...doesn’t like...
As is...what they
did...to me...for 6+ years...
Written around 0413 p.m.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Revised around 0601 p.m.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
0355 p.m. - 0408 p.m. 0:13 Snacks: Small muruku x5, a cup of tea
0408 p.m. - 0413 p.m. 0:05 Diary notes on paper
Around 0424 p.m. Sunday,
December 10, 2006
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
a-du-te e-ru-ne ya-tra
che-yan o-ku-oe...is it possible...to sit next to him...and travel...
- The old woman...to her family...
Why ask your
daughter...that which you want...e-li-ku-na-tu en-ti-ne?...Why passing it
on?...
Oh!...how you yearn...to
travel with me...old woman!...
Sitting next to
me...daydreaming of...kissing those lips...caressing...fucking...and thus...coy
in submission...for an early opportunity...
Sad, isn’t...that
that body...is a bit old...
Written around 0428 p.m.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Revised around 0608 p.m.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
0413 p.m. - 0529 p.m. 1:16 Daily diary notes on
computer
0529 p.m. - 0540 p.m. 0:11 To toilet, sit to
defecate, wash, wipe
0540 p.m. - 0544 p.m. 0:04 To downstairs, reboil
tea
0544 p.m. - 0546 p.m. 0:02 Refer Malayalam
dictionary
Around 0548 p.m. Sunday,
December 10, 2006
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
a-ge-ru amma-yum
mo-le-yum pi-di-chu ke-thi ka-la-yum...en-tu kas-tham e-tu...he will
fuck...both the mother and daughter...(together?)...(what will I do now?)...
- The medical representative...in distress...
Oh!...the great sex
teacher...of one minute sex...is in distress...
Can you now
understand...one minute sex is doomed...
Change your
ways...strategy...ideology...as soon as possible...before both the women run
away...from you...
Do you know...how to keep
women with you?...
Fuck off...with full
blast...as a rocket blasting off...
Fuck...both of them...one
after the other...
Maybe try a
twosome...with both of them...together in bed...with you...round the clock...
Start NOW...before it
gets TOO late...
The earlier...they
know...the taste...the happiness...of that to and fro motion...they will stay
with you...they will not run away...to someone else...
What a pity!...that a
boy...like me...had to teach...an old man!...
Written around 0553 p.m.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Revised around 0620 p.m.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
0546 p.m. - 0600 p.m. 0:14 Diary notes on paper, a
cup of tea
0600 p.m. - 0645 p.m. 0:45 Daily diary notes on
computer
0645 p.m. - 0648 p.m. 0:03 Change dress to black
stripped track suit, pink white full sleeves shirt, socks
0648 p.m. - 0704 p.m. 0:16 Daily diary notes on
computer
0704 p.m. - 0711 p.m. 0:07 Shut down computer, to
toilet, urinal; wash hands
0711 p.m. - 0715 p.m. 0:04 Loiter, to terrace
0715 p.m. - 0725 p.m. 0:10 Meditation facing west
Mosquito
bites...unbearable...as noted by some of my monitors...
Written around 1214 p.m. Monday,
December 11, 2006
0725 p.m. - 0730 p.m. 0:05 To downstairs;
ayurvedic medicine for Schizophrenia –kashayam
0730 p.m. - 0800 p.m. 0:30 Food: Chappati x2, steamed vegetables with
less flavor, potatoe murukuvatti, a glass of water
0800 p.m. - 0840 p.m. 0:40 Loiter around;
discussion with mother; ayurvedic medicine for Schizophrenia – medicine
with honey, kashayam
During discussion with
mother...I pondered about the...klim...sound in the main...mula...mantra...of
goddess Bhadra Kali...
The forest retreat...I
attended...at Healesville, Victoria, Australia...the goddess temple...in
Melbourne...where I stayed...both dealing with variants of Vajrayana...there
they used a hand-held...musical instrument...for that...klim...sound...
They rarely pronounced it
verbally...
The main form of
prayer...to the Divine Mother...is by means of singing...singing devotionals...
She is a woman...and
singing attracts her...interests her...calms her...as is to any woman...out
there...
And here...you have
musical instruments...as a backdrop...to that concept of singing...and the klim
sound...
And I play for some
time...clanging plates together...stainless steel container lids
together...striking container lids with spoon...just to enjoy that...mystical
klim sound...which is more natural...when you use instruments...say
musical...than verbally pronouncing it...
For when instruments are
used...the klim...reverberates...giving a mystic...haunting effect...
Written around 1229 p.m.
Monday, December 11, 2006
Revised around 0722 p.m.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
0840 p.m. - 0847 p.m. 0:07 Diary notes on paper
0847 p.m. - 0850 p.m. 0:03 Change track suit to
blue/green dhoti, to toilet, urinal; wash hands, face, eyes, mouth; wipe
0850 p.m. - 0855 p.m. 0:05 To room, lock door,
prostrate to the omnipresent invisible Lord; lay down on floor to sleep
0855 p.m. - 0900 p.m. 0:05 Around 5-10 rounds of
loud singing of Shyamala Dhandakam, a prayer praising the Divine Mother
I try to be
melodious...the more melodious...the more calmer...
Some of my
monitors...appreciate the melody...from a far away distance...
Written around 1216 p.m.
Monday, December 11, 2006
Revised around 0644 p.m.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
0900 p.m. - 1200 a.m. 3:00 Sleep
Insert the daily overall monitoring template here
To continue
Friday, December 15, 2006
0000 a.m. ~ 0500 a.m. 5:00 Sleep
No dreams noted...
No carnal/erotic thoughts
noted...
No images of women noted
either...
Written around 0833 a.m.
Friday, December 15, 2006
Revised around 1209 p.m.
Friday, December 15, 2006
0500 a.m. - 0532 a.m. 0:32 Lay on bed, not sleepy
º The mental noting...voices...from a far away
distance...beyond visual range...
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative family...talking...
Written around 1211 p.m.
Friday, December 15, 2006
Around 0530 a.m. Friday,
December 15, 2006
A
thought passes...a visual hallucination...
Something
laying in front...thrown there...as waste...
A
rolled...mashed up...paper...containing my handwritten diary notes...left
there...by my mother...a paper used to gather...collect dust...dirt...after
sweeping the floor...now left...useless...of no worth...fit to be burned...
Written around 0751 a.m.
Friday, December 15, 2006
Revised around 1221 p.m.
Friday, December 15, 2006
These
notes...which some give great importance,...to my mother...it is nothing...but
waste...of no use...of no value...
I
should not...give any importance...to it...understanding that...
Write
it...if I want...as a time pass...and leave it...nothing more...nothing
less...nothing else...
There
are many other things...worthy...
Written around 1227 p.m.
Friday, December 15, 2006
0532 a.m. – 0535
a.m. 0:03 Sit on bed, not sleepy;
stand up; manual emission check; to toilet
Emission check: No emission stains noted...in the
blue/green dhoti...
Written around 1211 p.m.
Friday, December 15, 2006
0535
a.m. - 0634 a.m. 0:59 Undressº, emission check¹,
urinal², brush teeth, jala neti, thread neti, anoint head with ayurvedic
oil, clean wash basin area, defecate³, wash, prayer, shower, wipe the body
dry with a towel, prayer, apply a pinch of ayurvedic powder Rasnadi to head,
apply Nycil powder to itchy areas of the bodyª, dress in towel
º The mental noting...voices...from a far away
distance...beyond visual range...
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative family...talking...
Written around 1230 p.m.
Friday, December 15, 2006
¹ Emission
check: No emission stains noted...
Written around 1231 p.m.
Friday, December 15, 2006
² Urinal: Considerable bubbles in urine...some
disappear in 5-10 minutes...After half an hour or so...a mucoid slick...on the
top layer...with few bubbles...as noted by my monitors...
No physical
tiredness...to the body...noted...
I thus classify this
instance of sleeping as...No emission...
May the Lord be
praised...
Inshallah!
Written around 0639 a.m.
Friday, December 15, 2006
Revised around 1233 p.m.
Friday, December 15, 2006
Emission Nil
How do I feel?
³ Defecate: Small
lumps of fecal matter...mostly settled to the bottom...of the toilet
sink...leaving clear water...on the top layer...
Written around 1239 p.m. Friday,
December 15, 2006
ª To some of my monitors...some of
those men watching with women...it is something causing...a bit of
jealousy...that powdering...of itchy areas...with prickly powder...as if this
guy...is showing off...his manliness...
I wonder...with all these women
watching...and if you have a persistent itch...in and around your penis...what
will you do?...
Keep on scratching...or put some prickly
powder...to keep it calm...and cosy...as you care...a baby...after bathing
it...
And a thought passes...on that irony...
Some of these men...have women...at
home...
Can’t they...in complete
nakedness...have shower together...he can fuck her in between...and
after...wiping the body off water...powder her...those areas which attract you
too much...liberally...slowly...DON’T use prickly powder...use high
quality powder...with good fragrance...
Why feel jealous...at this lonely...mad
man...powdering his own body...when you have...that big project...waiting at
home...
Written around 1252 p.m.
Friday, December 15, 2006
Revised around 0100 p.m.
Friday, December 15, 2006
To continue
1139
a.m. - 0100 p.m. 1:21 Turn ON computer; daily
diary notes on computer; a cup of tea
0100 p.m. - 0118 p.m. 0:18 Arrange washed sacred
utensils, Lord’s portraits, and idol back in place in the washed room;
collect fresh water from downstairs, offer water to the Lord
0118 p.m. - 0124 p.m. 0:06 To downstairs, wait
while mother serves food
0124
p.m. - 0142 p.m. 0:18 Food: Rice, sambar, steamed vegetables with
less flavor, long payar twaran, a glass of water, a glass of yoghurt mixed with
water; ayurvedic
medicine for Schizophrenia – kashayam; some broken pieces of muruku
0142 p.m. - 0154 p.m. 0:12 Loiter around, sit by
bedside of relaxing mother, talking and watching my father doing serious work
Usually he used to sleep...relax...Last
couple of days...he is in hectic activity...ferreting out old keys from the
attic...opening cupboards...locks...finding the right key for each lock...finding
keys for locks which could not be opened...making locks which cannot be
opened...more unopen-able than ever...and so on...
My mother...advises to hold on to the
Lord...more than ever...hold on in such a way...that you become a nuisance to
him...a pest to him...so that he finally grants your wishes...
And my mother continues to
relax...unlike old days...good old times...of wants...desire for this and
that...a good house...good job for children...and so on...Nowadays...she
doesn’t feel...any such worries...
Written around 0219 p.m.
Friday, December 15, 2006
Revised around 0008 a.m.
Saturday, December 16, 2006
8 And the temple was filled with smoke from the glory
of God, and from his power; and no man was
able to enter into the temple, till the seven plagues of the seven
angels were fulfilled.
- Revelation 15:8 :: King James Version (KJV)
Essence of the Gita
What has happened has happened well
What is happening, is happening well
What will happen, will happen well
What have you lost that belongs to you?
What are you crying for?
What is that you have brought that you could lose?
What is that you have created that could be spoilt?
What you have taken, is taken from here
What you have given, is given here only
That which belongs to you today
Will belong to somebody else’s tomorrow
Some other day, it will belong to another person
This change is the norm of the world
Let us not worry for the recognition or for the
reward
But let us be more anxious for the quality of our
work
Work without faith and prayers is like Artificial
flowers without fragrance
(Reference: Hallo!
0154 p.m. - 0158 p.m. 0:04 To upstairs, loiter
around, turn ON computer
0227 p.m. - 0231 p.m. 0:04 Computer system crash;
reboot
0231 p.m. - 0232 p.m. 0:01 Daily diary notes on
computer
0232 p.m. - 0236 p.m. 0:04 Computer system crash;
reboot
0236 p.m. - 0238 p.m. 0:02 Daily diary notes on
computer
0238 p.m. - 0243 p.m. 0:05 Power failure; shut
down computer; relax
0243 p.m. - 0245 p.m. 0:02 To toilet, urinal; wash hands; wipe
0245 p.m. - 0305 p.m. 0:20 To downstairs; loiter
around; re-arrange showcase items
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
The showcase items are
rearranged...under the supervision of local...and foreign monitors...from a far
away distance...who are always interested...in the meaning...of whatever I
do...why I put it this way...that way...and so on...
Written around 0811 p.m.
Friday, December 15, 2006
0305 p.m. - 0306 p.m. 0:01 To upstairs, turn ON
computer
0306 p.m. - 0340 p.m. 0:00 Refer English
dictionary, search bookshelf for an English grammer book
0340 p.m. - 0425 p.m. 0:45 Daily diary notes on
computer
Around 0335 p.m. Friday,
December 15, 2006
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative family...talking...
The foreign monitors are always
interested...in the books...I have...in my personal library...
The old woman is deeply worried...the
scenario...of my diary notes...being stolen...plagiarised...and sold for
money...and if I come to know of it...have valid proof...
The bastard medical
representative...gives off a laugh...with a tone...which pooh-pooh...all
concepts of personal property...personal belongings...of others...
Written around 0346 p.m.
Friday, December 15, 2006
Revised around 0348 p.m.
Friday, December 15, 2006
Those who look into...study...my
surveillance case...have to relook...at the concept of intellectual
property...copyright...laws existing today...with reference to the new
age...coming of high tech surveillance devices...
Written around 0351 p.m.
Friday, December 15, 2006
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Internet Connection: Home computer
IP Address:
59.91.242.42
Friday, December 15, 2006 0359 p.m.
– 0425 p.m. IST
http://www.whatismyipaddress.com/
good old times
english idiom book download
http://www.english-test.net/esl/english-idioms.html
English Idioms 1.0 Software download
http://handheld.softpedia.com/get/Educational/Languages/English-Idioms-12039.shtml
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
0425 p.m. - 0450 p.m. 0:25 Computer system crash;
diary notes on paper
Around 0410 p.m. Friday,
December 15, 2006
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative family...talking...
Chey-tal ma-ti...he only have to do...
-
The bastard medical representative...talking to his family...
IF my diary notes...are being
stolen...plagiarised...and sold for money...by my stalkers...especially by the
bastard medical representative...then his above comment...is very
significant...
For you have a group of sex
predators...who on entrapping their sex victim...abuse him...by diverse
means...
Raping the victim...or even have the
victim...forced to undergo sex...with one of the women stalkers...can
nullify...any issue of stealing...plagiarising...and selling for money...the
victim’s painful diary notes...
Thus you have daily 24-hour
surveillance ongoing...
Whenever the victim...leaves his
house...sexual baiting...is done...to sexually arouse him...that initial soft
approach...before forcing or raping...That deals with the sexual objective of
the predators...
What about the money-making
objective...the ongoing side business of the predators...by selling his diary
notes...by diverse means...
According to their plans...in the long
term...sexual abuse...is a MUST...otherwise...court cases are possible...on the
past long years of sexual...mental abuse...of the victim...
In the name of the Lord...I reiterate
my position...stand by my words...those who share the blood...of the medical
representative...and the old woman...no matter who it may be...have to one
day...pay with blood...with death...
Let them try to cover their
tracks...with what sort of religion...or whatever...
What they did...is something...not to
be permitted...to recur...in a civilized...educated society...of equal
freedom...personal rights...right to dignity...and self-respect...
For this is nothing...but open
murder...of a man...surrounded from all sides...by predators...
Written around 0420 p.m.
Friday, December 15, 2006
Revised around 0907 p.m.
Friday, December 15, 2006
A victim...whose freedom of movement was
restricted...due to coincidences...wherever possible...whose personal
rights...was destroyed...by 24-hour detailed surveillance...who was
humiliated...by exposing his penis matters...by women voyeurs...whose dignity
was tarnished by voyeurism...whose self respect destroyed by threats of rape...
Such a human rights violation...is now
well over 6 years...and no one cares...
Written around 0939 p.m.
Friday, December 15, 2006
Look at the abuse...each and every
action monitored...
Voices spoken...deliberately...to make
the victim mad...day and night...
And no one out there...to help...to
listen...to the victim...
To his familyº...he is
suffering...from nothing else...other than...Schizophrenia...that dreaded
mental disease...of no return...
And what he writes...in desperation...in
agitation...being stolen...and made money...by the very sex
predators...threatening...to rape him...force sex onto him...
Written around 0425 p.m.
Friday, December 15, 2006
Revised around 1011 p.m.
Friday, December 15, 2006
º Talking...and getting
agitated...about voices...which they don’t hear...
Talking...and getting agitated...about
being watched...day and night...
Loud verbal abuses...
Getting violent...
Using obscene vulgar words...not
befitting an educated man...
Laughing...and talking...to himself...
Written around 1010 p.m.
Friday, December 15, 2006
Around 0445 p.m. Friday,
December 15, 2006
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
She got enlightenment...Whatever she
says...is right...
-
The bastard father...canvasing to others...for his whore daughterº...
To make a whore...a saint...
º or whoever that sucker maybe...to
the medical representative...
Written around 0447 p.m.
Friday, December 15, 2006
Revised around 1015 p.m.
Friday, December 15, 2006
The places...where this sucker
stayed...have to be converted...into a public comfort station...for those who
pass by...to urinate...at leisure...as a sort of remembering...the
activities...of the sucker...as a public urinal...sucking the penis...of various
men...
Written around 0513 p.m.
Friday, December 15, 2006
Revised around 1020 p.m.
Friday, December 15, 2006
Such public comfort stations...ought to
have...various rooms...urinals for urinating...toilets for defecating...shower
rooms for taking shower or bath...
As is befitting...any wanderer...to wash
away the dirt...of his body...
Written around 1240 p.m.
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Revised around 1241 p.m.
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Use the sucker’s name...to
name...call the comfort station...or urinal...
If her name is...Gayatri...then call the
comfort station...Gayatri Comfort Station,
If the sucker...also stayed
elsewhere...the branch refers to that place...with the same main name...
Say the sucker stayed at
Palkulagara...1-5 kilometers away from Pulimoodu...then call the comfort
station there...as Gayatri Comfort Station, Palkulagara branch...
Urinating...is the main
offering...puja...services...you do...to this so-called saint...or whore...who
tried...to destroy an innocent man...to attain...the so-called sainthood...as
advocated...as propounded...as canvassed...by her family...
Written around 0517 p.m.
Friday, December 15, 2006
Revised around 1213 p.m.
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Couples who visit...can suck...or
fuck...have mai-tu-na...within the comfort station too...The shower rooms there
are ideal...The comfort station keeper...the urinal priest...clad in
white...will give condoms also...just in case...along with...fragrant
flowers...fragrant powders...maybe that red color one...
In order to remember these events...
Do you know...how she cries...when he is inside her...ha...ha...ha...
Do you know...what they talked...while doing it...ha...ha...ha...
Let the woman cry out...scream out...the
sucker’s name...whenever he is inside her...as loud as she can...as if to
invoke her...to ease the pain...of that going in...and let them talk about her
and her family...all through the act...and pray...that a child like the sucker...is
born...by virtue...of that fuck offering...within the comfort station...
In order to remember this event...
Some...abused...for the
satisfaction...thus enjoyed...
Let the couple...abuse...the sucker and
her family...during the climax...and after the act...in the true spirit...of
the game...of fucking...vigorously...abusing that romantic moon...for causing
all this madness...and that woman...for easing that pain...into pleasure...
After the stomach bulging days are
over...if the child is a girl...give her the sucker’s name...so that she
too can imitate the sucker...behaving like a man...If the child is a son...give
him the name of the sucker’s father...any of those various names...of the
Moon will do...so that he too can imitate the bastard...behaving like a
woman...to become nasty...and nosy...Make sure...he is given beer to
drink...instead of water...and cigarette to smoke frequently...from a very
young age itself...so that his penis smolders...with burning fumes...of
passion...
Written around 1038 p.m.
Friday, December 15, 2006
Revised around 0958 p.m.
Saturday, December 16, 2006
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October 11, 2005)
Dogs of God:
Description
From historian James Reston, Jr., comes a riveting
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Review: Thomas J. Craughwell. (Tuesday,
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Saints Behaving Badly: The
Cutthroats, Crooks, Trollops, Con Men, and Devil-Worshippers Who Became Saints.
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Craughwell discovered a veritable rogues gallery of sinners–turned–saints. There’s St. Olga, who
unleashed a bloodbath on her husband’s assassins; St. Mary of Egypt, who trolled the streets looking
for new sexual conquests;
and Thomas
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Around 0720 p.m. Friday,
December 15, 2006
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative family...talking...
Pa-va-ti-ne e-la-ta-ki...he destroyed
the poor girl...
-
The bastard medical representative...talking to his family...to console...the
sucker...acting as moaning...
Kai-yi-li-ri-pu...one’s own
actions...
- The old whore
adds...as explanation...
Do you know...bastard...those who
read...my diary notes...year 2002 – 2006...know why I abuse...a group of
people...
Bastard...who gave you the right...to
forcibly...enter my house...and watch...each and every activity?...
WHO ARE YOU, WORM??...to think...you
can freely walk...into...and live...along with...forcibly...
Isn’t that what you are
doing...from far away...with those spy devices...and 24-hour monitoring...
And then you gossip...whatever is
going on...within this house...to whoever...who cares to listen...in this
city...
Worm...what sort of rotten
pig...fucked your whore mother...so that...you have this nasty character...in
your blood?...
And isn’t you...who
bought...paid...for those spy devices...
Isn’t you...who guide...that
virilescent sucker...to watch my penis...for 6+ years...
For 6+ years...you have been harassing
me...threatening...day and night...to rape me...YOU...who forcibly entered my
house...with two whores...
So...bastard...after doing such
activities...you say...I destroyed that whore...isn’t?...
A woman gets destroyed...by her own
action...by her family’s action...
So fucker...you feel so sorry...for
that whore...isn’t?...after giving her...a lot of sex education...
If you feel...so
sorry...motherfucker...why don’t you stop this
surveillance...harrassment...and go away...to fuck your daughter...
WHY not...bastard??...
Written around 0750 p.m.
Friday, December 15, 2006
Revised around 1118 p.m.
Friday, December 15, 2006
Around 0819 p.m. Friday,
December 15, 2006
The mental noting...voices...from
a far away distance...beyond visual range...
“Sexual abuse...is
a must...”...ka-li-pi-ra-yi po-yi...he became a fraud...
- The bastard...infuriated...at the reverse
action...of those wordsº...as I typed...them onto the computer...
Bastard...may I
know...what this ka-li-pi-ru...fraud...is?...
What ever I have
experienced...so far...is experienced...
Many...including you and
your family...are witnesses...
Is there
anything...ka-li-pi-ru...fraud there?
In your world...you did
certain actions...and those actions...have its own action-reaction...
Don’t you know
that...after reading my notes...for many years?...
Whatever you did to
me...reversed...turned around...
So what
ka-li-pi-ru...fraud?...
Do you think...after all
these years...of abuse...you can escape...just like that...by
saying...ka-li-pi-ra-yi po-yi...he became a fraud...
If you made money...by
stealing my notes...then that blood...formed out of the food...you ate...by
using MY money...ought to be mine too...
Remember that...
Written around 0830 p.m.
Friday, December 15, 2006
Revised around 1229 p.m.
Saturday, December 16, 2006
º Refer diary notes
written around 0420 p.m. Friday, December 15, 2006
Written around 1001 p.m.
Friday, December 15, 2006
And there is no
point...in calling me god...for I am NOT god...nor a monk...nor a priest...Just
a common man...as is every one around me...
So saying...he is
god...is not an excuse...for you tried to rape...force sex...onto him...for 6+
years...
Just think of it...trying
to rape a man...by calling him god...
As if god is someone...to
be raped...to be violated...to be harassed...to be said anything you want...
As if god is
someone...whose penis...your women...can keep tabs...day and night...and gossip...make
fun of...god emitted that day...god emitted this way...look at how god
urinates...how god’s penis moves while sleeping...
So this god...is so
cheap...so down to earth...and just anything...can be done to him...let me see
if I can fuck god...suck god’s penis...
Aren’t you...by
your action...by the action of your women...actually disgracing...the
word...god...who is in reality...supposed to
be...all-powerful...all-prevading...present everywhere...all-knowing...
So...this victim of
abuse...of visual rape...of voyeurism...this too weak a man...this man confined
within his house...who knows only about his abuse...and remembers nothing
else...one who forgets things...due to his madness...one who thus had to keep
detailed notes...on what happened to him...lest he forget...
On what basis...can you
call...such a man...a victim of abuse...god...
The only reason can
be...using nickname...pet name...era-ta pe-ru...as a coverup...to
continue...the abuse unabated...
And also to puff up...the
mad victim...into false belief...that he must indeed be godº...so that
there is nothing wrong...in any form...any kind...of
wantonness...debauchery...orgy...lawlessness...vulgarity...for everything is
permitted to him...everything belongs to him...
To make him thus mad...beyond
socially acceptable limits...in such a way...that where ever he stays...he
forcibly...enters...by diverse means...all the neighboring houses...to fuck the
women there...irrespective of age...irrespective of whether they are married or
not...for he is only blessing them...washing away their sins...by giving his
nectar...to drink...to taste...from that leaking...dirty, small tube...as well
as...create replicas...where ever possible...which ever household...with any
sort of woman...out there...
If ever this case...come
to a court...or before a government council...make sure...you have sufficient
excuses...for your abuses...on a stranger...for such a long time...and for
causing irreparable...mental damage to the abused victim...
He is god...is not valid
in any court of law...for I can sue you...along with the other eight
petitions...for hypocrisy...for calling an ordinary man...of flesh and
blood...a victim of abuse...as god...to validate sexual and mental abuse...
Written around 0834 p.m.
Friday, December 15, 2006
Revised around 1235 p.m.
Saturday, December 16, 2006
º as the
voices...nowadays...keep on telling him...day and night...along with threats of
abusing...
Written around 1153 p.m.
Friday, December 15, 2006
Around 0915 p.m. Friday,
December 15, 2006
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
ja-na-gal-ku vi-sh-wa-sam
a-yi po-yi...people began to believe...
- The medical representative...to the old woman...
Thus...what a money
minting business...isn’t?...
Using the religious
belief...of the ignorant men...and women...as a cover up...you mint money...by
selling his stolen diary notes...
And to further their
belief...you continue the stalking...unabated...by dangling the sucker before
him...where ever possible...as if to prove to people...how much strong his
penis is...if he doesn’t succumb to temptation...and if he does...what a
golden opportunity...to a sex predator family...
Na-du mu-yu-va-num
ni-ra-ghi na-ta-na pe-nu...that woman who prostituted all over the city...to
get her...into a decent family...push her in...ke-ti vi-dan...what more can her
family dream off...for no other man...comes forward...in such an Indian
society...to marry a cheap whore of the street...who only knows...how to
suck...and fuck...
Written around 0927 p.m.
Friday, December 15, 2006
To continue
Saturday, December 16, 2006
To continue
1207 p.m. - 1254 p.m. 0:47 Daily diary notes on
computer
1254 p.m. - 0111 p.m. 0:17 To downstairs, loiter
around, mother reboils tea, a cup of tea, relax, casually browse Swami
Muktananda. (October 1986) Kundalini: The
Secret of Life. (Second Indian Edition)
Fears about Kundalini Awakening
Some people say that when the Kundalini
is awakened, there is danger that you might go crazy, or that your body might
be afflicted with terrible diseases. These fears are unfounded; there are no diseases in the belly of Kundalini.
On the contrary, the Kundalini eats up diseases and exudes pure elixir. However, some people do
attempt to awaken the Kundalini forcibly, through self-effort, either by means of Hatha
yogic techniques such as mudras
and bandhas, or with their
unusual practices,
and anything
may happen in such a case. If the Kundalini does not arise in a proper manner, it might
prove to be harmful. A person who tries to bring about this kind of awakening
on his own with unusual practices does not succeed in raising his Kundalini, he
only succeeds in irritating Her. And if the Kundalini is irritated
beyond a certain limit, a person might lose his mental balance, or his body
might become weak.
But if Kundalini awakens through Guru’s grace, spontaneously, and if the
processes of Kundalini Yoga are set in motion by the Shakti Herself, such
adverse reactions would be impossible, because in the kingdom of Kundalini
there is no sickness or mental disease.
Sometimes a seeker may pass through a
stage which seems difficult. For instance, a person who has a weak mind or a tendency toward
mental sickness may find that as a result of Kundalini awakening he appears to
be deluded or crazy for a while. But this is happening to expel the tendency
from his system, and there is nothing at all to fear. People come to our Ashrams who are
mentally disturbed, who have lost their reason, and when Kundalini gets awakened in them,
She builds a new intellect for them; they get new powers of understanding.
When Kundalini awakening takes place through grace,
it will arise of its own accord, and become established where it should be
established. Kundalini will take care of Herself, for the Shakti is a
conscious and all-knowing power. It is not enough for the Kundalini to be merely
awakened, it must rise to
the sahasrara and become established there. If one has awakened the
Kundalini through self-effort, it is very difficult to lead it upward, because
right from the moment the Kundalini is awakened until the moment it finally merges in the sahasrara, the seeker has
to depend on yogic practices. But when the Kundalini is awakened by the grace of the Guru,
the grace itself will guide it in the correct manner. There is absolutely no
danger in such a case.
Those who do manage to awaken the
Kundalini without the grace of a Guru do have certain experiences, but they
get confused
because they do not have the guidance of a perfect master. They are
limited by their previous knowledge, which is inadequate to explain these new
experiences, and therefore, they hesitate to accept many experiences as valid. They doubt the
experiences which come to them and to others,
not
understanding that
Kundalini’s
powers are limitless,
and that She can manifest unlimited worlds inside as well as outside. To speak with authority
about the workings of Kundalini, one must have practiced Kundalini Yoga under
the guidance of a perfect master. One must have practiced it in a
systematic fashion according to scriptural injuctions and must have achieved final
perfection.
Many lesser teachers can effect a partial awakening, but the Kundalini
soon becomes dormant again, leaving the seeker in an anxious
state.
(Reference: Swami Muktananda. (October 1986) Kundalini: The Secret of Life. (Second Indian
Edition)
0111 p.m. - 0234 p.m. 1:23 Type out relevant notes
from Swami
Muktananda. (October 1986) Kundalini: The
Secret of Life.
0000 p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
To continue
Monday, December 18, 2006
To continue
0000 a.m. - 0000 a.m. 0:00
0318 a.m. - 0409 a.m. 0:51 Read Brian Austin. (2000) Using the Internet in easy
steps .compact. (1/e)
The mental noting...voices...from a far
away distance...beyond visual range...
The bastard...and the sucker...act
violent...to stimulate me...to write...something...I just watch them...how
long...they continue...their fiery conversation...
Seeing my indifference...inaction...they
reduce their irritating talk...and continue their monitoring...
Written around 0601 a.m.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Revised around 1150 p.m.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
0409 a.m. - 0446 a.m. 0:37 Notes, check books, to
downstairs and back; mother boils fresh tea
Around 0446 a.m. Monday,
December 18, 2006
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
hu...hu...
-
The sucker...acting...as if having an orgasm...an early morning one...
Orgasmic sounds...which come and
go...anytime...to this actor...
chu-ma-tae e-ri-kan pa-ra-ghi-le...didn’t
I tell you...to keep quiet...
-
The old whore...
There are many women
monitoring...along with their men...And many women frequently tell...the
bastard family...to reduce their irritating voices...irritating talk...many
times...in any given day...or night...
Under such circumstances...of many
women...monitoring in silence...I wonder...at the orgasm...of this particular
woman...Very loud...and thus...very strange...
All the other women...are calm...and
quiet...just watching...whereas this one...goes into...fits of orgasm...
Now...is it real orgasm?...
For a long time...I have
observed...how this woman sucks...how she approaches...a naked penis...an
exposed penis...
The same orgasm...is repeated there
too...as if to give...each and every...customer...an individual
satisfaction...that his penis...alone...is the strongest looking...of perfect
size...and shape...ever seen...and sucked...
A sort of
psychologically...mentally...making the customer...feel comfortable...at
ease...feel proud...of his divine rod...being thus admired...
Oh!...What an expensive shoes...when
did you last use it...was it for casual jogging...or for formal business
use...so goes the simple...and humble...queries...before the actual
polishing...rubbing...starts...commences...
6+ th year...of surveillance...the
woman...hasn’t learned silence...
Maybe...she wants to show off...to all
the other women monitors...for trying to stimulate...that man...and have
something...some crap...written about...
It is a pity...that she considers humiliation...as
glamor...
Written around 0615 a.m.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Revised around 1248 p.m.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
After hearing this imitated...orgasm
sounds...for years...which looks...as if...it is real...the woman is indeed...having
orgasm...I now have a scenario...of viewing...the real orgasm sounds...of many
other women...undergoing fucking...as just another sound...
Some animal...emitting a peculiar
sound...under certain circumstances...mostly at night...
Nothing more...to worry about...
Written around 0620 a.m.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Revised around 1250 p.m.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
I have noted...how restless...many
men...feel...on hearing such sounds...of turning ON...
It is very hard...for them...to sit still...
They move...vibrate...their
thighs...legs...hands...and so on...this way...that way...as if...it should
have been they...who should be...fucking that woman...at that time...not
that...lucky man...
Written around 0623 a.m.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Revised around 1254 p.m.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Some men...who monitor...who
watch...have a tendency...to ooze out...to spread out...and become one...with
the man...pumping hard...heaving madly...into the woman...
An oozing out...spreading out...feeling...displayed...by
that unsteadiness...in sitting...being extremely restless...disturbed...
Some really need...to hold on...to
something...hard...to prevent them...from fucking...the very chair...they
sit...
Some suddenly...play flute...with their
smoking cigarettes...fiddle the poor stick...this way...and that way...as
if...something is needed...to bite...chomp...and that woman’s
breasts...are nowhere near!...
Thus...we have...a wide sort of
emotions...displayed by men...with weak mind...weak body...when exposed...to
things...of fiery action...
Written around 0025 a.m.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Revised around 0101 p.m.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
0446 a.m. - 0510 a.m. 0:24 Notes
0510 a.m. - 0520 a.m. 0:10 A cup of tea
0520 a.m. - 0628 a.m. 1:08 Diary notes on paper
0628 a.m. - 0637 a.m. 0:09 Arrange food for birds;
rice, thick sarkara payasam, water for birds
0637 a.m. - 0643 a.m. 0:06 To toilet, urinal, wash hands
0643 a.m. - 0653 a.m. 0:10 To terrace, just
sitting, relax, sleepy
0653 a.m. - 0700 a.m. 0:07 To downstairs;
ayurvedic medicine for Schizophrenia – lehiyam, kashayam, laxative
0700 a.m. - 0740 a.m. 0:40 Read Dr. S.
Chidambarathanu Pillai. (1991)
Siddha System of Life. (1/e)
0740 a.m. - 0755 a.m. 0:15 Defecate – loose
motion, wash, wipe
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
e-po-yum no-ki kon-du e-ri-ku-na ka-ri-yam
ma-na-si-la-yi...he understood...that we are watching...always...
-
The old whore...discussing...with the monitoring bastard...and the sucker...
The trio...watching the
man...defecating...
An interesting job...isn’t?...
Don’t do anything...just sit...and
watch...him...24 hours a day...
Whatever he writes...note it
down...translate it...into Malayalam...
Whatever he thinks...note it down...
Whatever he says...note it down...
And sell...all that...to the gullible
masses...saying he is God...
That words...of the old
whore...a-sra-yi-chu nil-ku-na-va-ra-nu...we are people...depending on
him...va-ya-sa-ya s-tri aa-nu...I am...an old woman...and so on...as
excuses...for their monitoring...and for my pity...that I should not abuse...
The world...have to know...this sort
of money-making...using high tech spy devices...
I never thought...families...old
men...old women...young women...will scoop so low...to lick the dust...from
under my feet...and still act...as respectable people...with honor...dignity...
Just imagine...that...it is one
such...shameless woman...standing wherever...she can...to lick...my penis...
Oh!...that day...the sucker...clad in
white...acting...as if...a nun...
Dressed like a nun...but doing the
business...of a whore...
Continuing their translation...and
selling business...in spite of humiliation...shows how desperate...they are for
money...how poor they are...and even how lucrative...the business is...
One day...all the movable...and
immovable assets...of all those...who share the blood...of the trio...have to
be...confiscated...taken over...
For...the money earned...might
be...spread out...split...to distant relatives...even cronies...to prevent
confiscation...by the relevant authorities...
Written around 0808 a.m.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Revised around 0113 p.m.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
0755 a.m. - 0823 a.m. 0:28 Diary notes on paper;
vegetable soup, a large chopped banana, a glass of water
0823 a.m. - 0824 a.m. 0:01 Diary notes on paper
Around 0805 a.m. Monday, December
18, 2006
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
ka-ni-chu ta-ra-ma-da...I will show
you...(brute)...
-
The sucker...in a heavy tone...of emotion...of anger...as if threatening...
What is this...e-da...po-da...business?...abusing...calling
names...business?...That too...to a person...they call...God...before others...
So...it is purely a money making
thing...with sexual exploitation...NOTHING ELSE!...
And the bastard father...wants this
whore...to be considered as Mallikapuram...for stealing my notes...for making
money from it...and for sucking the penis...of men of the street...
Must be a...very
interesting...Mallikapuram...a divorced whore...unable to sleep...watching the
fucking of other women...and men...in the neighborhood...unable to get a stable
husband...to fuck her daily...and has lots of ego...va-li-ya ma-ta-val
cha-ma-ya-kamº...acting as that other woman...acting as that woman in
particular...before other women...in this city...
Written around 0814 a.m.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Revised around 0120 p.m.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
º Maybe...the diameter...of her
hole...is too big...compared to...other women...
Maybe...the depth...of her hole...is too
deep...compared to...other women...
Written around 0128 a.m.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Revised around 0121 p.m.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Since the woman...is a whore...an ideal
punishment...is documented...in one of my earlier writings...that which is
befitting a whore...
When such a punishment is given...Sucker...make
sure you remember...what you said above...
A whore...forcibly entering my
house...stealing my property...wants to show me...something in anger...
Yes...I will remember this...for
repaying...tit for tat...
Written around 0825 a.m.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Revised around 0133 p.m.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
This family...must have made...a lot of
money...in the last 6+ years...for the whore...to be
so...arrogant...tan-du...towards a poor street dog...that made her family
rich...
A stray dog...that wrote something...out
of pain...when beaten...mercilessly...day and night...for years...years...and
years...
Written around 0828 a.m.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Revised around 0135 p.m.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
0824 a.m. - 0847 a.m. 0:23 Defecate – loose
watery motion, wash, wipe
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
It will come to...millions of dollars...
-
A foreign male monitor...discussing with someone else...
Compensation?...or...the money they
made...
What use is money...to a man...with
irreparable...mental damage...suffered...from years of sexual...and mental
abuse...
I have outlined a punishment
procedure...and it is NOT possible...in a democratic government setup...
Here in India...court cases can
lag...for years and years...bribery to
police...judges...lawyers...politicians...and so on...to drag the case...and
all the while...the sexual abuse...for fucking the man...continues
unabated...with new whores moving in...to try a hand...
I envision a dictator
government...which is very ruthless...
Only under such a government...can the
whole clan...all those who share the blood...of the trio...the medical
representative family...including their cronies...who supported the abuse...can
be dealt with...tit for tat...
All the combined family
assets...confiscated...taken over...and given...donated...to temples...as
temple lands...temple properties...temple assets...
All the men...including little
boys...youth...old men...killed off...
All the women...including little
girls...young women...old women...castrated...so that they don’t bear
children...and made whores...forced to fuck...at least 16 hours a day...with
prisoners...soldiers...whoever out there...who need...who view...sex as
relaxation...
THAT sort of punishment...need a
dictator...one who can rule the land...with an iron hand...an iron fist...
Written around 0903 a.m.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Revised around 0148 p.m.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
0847 a.m. - 0852 a.m. 0:05 Discussion with father;
a cup of tea
0852 a.m. - 1016 a.m. 1:24 Diary notes on paper
They used the excuse...this is
God’s writing...and made money from it...A writing which...THEN...is
supposed to be free...
So the same excuse is turned around...
All their belongings...belong to
God...belong to temples...and the women are made Devadasis...temple whores...
An option will given...to those
men...for their crimes...either death...or ordain as monks...
Written around 0907 a.m.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Revised around 0151 p.m.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Around 0926 a.m. Monday,
December 18, 2006
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
dai-vam e-yu-ti-ya-ta-nu en-nu pa-ra-nu
vi-tt-al e-ta-nu pra-sh-nam...This is the problem...if we sell...(his
notes)...as God’s writing...
-
The bastard...in a sober business-minded tone...to the sucker...
It is not a problem...
It is an end result...what I
expect...to happen...What I want to happen...
So knowing this...let the battle continue...to
attain that end result...one day...
For there is nothing wrong...in this
scenario...
They abused a man...and get an apt
punishment...as I stated...
Inshallah!...Let the Lord will...
Written around 0930 a.m.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Revised around 0154 p.m.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
An analysis...from a realistic
standpoint...What can be applicable NOW...instead of a far away future...
When I look...at how I suffered...how
they rejoiced...how I lived in poverty...how they lived in luxury...with my
money...I think...I should not...as far as possible...approach...any modern
day...democratic court of law...
They WON’T give the apt
punishment...that the victim want to be given...to his abusers...
They have that...human rights...turned
around...applied to the criminals...So no harsh punishment can be expected...
And if at all they give...some
peanuts...as punishment...it will be dragged on...for years...years...and
years...which will only further...the mental agony...of the victim...
That additional agony...comes in...for
having approached the courts...the so-called courts of the land...can’t
redress...are incapable of redressing...his suffering...
The suffering...of a poor patient...who
moves from...doctor to doctor...physician to physician...hospital to
hospital...seeking that elusive treatment...which can normalize his mind...
The only practical...but
hypothetical...close at hand...but far away...solution...is to approach...the
elusive...Maker...
Written around 0209 a.m.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Revised around 0158 p.m.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Around 0936 a.m. Monday,
December 18, 2006
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
ka-tta ta-ra-yil ki-da-no-la-nam...sleep
on hard floor...
-
A woman...advising...the whore...
Why this show
off?...Acting...doing...this fasting...that fasting...this penance...that
penance...as if to run away...after a crime is done...
Do you think...a whore...sleeping on
hard floor...will make a mad man...have his madness CURED??...after 6+ years of
abuse...DO YOU??...
What sort of show is this?...
Sexual abuse is one side of the
story...
To make money...from the writings...of
the abused victim...and use that money...to eat...to live in luxury...and fund
his hunting...more better...that is something...more serious...a cycle of
events...which I don’t think...a street whore...sleeping on a hard
floor...rolling on ground...is effective...to cure...to mellow...his pain...
Let the world read this case...and
decide...
Written around 0944 a.m.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Revised around 0208 p.m.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Around 0951 a.m. Monday,
December 18, 2006
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
Amen...
-
The sucker...
The sucker family...frequently uses
that word...Amen...
Is it to please the foreigners?...
Trying to act as Christians?...
The literal translation of
Amen...is...so be it...
So thanks...for accepting my
writings...especially the punishment documentedº...
Amen is the name of an Egyptian
God...which the Christians borrowed...when Christianity overran
The then deteriorating...Egyptian
religion...was taken over...by the rise of the new religion...of that
time...Christianity...
Amen is someone like Lord Ganesh...whose
name invoked...at the beginning and end...of any venture...to remove
obstacles...
This is how...new religions...rise
up...Some gods of the existing deteriorating religion taken in...some others
considered as devil...and thus engulfing...the old religion...substituting with
a new one...
There is always a life span...for
anything...a tree...an animal...a man...so too for any religion...
So too for Christianity...Islam...as
it was once...for Jainism...Buddhism...
It has its heydays...and then deteriorates
slowly...until something new comes up...to refresh the whole thing...old wine
in a new bottle¹...
Written around 1003 a.m.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Revised around 0220 p.m.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
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Reference
WordWeb 4.5
Amen
Noun: Amen
A primeval Egyptian personification of air and breath; worshipped especially at
Interjection:
amen
Expression used at the end of prayers, meaning So be it
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º Women are so gullible...listen to
any crap...fall head over heels...over any blunder...any speculation...without
waiting to see...verification...test results...and so on...
You just can fiddle...with women...play
with them...in any manner...you want...
Written around 0244 a.m.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Just write...or say...or
think...kiss...they will run to you...and start
kissing...madly...passionately...
Just write...or say...or
think...suck...they will run to you...and start
sucking...madly...passionately...
Just write...or say...or
think...fuck...they will run to you...and start fucking...madly...passionately...
The question is...how you
write it...how you say it...how you think it...
To be...or not to be...
Just write...or say...or
think...don’t kiss...they will run to you...and wait for
kissing...madly...passionately...
Just write...or say...or think...don’t
suck...they will run to you...and wait for sucking...madly...passionately...
Just write...or say...or
think...don’t fuck...they will run to you...and wait for
fucking...madly...passionately...
I just cited...my
experiences with women...
Written around 0252 a.m.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23 For the husband is
the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he
is the saviour of the body.
24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so
let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
-
Ephesians 5:22-24 :: King James Version (KJV)
¹ Essence of the Gita
What has happened has happened well
What is happening, is happening well
What will happen, will happen well
What have you lost that belongs to you?
What are you crying for?
What is that you have brought that you could lose?
What is that you have created that could be spoilt?
What you have taken, is taken from
here
What you have given, is given here
only
That which belongs to you today
Will belong to somebody else’s
tomorrow
Some other day, it will belong to
another person
This change is the norm of the world
Let us not worry for the recognition or for the
reward
But let us be more anxious for the quality of our
work
Work without faith and prayers is like Artificial
flowers without fragrance
(Reference: Hallo!
Around 1002 a.m. Monday,
December 18, 2006
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
a-ve-n-the sa-pam ki-thum...they will
get his curse...
-
A woman...remarks...on the sort of multiple abuses...done on the victim...
I curse myself...all my curses are to
myself...ALWAYS...even if...it looks it is to others...
As I destroy myself...that which tried
to force me...to get near me forcibly...to abuse me...will also be destroyed...
That is my belief...tested many a
time...with success...under various battle scenarios...
Inshallah!...
Written around 1007 a.m.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Revised around 0229 p.m.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
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Reference
Kalidasa: life and works
http://www.cs.colostate.edu/~malaiya/kalidas.html
It is said that he was a
dumb fool to start with. The king's daughter was a very learned lady (equality
of women ! :-) ) and said that she will marry him who
will defeat her in `shaastraartha' (debate on the scriptures). Anyone who gets
defeated will be black faced, head shaven and kicked out of country on a
donkey. (The punishment part might be later aditions!) SO,
the pundits took Kalidasa (whom they apparently saw cutting the
tree branch on which he was sitting) for debate. They said that he (Kalidasa) only does
mute debates. The princess showed him one finger saying `shakti is one'. He
thot she will poke his one eye, so he showed her two fingers. She accepted it
as valid answer, since `shakti' is manifest in duality (shiv-shakti, nar-naaree etc etc). She
showed her the palm with fingers extended like in a slap. He showed her the
fist. She accepted it as answer to her question. She said `five
elements' and
he said `make the body' (earth, water, fire, air, and void). [ The
debate explanations are also apparently later additions] So
they get married and she finds he is a dumbo. So she
kicks him out of the house. He straightaway went to Kali's temple and cut his tongue
at her feet.
Kali was appeased with him and granted him profound wisdom. When he returned to
his house, his wife (the learned) asked, ``
And the great Kalidasa wrote
three books starting with the 3 words:
with
with kashchit = kashchit-kaantaa
= Meghdoot (poetry)
with vaag = vaagarthaaviva =
Raghuvansha (epic)
Another story says that he was the friend of
Kumardas of
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Let’s look into a
different analysis...
Have you read my diary notes for
2003-2004...
Some excellent curses are documented
there...what I felt...at that moment...of mental disturbance...
Did it have any realistic value on the
monitors...especially those to whom...those curses were placed...as
documented...
NOTHING!...
For it is only something...written when
one...is sad...depressed...in agony...in pain...agitated...disturbed...
WHO CARES...SUCH WORDS?...
If you listen...to such fancy words...of
the victim...you can’t fuck him or her...
You will only remain
smoldering...without the actual fire...the fiery action...
That is all...
So just don’t care...all those
fancy words...of the helpless victim...
Just continue...what you set out to
achieve...
I just cited...my
experiences with women...the stalking so far...and their attitude...the
attitude of any sex predator...whether male or female...
Written around 0316 a.m.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Revised around 0232 p.m.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
1016 a.m. - 1050 a.m. 0:34 Check Brian Austin. (2000) Using the Internet in easy
steps .compact. (1/e)
Diary notes on paper
1050 a.m. - 1103 a.m. 0:13 To downstairs; reboil
tea; loiter around
Around 1103 a.m. Monday,
December 18, 2006
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
san-ka-dam oun-du
e-ni-ku...un-da-ki-ya-tu e-ll-am ve-ru-te aa-kum...I feel so
sad...disappointed...whatever I made...will become...a waste...of no use at
all...for nothing...
-
The bastard...in distress...loudly to his cronies...at the prospect of losing
all his money...made from the pirated notes...
Background: He is agitated...disturbed...on
reading...the victim’s version...of punishment procedures...
What did you make...out of hard
work?...
You stole someone’s belongings...sold
it...to make money...
Money...made without hardwork...made
without perspiration...
And that is what you say...belongs to
you...isn’t?...
And that abused victim...you call
Godº...before others...
So you...a bastard...feel
sad...disappointed...feel sorry...agitated...disturbed...that AFTER stealing
this God’s property...and selling it...to make money...you find
that...all that money...have to...one day...return to God...
Stealing...and then feeling
sorry...for losing...what he stole!...
Interesting...isn’t?...
I called...him...a bastard...that old
woman...a whore...and that young woman...a sucker...for they reason...that
money made from stealing...is rightfully theirs...
Chop them up...into thousand pieces
each...for stealing...the so-called God’s property...
That is always...the verdict...of any
religious court¹...ALWAYS!...
That guts shown...to steal His...is
not something to be pardoned...ANYTIME!...
For if pardoned...many copycats...will
follow suit...to steal...anything...that belongs to Him...and say it belongs to
them...
Imagine...a group of people...breaking
into temples...stealing the rare idols of God...from the inner temple...and
selling...(God!...)
What if they claim...that the money
obtained is rightfully theirs?...
Written around 1112 a.m.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Revised around 0254 p.m.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
º some sort of unique marketing
techinique?...
Written around 0239 p.m.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
¹ especially if it is an Islamic
court...or a court which combines Islamic punishment methodologies...along
with...
Written around 0249 p.m.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
1103 a.m. - 1114 a.m. 0:11 To upstairs, diary
notes on paper, a cup of tea
1114 a.m. - 1243 p.m. 1:29 Diary notes on paper;
read Dava
Sobel. (1995) Longitude: The True Story of a Lone Genius Who
Solved the Greatest Scientific Problem of his Time. (1/e)
Around 1123 a.m. Monday,
December 18, 2006
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
kan-dal ma-ti...a-ghe-re...just see
him...
-
A whore...advising...the bastard...
To see face to face...the rape
victim...to talk to him...about all the money...the rapist made...so
far...using his victim...
That is why...I call...woman...a
whore...
There is nothing wrong...in
raping...any woman...repeatedly...for money alone...matters to a woman...
Written around 1128 a.m.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Revised around 0750 p.m.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Rape a woman...for years...and you
can...shut her off...with just a talk...face to face...offering a few
pennies...peanuts...to cover her...very basic expenses...
For that is what...the above
whore’s suggestion is...turned around...
All the rapists...in this world...ought
to be pardoned...set free...for it is a...huge mistake...punishing...locking
up...a group of people...or even an individual...for giving...a sort of
happiness...that violent...forced insertion...which the woman’s
husband...can’t give...
Written around 1132 a.m.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Revised around 0753 p.m.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
He can write this...without marrying...
-
A male voice...
Yes...that saves the
humiliation...when the so-called woman...secretly...goes to other men...for
better insertion...
Written around 1241 p.m.
Monday, December 18, 2006
1243 p.m. - 1247 p.m. 0:04 To toilet, urinal, wash hands, face, wipe
1247 p.m. - 1259 p.m. 0:12 Wash mat and put to dry on terrace above the
water tank; wash mosquito net, blanket, and socks, put them to dry on terrace
1259 p.m. - 0103 p.m. 0:04 Diary notes on paper
0103 p.m. - 0125 p.m. 0:22 To downstairs, check
father’s computer doubt upstairs and back, read Dava Sobel. (1995) Longitude: The True Story of a Lone Genius Who
Solved the Greatest Scientific Problem of his Time. (1/e)
0125 p.m. - 0128 p.m. 0:03 Wait for mother to
serve food
0128
p.m. - 0153 p.m. 0:25 Food: Rice, katirika (egg plant) murukuvatti, beans twaran, steamed
vegetables with less flavor, half glass of boiled yoghurt (ka-chi-ya mo-ru),
one Rasakatali banana, a glass of water, half large muruku
0153 p.m. - 0206 p.m. 0:13 To upstairs, help
father’s web surfing, diary notes on paper
0206 p.m. - 0208 p.m. 0:02 Ayurvedic medicine for Schizophrenia –
kashayam
0208 p.m. - 0209 p.m. 0:01 Diary notes on paper
0209 p.m. - 0218 p.m. 0:09 Read Dava Sobel. (1995) Longitude: The True Story of a Lone Genius Who
Solved the Greatest Scientific Problem of his Time. (1/e)
The penis...is suddenly...having its own
plans...It is growing taut...it is vibrating...all by itself...
The mental noting...voices...from a far
away distance...beyond visual range...
The monitoring medical
representative...talks hush hush...to the old woman...informing her...and he
zooms in...more...to clearly watch the man’s penis...to study his innocent
movements...
I pity the old man...studying a
boy’s penis...
Written around 0221 p.m.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Revised around 0532 p.m.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
And the old man...frequently laughs...to
his wifeº...maybe remembering good old days...when both played...with that
tiny thing...exercising it...one pushing from one end...other pulling from the
other end...trying to stretch...him...like a rubber band...beyond limit...
Written around 0224 p.m.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Revised around 0546 p.m.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
º If it is his wife...
Written around 0435 p.m.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
0000
p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
To continue
Around 0451 p.m. Monday,
December 18, 2006
The mental noting...voices...from
a far away distance...beyond visual range...
swa-bo-dha-to-du-ku-di al-la
e-yu-ti-ya-tu...e-nae pa-ra-yan o-ku...we can only say...that he did
write...that...when he was NOT in his right mind...
-
A woman...
Thanks...dear...
Written around 0454 p.m.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Revised around 0613 p.m.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
But I...can’t figure out...when
both...are the same...why women...hate exceedingly...their rapists...while love
exceedingly...their secret lovers...
Written around 0457 p.m.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Revised around 0616 p.m.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Is it social stigma...
Is it embarrassment...to the
husbandº...
Something...have to be the reason...
What is it?...
What about that scenario...when someone...rapes
a woman...any woman...repeatedly for years...but the simple...and
innocent...woman...is just not aware...of it...
Is it because...the awareness...of
rape...something being forced...forced in...against one’s will...against
one’s wish...against one’s permission...makes one...to hate...
Is it because...the awareness...of
rape...something being forced...forced in...with one’s will...with
one’s wish...with one’s permission...makes one...to admire...
Is it because...the lack
of...awareness...of rape...something being forced...forced in...makes one...to
remain neutral¹...
It is immaterial...whether the one who
forces...forces in...is a rapist...a lover...a husband...or whoever...
Ponder...my dear...
Written around 0620 p.m.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Revised around 0955 p.m.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
º Maybe due to...that feeling...of
a raped woman’s husband...
Oh!...she enjoyed...a happiness...a
pleasure...that hither to...so far...I was unable to give...
What will I do...now...
However hard, I try...I may not be able
to match it...give her...the same happiness...the same pleasure...as that
man...or those men...did...to her...
And having experienced that...she will
soon feel bored...with me...my lesser happiness...my lesser pleasure...
So...she might leave
me...eventually...or look for someone else...for that sort of taste...again...
She can go...from man...to man...tasting
them...for that happiness...for that pleasure...once more...
And if she can’t get it...she
keeps on...searching...searching...searching...ignorant of having become a
whore...
Written around 1002 p.m.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Revised around 1030 p.m.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
A maneater...a vampire...who tasted the
flesh...the blood of man...will forever hunt...for man’s flesh...man’s
blood...
So too...a woman...who
experiences...higher happiness...higher pleasure...
So too...a man...who
experiences...higher happiness...higher pleasure...
So too...any being...who
experiences...higher happiness...higher pleasure...
And it need NOT be...physical
happiness...physical pleasure...
Maybe...it will be...spiritual
happiness...spiritual pleasure...something platonic...
Written around 1030 p.m.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Revised around 1034 p.m.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
¹ Following the same logic...will
you ever call...that a rape...the going in of air...the going out of air...from
your body...
What if...I say...call it...the
continuous rape...the blissful ravishing....by the wind god...Lord Vayu...
A rape...that is vital...for you to
live...to move around...
Praise your rapist!...
Praise the Lord Vayu!...
Written around 1011 p.m.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Written around 1036 p.m.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
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Reference
Swami Sivananda. (2000)
Lord Shiva and His Worship.
(WWW Edition) Himalayas,
http://www.divinelifesociety.org/ebooks/swami_sivanandaji/downnload/lord_siva_worship.html
Divine Mother is
everywhere triple.
...
The abode of Tripurasundari,
the Divine Mother is called Sri Nagara.
This magnificent abode is surrounded by twentyfive
ramparts, which represent the twentyfive Tattvas. The resplendent Chintamani palace is in the middle. The Divine Mother sits in the Bindu Pitha in Sri Chakra
in that wonderful palace. There is a similar abode for Her in the body of man also. The whole world is Her body. Mountains are Her
bones. Rivers are Her veins. Ocean
is Her bladder.
Sun and moon are Her eyes. Wind
is Her breath.
Agni is Her mouth.
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30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
-
Ephesians 5:30 :: King James Version (KJV)
Around 1042 p.m. Monday,
December 18, 2006
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
e-tra-yum pe-te-nu
o-tu-ka-mo...a-tra-yum pe-te-nu o-tu-ka-nam...
-
The rotten sucker...to the bastard...and the old whore...in the 6+ th year...of
monitoring...
the earlier...we can...corner him...the
better...
the earlier...we can...shut him
down...the better...
the earlier...we can...shoot him
down...the better...
the earlier...we can...abuse him...the
better...
the earlier...we can...fuck him...the
better...
the earlier...we can...rape him...the better...
Yes, my Lord...the sucker may
be...young today...while the other two...old...In the years to come,...the
sucker will be handled properly...befitting a whore...by many men...out
there...
I pity the sucker...for her...o-tu-kal
pa-dha-thi...grand cornering strategy...grand fucking strategy...grand plan to
fuck him somehow...
Written around 1046 p.m.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Revised around 0713 p.m.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Let the men make sure...this woman is
castrated...before her...o-tu-kal...cornering...fucking...commences...
Written around 1047 p.m.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Revised around 0636 p.m.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Around 1130 p.m. Monday,
December 18, 2006
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
ka-ra-ya-te e-ru-nu koo-de...can’t
you sit...without crying...
-
The sucker...to the old whore...
pa-dha-thi na-rei po-yi...the grand plan
backfired...the grand plan ended in humiliation...
-
The old whore...in reply...
6+ years of surveillance...inside the
house of a stranger...watching his penis...day and night...
Whatever crying...you have done...old
whore...is not enough...for the future holds...intense
lamentation...crying...and I hope...you die...before that...so that...you are
freed...of the humiliation...to your family...and its suffering...
Written around 1133 p.m.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Revised around 0717 p.m.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Both the mother and daughter
duo...nowadays...have the habit of...spontaneous crying...at one instant...roaring
laughter...at another instant...
Maybe the cry is to show off...mock...to
the other monitoring groups...about their so-called...distressed feelings...
Written around 0640 p.m.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Revised around 0718 p.m. Wednesday,
December 20, 2006
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
hai-yo...swami aa-yi po-yi...pa-ra-ghal
kel-ki-la...Oh! No...he became a swami...he won’t listen...now he
won’t...listen to...whatever...we try to...tell him...
-
The old whore...in distress...
Will any...self-respecting...rape
victim...listen to his/her rapist?...
If you answer...yes...then, I
don’t...have much to say...
For then,...a woman
herself...says...accepts...that a woman have to...listen...to her rapist...and
abide...by his dictum...
Maybe someday...let’s see...your
words...if it can be applied...on your daughter...for
her...tan-du...arrogance...puffed up state...ma-ta-val cha-ma-ya-kam...acting
as if she is that other woman...acting as if she is someone in
particular...acting as if she is really somebody...how far she will listen...to
the men who handle her...thoroughly...
Written around 1143 p.m.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Revised around 0725 p.m.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
The mental noting...voices...from
a far away distance...beyond visual range...
too-ghi cha-tu-ka-la-yum...I will hang
myself...
-
The sucker...quips...instantaneously...on zooming in...reading my handwritten
notes...from a far away distance...
If the sucker wants to hang
herself...as she may feel...or say,...the earlier...the better...So it saves
the humiliation...coming up...as more and more people...understand the
case...and investigations come up...
I don’t think...the
sucker...will do that...for the pleasure of many a penis...going
in...repeatedly...will be very inviting...to a woman like her...though...she
have to act...timid...frightened...before others...by virtue...of being a
woman...looks like a woman...dresses like a woman...speaks like a woman...acts
like a woman...
A self-respecting
woman...understanding...the manner...the case is going...would have
stopped...further surveillance...
This sucker...didn’t do
that...didn’t stop her surveillance...didn’t stop her stalking...
It only means...she is willing...happy...to
suffer...the end result...of her o-tu-kal...her cornering...her fucking...
Written around 1148 p.m.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Revised around 0740 p.m.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Maybe...it is...glamorous...
Written around 0704 p.m.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Revised around 0744 p.m.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
A lot of boy friends...each
catering...in his own way...in his own unique style...and manner...to a single
woman’s...sexual needs...is something...a matter of pride...to a modern
woman...
So...
Written around 0743 p.m.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Revised around 0744 p.m.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
My Lord!...I hope...you understand...the
pains of a rape victim...in the 6+ th year...of his continuous rape...
How I yearn...my Lord...to hack...those
three people...each a thousand pieces...
My Lord!...One day...some body...out
there...will do this deed...on my behalf...
Written around 1159 p.m.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Revised around 0707 p.m.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Insert the daily overall monitoring template here
To continue
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
0000 a.m. - 0005 a.m. 0:05 Prostrate to the
omnipresent invisible Lord; lay down on bed to sleep, prayers
0005 a.m. ~ 0500 a.m. 4:55 Sleep
I lay down to
sleep...agitated...mentally disturbed...at the pestering voices...of the
medical representative family trio...
A bad feeling...that I am
unable to do anything...to protect my basic privacy...ongoing violation...of my
body...the visual rape...voyeurism...
Yet...I slowly slipped
into sleep...
No dreams noted...
No carnal/erotic thoughts
noted...
No images of women noted
either...
Written around 0920 a.m.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
0500 a.m. – 0600
a.m. 0:15 Lay on bed, sleepy
Some dreams noted...
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
The medical
representative family trio...discussing...some of the
dreams...thoughts...flowing through my mind...
No carnal/erotic thoughts
noted...
Some images of women
noted...unseen before...as part of a dream...but nothing erotic...
An image of a woman...was
a bit clear...compared to other women...in the dream...
In both dreams...I am not
seen anywhere...I am only watching...invisible...some scenarios...
In one dream...
Scene 1: There was a tall, slender, and
thin...white, young woman...pointed nose...around 25-30 years of
age...unmarried...It is a foreign western country...and she is going to the
rural area...to her family...to celebrate her birthday...
Scene 2: It is a hilly area...a few houses
nearby...and atop a small hill...she is watching...enjoying the landscape...of
nearby hills...light blue color settings...
Scene 3: Lots of young white girls...come to
celebrate her birthday...they stand in a line...like chain links...and
pass...cakes...from the kitchen building...past a courtyard...to the dining
hall building...where tables and chairs...are arranged for the guests...They
are busy arranging the tables...for the party...
Scene 4: This young woman...she is not that
pretty...but plain...invites a young man...to attend her party...A well built
tall man...with long flowing wavy hair...They go out together in a car...as
good friends...Their conversation...is mutual...and cordial...No feelings of
any attachment noted in either of them...There are just friends...
There was no erotic...or
sex atmosphere....anywhere in this dream scenario....
Another dream...a book
was opened before me...apart from some other contents...it also contained some
material on Naturopathy...The book was flipped before me...slowly...so that I
can see some of the contents...A photo was there...somewhere in the beginning
few pages...a young man’s photo...bearing close resemblance...to Bruce
Lee, the Kung fu master...but the nose was a bit different...a bit stretched...
Written around 1021 a.m.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Revised around 0947 p.m.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
0600 a.m. – 0655
a.m. 0:15 Lay on bed, not sleepy
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative
family...monitoring...talking...about their surveillance...and my
thoughts...some other people...women were also there...
A thought...passes...if I
continue the medical transcription job...at least some money...will be
there...as balance...after the basic expenses...Maybe if the stalking
intensify...I can use that balance money...to approach the Kerala High
Court...to file a petition...asking for investigation...into the eight sets of
crime...against the three main people...the medical representative family
trio...citing inaction from the police...as per the complaint filed...with the
Thiruvananthapuram District Magistrate...in year 2004...
So far...I didn’t
have any spare money...for such an effort...
No monthly salary...for a
long time...The monthly retirement benefits of my old father...barely cover the
household expenses...
Company-il che-nu kan-dal
ma-ti...just go and see him at his company...
- A young whore...advising the sucker...
Written around 1021 a.m.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Revised around 1029 a.m.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Since 2004...I have
created a profile...of madness...Those visits...which my old parentsº took
me...to various doctors...psychiatrists...psychologists...due to intense
violent agitation...caused by the pestering voices...
So I just don’t
know...how the police...the court...is going to accept...a complaint...from a
mad man...having such a history...of mental instability...
But I can try...for what
other alternative I have...other than pray...and talk...to whoever out
there...who cares to listen...to my woes of...ongoing sexual...and mental
abuse...
My parents always tell
me...never go to the police...the police here is not like that in
On questioning...the
police will conclude...that I am mad...for I never saw my predators...only
heard the voices...and they will forcibly admit me...to a mental hospital...to
prevent social disturbance...and the police will ensure...that I stay there
locked up...According to old parents,...to them...what more family dishonor
ought to be there...before neighbors...before others in this city...
That petition filing...in
2004...was done in secrecy...My parents till date...don’t know anything
about it...One day...all of a sudden...under extreme disturbance...I left
home...and filed those petitions...and came back home late...For being mad, my
parents keep tabs...on each and every movement I take...to ensure...I
don’t get violent...Any going out of the house...is kept close watch
on...I have to tell them where I am going...and if late...they question...on
why the lateness...These days...my father drive me around...so that he can
ensure...I don’t go to any police station...or to see any lawyer...for to
them, it is an accepted fact...that I am Schizophrenic...with no cure...a fact
which my brother...an allopathic doctor...also accepts 100%...on watching
me...seeing my symptoms...of agitation...of disturbance...
And the police slept...on
those complaints...doing nothing...though they said they will look into it...as
if to console...to pacify...me...
I met face to face...the
then Thiruvananthapuram District Magistrate...the Collector...an IAS
officer...and those complaints had his signature...asking the chief police
officer...in charge of this residential area...Shangumugam subdivision...to
investigate...
They did nothing...
Those eight
petitions...must be gathering dust...somewhere in that police station...The
office of the Assistant Commissioner of Police, Shangumugam subdivision...
A copy of that...is also
in the web...in one of my petition websites...for the world to read...
Written around 1052 a.m.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Revised around 0104 p.m.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
º Do you know...why
they take me...nowadays...all the way to Shoranur...that Ayurvedic nursing home
in Pattambi... around 300+
kilometers away...
Because they
exhausted...whatever face-saving treatment facilities available...in this city
of
Why face-saving?...
Because they can’t
put me...lock me up...in a mental hospital...
They can’t mentally
accept that horrifying fact...
And the mental asylums in
these parts of the world...rival the prisons of ancient times...Anything that
goes in...rarely goes out...you become more mad...than before...and will
eventually prefer...to remain there itself...inside the dirty place...than
loitering...the streets of God’s Own Country...as the tourism people
nickname...this land of whores...the state of Kerala...
My parents are too
old...and somebody...have to be with them...even it is a mad man...They just
have to ensure...on a daily basis...he doesn’t get too mad...and the love
for their son...who they once aspired to become a great business man...and send
him overseas to study...they just can’t accept the fact...he will
eventually...have to be locked up...one way or the other...
Majority of the
famous...well known....allopathic psychologists...psychiatrists...in this
city...have been consulted...treatment undergone...to no avail...
Then allopathy was
abandoned...the drug side effects are too much...and treatment shifted to
ayurveda...
Many of the famous...well
known....ayurvedic physicians...in this city...have been consulted...treatment
undergone...to no avail...
And now we make
pilgrimage...to far away places...looking for physicians...to cure...
Written around 0116 p.m.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Revised around 0241 p.m.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
0655 a.m. – 0703
a.m. 0:08 Sit on bed, not sleepy
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
ve-ru-the ve-ra-ti
e-yu-thi-ya-tha-la...he did not write...just to scare away...
- A frightened bastard...discussing...the above
thought...to the stubborn sucker...
The sucker...acts
ignorant...to all sorts of privacy...personal freedom...human rights...She is
puffed up...acting innocent...
Many other
people...listen to their discussion...
Written around 1032 a.m.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Revised around 1034 a.m.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
0703 a.m. – 0705
a.m. 0:02 Stand up; diary notes
on paper; to toilet
0705 a.m. – 0754
a.m. 0:49 Undressº, emission
check¹, urinal², brush teeth³, anoint head and the itchy back
with ayurvedic oil, shower*, wipe the body dry with a towel, prayer, apply a
pinch of ayurvedic powder Rasnadi to head, apply Nycil powder to itchy areas of
the body, dress in towel
º The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative family...talking...
Written around 1036 a.m.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
¹ Emission
check: Medium sized pale patch...a
bit moist...stain of emission...noted...in the aqua colored fabric...
Written around 1038 a.m.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
² Urinal: Thick white effervescent bubbles...which
continues to remain adamant...even after 3-5 minutes...without
disappearing...as noted by my monitors...
The evidence proves my emission...
No physical
tiredness...to the body...noted...
I thus classify this
instance of sleeping as...Damage...
Since no bodily
sensation...of any emission...is noted...I consider this instance as...slowly
getting tired...
That going to sleep...disturbed...depressed...must
have taken its toll...
May the Lord forgive
me...
Inshallah!
Written around 1038 a.m.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Emission Damage
Relative Amount Medium
How do I feel? Slowly
getting tired
³ The mental noting...voices...from a far away
distance...beyond visual range...
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative family...talking...
tho-yan a-lla enu
ma-na-si-la-yi...he understood...that this watching...is not to pray...to offer
respects...
- The bastard medical representative...to the
sucker...and the old whore...
Back in year 2000...when
this bastard family...brought in spy devices...to keep 24-hour track of the
stalking victim...this was the excuse used by the old whore...to tell many
people...he is a godly man...so early morning...we need to pray to
him...tho-yan...see nir-ma-li-yam...and so on...
Know what this
nir-ma-li-yam is...
Many Hindu temples...when
they open first thing in the morning...at around 4 or 5 o’clock...when
the inner temple is opened...the idol of the Lord...seen as it is...just awaken
from slumber...with no makeup... no ash, yellow, or red powder...no sandal wood
paste coating...or cloths covered...around the body...Usually a sizeable men
and women gather...to see the Lord...in such a natural state...Maybe the Lord
blesses more...when watched...in such a compromising situation...with nothing
on...The makeup man then...gives him a shower...powders...applies
makeup...dress him up...in silk clothes...
So too...when the
victim...goes into the toilet...just awaken from slumber...undresses...to
nudity...seen as it is...in stark nakedness...with nothing on...The man
then...takes a shower...powders...dress up...in plain clothes...
The medical
representative family...father³º, mother, and daughter...takes
pride...in watching it...and it has continued unabated since 2000...It
continued even when I went to far away places...to New Delhi, around 2500+
kilometers away...to the Himalayas, at Rishikesh, around 3000+ kilometers
away...to Indonesia, around 3500+ kilometers away...
Do you know...what that
innocent...daily watching...of nudity gave rise to...
The burning
urge...somehow have the sucker’s filthy rotten hole inserted...by his
so-called clean penis...
I don’t
know...those habitual devotees...who wake up daily...at that unearthly
hour...early morning...to go for watching...nir-ma-li-yam...share similar
deviant sexual thoughts...
Written around 1207 p.m.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Revised around 0328 p.m.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
³º if that
bastard is indeed that sucker’s father...who fucked that old whore...in
that unearthly hour...to give birth to this sucker...a sex maniac...
Written around 1209 p.m.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
* The mental noting...voices...from a far away
distance...beyond visual range...
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative family...talking...
Ma-li-ka-pu-ram aa-ne-nu
ma-na-si-la-ki ka-la-ghu...he understood she is Mallikapuram...
- The bastard medical representative...to the
sucker...and the old whore...
I did not understand
it...I did not understand that a rapist woman is Mallikapuram...
And I did not think of it
either...not does I accept it...anytime...no matter who out there say that...So
why bastard...you make yourself something...and say as I said...or thought...
A woman...with her
family...and with many other men...and women...forcibly enters your house...and
repeatedly gang rapes you...some of the rapist men and women leave after their
turn...new men come in...new women come in...and the rape continues
unabated...it is now in the 6+ year...
Will any rape
victim...call that rapist woman...Mallikapuram??...
Any man...or woman...who
says that to my face...for me to hear...will be cursed...for I have that
violent urge...as some sort of reflex action...to hack to death...that man or
woman...who say it...
If your intention is to
infuriate me...to make me boil with rage...just say it...my mind will curse
you...to see you suffer...for what you said...
My experience...proved
that woman is nothing but a cheap whore...a whore to whom money and sex only
matters...no matter if she is married...of so-called good family...or
whatever...
Just because there was a
god...and a woman wanted to marry him...but couldn’t...doesn’t mean
any rapist woman out there...who can’t find a stable husband...to fuck
her daily...is that woman Mallikapuram...
At least that
Mallikapuram...had the courtesy...the decency...to respect that man’s
refusal...
Where is this...rotten
bastard’s courtesy...decency...compared to that...
She knowingly continues
the rape...hoping to force the man...one day...and today...compared to year
2000, the start of her surveillance...she is more puffed up...arrogant than ever...
Back in 2000, she knew
how that man lived...and irrespective of that knowledge...her fucking family
brought in spy devices...to keep tabs of that man...his penis day and
night...for that ideal opportunity...to have her filthy rotten hole inserted...
And you want to call that
rotten whore...a decent name...Mallikapuram isn’t??...
Those who make that
connection...between a decent woman and a rotten whore...fuck their mother...in
public...
Written around 1140 a.m.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Revised around 0207 p.m.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
* The mental noting...voices...from a far away
distance...beyond visual range...
Listen to the voices of
my beloved monitors...especially the medical representative family...talking...
He called
you...bastard...
- The young woman softly and nicely...to the
bastard medical representative...
Because
there is no other higher word...If there is...then he would have called that...
- The voyeur replies
proudly...
You
now know the dilemma I face...
I
have outlined the circumstances I live...my environment...
The
other alternative...is vent my feelings...when I am tired...weak...by using
vulgar abuses...
Whatever
abuses I have learned so far...from schools, colleges, universities...I have
called these voyeurs...
It
is some sort of testing their skin thickness...nowadays...
There
is just no effect!!...the voyeurism continues...as it is...
How
long am I to continue...abusing...
There
is no point in using those words...which don’t have any effect at all...
There
is no point in repeating the same words...again and again...
Just
look at it...NO EFFECT!!...THEY ARE NOT STOPPING THE RAPE!!...
Maybe
with such a...string of educational degrees...qualification in various
subjects*º...why not look for some university...which gives distance
education...on how to abuse more better...on the use of high power vulgar
words...do and don’ts on how...when to use them...how to make your own
scintillating words...that impress...catch attention...make you ponder...make
them sit a bit more satisfied...So he called me this...turned around...he is
that too...ha...ha...ha...
Motherfucker
used to be the highest bomb used so far...it just got meaningless now...a sort
of outdated...and I have to make new bombs...to throw at them...to test
them...to test their capacity...to withstand...
My
Lord...how dirty I became...
Written around 0145 p.m.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Revised around 0400 p.m.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
*º
is
it...some sort of recreation...diversion...time pass...from fucking hard...full
fledged...all those eagerly awaiting whores...
Written around 0204 p.m.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Revised around 0530 p.m.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
1 Then shall the kingdom of heaven be
likened unto ten virgins,
which took their lamps, and went forth to meet the bridegroom.
2
And five of them were
wise, and five were
foolish.
3 They that were
foolish took their lamps, and took no oil with them:
4
But the wise took
oil in their vessels
with their lamps.
5 While the
bridegroom tarried, they all slumbered and slept.
6 And at midnight there was a cry made, Behold, the bridegroom cometh; go ye out
to meet him.
7 Then all those
virgins arose, and trimmed their lamps.
8 And the foolish
said unto the wise, Give us of your oil; for our lamps are gone out.
9 But the wise answered, saying, Not so; lest there be not enough for us and you: but go ye rather to them
that sell, and buy for yourselves.
10
And
while they went to buy, the bridegroom came; and they that were
ready went in with
him to the marriage:
and the
door was shut.
11 Afterward came also the
other virgins, saying, Lord, Lord, open to us.
12 But he answered and said, Verily I say unto you, I know you not.
13 Watch
therefore, for ye know neither
the day nor the hour
wherein the Son of man cometh.
- Matthew 25:1-13 :: King James Version (KJV)
He
was considered...as one of the handsomest...The women who look at him...just stare at him...unable to pull away their eyes...from
beholding his beauty...
He
was so good...in bed...satisfying each and every...woman...he went to sleep
with...many times over...again and again...
He
never got tired...in making women happy...whenever...where ever...
He
was one of the greatest romantic heroes...
He
was one of the greatest sex teachers...
He
had many wives...and concubines...
The
science of Ayurveda...records him...as one of the first...who suffered...from
the dreaded disease...AIDS...
He...the
Moon God...Lord Chandra...
Written around 0539 p.m.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Revised around 0544 p.m.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
0754
a.m. - 0813 a.m. 0:19 Dress in white dhoti; untie mosquito net; wash
mat and put to dry on terrace above the water tank; wash mosquito net, blanket,
and put them to dry on terrace; to first floor, open windows in two rooms,
enter emission details in calender
0813 a.m. - 0814 a.m. 0:01 Diary notes on paper
0814 a.m. - 0823 a.m. 0:09 To downstairs, put soiled and other cloths for
washing in the washing machine, fetch food for birds, to terrace, rice and
water for birds
0823 a.m. - 0826 a.m. 0:03 To downstairs, diary
notes on paper
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
Will it be possible...to
prove...he is fake...
- A jealous old man...querying...to somebody...
He is someone...who leads
a priestly life...
- A foreign male monitor...
Written around 0824 a.m.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
0826 a.m. - 0830 a.m. 0:04 Ayurvedic medicine for
Schizophrenia – lehiyam, kashayam, laxative
0830 a.m. - 0831 a.m. 0:01 Diary notes on paper
0831 a.m. - 0844 a.m. 0:13 Food: Idli x3, loose white coconut chammandi,
beans twaran, katirika (egg plant) varatiyatu, a glass of water
0844 a.m. - 0849 a.m. 0:03 Collect tea, to
upstairs, turn ON computer, diary notes on paper
0849 a.m. - 0930 a.m. 0:41 Daily diary notes on
computer
0850 a.m. - 0854 a.m. 0:04 A cup of tea
0930
a.m. - 0941 a.m. 0:11 Defecate:
Loose curdy motion...dark brown; wash, wipe
0941 a.m. - 0945 a.m. 0:04 To downstairs, reboil
tea, to upstairs
0945 a.m. - 1230 p.m. 2:45 Daily diary notes on
computer
1230 p.m. - 1238 p.m. 0:08 Shut down computer,
loiter around, to downstairs
1238 p.m. - 1255 p.m. 0:12 Food: Idli x3, loose white coconut chammandi,
beans twaran, payar (legume) twaran, a glass of water, Rasakatali banana x1,
small broken pieces of half a muruku
1255 p.m. - 1258 p.m. 0:03 To upstairs, diary
notes on paper, turn ON computer
1258 p.m. - 0210 p.m. 1:12 Daily diary notes on
computer
0210 p.m. - 0228 p.m. 0:18 Defecate – loose
motion (not much), wash, wipe
0228 p.m. - 0238 p.m. 0:10 To downstairs, loiter
around, kisses to mother, a glass of Kachiya moru with Kariyapila (boiled
yoghurt with Kariyapila leaves), a handful of peanuts, to upstairs
0238 p.m. - 0445 p.m. 2:07 Daily diary notes on
computer
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
a-su-da ma-yi-tu e-yu-ti-ka-la-gu...he
wrote in a dirty manner...
-
The medical representative...repeating the words of another man...
Isn’t better...that way...to
remain dirty...when surrounded by dirtiness...to remain as the surroundings
is...covered with dust...
The man who returned...to his native
land...in year 2000...to whom the word dirt was anathema...a man who clad only
in white...a man slender and thin...a man who ate only one meal a day...a man
who had only one piece of torn white clothes to wear...a man with his head
shaven...
After 6 years...of sexual and mental
abuse...on such a man...
Yes...I ought to be grateful...to my
stalkers...monitors...voyeurs...
To bring me back...in tune...with my
surroundings...
To know...understand...what dirt
is...and live with it...as a necessary evil...
Written around 0346 p.m.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
0445 p.m. - 0447 p.m. 0:02 Shut down computer, to
downstairs
0447 p.m. - 0518 p.m. 0:31 Snacks: Katirika (egg plant) baghi x2, motakam
x1, payam (banana)
0518 p.m. - 0523 p.m. 0:05 Snacks and water for
birds in terrace
0523 p.m. - 0525 p.m. 0:02 To upstairs, turn ON
computer
0525 p.m. - 0550 p.m. 0:25 A cup of tea
0525 p.m. - 0639 p.m. 1:14 Daily diary notes on
computer
0000
p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
To continue
Insert the daily overall monitoring template here
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
To continue
0900 p.m. - 0943 p.m. 0:43 Prayer, singing
You know...my Lord...I can put up...with
the daily surveillance...the daily voyeurism...
When I go...to visit...the
doctor...those personal conversation...outlining my present...mental...and
physical status...my monitors zooming in...and listening to that...That too I
can put up...however irritating it may be...
But this...I have to tell
you...something between you and me...the blabbering...of a mad man...his
imaginations...his visualizations...all being watched...commented upon...shared
among my monitors...is something that makes me...very unpleasant...very
bad...very irritating...These things are to be...very private...between you and
me ALONE...No one else...is supposed to be there...watching...listening...monitoring...each
and every action...verbal...physical...mental...the flowing of thoughts...and
so on...
Why...my Lord...you bare me...to such a
nakedness...
Even...those thoughts...that come
in...when in prayer...are being snooped upon...
I am NOT God...I am not a monk...I am
not a priest...
I am just a man...a weak man...with a
weak body...with a weak mind...
And such a despicable man...can have
some deviant thoughts...however hard he may strive...to maintain
goodness...purity...even while praying...in meditation...and so on...
And there comes...a group of
people...who make fanfare...of nothing...gossip...on even those...dirty
things...pleasurable experiences...no matter what...from both sides of the
spectrum...opposing sides...
Yes...my Lord...I was told...to get
out...and they talked...that out...
You know...how irritating...how
unpleasant...what a bad mood...depression...it creates...when I listen...to
their various conversation...Oh!...he was kicked out...
I know...I am unworthy...before
you...especially having...looked at you...by diverse ways...by diverse means...
But then...you know the problems...I
face...
Tell me...YOU who told me to get
out...WHERE AM I TO GET OUT...where do I have to go...a mental hospital...a
police lock up...a jail...WHERE?...
I only know...those places...are not for
me...to live...
There is only one place...I have to
be...
And even if...you say...to get out...at
least...I can wait...outside the gates...waiting...waiting...and
waiting...until you feel kind...to let me in...to your temple...to say my
prayers...and leave you...to relax...only to come back...again...to say my
prayers...on a routine basis...on a daily basis...
Being a filthy one...I don’t
want...to stay with you...the whole day and night...I better leave you
pure...while I go away...with my filth...this body...that you gave me...to
suffer...as that burden...to carry around...while I wander...here and
there...and return...to say...hai...hello...whenever I feel...
Written around 1035 p.m.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Revised around 1123 p.m.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
6 But thou, when thou
prayest, enter into thy
closet, and when thou hast
shut thy door, pray to thy
Father which is in secret;
and thy
Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.
- Matthew 6:6 :: King James Version
(KJV)
Around 1128 p.m.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
He got this habit...of going in...and
out...
-
A male voice...
Yes...my dear...I enjoy that...
Otherwise...it is too boring...I get
sleepy...as that...which relaxes...
Written around 1131 p.m.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Revised around 1053 p.m.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Insert the daily overall monitoring template here
To continue
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Around 0050 a.m.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
a-va-nu kai-vi-sham ko-do-tu maa-thi-yal
ma-ti...give him drugs...to change him...
-
A middle aged woman...to the bastard family trio...
Do you have a daughter...
Make sure...hunting
men...predators...don’t do...what you said...to fuck her...with minimal
resistence...
With this sort of spy devices in
common use...that drugging option...will also become popular...
You won’t be even able...to eat
from anywhere...drink from anywhere...even from a simple restaurant...even far
away remote ones...
Frequenting...any eatery...or drinking
place...will be dangerous...
For your monitors...will keep a close
watch...WHEN?...to make you drowsy...
And I pity...many a woman...out
there...
For women will drug women...too...as
noted from the source of the above comment...the attitude displayed...
Those women...who think...they can
trust those...of the same flock...might end up...in bed...with a
lesbian...venting her manliness...onto her...
Written around 0058 a.m.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Revised around 0106 a.m.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Around 0332 a.m.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
The mental noting...voices...from
a far away distance...beyond visual range...
na-si-pi-ka-ru-te...ko-la-ha-lam a-yi
po-kum...don’t destroy him...don’t fuck him...don’t rape
him...it will cause a lot of problems...it can become a big issue...
-
The old whore...advising the bastard...in the 6+ th year of monitoring...
6+ years of day and night
monitoring...
Pirating the victim’s notes...to
make money...to fund further hunting...
Do you think...such a group of
people...who spend so much a time...made considerable investment...will
retreat...
I don’t think so...
Any stalking...that went
serious...only ends in blood shed...blood bath...
The money being spinned off...with
pirating the notes...have created lots of cronies to the three main stalkers...lots
of friends...with the inflow of lots of money...
And such people...basking in
lawlessness...nothing is impossible...and they won’t stop at
anything...if it involves...their money making business...or sexual
satisfaction...
That is how...animal nature...and you
have this extremely valuable tool...high tech spy devices...to help them...to
further their ambitions...
Written around 0340 a.m.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
6+ years of listening to their
voices...taught me something...
If they say...won’t fuck...they
will fuck...
If they say...fuck...they will fuck...
It is as simple as that...
As so will be any sex predator...out to
hunt...his or her prey...
The question is...when?...
So those who believe...in the sweet
words of an innocent monitor...I was only watching...I never destroy...I do no
harm...are just fools...who don’t know reality...
The animal psychology...animal
instinct...to move in...to strike...when the prey...is least prepared...
To find that...foolproof vulnerable
time...is all the monitoring is...stretching over 24 hours...years and years...
Written around 0346 a.m.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Revised around 1133 a.m.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Why it took so long...years and years...
For I changed my tracks...many
times...avoiding them...dodging them...
With the coming of more powerful
tracking devices...I just thought...my experiences...so far...the world need to
know...
Maybe it might help...some woman...out
there...from getting raped...
Written around 0351 a.m.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Revised around 1134 a.m.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
0000
p.m. - 0000 p.m. 0:00
To continue
Of the many dreams...a
dream was there...which dealt with...
Maybe...the diameter...of her
hole...is too big...compared to...other women...
Maybe...the depth...of her hole...is
too deep...compared to...other women...
It was about
women’s hole...in general...and a text...a book was opened...before
me...to read more...
A tantric text...doing an
indepth analysis...of the hole beauty...
That dream is vague
now...I don’t clearly remember it clearly now...in my present mental
state...of this writing...
Written around 0127 p.m.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Revised around 1031 p.m.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Some dreams noted...
Some carnal/erotic
thoughts noted...as part of dream 1...
Dreams 1 and 2 was
erotic...the problem...happened in the first one...
Dream 1
An extremely beautiful
woman came up...Her face is not clear...but somehow I know...she is too beautiful...to
behold...A premonition...a forewarning...came...that she is my mother...though
her face...is unusually unclear...not shown to me...
She was clad in
blue...saree...but that saree got some difference...the edges are a bit
dark...and she wore ornaments...She had a massive headdress...lots of
hair...being handsomely dressed up...like a raised bun...and decorated...
A strange
urge...arises...to become one...with her...
Behind her...was a yellow
light...and she beckoned me...into it...to follow her...into it...that light
was some sort of a door...into something...
Something in me...oozing
out...spreading out...into that thing...
It is not the sex type
thing of this world...it is something merging...like two lights mingling
together...so too that entity...and me...
An intense feeling of
happiness arises...
I feel like letting
go...of everything...
I felt as if I
emitted...too much...
I even felt...I
defecated...unable to withstand...that happiness...I saw small...and medium
sized...lumps of dark fecal matter...being expelled out...of my body...lying in
the bed here...as a prelude...to that merger...in that other world...
I wondered...what
happened to me...this night...having defecated...and emitted too much...onto
the bed...the mat...
As she came suddenly...so
too she left suddenly...
Dream 2
Dealt with the tantric
text...from that nether world library...dealing with feminine beauty...naked
beauties...of the lower world...
Dream 3...I am not seen anywhere...I
am only watching...invisible...some scenarios...
Dealt with a black
man...and a small black boy...in a western country...
Some instances occur...in
the beginning of this dream...involving...this two people...I forgot...
Two instances I remember...
In one instance...they
break in...into the trailer room of another black guy...using a rope...they
drop in...from the roof...into the room...
In another instance...of
similar break in...somebody comes...during the break in operation...and they
try to escape...through the same escape hatch...suddenly I note...a third
person...was there...a young woman...she was the last trying to scramble
out...through the rope...out of the hatch...Her face was masked...in black...to
prevent recognition...She is not quick enough...and slides back into the
room...while somebody opens the room door from the outside...to enter the
room...The other two who went out first...using the rope...escaped...and the
woman was left behind...
This was the last
instance of this dream...
I wake up...too
sleepy...and tired...
The head pain is too
much...as if a boulder is placed on it...as if something heavy banged onto the
head...
I check the bed...no
defecation...I was lying as normal...
During emission check...a
medium sized dry patch was noted...not much...though in the dream...I
imagined...I was emitting...as if opening up a fountain...gaga...completely
oblivious...of anything...
The urine was
bubbly...befitting usual emission standards...white effervescent...
But not that wooly...like
a thick wool placed...on top of water...to constitute a high emission...only a
medium sort...
The evidence proves my
emission...
Physical tiredness...to
the body...apart from the stiff head...noted...
I thus classify this
instance of sleeping as...Damage...
Since bodily
sensation...of emission...was noted...I consider this instance as...tired...
May the Lord forgive
me...
Inshallah!
Written around 1125 p.m.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Revised around 1147 p.m.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
The head pain...persisted
all through the day...until around 0600 p.m. in the evening...According to the
usual emission statistics...this type of head pain...persisting all through the
day...is rare...Something terrible happened during early morning...
Yesterday...was amavashi...black
moon day...so I sat late into the night...to avoid any emission...but I
failed...miserably...
And today...was my birth
star day...Moolam...
So surroundings may been
powerful...overwhelming to this body...
Written around 1130 p.m.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
The facial beauty...of
women...which they take great pains...to show off...as THE
BEAUTIFUL...pales...in comparison...is NOTHING...before...the beauty...of that
covered thing...that flower...resting...sitting...on a diamond...
Just as you compare the
faces of beautiful women...a wide assortment...of similar samples...to answer
the proverbial question...who is more beautiful...
So too...this flower...a
flower that rarely withers...when compared...with a wide assortment...of similar
samples...to answer the proverbial question...which is more beautiful...
Then ultimate question
remains...which is...the beautiful of the beautiful...
To a lay woman...the
natural questions will be...
How will you keep that
beautiful...
Can you walk naked...to
show off its beauty...just as you can show off your made up face...
And most important...how
will you market...that veiled thing?...to seduce men...or women...
Written around 0303 p.m.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Revised around 0113 p.m.
Sunday, December 24, 2006
During the
prayer...singing sessions...
A man’s
face...peered into me...looking closely...some sort of nomadic face...pointed
nose...slanting...sort of Mongolian...
Another book was opened
before me...lots of photo like depictions...and it quickly faded away...it was
not erotic...
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
Some women...told the
medical representative family...to talk less...to give a less cricket
commentary...but they heeded less...and I had to put up...with the
irritation...of hearing loud voices...talking about...whatever flows through my
mind...as if it is my own mind...talking back to me...in reverse action...to
make me note these things...instead of neglecting it...as many do...
Browsing a
book...casually flipping the pages...is different...when someone reads those
very pages to you...It allows you to note key points...and maybe that
someone...could be you itself...spread out...looking at you...from a
distance...you teaching yourself...a part of you...playing the role of an
external teacher...admonishing you...criticizing you...
Maybe that teacher...may
have overlapped onto someone’s physical body...taking control of
it...temporarily...and looking back onto the main part...the source from where
the teacher arose...
Various
imaginations...visualizations...of deities etc...were also noted...by the
man...and his select group of monitors...
I just speculated...as a
mad man...and documented it...
Written around 1142 p.m.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Revised around 1147 p.m.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
To continue
Saturday, December 23,
2006
To continue
0945 a.m. - 1005 a.m. 0:20 Food: Masala dosa x2, thick white coconut
chammandi, roasted banana sliced into 2, half a piece of muruku, a glass of
water; discussion with mother
I talk about...two different words...in
the introductory stanzas...used in the Shyamala Dhandakam...translation
booklet...that I bought yesterday...compared to the song...that I normally
sing...these days...
My mother...mentioned...that some
people...have the habit of...interchanging words...when translating...when
copying...from one text...to another...Sometimes it may be a human
error...sometimes purposely...
The net result is...the whole meaning
changes...One single word going in...can change...the whole context...of the
total passage...Modifying a word for another...brings in a different type of
meaning...which the original author didn’t intend at all...something
which the translator...to serve personal ends...brought in...
Then I talk about yesterday night...
The bad mood I was in...I just locked
the door...and stayed inside...wrote a few notes and lay down to
sleep...sad...depressed...
I didn’t go downstairs...to take
my usual bedtime medicine...for Schizophrenia...
My mother...not seeing me...came
upstairs...and knocked the door...a few times...I didn’t open the
door...she tried to look in..through the key hole...couldn’t see
anything...then she went downstairs...and stayed awake until 1200 a.m....hoping
I might come downstairs...
Then she went to sleep...and woke up at
0400 a.m....and waited for me...hoping that I might come downstairs...probably
at around 0500 a.m....if I did go to sleep early...
Finally...at around 0730 a.m....not
seeing me...she came upstairs...and again knocked the locked door...I was in
the toilet...I dressed in dhoti...and opened the door...to show her...I am all
right...I didn’t commit suicideº...or any thing of that sort...so
far...
Later during breakfast...I asked for the
customary morning kiss...from my mother...and informed her...about my bad
mood...last night...
I shut up...in the room...for I
didn’t want to talk...anything to anyone...
A small verbal voice...talk is
enough...to break me loose...to tilt to madness...to start berating...loudly...the
so-called flare up...abusing all the so-called monitors...with another round of
splendid vulgarity...for all the neighbors to hear...
My ignorant...poor parents...will
naturally...call the nursing home...at the earliest...to check when I can be
admitted...to the hospital...for hospital stay...and treatment...instead of
staying at home...For that is all...they can do...for they just don’t
know...anything about the ongoing surveillance...
º as sometimes mildly suggested...once in a while...by the voices...to go and hangº...
if he is
raped¹...he might hang himself...
Written around 1036 a.m.
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Revised around 1044 a.m.
Saturday, December 23, 2006
º 22 And if a man have committed a sin worthy of
death, and he be to be
put to death,
and thou
hang him on a tree:
¹ 23 His
body shall not remain all night upon the tree, but thou shalt in any wise bury
him that day; (for he that is hanged is accursed of God;) that thy land be not defiled, which the LORD thy
God
giveth
thee
for an inheritance.
- Deuteronomy 21:22-23 :: King James
Version (KJV)
1005 a.m. - 1011 a.m. 0:06 Loiter around, ask
father about the location of Vaikom
- it is near Kottayam, to upstairs, turn ON computer
1011 a.m. - 1045 a.m. 0:34 Daily diary notes on
computer
1045
a.m. - 1057 a.m. 0:22 Defecate:
Loose motion – long, slender, yellowish pasty mass, wash, wipe
1057 a.m. - 1109 a.m. 0:12 Refer medical books on
physical examination
As I flip...through the
photos on...physical examination...of the genitourinary system...in male and
female...I listen to loud voices of various monitors...men...women...of various
age groups...many are agitated...on zooming in...at the photos of
penis...hole...depicted...with various diseases...
Strange...that they
feel...disturbed...in watching...the photos...of the reproductive organs...
That too diseased...for
that is how they come in medical books...
Do you know...in our
society...one place...where depictions of penis and hole...are openly...legally
displayed?....It is medical books...mostly on clinical examination...
I compare the
excitement...of various men...women...when they watch the facial beauty...of
models...movie stars...male and female...at how beautiful they are...that
face...that body...
When...a more higher
thing...is exposed to them...the depictions...of penis and hole...they go over
the roof...with excitement...That too on seeing the depictions of
diseasedº organs...for the medical books can portray only that...
So...that tantric text...on
the hole beauty...when something like that is brought in...these men and
women...will get mad...unable to control themselves...and no wonder...such
texts are kept secret...for only those who can control themselves...to a
certain extent...need to refer them...the science of Atharva veda...
Written around 1122 a.m.
Saturday, December 23, 2006
º Deformity. Medical students often have difficulty in defining this term. The dictionary definition is
‘that which mars or
spoils the beauty
of a thing’ or ‘marked
deviation from the normal in size or
shape of the body or of a part’.
(Reference: Clain, Allan. (Editor) (1986)
The texts will naturally
come...to those befitting...those who reach a certain stage...
You need not go...in
search of them...they come to you...
For you are always being
watched...and tested...
When the guardians...feel
that...it is time...for you...to refer...when you are sufficiently
mature...ripe...can withstand...to a certain extent...such things just
come...as it is...
So too...the showing of
fiery action...
You need not search for
it...or strive to...look at it...look for it...
When such things...go
on...in the vicinity...or far away...and if the time is ripe...the Lord
himself...shows you...
Certain
things...suddenly...open upº...before you...You sense it...watch
it...understand it...and slowly...as it came...it fades away...
There is NO striving...to
see those things...from your part...
It just comes...and
goes...
The only requirement...is
absolute celibacy...of the body...
Just maintain it...that is
all...
And pray to him...
He...or She...takes
care...of the rest...
Inshallah!
Written around 1126 a.m.
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Revised around 1135 a.m.
Saturday, December 23, 2006
º You need NOT be
in...meditation...sitting meditation...cross legged...
It is...a parallel
thing...a parallel development...
You may be
working...maybe a manual labor...this thing comes and goes...while you are
actively going your work...
You just don’t care
about it...it is only a test...to test your understanding...just to make
sure...you know certain thingsº¹...
For knowledge is
incomplete...if you study only one side...most probably the white side...
You need to know the
other side too...with equal importance...
And that is where...you
cross swords...with the society you live in...for the society...considers lower
things of the dark side...as vulgarity of a higher order...
Under such
circumstances...there is no point in talking...on the higher things of the dark
side...
You will only end
up...destroying the character of men and women...who are not at all
prepared...or training...to be monks or nuns...
The monks train to
withstand...the physical body...
Whereas normal men and
women...indulge...and if they have access to this sort of tantric
concepts...you will end up...having a dirty...weak society...with nothing but
sexual orgy...and promiscuous indulgence...which just destroys the human
bodyº²...in the long run...
A societyº³
with too much sex indulgence...results in having
men...who are too tired...to do any other productive work...and the nations
stagnate...without advancement...
That is all...
Written around 1146 a.m.
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Revised around 0132 p.m.
Sunday, December 24, 2006
º¹ “Fear no longer,” she
said; “they cannot
harm thee, for thou hast entered
within my atmosphere. And though
they have placed thee in the
very dungeon of vice and falsehood,
have no fear, but observe all things and remember what thine eyes perceive.”
(Reference: Collins, Mabel. (1973) The Idyll of the White Lotus. (1/e; 9th printing) Adyar,
º² 8 But
though we, or an angel from heaven, preach any other gospel unto you than that which we have preached unto you, let
him be accursed.
9 As we said before,
so say I now again, if any man
preach any other gospel unto you than that ye have received, let
him be accursed.
- Galatians
1:8-9 ::
King James Version (KJV)
º³ 22
And if a man have committed a sin worthy of
death, and he be to be
put to death,
and thou
hang him on a tree:
23 His body
shall not remain all night upon the tree, but thou shalt in any wise bury him
that day; (for he that is hanged is accursed of God;) that thy land be not defiled, which the LORD thy
God
giveth
thee
for an inheritance.
- Deuteronomy 21:22-23 :: King James
Version (KJV)
1109 a.m. - 1155
a.m. 0:46 Daily diary notes on
computer
1155 a.m. - 1204 p.m. 0:09 Reboil tea, mother
applies kumkum, the red powder, on my forehead
1204 p.m. - 0212 p.m. 2:08 Read Directorate of
Distance Education. MA
Philosophy and Religion. Paper VI. Metaphysics and Epistemology Study Notes.
1204 p.m. - 1235 p.m. 0:31 A cup of tea
0212
p.m. - 0215 p.m. 0:03 Refer Collins, Mabel. (1973)
The Idyll of the White Lotus. (1/e;
9th printing) Adyar,
0215 p.m. - 0228 p.m. 0:13 To downstairs, loiter
around, wait for mother to serve food
0228 p.m. - 0248 p.m. 0:20 Food: White rice, onion curry, thick white
coconut chammandi, steamed vegetables with less flavor, a glass of water, one
Rasakatali banana, a glass of yoghurt mixed with water
0248 p.m. - 0252 p.m. 0:04 To toilet, urinal; wash hands, face; wipe
0252 p.m. - 0305 a.m. 0:13 Daily diary notes on
computer
0305 p.m. - 0310 p.m. 0:05 Computer system crash;
reboot
0310 p.m. - 0314 p.m. 0:04 Daily diary notes on
computer
0314 p.m. - 0316 p.m. 0:02 Computer system crash;
reboot
0316 p.m. - 0407 p.m. 0:51 Daily diary notes on
computer
0407 p.m. - 0418 p.m. 0:11 Defecate: Small lumps, yellowish, wash, wipe
0418 p.m. - 0451 p.m. 0:33 To prayer room, prayer,
singing
A thought passes...
Since mother is the same
everywhere...you can regard the mother depictions in Buddhist
monasteries...wherein...celibate priests are in charge of the main
rituals...while in Hindu temples...householder priests...mostly married...are
in charge of the main rituals...
Written around 0618 p.m.
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Revised around 0725 p.m.
Saturday, December 23, 2006
In Christianity too...you
have the concept of Mother...the mother of Christ...
Written around 0620 p.m.
Saturday, December 23, 2006
There are some Christian pilgrimage
places...where worshiping the mother of Christ...is seen as a shortcut...to
worshiping Lord Jesus...for the mother is more understanding...and
forgiving...as your own mother...
Refer Robert Sullivan. (December
1996) The Mystery of Mary.
Written around 0728 p.m.
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Revised around 1118 p.m.
Sunday, December 24, 2006
The mental
noting...voices...from a far away distance...beyond visual range...
He is using...mother
worship...(as a short cut)...to worship Lord Shiva...
- The monitoring cabaret dancer...spreading the
news...to various other men...and women...
Written around 0615 p.m.
Saturday, December 23, 2006
0451 p.m. - 0454 p.m. 0:03 Diary notes on paper
0454 p.m. - 0457 p.m. 0:03 Collect tea from
downstairs, to toilet, wash hands, face
0457 p.m. - 0606 p.m. 1:09 Refer Swami Sivananda. (2000) Lord Shiva and His Worship. (WWW Edition) Himalayas,
Reference
Swami Sivananda. (2000) Lord Shiva and His Worship. (WWW Edition) Himalayas,
http://www.divinelifesociety.org/ebooks/swami_sivanandaji/downnload/lord_siva_worship.html
Divine Mother is
everywhere triple. She is endowed
with the three Gunas, viz., Sattva, Rajas and Tamas. She manifests as Will
(Iccha Sakti), Action (Kriya Sakti) and Knowledge (Jnana Sakti). She is Brahma Sakti (Sarasvati) in conjunction with Brahma, Vishnu Sakti (Lakshmi) in conjunction with Lord Vishnu, and Siva Sakti (Gauri) in conjunction with Lord Siva. Hence She is called
Tripurasundari.
The abode of Tripurasundari,
the Divine Mother is called Sri
Nagara. This magnificent abode
is surrounded by twentyfive ramparts, which represent the twentyfive Tattvas.
The resplendent Chintamani
palace is in the middle. The Divine Mother sits in the Bindu Pitha in Sri Chakra
in that wonderful palace. There is a similar abode for Her in the body
of man also. The whole world is Her body.
Mountains are Her bones. Rivers
are Her veins. Ocean is Her bladder. Sun
and moon are Her eyes. Wind is Her breath. Agni
is Her mouth.
...
Physical
contact with a female is gross
Maithuna. This is due to Pasu Bhava or animal disposition or brutal
instinct. Mother Kundalini Sakti unites with Lord Siva
in Sahasrara during Nirvikalpa Samadhi. This is real Maithuna or blissful
union. This is due to Divya Bhava or divine disposition. You
must rise from Pasu Bhava to Divya Bhava,
through Satsanga, service of Guru, renunciation and dispassion, discrimination, Japa and meditation.
...
Siva and Sakti
...
Siva
and Sakti are essentially one. It is said in the very first verse of Kalidasa’s Raghuvamsa that Sakti and
Siva stand to each other in the same relationship as the word and its meaning. Just as heat and fire are inseparable, so Sakti and Siva are inseparable. Lord
Siva cannot do anything without Sakti.
This is emphasised
by Sri Sankaracharya in the first verse of Saundarya Lahari.
0606 p.m. - 0732 p.m. 1:26 Daily diary notes on
computer; browse archived files in computer
Some of my foreign monitors...were interested in the books I read...they
wanted a list...if it is available...Maybe...they can also read...
I maintain a handwritten tracker from year 1998...That need to be typed
out...to go online...
So...slowly...that gets typed out...
Written around 0711 p.m.
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Revised around 0713 p.m.
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Since the web upload...of the latest revision of...Test Diary
chap35...I have been listening to...the hush hush voices of the bastard
family...oh! he destroyed us...now are we to do...now
what will I do...it is the sucker’s moaning that is too much...
I wonder...
Written around 1203 a.m.
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Revised around 1112 p.m.
Sunday, December 24, 2006
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Published
on internet: Thursday, December 07,
2006
Revised: Sunday, February 04, 2007
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“Thou belongest to That Which
Is Undying, and not merely to time alone,” murmured the Sphinx, breaking its muteness at last. “Thou art eternal, and not merely of the vanishing flesh. The soul in
man cannot be killed, cannot die. It waits, shroud-wrapped, in thy heart, as I waited, sand-wrapped,
in thy world. Know
thyself, O mortal! For there is One within thee, as in all men, that
comes and stands at the bar and bears
witness that there IS a God!”
(Reference: Brunton, Paul. (1962)
A
Search in Secret
Amen