Punctuation

A class teacher wrote "A woman without her man is nothing" on the chalkboard, and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.

All of the males in the class wrote:
"A woman, without her man, is nothing."

All the females in the class wrote:
"A woman: without her, man is nothing."

Well, Punctuation is everything

Half Mad

Teacher: In our country, there are 10 airports, 25 railway stations and
110 bus stations. So can you tel my age?
Student: sir 32 years,
Teacher: oh brilliant, but how did u guess?
Student: my brother is 16 years old and he is half mad!

 

Two Stupids

Two stupids were going together. One stupid asked the other one that if
you will tell me that how many eggs are there in this shopper then the
whole dozen will be yours and if you will guess who has laid them then
that hen too will be yours!. The other stupid says "Hey, its quite
difficult, pal. Give me some hint, man!

A Little Boy

A little boy wanted $100 to buy a new bike, and his mother told him to pray to God for it. He prayed and prayed for two weeks, but nothing
turned up. Then he decided perhaps he should write God a letter requesting the $100.00. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, they opened it up and decided to send it to the
President. The President was so impressed, touched and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a check for $5.00. He thought that this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank-you letter to God, which read:
Dear God;
Thank you very much for the money. I noticed that you had to send it through Washington. Asusual, they deducted $95.00 for themselves.

Fairy Tale

A father once read his two young sons a fairy tale at night. Having a deep-rooted sense of humor, he used to extravagate parts of the stories for fun.

One day, his youngest son was sitting in his first grade class as the teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs.

She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to acquire building materials for his home. She said, "...and so the pig went up to the man with a wheelbarrow full of straw and said 'Pardon me, sir, but might I have some of that straw to build my house with?'"

Then the teacher asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?"

That son raised his hand, and said, "I know! I know! He said: 'Holy smokes! A talking pig!'"

The Cat
 

A man left his cat with his brother while he went on vacation for a week. When he came back, the man called his brother to see when he could pick the cat up. The brother hesitated, then said, ''I'm so sorry, but while you were away, the cat died." The man was very upset and yelled, "You know, you could have broken the news to me better than that. When I called today, you could have said he was on the roof and wouldn't come down. Then when I called the next day, you could have said that he had fallen off and the vet was working on patching him up. Then when I called the third day, you could have said he had passed away." The brother thought about it and apologized.
"So how's Mom?" asked the man. "She's on the roof and won't come down."

 

Cricket Joke

After the defeat of Pakistani cricket team by India in One-day Series, Inzamam could not resist for too long to be in hometown and still not be able to go out shopping and have fun. So he disguises himself as a Sardar and goes out.

He meets a woman at the exit of the hotel who greets him, "Hi Inzi !!"

Surprised for having been caught he comes back and makes himself up as a Muslim woman - in Burkha etc and goes out. Yet same again - the same woman greets him, "Hi Inzi !!".

Inzamam comes back determined to give it yet another try with the make up of a Hippie wig and shorts etc. All in vain - the same lady catches him again and greets him "Hi Inzi !!".

Bewildered by now, he could not help asking, " How did you recognize me?"

The lady replied..............
I am Shoaib Akhtar!! ;-)

English

For Those who Reed and Right

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;
but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.

One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?

If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
but though we say mother, we never say methren.

Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim!

An Officer taking Job Interview

OFFICER------------------------------------------WHAT IS YOUR NAME ?

CANDIDATE-------------------------------------- M P. SIR

OFFICER------------------------------------------TELL ME PROPERLY

CANDIDATE--------------------------------------MOHAN PAL SIR

OFFICER------------------------------------------YOUR FATHER'S NAME ?

CANDIDATE-------------------------------------- M P. SIR

OFFICER------------------------------------------WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ?

CANDIDATE--------------------------------------MANMOHAN PAL SIR

OFFICER------------------------------------------YOUR NATIVE PLACE

CANDIDATE--------------------------------------M P. SIR

OFFICER------------------------------------------IS IT MADHYA PRADESH ?

CANDIDATE--------------------------------------NO, MUNNUR PAL SIR

OFFICER------------------------------------------WHAT IS YOUR QUALIFICATION ?

CANDIDATE-------------------------------------- M P. SIR

OFFICER------------------------------------------(ANGRILY) WHAT IS IT ?

CANDIDATE--------------------------------------METRIC PASS

OFFICER------------------------------------------WHY DO YOU NEED A JOB ?

CANDIDATE-------------------------------------- M P. SIR

OFFICER------------------------------------------AND WHAT DOSE THAT MEAN ?

CANDIDATE--------------------------------------MONEY PROBLEM SIR

OFFICER------------------------------------------DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY

CANDIDATE-------------------------------------- M P. SIR

OFFICER------------------------------------------EXPLAIN YOURSELF CLEARLY

CANDIDATE--------------------------------------MAGNANIMOUS PERSONALITY
SIR

OFFICER------------------------------------------THIS DISCUSSION IS NOWHERE, YOU MAY GO NOW

CANDIDATE-------------------------------------- M P. SIR

OFFICER------------------------------------------WHAT IS IT NOW

CANDIDATE--------------------------------------MY PERFORMANCE....?

OFFICER------------------------------------------ M P. !!!!

CANDIDATE--------------------------------------WHAT IS THAT SIR

OFFICER------------------------------------------MENTALLY PUNCTURED

A Leter From A Clever Son To His Clever Dad
 

Dear Dad,

$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very
hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if
you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear
from you.

Love,
Your $on


The Reply:

Dear Son, I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh
to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of
kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love,
Dad

Lessons in Logic
 

• If your father is a poor man,
  it is your fate but,
  if your father-in-law is a poor man,
  it's your stupidity
   
• I was born intelligent -
  education ruined me.
   
• Practice makes perfect.....
  But nobody's perfect......
  so why practice?
   
• If it's true that we are here to help others,
  then what exactly are the others here for?
   
• Since light travels faster than sound,
  people appear bright until you hear them speak.
   
• How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?
   
• Money is not everything.
  There's Mastercard & Visa
   
• One should love animals.
  They are so tasty.
   
• Behind every successful man, there is a woman
  And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
   
• Every man should marry.
  After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
   
• The wise never marry.
  and when they marry they become otherwise.
   
• Success is a relative term.
  It brings so many relatives.
   
• Never put off the work till tomorrow
  what you can put off today.
   
• "Your future depends on your dreams"
  So go to sleep
   
• There should be a better way to start a day
  Than waking up every morning
   
• "Hard work never killed anybody"
  But why take the risk
   
• "Work fascinates me"
  I can look at it for hours
   
• God made relatives;
  Thank God we can choose our friends.
   
• The more you learn, the more you know,
  The more you know, the more you forget
  The more you forget, the less you know
  So.. why learn.
   
• Love thy neighbor
  but don't get caught.
   
• Love is photogenic
  It needs darkness to develop
   
• Children in backseats cause accidents
  Accidents in backseats cause children
   
• "ALCOHOL KILLS SLOWLY"
  So what? Who's in a hurry?
   
• When two's company,
  three's the result!
   
• I am nobody,
  but nobody is perfect,
  therefore i am perfect....
   
• Where there is a will, there are relatives
   
• A bus station is where a bus stops.
  A train station is where a train stops.
  On my desk, I have a work station....
  what more can I say..............
  .................................................

LOVE IS LIKE©©©

• Love is like Iodex
  ohh, aah, auch dour bhagaye
   
• Love is like Pepsi
  Yeh dil mangay aur
   
• Love is like Supereme
  Yehi to hai wo apna pann
   
• Love is like Nokia
  Connecting People
   
• Love is like Waves
  Nam hi kaafi hay
   
• Love is like Gold Leaf
  bachon ki pohonch say door rakhain
   
• Love is like Wah
  Dil jeetnay ka meetha andaz
   
• Love is like Samsung
  Everyone is Invited
   
• Love is like Habib Oil
  Kyun kay Yeh Dil ka mamla hay

 

ARZ KYA HAI...

•  Kamaata nahin hun itni ke tujhe roze khilaoon
  Aaati hai to aaa ja, ya kisi
  aur ko pataooon
   

• Bolaa
  dukaan-daar, ke kyaa chahiye tumhain
  Jo bhii kaho ge merii dukaan per wo
  paoge
  maine kahaa ke kutte ke khaane kaa cake hai
  bolaa yahiin pe
  khaaoge yaa leke jaaoge
   

• Balti main bhar kay paani tayra aks daikhta hoon
  balti hila hila kar tayra
  raqs daikhta hoon
  zahid agar
  ibadat mein dam hai to jaa masjid ko hila
  nahin to aa baith doo ghoont peele
  aur masjid ko hilta dekh
   

• Kamaata nahin hun itni ke tujhe roze khilaoon
  Aaati hai to aaa ja, ya kisi
  aur ko pataooon
   

• Macchar ne jo kata...
  dil main mere junoon tha.
  Khujli hui itni... dil be sukoon tha.
  Pakra to chor diya yeh soch kar ki....
  kambakht ki ragon main apna hi khoon tha!
   

• Ikhtiyarre tabbasum ki lau ko tarranume numayish se aghaa dena...
  Jo iska matlab samajh aaye to please mujhe bhi bata dena.....
   

• Kash tumhare chere pe chicken-pox ke daag hote,
  Kash tumhare chere pe chicken-pox ke daag hote,
  chand to tum ho he, sitare bhi saath hote!!
   

• Suraj Hua Madham ,
  chand bhi chalne laga,
  mein thehra raha, zamin chalne lagi,
  sajna kya yehi pyaar hai ??
  Nalayak, yeh pyar nahi EARTHQUAKE hai ! BHAAG !
   

• Jab Jab tum angdai lete ho dam hamara nikal jata hai.
  Aye zalim Deodrant lagane me tumhara kya jata hai ?!