Have Antennae, Will Drool

One day BT decided she wanted to be a flying cat thing that laid things in nests in trees. No one disputed her because it got her outside and away from everyone in the pad.
Anyhow, BT was up in a tree preening and caring for her nest when Mike wandered outside to water Sparkplug and watch the sunrise. He was reading the daily newspaper and carrying his wateringcan. BT spied him, yawned, and grinned evilly, spewing fire at him. The tip of his hat caught on fire, but he merely watered it and it went out. He was about to walk past the tree when BT snigged and screeched, "Antennae make nice breakfast food!"
Mike passed the tree and grabbed her antennae off as he was going by.
"YEOWCH no no NO NO NO!" shouted BT and fell out of the tree.
Mike absentmindedly stuffed the antennae into his mouth and swallowed them down with two liters of Micky's finest Coke.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO," shouted Mike and fell out of bed.

"How did he know?" asked Al, who Mike had watered and was walking around in a daze.
"What's up with him?" asked Micky.
"I dunno..." said Al.
"I know! He's sleepwalking again!" said Davy.
"Man... I KNEW I should have locked up my Coke cabinet!" shouted Micky and went back to bed.
"HEY AL GET OUTTA HERE!" shouted Davy and hid under the covers.
Al was confused as to how she got there in the first place and went out to check on BT. She found her on the floor twitching.
"Oh you stupid figment, didn't I TELL you flying cat nesting was a BAD BAD idea?" said Al, scooping up BT and putting her on the couch in the pad.
Meanwhile, Davy was waking Mike up with some cold water.

"Wha.. ooohhh I feel weird!" said Mike and sat down next to BT.
BT woke up and turned back into herself.
"Oh, what a lovely day." she sniffed and took out a book.
Everyone looked at her funnily.
"She can't read. She's pretending." said Link and giggled.
Al nodded and stared.
"Who cares! She's not jumping on ME!" shouted Micky and danced around.
Mike had a stupid grin on his face and was trying to superglue feathers on his wings.
"MIKE?!?!" shouted Davy and stared at him.
"OH! Davy! Tralalalla!" shouted Mike and skipped around. He fluttered his wings and ran around pointlessly.
"I think Mike is a little not right in the head.." said Link and stared.
"I think I think I think!" said Mike shrilly and giggled.
"OMIGOSH WHAT THE?!?!" shouted Micky and Davy and Al and Link and MT.
"Why did you shriek that?" asked Micky to MT.
"Oh uh... MOMMMEEEE WHY!?" shouted MT.
"I don't know honey.." shouted Al and was scared.

"The square root of 4 is 2." said BT matter-of-factly.
"OMIGOSH!!!" shouted Al and fainted dead away.
"MOMMY GO BOOMBOOM!" shouted MT and was distressed.
"OH IS SOMEONE HORROR!??!?!" shouted Sassip.
"No, distress, not horror." said Davy.
"Oh." said Sassip and went back to slee.
"The cotton gun was invented by Eli Whitney," BT informed everyone.
"You weren't asked," snapped Mike.
"Cotton GIN," Peter corrected her.
"COTTON GUN!! ALL RIIIIIGHT," yelled Micky and poofed one up and started blasting everyone with cotton.
"Ugh what a fool," said BT and poofed up a layer of fine mosquito netting.
"LA LA LA!!" Mike said loudly, and spread his wings out to full span, knocking Davy down.
"Don't do that!" said Davy.
"Aren't my wings impressive? Wow, they're so nifty," Mike said foolishly and preened.
"Oh, Mike, I bet you say that to ALL the girls," Micky said, blinking coquettishly and sidling up to him.
"WHAT???!!!!!" shrieked Al, coming back from the dead (or the incapacitated at least).
"Uhhhh... uh... I..." Micky stammered and left to do things.
"Strange boy," remarked Davy, cramming ten loaves of poundcake into his mouth at once. HE was certainly not one to talk.

"I'm extremely smart," announced BT.
"Well thank you, Captain Obvious. At least that hasn't changed," snorted Mike. "MY wings are much better than your wussy lil antennae!" he said proudly.
"You ate my antennae," BT said in a pained tone.
"Oh. Right. EHEHEHEHE!!" Mike screeched and pulled a pogo stick out of nowhere and pogoed off to a chicken fry.
"NO NO NO NO!!!" Davy cried, dragging him back. "You taught me rolling is the ONLY mode of transportation!"
"Hey get with it man, it's the new thing!" Mike said excitedly, bouncing everywhere.

"OH!!!!" exclaimed BT, jumping up.
"Oh ack ack you didn't remember you loooove me did you?" Micky said with deep anxiety.
"Ew, no. You LEFT," said BT.
"Oh whoops," said Micky, who was not with it cause he never got a script *EVEN THOUGH* he dutifully brought the same nine bucks every week and just never got one. Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
"Try it again," suggested Peter, erasing things from his Continuity Board.

"OH!!!!" exclaimed BT, jumping up. "I know EVERYTHING about figments, being a figment, having a figment, becoming a figment, maintaining a figment, using figmental powers to their full extent without overdoing it... Al! I know more than YOU!" she shrieked.
"Oh heavenly days she'll be the death of us yet," Al muttered frantically, scooping up MT and poofing off to hide in the BT shelter.
"Why are we in a jam shelter, Mommy?" asked MT.
"OLD LINE!!!!" screamed Davy.
"I can do ANYTHING with my powers..." BT said in a daze.
"Oh wow, whatya gonna do first huh huh? Are you gonna poof me up a CHICK?!!!" Mike said excitedly.
"No," said BT patiently. "I don't think... I don't think I'll do anything. You see, I have achieved an almost legendary state of figmental existence. Because, you see, my friend, when you have attained your full knowledge, and can know no more... why do anything? Sit, and contemplate the existence of-" BT began.
"Oh my GOSH she got BORING!!" Mike yelled and pogo-sticked off to raid Micky's Coke stash.

"HI!!" said Micky walking in from nowhere.
"Hey how come you're all enthusiastic?" asked Peter.
"Uh.... I have no idea.." said Micky. "Hey YOU'RE Mr. Continuity, you oughta know."
"OH OH MICKY IS ALANIS!!!" Mike screeched.
"He is raiding your Coke stash," Peter informed Micky.
Micky shrugged. "He hasn't found my Coke cellar. Man, I have vintage 1896 in there..." he said and started rambling on about the evolution of Coke through the ages.
"I don't think Coke was invented in 1896," Peter said dubiously and left. "-the philosophical state in which we exist, in essence, does not matter to a figment because we are immortal, unless our host should-" BT continued.

"POUCH TIME!!!!" Sassip shouted in a tone which resonated through out the pad and through all the crystal glasses in the cupboard, leaving a lovely echo that not even Fantastik could take out. Uh.
"Ugh don't you mean OUCH time?" Mike griped as he was swept into the pouch with everyone (except BT, who had instantly made herself intangible). "OH OH SMARTPANTS BT DOESN'T LIKE MY POUCH TIME!!" shouted Sassip and threw herself into a horrid rage.
"Smartpants isn't a word." BT said haughtily, looking at Sassip from over her glasses.
"What a priss!" said Micky and threw the cotton gun at her.
"I don't need you dummards!" said BT and continued reading.
"Hey she's a real meanie!" said Mike stupidly and tried to pogo stick around in the pouch.
"OUCH OUCH OUCH!" shouted Sassip.
"SEE! I TOLD You it was Ouch time!" said Mike happily.
"Nooooo!" shouted Sassip and expelled everyone out.
"Hmm... second rate pouch cats." said BT, poking at one. "Mangy. Not even fit to kill barn mice."
"I don't like her!" said Micky. He scrunched up his face real hard and Al went into a daze and fell over.
"What ARE you trying to do?" said BT incredulously.
"Oh.. uh.. fwart you." said Micky.
"It's thwart, and I really don't think you can." said BT and snorted at Micky.
"OH OH OH SHE SNORTEDDDD!!" shouted Mike and rolled around in fits of hilarity.
"Omigosh.. someone tie him down or something!" shouted Peter.
"Okie dokie!" said Micky and poofed up a straightjacket.
"UGH" said Micky and poofed his wings out of the straightjacket. Mike giggled evilly and flew around.
"You idiot." said BT pointedly.
"*sniff* she called me an idiot." said Micky, looking to Peter for emotional support.
"Oh, did she!? I missed that!" said Peter excitedly, scribbling it down.
"PETER!" said Micky and sniffed into Peer's mindpad.
"Why did he do that?" asked Peter as he jotted this occurence down as well.
Meanwhile, Al was getting up off the floor.

"Oooouch!" she moaned and held her head. "Ooooh that Micky when I get my hands on him...."
BT smiled grimly and turned MT into a large chicken.
"OH CHICKENFRY FOR MEEE!" shouted Mike, barrelling out of nowhere.
"NO NO NO!" said Al and lunged for MT.
Mike landed on his head and was out cold for five minutes.
Al tried poofing MT back but she couldn't.
"Ahhh! You fooper!" she shouted at BT and put MT on her lap.
BT snigged slightly and turned MT back into himself.
"ACKKK" said Al and was smooshed.
"Why did you do that!?" asked Peter.
"Oh, I was testing to see if she could undo my things. Anyway. I'm going to read." and she poofed off to her room in Peter's mindpad, throwing Micky out.
"Ahhhhh." said Micky and shrugged, sauntering up to theto raid his oreo stash.
"Al, you HAVE to do something about BT!" shouted Davy in a fevered screech.
"Calm yourself!" said Mike who was hopping around on one foot upside down.
"HOW is he doing that!?!?!?!" shouted Micky.
Just then Mike poofed up some chicken fry and a table.
"OH DINNER!" shouted Davy and crammed half of it away before anyone could stop him.
"Wha.. how??" shouted Peter and fell on the floor in conniptions.
"OH I think Mike can tap into BT's powers!" said Al with a smug grin on her face.
"So?" asked Davy.
"So, we can use Mike to thwart BT!" said Al trumphantly.
"Yeh, but look at him. He's *STUPID*!" said Micky.
Everyone stared at Micky.
"Oh aha..er.." he said and went back into the bathroom with his oreos.

Meanwhile, Mike had poofed up a large saucepan, three quarts of milk, a vat of butter and twelve pints of vanilla extract.
"Okay.. there was NO point to that.." said Al and sighed. "Micky's right, we won't be able to do anything with Mike.. ugh!"
"HA! I HEARD THAT!" came Micky's muffled call from the bathroom.
"OMIGOSH what do you DO in there?" Sassip shrieked in h... fear.
"Oh man dun even ask," Al said in horror.
"OHHHHHHHH," said Sassip, lip all a-quiver.
"Oh sorry," said Al.
"Oh eheheh she gave you lip," Mike told Al.
"Al??!!!" Davy said in alarm.
"Oops that was BT's linebucket," Al said and blushed.
"Eeewwwwwwwww, don't you ever clean that thing out?" Link said with distaste.
"Not since the dragon bit Davy's finger off," Al said.
"Huh??!" said Link.
"Yeah I've only got ten fingers on my right hand now," said Davy.
Link slowly backed away and ran into the bathroom for shelter where he found Micky in a tub full of milk singing the Oscar Meyer bologna song and eating Oreos.
"AAAAAAAAGGHH!!!" Link cried in terror and ran for his life.
"HEYYY you didn't close the door!" Micky said in protest.
"My hedgefish has a first name, it's H-E-D-G-E-F..." Sassip sang.
"No no no no no," said Peter, herding Sassip outside. "Go catch some hedgefish, okay?"

"OKAY!" she said agreeably and bounded off.
"Ah, so cute," Davy said tearily.
Then BT poofed in.

"HEY HEY what's up with you & Mike, huh?" Al asserted her.
"Oh, that's only a rumor. We are casual acquaintances, nothing more. I thought you unsubscribed from the Enquirer," BT said suspiciously.
"NO NO!! I mean how come you're all dirty and he's all clean?"
"Don't you mean-" said Davy.
"NO!!!" said Al in frustration. "How come you are smarter than ME now and Mike is almost as dumb as you?"
"As dumb as you?" Al corrected herself.
"Oh. Well, he bit off my antennae because... well, I don't know why. But anyway, all my stupidity had seeped up into them, and he has it now. And I have nooo stupidness left in me, I am omniscient, I could rule the universe if I saw any point in it, but really, what's the point in anything..." she began droning.
"I thought stupidity was just a lack of smartness," said Micky sliding down the bannister.
"See? My point exactly," said Peter happily.
"Hey what did that mean??" Micky said suspiciously.
"I'm not actually altogether certain," said Peter.
"Were you insulting my intelligence?" said Micky and brandished his cotton gun.
"CORDUROY DOES IT BETTER!!!!" Mike screamed and fired bolts of it at Micky.
Then MT came tripping in sadly.

"Everyone else had all the lines in this story, I don't even have a impordent part, I just sit in the corner and people send me away and say 'why don't you pway wif your tinkew toys baby thingy' and I never get to do anything there are never any plots about me and... and..." he said, lip all a-quiver and eyes all a-tear.
"Uhhh..." said Link in fear. "Wow I miss fighting crime in England."
"WHAT?!" cried Peter.
"Oh um..." said Link and went outside to do things.
"I'm back," said Sassip depositing a hedgefish on Mike's bonce.
"OOOHEHEHE!!" he said, legs all a-kick.
"Please to be informing me Miss Author what is up with things all-a-thingy," asked MT politely.
"PLEASE to NOT be infringing upon MY speech patterns, yo!!" said Micky.
"What????" cried people.
"Excuse me, but I've decided the lot of you are stupid and I'm going to move away and start my own colony," announced BT.
"In MY mind?! I have a nice mind, you should put colonies in it, there's things, and stuff, and, and..." Mike rattled on and on.
"Don't do that..." said Davy and carted Mike away. "Oh, how did you get out of your straightjacket!?"
"My..." said Micky and walked around leaving milk footprints everywhere.

"How did you even GET that much milk into the tub!??!" asked Peter.
"Oh, I used Al's powers." said Micky.
"WHAT!??!?!?!!?!?!?!" shouted Al and throttled him. "MY powers are to be used to good, not snackfoods!"
"Ha! That's all your powers are good for." said BT haughtily.
"Oh oh she's MEAN!" said Mike and shrank in fear.
"WAAAHH!" said Al and ran off to the bathroom where she fell into the milk. "MICKY WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT CLEANING THE BATHROOM UP AFTER YOU MADE A BIG FAT MESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!?" she shouted in a rage.
"Oh ah.. aha.." said Micky and quickly poofed into Peter's mind pad again.
Al came down covered in residual oreo goop and milk.
"Ergh.. when I get that boofer... I'll make him PAY!" she shouted and poofed out.
"Oh oh oh what a bore." said BT and got out the encyclopedia Brittanica which she read in 5 seconds flat, all volumes.
"Huh." said Peter.
"Huh." said MT and wrote all over Peter's Continuity board.
"OH MT!" shouted Peter in horror.
"Hey, guys! I think I can touch my brain with this Q-tip!" shouted Mike, walking in with a Q-tip up his nose.
"OH NO NO NO!" shouted Al, removing it with a pair of salad tongs. "BAD loopy aviatic fool! BAD BAD BAD!"
Mike looked at Al as if SHE was the one who lost her mind and sauntered off jauntily, when he suddenly stopped, felt his head and shrieked "OH MY PANTS I HAVE A HAT ON!"
Al sighed and shook her head. "HE'S getting stupider by the minute!" she sighed and sighed.
"Mommy go sigh sigh!" said MT in concern.
"Ugh. What infinitesimal little things." said BT and poofed back into Peter's mind pad. She poofed back in and snorted.
"Al is a TINY bit smarter than Peter so I think I will move back in there." she said to no one in particular and was gone again.

"AH AH GET HER OUT!" shrieked Al and fell over.
Peter looked at her.
'WHat!?" she cried and stared at him.
"OH I really don't think its THAT bad..." he said.
"Oh, you have not seen that collection of books she poofed up!" Al snorted and rolled off down to the beach.
"MOMMY!" said MT and sat by the door whimpering.
"Hey, MT, go and bring Al.. er Mommy back K?" said Micky. He went over and sat Mike down in a chair (though it was kinda hard) and then made Peter stop writing feverishly on his board.
"LOOK! MICKY! LOOK MAN! There is a HAT on my head! Imagine THAT!" shouted Mike in pure excitement.
"Oh.. yeh WOW man.. that's great uh.. you stay there heh er..." said Micky.
"So, what's your plan?" asked Peter, his pen at the ready.
"Geez Pete man, can't you stop recording for a MINUTE?" asked Micky.
"NO NO I'll miss something!" said Peter.
"HEY man, did you get my HAT man!? I mean... WOW!" said Mike.
"Uh... yeh Mike we already got that.." said Peter and cast furtive glances at people.
"No, Peter, you don't understand! Its.. its a HAT! On my HEAD!" said Mike and grinned stupidly.
"Um.. hey.. yeh where did you expect it to go?" asked Peter.
"Oh.. I never thought of that!" said Mike and furrowed his brow in deep thought.
"Oh gads he's gone now.." said Al, whom MT had brought in and plopped down on the couch.

"So what's your plan?" asked Peter again.
"Oh, well, we have to get Mike to channel all his stupidity back into BT, since he can tap into her powers..." said Micky.
"That's a good idea, Micky, but HOW!?" asked Al.
"I don't know." said Micky.
"Oh, well that works." said Al.
"HEY! Al! Look! A *HAT!*" shouted Mike and shoved it at her face.
"Uh.. yeh Mike.." said Al, and before she knew it Mike had shoved the hat onto her head.
"Ummmm...." said Peter and Micky.
"HEY LOOK! AL HAS THE HAT ON MAN! ITS GAHROOOOOVY!" shouted Mike and fell off the back of the couch.
"Oh good grief! You want HIM to do something to BT!?" asked Al.
Mike was laughing and laughing and chuckling and giggling from behind the couch, and Peter and Micky went behind it and picked him up again.
"Hey this is comfortable." said Al, pointing to the hat and speaking to Mike. Mike had stopped laughing and stared hard at her.
"OMIGOSH! Al! WHERE DID YOU GET THAT!?"he shouted and stared more.
"UGH Mike you put it on my head! Yeesh!" said Al and threw it at him.
"NO WAY! Wow..." said Mike and stared at the hat. "Its greeeennnn." he said and petted it.

"Oh oh I think I know what the problem is!" said Micky.
"What???" said Peter and Al, all a-listen.
"I think it's all those Q-tips he shoved up his nose. They got to his brain!"
"How would you know?" said Al.
"Cause I used my x-ray vision," Micky said proudly.
"You don't have x-ray vision," said Peter.
"Well... I mean, if I did..." said Micky but Sassip punted him because she had a deep-seated need to punt people.
"Deeeep-seatedddd," Davy said happily.
"I can have x-ray vision," said Peter and did.
"What do you see??" said Al.
"You have it too, moron," Peter said.
"Oh that's not like you Peter," said Davy in disapproval.
"I see Mike's brain," said Al.
"Me too," said Peter.
"Well, that's that," said Al.
Then BT poofed back in.

"AHH," said Al, sitting up and feeling the lightness of her head once more (after all there's not much in there).
"I heard that," Al grumbled.
"Uh BT we have a problem and we are in need of your vast knowledge," Davy appealed to her.
"No he appeals to ME," said Al grinning roguishly.
"WHAT??!!" said everyone.
"Uhhh..." said Al and went to take an Oreo bath. Little did SHE know...
"Yes, you poor little sad mortal fool?" said BT condescendingly.
"Oh," said Davy in a small voice. "I feel so... so..."
"SHORT?!" said BT harshly.
"YES!" Davy broke down in tears. "I'M SOO SHORT I CAN'T DO THIS, SHE'S TALLER THAN ME, SHE- oof," said Davy as Micky slapped him.
"Heyyyy I thought you went somewhere," said Peter. "Stop messing with the continuity!"
"Sorry," said Micky and went to raid his own Oreo stash. Little did HE know...
"Little do you ALL know," said BT.

"We need you to... if you would ma'am... please oh please...uh...suck your stupidity out of Mike," said Peter.
"HUH??!!!!" said MT and ran around on the floor.
"No, I like being smart!"
"You don't have any friends, you're just a lonely old curmudgeon lady with infinite knowledge, infinite power, and no loved ones!" Peter blurted.
"Yup, I'm quite happy," BT beamed.
"Oh well then, to each his own," Peter said happily. They shook hands and left. "THAT DIDN'T GET US ANYWHERE!" cried Davy.
"Al can't you do it?" asked Sassip, preening her lovely, lovely shiny blue headspikes until they gleamed like light.
Al stared and stared and stared at people trying to think.
"Al?" asked Mike, and shoved his hat down over her eyes.
"AHHH I'M BLIND!" she shrieked.
"Goodness she's stupider than MIKE!" said Micky and shook his head sadly. "Well, if you want something done, do it yourself."
He concentrated very hard and Al fell over in a gigglepot fit.
"You can't do that just all the time with that like that!" said Peter in horror.
"Why not?" asked Micky.
"Because...uh.. its just not nice!" said Peter.
"Well YOU do something then Mr. Hotshot Figmentpants!" Micky huffed. Cause we all know he is oh-so-jealous of real figments.
"Well, if you already have control of her, maybe we could try something together..." sighed Peter.
"OH, yeh!" said Micky.
They placed Al in the chair and told MT to keep her there and then they placed Mike on the couch.

"So, what's up you guys? Do you like my wings!? Pretty pretty!" Mike was saying to no one in particular. He had preened them and they shone in Sassip's headspike light.
"OH they are VERY becoming!" said Sassip, nodding in approval.
"Um, yeh, Mike......" said Micky, and used x-ray vision on Mike's stomach.
"Oh, there they are!" he said pointing to his stomach.
"Huh?" asked Peter.
"Uh, use x-ray vision!" said Micky. Peter did so, and saw them as well. Glowing rather stupidly in Mike's gut were two nice little antennae.
"AH! So! here's what we do... you poof them out of there and I'll poof them onto her head, got it?" asked Micky.
"Yeh.... but how do we get her back in here?" asked Peter.
"Leave that to me." sighed Link who appeared as if from nowhere.
Micky and Peter shrugged and waited for Link to act.

"Ready.. set.. ... Oh BEETEEEE.. I have an enigmaaa that's impossible for any mortal or immortal to solve, guaranteed!" said Link in a coaxing voice.
BT appeared in an impressive dark green poof of smoke and looked at them all condescendingly.
"OH OH HOW YOU DO THAT BEETEE?" shouted Al stupidly.
"Oh, its you." said BT and turned Al into a box of Tums. "So, where is this supposedly impossibly enigma huh?"
"NOW!" shouted Link. Micky and Peter looked at him blankly. "AHEM! I said *NOWWW*" "OH!" said Micky and poofed BT's antennae over her head and out of Mike's stomach. "HA!" shouted BT and was about to say something to the effect that Micky was too stupid to poof them out *AND* put them back on when Peter poofed them back on.
"OOOF!" said BT and fell over.
Mike suddenly sat up and shook his head alot. "Oh man.. what happened? My head feels lighter and... OH why is that box of Tums wearing MY hat at such a jaunty angle!?!?!?!?"
"Oh, that's Al." said Peter and turned her back. "Micky, you better give her back control of her powers and stuff now... uh .. Micky?"
But Micky was off replenishing his Coke and Oreo stashes, and filling the tub with fresh milk again, whilst getting rid of the old stuff.
Meanwhile, BT had since picked herself up from the floor and glared about at all of them.
"ARGH YOU FOOLS!" she shouted. "I *FINALLY* acheive a quasi-god like state and you ROB me of it!!!!"
Everyone stared.
"UGH UGH UGH! Now I can't get back to that because someone has to WILLINGLY eat my antennae!!!" she shouted.
Everyone stared.
"URGHHGHGGHGHGHGHGHGH!" she shouted and poofed out in a cloud of foul smelling, eye-stinging red smoke.
"Heeeyyyy how she do thattttt?" asked Al.
"Oh, man, MICKY!!!" shouted Mike, Peter and Davy.

Meanwhile, Mike and Peter ran off to find Micky and Davy was taking Mike's hat from Al.
"I always wanted to try this!" he said and winked. Al drooled and fell over.
Davy placed the hat on his head at a jaunty angle.. and welllll the rest is history!

The End.

Next Issue: BT decides to go back to being a flying, egg laying, fire-breathing cat (with antennae), and decides to roost in Micky's antlers. Meanwhile, Micky becomes an evil powerhungry little fiend and steals Al's powers, to wit no one can do anything about because she always had the most disciplined powers of them all *sniff*. And so, Peter's powers are put to the test. *dun dun DUN*. Oh yeh, and what the heck but Davy won't give back Mike's hat and is the most stylish seathing to hop around on the beach scene yeh!

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