Know Your Foe

The following diagram should help you identify potential alien threats and take the action you must: disposal of the spawn.

1. Beady eyes. These help the alien to read your mind. When planning disposal of the spawn it is important to think only of a brick wall.
2. Gaping, soul-devouring mouth. Do not poke with fingers.
3. Blue or green skin. Dead giveaway.
4. Clawed fingers develop at 6 months. After this time handle only with leather or gardening gloves. A trowel is useful for defence.
5. Retractable genitalia. Can be teased out with peanut butter or a plunger.