5April00

today's already giving me the indication that it's going to be a bad day...

paul's home sick....it's one of the other production artist's day off...and getting her to come in will be like pulling teeth, and the only on that's left here with me is going to be a grandma today.....so she might have to leave at any time. it could be okay, there hasn't been a whole lot of work lately, but everybody has to make you feel so nervous right away. i mean, i walk into work, and instantly two people are at my desk telling me i'm going to be the only production artist today.....as if to make me panic, or something...why do people do that?

i think i handle stress better than i handle the threat of stress.

last night i was watching "party of five" and this little scene with julia and her current boyfriend at school really made me think......they are both writers, and he was sort of defying all authority at school, because he was of the belief that all writing is subjective, and one instructor or publicist couldn't say what's good and what's not. well, she thought he was acting foolishly because he's paying for this expensive education and then not listening to what anybody had to say about his writing. he was laying into her because he thinks she's afraid to keep trying to publish her work because two publishers already rejected it.....and that she looks for morsels of approval at every corner instead of just believing in what she wrote and accepting that it just might be okay, but just not those particular publishers' cup of tea.

(can you believe i learn my little lessons in life from shows like "party of five"?)

anyway - it just made me think about my own needs for approval with my artwork or any technical work i may do on a project........i'm not quite sure what i'm going to do with that...but i think maybe i'll try to be more sure of myself and my work while realizing that i'm probably not going to get the praise i want most of the time. being confident is what makes some people want to work with you....the rest are just idiots that follow the leader, so they'll come around too.