3May00
i had a weird dream last night - i think talking about the childhood bully in my neighborhood dredged up some stuff in me that i didn't realize was still there. in the dream...everyone from the old neighborhood was there, and we were all sitting on a big sectional, just talking - the only parent there was shelly's (and in case i didn't mention it...she's definately the reason shelley was the way she was - she was just as mean, if not meaner) - is that a word? anyway - i tried to sit down and one of the other girls sat in my spot right away - so i had to move to the other end of the couch. and for some reason, i sat all the way at the end, away from them and their conversation..... it was like i deliberately iscolated myself from them - but then i still felt bad - like i'd been dumped on. ick. it wasn't a very long dream, but the feelings were strong and it left me feeling yucky.
today i was reading my buddy, sam's journal and he was talking about how's he's turned into this grown-up and he doesn't know when it happened....i'll show you an excerpt from his page (i don't think he'll mind as long as it's just a screenshot and not a link to his page - i hope :) anyway, it's funny because i did something very similair just today...you see, i've always had this hang up about my voice. it sounds like it's a child's voice...especially on the phone or on answering machines. so, i've always been aware of the fact that people's voices do seem to change as they get older - and i've often wondered what mine would sound like at....say, age 40, and then at age 70. anyway, i was responding to someone - when suddenly i realized that my answer was resonating in my ear and i actually sounded like a woman - not a little girl! i was thrilled. i don't know yet if it's that way all the time, but at least it comes out sometimes and maybe i can learn to control it, now that i'm aware it exists. anyway - i guess that's not exactly the same as what sam was talking about, but it's in the same ballpark.
