4May00
today is the wedding anniversary of my failed marriage....it would've been four years.....we didn't even make it four years. heck - we didn't even make it three...we were separated before our last anniversary...pathetic. what were we thinking? how could i not have known how incompatible we were? it boggles the mind. i definately didn't know him well enough when we got engaged - and once the wedding plans are in progress it's difficult to turn back. i remember once around our separation randy told me that he had had second thoughts before we tied the knot. my initial reaction was anger - why hadn't he mentioned it? but, then again, i wonder how i would've reacted if he had said that after all those plans were underway.
the really sad thing is that i probably would've been worried about all the money we were going to lose in deposits...what a reason to go ahead with a marriage, huh? i didn't want to be out a grand. duh.
well - the last thing i should be doing is kicking myself about it now - we both certainly suffered enough with the divorce. god - that sucks. i wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy...people really act differently when they're going through something like that. you feel like you never really knew them at all - much less loved them enough to spend the rest of your life with them.
i don't mean to be a downer - i'm really not feeling bad about it at all. i'm grateful that i got out of it as quickly as i did. i'm grateful we were smart enough no to have children - or we might've stayed together for the wrong reasons. i'm glad i'm now with a man that i feel i can truely be happy with for the rest of my life. it's a celebration really....not that my marriage failed - if i had it my way - i wouldn't be a 29 year old divorcee, but hey... you can't win 'em all right. i'm not perfect...but at least i'm smart enough to see what's right in front of my nose.....randy certainly wasn't.
well - i hate to leave it on a note like that - but i don't really have anything else to talk about today. i made a mask in clay class last night - exciting. tomorrow i have a cinco de mayo party to go to - that should be fun. that's all for now..... ciao!