1June00
this may seem like an odd thing to talk about, but it's on my mind for some reason, so i'm going to.... the strangest thought occured to me the other day because of a comment paul made. i've often struggled with the thought of whether or not to believe there is a god... i think the thought of all the horrible things that happen on earth has made me wonder why, if there is a god, he would allow them to happen. i think i've always wanted to believe, but there's always this tug of war going on in my brain.
well, a couple of weeks ago, one of those very things happened... three teenage boys had a gun and decided they wanted to shoot someone, just to see how it felt. they actually plotted to do it, three of them - not one of them had the sense enough to say "this is stupid, we'll never get away with it" anyway, the person they ended up shooting, and killing, was another young boy who was just a model student, and volunteered for causes, was up for a scholarship... you know, the kind of kid we all hope we have. so, it's things like that that make me wonder what's goin' on in god's head - if there is one.
well, paul heard the same story and the first thing out of his mouth was "it's things like that that make me believe there really is a devil" - "it's the only explaination - he does that kind of thing to piss people off"
anyway - it may seem silly to you, but that thought had never occured to me before. and it was kind of a relief - because now i can believe we have a god without any lingering doubts... and it's kind of a good feeling. i can put my mind at ease, and when i do go to church on easter or christmas eve i don't have to feel like a fraud.
that's enough for one day, don't you think?