wednesday - september thirteen, two thousand - 10:47am
man - my neck has been hurting me since last friday... i'm not sure what the problem is. i think it could be stress cuz finally, this morning it felt better, and as soon as somebody started asking me all sorts of questions about the wedding, it started to hurt again.... or it could just be my chair at work, and looking at the computer at a certain angle or something.... but somehow i don't think so - it's funny how stressful a wedding can be. i guess, even though it's all planned and everything, it's still a major life change, and it can't help but be a little straining on the brain.
plus, paul and i got into a big argument last night. one of his friends who's married said that he and his wife fought more than ever the week before their wedding... strange. i guess it just gets under there - whether you realize it or not. i'm not having any second thoughts, or anything - in fact, people keep asking me if i'm getting nervous, and the answer is always an honest no.... but, i thinks that's just because i have absolutely no doubts that paul and i are meant to be together.
the fight was about something that has shown itself to be the only really big issue with us - as trivial as it may sound... it's about.... decorating. basically, i have an instict where that's concerned, and i do things quickly, where as paul likes to try every possibility out before he can decide on something. it's mostly just frustrating for me, because the tediousness takes all the joy out of it for me - and i used to love to decorate. i'm usually the one that loses my cool - and paul has to endure my temper. then i feel guilty.... i HATE feeling guilty. it's something i have needed to work on forever - and boy has it been a gradual process. i sort of get angry, too, because men never seem to feel guilt... or if they do, they don't show it or act on it nearly as much as i, and most of the women i know do. this is something i've always been envious of men for.... their casual look at life, (or at least the outward appearance of it), and lack of feeling responsible for things - mostly in the home, not at work.... i assume this comes from our mom's generation and tendency to take care of the family to the point where it's expected and not really noticed or always appreciated. anyway - i'm really going off on a tangent. i'm very stream of consciousness today. all things said - i know i'm really fortunate to have found paul - because, even though he has some of the male characteristics that can sometimes drive me mad - his most appealing trait is that he tries to always be considerate, and you really can't beat that.
