Musings in Writings

"I can't be bothered with that person(the offender), it is not worth the effort to take revenge, so I forgave him."

I heard someone say this recently. Is this really forgiveness? Why does it sound so unreal to me? It set me thinking.

True Forgiveness is not taking revenge. It is NOT JUST not taking revenge. True Forgiveness is Total. It means that you decide that the offender no longer owe you anything.

There is a difference between

a) not pushing for payment of a debt .... and

b) totally cancelling a debt.

In the first case, the debt remains open. And to the victim, the offender still owes him something, even if the he decides not to pursue for revenge. Often in this case, the victim doesn't push for revenge because of reasons other than for magnanimous ones. E.g. a) he has no chance to, b) he is afraid of consequences, or c) he doesn't know how to, d) it is not worth the effort, e) it is beneath him to be bothered by the "worthless scum"... etc.... Some persons eventually forget the matter if it is a small enough matter , but others harbour the hopes that somehow the "justice" will be done later in the future. I know people who doesn't do anything, believing that God will give the offender his just desserts later. Is this being truly merciful?

In the 2nd case, the victim not only decides not to take any revenge, but also feels that the offender no longer owes him anything. The victim cancels the debt, puts it away and may never mention it again. He doesn't harbour hope for the offender to make it up later. He genuinely feels there is no need to.

I understand for certain people and in certain situations, it is difficult to forgive. Some persons may be able to forgive immediately, but others need time for the wound to heal before they are able to forgive.

I will not deal with the emotional aspects in this entry, though no doubt, it is a major factor in a person's ability to truly forgive.

Forgiving doesn't mean that the offender has done no wrong, but it is looking squarely at offense and letting it go.

The Lord has forgiven us our sins. In turn we should also forgive our brethren. If not, we will risk losing the forgiveness of God. Let me end with the Parable of the Unmerciful Servant (Matt 18:21-35 New American Bible):

21 Then Peter approaching asked him, "Lord, if my brother sins against me, how often must I forgive him? As many as seven times?" 22 Jesus answered, "I say to you, not seven times but seventy-seven times.
23 That is why the kingdom of heaven may be likened to a king who decided to settle accounts with his servants. 24 When he began the accounting, a debtor was brought before him who owed him a huge amount. 25 Since he had no way of paying it back, his master ordered him to be sold, along with his wife, his children, and all his property, in payment of the debt.
26 At that, the servant fell down, did him homage, and said, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back in full.' 27 Moved with compassion the master of that servant let him go and forgave him the loan.
28 When that servant had left, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a much smaller amount. 22 He seized him and started to choke him, demanding, 'Pay back what you owe.'
29 Falling to his knees, his fellow servant begged him, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.'
30 But he refused. Instead, he had him put in prison until he paid back the debt. 31 Now when his fellow servants saw what had happened, they were deeply disturbed, and went to their master and reported the whole affair.
32 His master summoned him and said to him, 'You wicked servant! I forgave you your entire debt because you begged me to. 33 Should you not have had pity on your fellow servant, as I had pity on you?' 34 Then in anger his master handed him over to the torturers until he should pay back the whole debt.
35 So will my heavenly Father do to you, unless each of you forgives his brother from his heart."