Allright kiddies! Some of you have been clamouring for a weekly newsletter. Well, here it is. But, before I begin, here's the deal. This is gonna be sent AT LEAST once a week, maybe more - it depends on what I see that
pisses me off I guess! Basically, it could be me ranting (easy Rants Mulliniks) or it could just be me gathering you kiddies'round the campfire for a story. Props must go out to Oka - although I was already doing these periodic rants, Oka gave me the idea to title my rants. So, since I am the man they call The Bone, I found it only too fitting to call the newsletter Ossified
Here is the first installment - It was just like any other night in Charlottetown for myself and my
companions - piss stinking loaded from every kind of alcohol you can think of and ready to take the world by storm. As could be expected, we found our way to the local watering hole to drown ourselves in suicidal amounts of lager and spirits.
As is always the case, I was the pace setter, making all those around me appear as though they were back in high school and splitting a six pack to get buzzed. By the time I reached the 20+ drink mark is when it was time for me to make like the scavenging coyote I am. I shafted the boys and
went in search of the heavenly gates of flesh.
After a while of pondering, I ran into some old girlfriends of mine.
Well, after a little while of wheeling and dealing, it was settled
- I was going home with one of them. So, we did the whole go grab a bite first and stuff. We get back to her place, and, of course, the first thing I do is ask if she has any booze. Much to my delight, she had a fridge full of beer, so I helped myself and grabbed her one.
We drank a few beers and shot the shit - reminiscing of old times,
and making fun of people we know. Right when it was time to close the deal, I uttered what was arguably THE stupidest thing to ever come out of a human being's mouth.
Just when the mood was right and the awkward silence overtook the room, my mouth spewed the following sentence "I SHOULD PROBABLY GO NOW, I HAVE TO WORK IN THE MORNING" That is where the human brain comes screeching to a halt, not unlike a car screeching to a halt at the sight of a moose on the highway. I could actually smell burning rubber after I muttered those
absolutely idiodic words. It's not like I could say "haha just kidding" or anything you know? The idiocy of the words that came out of my mouth defies description. The aftermath, of course, is hit or miss - either she thinks I'm gay (which we all know better than think) or she'll think I'm the
sweetest guy in the world (again, we all know better than to think that) So there you have it kiddies - the first installment of Ossified, complete with what to do and what not to do while picking up.
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