Thought at Lesley's Porch (June 12th, 2:06am)
Conversation with Dave (June 12th, 12:45pm)
Homesickness (June 18th, 12:22am)
Bad Walkers (July 7th, 1:40pm)
Dominance (July 7th, 1:56pm)
My Ideal Woman (July 27th, 2:26pm)
Rocky Rocks (September 7th, 12:20pm)
Starbucks Cup (September 7th, 3:54pm)
102 (or 51) Reasons Why I (Rui) Suck (September 10th, 1:31pm) by Lesley
People I hate on AIM (September 16th, 3:50pm)
Paris Hilton Haters (October 6th, 3:48pm)
My Procedure (October 6th, 4:39pm)
Stop Whining! (November 10th, 11:13pm)
Girls Have it Easier (November 18th, 4:48pm)
Self Defense (November 26th, 2:56pm)
Tis the Season (December 21st, 8:35pm)
Balance (December 25th, 9:48pm)
Hello 2005 (December 31st, 7:46pm)
I Have Class in the Morning (January 24th, 12:35am)
Indirect Insults (January 26th, 4:06pm)
The Hell is English? (January 29th, 4:23pm)
Being Blind (February 5th, 5:25pm)
Joyride Toilet (February 16th, 8:57pm)
The Rui Story (February 16th, 10:17pm) by Nathan
Theory on War (March 5th, 4:24pm) by Nathan
Tell Your Friends About Me! (March 5th, 4:27pm)
Things I've Learned (April 2nd, 10:19pm)
Aeolian's Secrets (May 2nd, 5:50am)
An Article Dedicated to Lesley (May 10th, 11:50am)
Cycle of Love/Pain/Stupidity (May 19th, 4:48pm)


Thought at Lesley's Porch (June 12th, 2:06am)
What an interesting night. Usually when I've had the right amount of alcohol, my mind is blazing!... And no, that doesn't mean it's fried, in fact, it's wired. I say what I want, deep emotional things that are buried but I just don't have the courage to say them up front will come out. But yeah, I was thinking about all this (right now since I'm half-way sober.) and I've come up with a lot of ideas (I'll type about one... Or two, whatever). Right now, I just want to say that I've got a kick ass band of friends. In fact, chances are that my friends can kick your friends'es asses. Why? Well, I've tested them, and I found out that they are very loyal to me, and what more can you ask from a friend besides loyalty? Anyways, a point that was brought to me tonight was the "fuck it" philosophy. Basically, if you don't care, you'll get what you want and who you want simply because of the confidence that you carry. Now that's partially true... But image has a lot to do with it too. Admit it, if a really good looking person has confidence and stuff, you'd fall head over heels. Now, if an ugly looking person has confidence, a good sense of humor, AND an unbeatable personality... Well, you'd never know that would you? The world would just label that person as ugly. Screw the other characteristics, if the person's ugly, then they're just ugly. The only way you'd really get to know that person is by being forced to hang around them, then you might pick up on all the good qualities. Logically, ugly people should have way better personalities since they don't rely on good looks to get them through their lives. Now, I'm not telling you to go off and make an ugly friend... No wait, I changed my mind. I'm DARING you to go off and make an ugly friend and see if you can stomach it and (God-forbid) eventually LIKE that person. The people of the world are shallow... But it's really just biology and we can't help it even though we like to think of ourselves as 'higher' and so we incorporate the whole dating process and whatnot. After the date, we go off and tell our friends about how great so and so's personality is and how funny they are. But are they really? I know that people will take more shit from you if you're better looking. It's because they so want to think of you as perfect on the inside as well that they'll delude themselves. Hell, you can be a complete jerk, have the same sense of humor as my chemistry book, and have the intelligence of a brick; but if you have looks to die for then I'm sure you have a VERY fair share of dates and friends. (*Note, if you ARE a complete jerk, have the sense of humor as my chemistry book, the IQ of a brick and still have a lot of friends, don't think that it's because you're good looking, maybe your 'friends' secretly hate you but don't you want you to feel bad. But then again, what can you do about it? Bricks can't think up ways to test their friends... And they can't read either.) Birds don't have a screening process to see if their 'potential mate' would be a good parental figure or anything. No, they pick the one with the brightest feathers and screw. No bullshit there. So you might be a little confused here and I don't blame you. I just called everyone shallow but said that it was biological and so, you may think that my stance is unclear. Basically I'm just saying that if you think of yourself as anything 'higher' than another animal, then try and see past the physical appearance (You can delude yourself, but only the blind have this ability) and it's really hard since they're just so darn pretty. However, if believe that you're just something controlled by ages and ages of evolution, then just accept the fact that you're no higher than a regular box turtle when it comes to mating and skip all that bullshit about how the perfect person has to have "a good sense of humor and a great personality first". Because I know that the better a person looks, the more shit their 'mate' will take from them. Personally I think it's sad, but also I don't think anyone can resist (me included). In conclusion? Do what you're biologically programmed to do, and save the bullshit. Next time your friends ask you why you picked who you're dating, tell them the truth and say: "Because I think he/she's fricken hot."
(*End Note: Try to take this little rant lightly, I know that they are a lot more factors to why you like a person besides looks, but... It just wouldn't be right to write something about how people with good personalities and intelligence suck.)

Conversation with Dave (June 12th, 12:45pm)
Aeolian Whisper: but! headache medicine rocks
d 4ve m0 0 re: omg it does
Aeolian Whisper: Acetaminophen :-D
d 4ve m0 0 re: good ol' tylenol
Aeolian Whisper: actually it's equate ;-)
d 4ve m0 0 re: always do the job right, the first time.
Aeolian Whisper: but yeah, same stuff
d 4ve m0 0 re: lol
d 4ve m0 0 re: tylonels main ingred is acetainophen
d 4ve m0 0 re: so stfu biatch
Aeolian Whisper: i know
Aeolian Whisper: i did a lab study on it >:o
d 4ve m0 0 re: Oh ya?
Aeolian Whisper: "but yeah, same stuff"
Aeolian Whisper: yeah!
d 4ve m0 0 re: wanna do a study on my cock
Aeolian Whisper: I have
d 4ve m0 0 re: really?
Aeolian Whisper: yes
Aeolian Whisper: and I concluded that it really is just a myth
d 4ve m0 0 re: ..
d 4ve m0 0 re: really?
d 4ve m0 0 re: :-(
d 4ve m0 0 re: :'(
Aeolian Whisper: served!
(*End Note: Soon after, Dave was served again after he tried to serve me back.)

Homesickness (June 18th, 12:22am)
I never thought I'd feel this way. Right now as I'm typing this, I'm in a complete emotional wreck. I haven't seen my house in about a month and for some reason, I can't stop thinking about it. That house is my sanctuary away from this fucked up world. I never had to hear the voice of another dumbass if I don't want to. As opposed to living here where the more idiotic you are, the louder your fucking voice is. That's another correlation I've noticed. As your IQ decreases, your loudness increases. And another correlation, the louder it gets, the more pissed off I am. I miss my home so goddamn much right now. I miss not having to care; about money, about my future, about my social life, hell about life in general. I miss my parents and their routines... The way my mom would keep telling me so many stupid things that I get irritated. But as annoyed as I get, I know that she does it because she loves me. Same with my father, on and on and on about how Chinese people are the greatest. I love them both so much. Though sometimes I'll talk a lot of crap about them, if anyone else does, then I will beat that person until they're blind. I don't know what brought on this sudden surge of emotion, but I can't really help it. I guess, I miss the unconditional love the most. I mean, I've got some good friends here and some of them would say that they love me (not IN love, which is completely different), but it's just not the same. Unconditional love basically means it doesn't matter what happens, that love will always be there. Only your family can give you that. You can say God does too... But that's arguable, and in my opinion, rather stupid. God could exist, but I believe that love has to go both ways, and how can you love someone that you don't really know? I can't sleep anymore... I feel so alone. I'm surrounded by hundreds of people that are just flat out useless. I'm by myself, I'm in the dark, I'm angry, I'm sad, and I'm scared.
(*End Note: Now that my mind's a little more clear... Making fun of me because of this entry will result in you getting both of your ass cheeks removed by my right foot.)

Bad Walkers (July 7th, 1:40pm)
I'm sure we've all experienced this before... Unless you're one of the bastards that I'm talking about. Slow walkers suck, and what's even worse is when they get in everyone's way. As if everything'll be ok as long as they're not the ones that are late. Morbidly obese people are notorious for this. They take up an entire hallway and in order for you to get to your class, you have to walk behind the jiggling blob as it waddles along slowly. What can be worse? Well... try a fat COUPLE. They can barely squeeze through the halls as they walk side by side holding each other's chubby hands... Ugh. But I guess it's not their fault, they can't really move too fast since they're carrying an extra 300 pounds and I'm sure that that's taxing on the heart... No... Wait... It *IS* their fault! If they just dieted or exercised a little I'm sure they'd slim down enough so that other people can move past them. This reminds me of something I read a long time ago about a bunch of old buildings needing to expand the doorway so that blob-people can go inside. What the fuck?! Hell no! If you can't get inside then that's a personal problem. If you want to get inside a movie theater or museum or whatever THAT badly enough then go run a few laps around the building until you can get in. Also I don't like how they wrote "...because the doorway was too small." They should've wrote that it's not the doorway's fault that you're a big fatass and won't do anything to change yourself and instead you just bitch and moan until people change the world for your lazy ass. Also I heard on the radio about a woman who got stuck in the restroom door at some resturant and the other patrons started stabbing her with forks because they all needed to do their business... And now the woman's suing. I think that's fucked up. Who's fault is this? Well obviously the fat woman's, but ALSO the patrons should not have stuck her with forks. Instead, they should've used knives and cut away some of that blubber from the woman's ass and then used it to lube her sides up. But even if that happened I'm sure the land whale would've sued anyways even though the other people were only trying to help her out. Ok well back on topic... Another type of terrible walkers are the ones that think they're hot shit. You know what I'm talking about, they strut around with their noses in the air looking tough. I wouldn't have a problem with this if they walked a little faster... Of course that would make them look like idiots with nose bleeds trying to rush off to a bathroom. And hey guess what? I have a solution for that! They could just point their noses forward like a normal person. Of course they think that they're too cool to walk normally so I think that we should start to help these people realize that they're idiots. Everytime you see someone walking like that, just tip them over. See, with the way that they're walking, their center of gravity is shifted backwards so all you have to do is push him on the forehead and he'll just fall over backwards, thus shattering both his head and his ego. Problem solved, someone who thinks he's hot shit gets turned into a paralyzed retard with a self-esteem problem... Perfect!
(*End Note: People make funnier noises than cows when being tipped.)

Dominance (July 7th, 1:56pm)
Dominance is a funny thing. Even though we think that we're oh so civilized now and we try to make everything "fair", people are still trying to take charge and control others. I COULD go into how it all works out globally, like how each country is lead by one person (don't even TRY arguing back about this, you can 'check and balance' my ass if you disagree), the world has "super powers" and all this other crap... But I'm not going to because:
1.) That's not very fun to write about.
2.) It could seem like I want to overthrow the government(s).
3.) Politics is so dirty and evil.
4.) Shadow police.
Anyways, dominance plays a great role in everyday life. For example, when I'm walking down the street and another guy is walking towards me, the tension rises. Eye contact is made and now the fun begins. It's simply a matter of who can keep staring, kind of like a game of chicken. Whoever looks away first is considered weak. However, if we're both still looking at each other the whole time, then as we pass by one of two things can happen. The first (which is much more civilized and happens the most often) is that we'll either have to say "Hey" or "Sup?" or give some kind of salutation. (Nowadays most people use the silent head nod, or head flick... whichever.) How does dominance get determined in this situation? Well, whoever said 'hi' first is seen as the leader because of the confidence it took to break the silence. The person that gave the greeting second is considered weak because he was following the other guy's lead. Now the other way this scenario can end is a bit ugly. Say me and this jerkass ('This jerkass and I?') are looking at each other as we pass by and don't say hi. What'll end up happening is that we'll both turn towards each other (since we walked right past just a second ago) and keep staring. The stare will turn into a glare, and then a fight breaks out. Dominance is then determined by whoever wins the fight (duh). Same things happen in a gym. Guys don't lift for themselves, they don't lift for the cardio bunnies, they lift because they have to be better than the other guys. Now, you could argue some people lift for health... Well, that's only because they want to live LONGER than other guys. And as far as lifting to impress girls? No no no, you lift so that you'd seem more physically dominant than other guys, THUS impressing the girl. Dominance isn't just a guy thing either. Girls are equally, if not MORE competitive about this sort of thing. The whole looking pretty thing? Yeah, that's to impress other girls. (It goes with the same concept of lifting for guys.) Then you have the ones that go after guys that are married or 'taken' or whatever. If the girl gets the married or 'taken' guy, then that means they're better than the girl that the guy was with originally. Relationship dominance is a wierd thing though, there's too much to say and too many examples, so I'll only provide one. Girls like guys that are a 'challenge'. This goes into the dominance thing, but crosses gender. See, if the girl gets her 'challenging' guy then in the back of her mind, she'll see herself as in control. This is sort of dangerous because the girl believes that she actually 'tamed' the guy. Whereas, the guy is only a challenge simply because he's a prick or doesn't care too much for the girl. Think about it. If the guy wanted to be with the girl in the first place, he'd be all over her too (which reverses everything since the girl then won't see the guy as a 'challenge' and will lose interest). In his view, the girl has been throwing herself at him and so it means he's in charge. He gets to decide if they're together or not. The guy has TRUE dominance in the relationship whereas the girl only has a false sense of it now. See, say the girl does something that ticks off the guy. The guy will threaten to break up and the girl all of a sudden does everything he says to prevent it because she doesn't want to lose the 'tamed' guy that she worked so hard for. But what if it's reversed? Say the guy does something wrong and ticks off the girl. Well, the girl's not going to threaten to break up (unless it's something HUGE) because she might lose her prize (which she still thinks she has reign over). This means the guy basically goes off unpunished. (*Note: This is how abusive relationships start. As time goes on, the girl will see her 'tamed' guy more and more valuable because of all the time, money, and effort invested. Meaning she'll do more and more to keep him. Considering the guy's not retarded, he probably picked up on it a while ago and has been exploiting the girl's blind trust and unwillingness to end the relationship.) Well, that's it for this little article.
(*End Note: I'm right like usual.)

My Ideal Woman (June 27th, 2:27pm)
-Thoughtful (Doesn't have to think of other people first, but has to think about them SOMETIME.)
-Punctual (People that are always late get on my nerves because they end up making ME late.)
-Responsible (If she screwed up, she knows that she did and won't try to blame it on other people.)
-Nice (Even to hobos.)
-Honest (I hate being lied to.)
-Loyal (Cheaters suck.)
-Forgiving (To an extent... There's shit out there that some people shouldn't have to tolerate.)
-Enjoys health and exercise (But shouldn't be able to bench, squat, or deadlift more than me. :-?)
-Intellegent (Must be able to point out that I mispelled 'intelligent', has to be able to understand the words that I use, able to argue philosophy and nutrition)
-Patient (Sometimes I'm slow... Not really, but you know...)
-Open minded (Willing to try new things, not new people.)
-Knows how to argue (intelligent debate, not just screaming fits.)
-Can kick ass (Optional, but I really like a girl that can hold her own while arguing or getting into a scuffle.)
-Right priorities (Has to take care of herself first, then have me and her friends tied for second. I appreciate being held in high regards but I don't like people who knock their friends back because of one person.)
-Moral (If my girlfriend beat up a little kid and took his/her lollipop away, I'd get pretty pissed off at her.)
-Direct (If she's feeling neglected, then I hope she tells me instead of starting a fight just for attention.)
-Encouraging (I want someone that helps me become a better a person.)
-Loving (Doesn't this just say it all?)
(*End Note: Things will be added to this list randomly and often, so I'm not going to announce it on the main page.)

Rocky Rocks (September 7th, 12:20pm)
I love Rocky movies... I've seen all of III, IV, and V. I've seen most of I and II but never watched the whole thing through. First off, I'm not one for complicated movies. I mean, sure they got a nice story line and stuff but why? If I'm going to spend $7, I want to make sure I get some mindless entertainment. I don't want to shell out money so that I can think some more (that's what college tuition's for). Incase you've been living under a rock for the past decade, Rocky is a movie about a boxer that's always getting beat up because he's doing something wrong. Then he trains and comes back and kicks someone's ass. If you've ever seen all 5 of the films, you'll know just how much shit this guy's taken in his life. I'm not just talking about physically, but emotionally and stuff. Like in Rocky III when his trainer dies, that was pretty sad. But the good part is that that's about as complicated as it's going to get. There's no foul play or anything involved, thus no thinking. His trainer dies because Mr. T pushed him and he had a heart attack. There see? Not very complicated. What I hate about 'thinking' movies is that there are too many idiots that go and watch them so that they can think better of themselves. Sort of like book readers... "I love reading/watching complicated books/movies so that I can seem like an intellectual in front of all my friends... Which I'm superior to." Those people make me sick. The only thing worse than listening to an idiot state their theory on the Matrix, is listening to an idiot state their theory on the Matrix while being clubbed in the head with a seal. Anyways... Rocky's awesome because you never hear some dumbass theorizing about it. My favorite Rocky movie is number IV. The one with Ivan Drago, who by the way is a total badass. I mean just his name screams testosterone. Sure, the guy's a bastard for killing Apollo but, he's so awesome since his killed Apollo! Drago didn't have too much of a speaking role in the movie, but that just contributes to his badass image. Real men try not to talk, but when they do, they do it with a Russian accent and say tough phrases like: "You will lose." or "I must break you." and not only that, but his wife's a hottie. It's too bad Rocky had to kick his ass. A shame really. Rocky V is a screw up... Well maybe not a complete screw up but it's certainly no Rocky IV. Another great thing about Rocky movies is the music. They're just so... Inspirational! Everytime I hear 'Burning Heart', I get flashbacks of when I beat up Mr. T and was training with Apollo and when my trainer died... Then I get so pumped I wanna go out and beat up people. This is different from my normal 'I wanna kick everyone's ass' mood since I'll be beating people for glory instead of relief from frustration. Yeah... Rocky's awesome. And they should make a movie about Ivan Drago! He'll only have like 2 lines in the whole movie, but it'll be 3 hours of non-stop ass beatings.

(*End note: Rocky's training techniques are superior to Drago's in Rocky IV. Drago was doing mostly isolation movements whereas Rocky was going for GPP and compound motions. Just an exercise geek comment.)

Starbucks Cup (September 7th, 3:54pm)
I have a Starbucks coffee cup. It's never been used, completely clean, and has the lid in tact. What does this mean exactly? Well, it means I'm better than you non-Starbucks coffee cup holders! This cup is a symbol of my unwaivering superiority over you mortals. Sheep, that's all you are! Just a bunch of sheep following your idiot shepards. Whereas I'm an intellectual nonconformist because I drink coffee at Starbucks (like all the other nonconforming "intellectuals"). Do you even know what a nonconformist is? Yes it's true, people that drink stuff from Starbucks are better than everyone else.

***People that drink Starbucks coffee vs people that don't.***
-We can piss all over the walls and it'll be passed off as avant-garde artwork. If YOU piss on a wall, the burly men that own the wall will kick your ass.
-We can walk around all snooty and dress in all black and people won't mess with us because they know we're too good to socialize with them. If you did the same thing, you'd get labelled a suicidal asshole and end up getting jumped by a big group of burly men.
-We can walk around with a limp wrist and it's considered sophisticated, and "modern". If you did the same thing, people will think you're a homosexual (not that anything's wrong with that) but you'd still get jumped by the same burly men in the previous example.
-We can slap people and it's accepted because everyone thinks we're constantly frustrated and depressed with our OH SO deep thoughts. If you slapped someone, that's assault and you get arrested. Then when you're in jail, a bunch of burly men'll beat you up in the court yard during your daily 'exercise' hour.
-We can drive crappy cars and no one will think otherwise because they know we spend all our money on our artwork and Starbucks coffee. If you drive a crappy car, you'll get laughed at by girls and then the burly men will think you're a poor weakling and smack you around.
-We can use all sorts of freaky sexual positions with our girlfriends (Rui excluded due to obvious reasons) and it'll be expected due to our infinite creativity. If you did the same, your girlfriend'll be disgusted with what you're making her do and she'll break up with you. But not after she tells her burly cousins that you've been hurting her and they show up at your door and ruin your shit.
-We can mix some french into our vocabulary and people will think we're bilingual and respect us more. If you spoke some french, a bunch of burly rednecks'll think you're one of those "for-in-ers" that took their "jorbs" and beat you up.
-We can drink all the Starbucks coffee that we want and that's obviously accepted. If you drank Starbucks coffee, you're a poser and well, you guessed it... Burly men will come after you.
(*End Note: If you don't drink coffee from Starbucks, you can kiss my elitist ass.)
(*Second End Note: If you took this article seriously... You deserve to have burly men come to your house and beat you silly.)

102 (or 51) Reasons Why I (Rui) Suck (10th, 1:35pm) by Lesley
1. Rui is asian.
2. Rui thinks it is funny to make fun of people with no legs, or elbows, which is not very nice.
3. Rui hates cheese. Idiot.
4. Rui is, um, Asian.
5. Rui walks around without his shirt on, flexing, refusing to satisfy onlooking women with anything more than a sultry stare and a "hello there, sex kitten", which is so unfair, because we can't resist his hard body.
6. Rui refuses to have sex with both me and my roomate, which makes us both very sad and insecure.
7. Not really.
8. Rui hates vegetables, which is not very nice.
9. Rui listens to Britney Spears. No, I'm not kidding.
10. Rui is colorblind. HAHAHAHA. Gimp.
11. Rui wears running shoes with shorts. Totally a fashion faux pas.
12. He actually pulls it off, which is unacceptable.
13. Who the hell takes John Borardi seriously, let alone count him as a personal hero?!
14. Rui does.
15. My abs are better than Rui's, and I don't even work on them.
16. Rui thinks a hood ring goes on top of your car.
17. One time, Rui was fat.
18. Did I mention Rui was fat one time?
19. Once a fattie, always a fattie.
20. When we were in high school, Rui wouldn't let me copy his homework. Asshole.
21. Mostly because he hadn't done the homework either, which is simply unsatisfactory, as everyone knows that asians always do what they're supposed to. Traitor.
22. Rui eats poop soup at Szechuan garden. Yeah, that's right. No, I'm not going to explain it.
23. Rui's cellphone ring sounds like a nintendo game,which may not be funny, but it's damn sure annoying.
24. Rui comes up with stupid ideas like "Why don't you write 50 reasons why I suck?"
25. Rui won't take me to China to meet Jet Lee, cuz that mothafucka is HOT.
26. Rui thinks I would be hotter if I died my hair blond, which means he sucks exponentially, because there's no way I could get any hotter.
27. Rui has an STD.
28. Oh. No he doesn't. But if he could, Rui would have an STD.
29. One time, I asked Rui if I looked good in this shirt, and he was all like, "No."
30. Rui has the alcohol tolerance of a newt.
31. Rui has his own website, which is totally gay.
32. Not that being gay is a bad thing, but saying that will make Rui cry.
33. But really, there's nothing wrong with being gay. One of my ex boyfriends is a drag queen. Yeah, I'm serious.
34. Rui would look better in a skirt than I do.
35. That's weird.
36. The fact that I can even come up with 36 reasons why Rui sucks, let alone 50, means he REALLY freakin' sucks.
37. Who the fuck spells Ray "Rui"?????
38. Rui is a bully. He was all like, "When are you gonna finish that list on why I suck?" And I was like, "soon." What a dick.
39. Rui has a penis. All living that have penises suck. Therefore, Rui sucks. That's called deductive reasoning. What now muthafucka!!!!
40. Rui plays poker with Mike Peevey, aka Mike Pervy. OOOh, snap!
41. Rui has 3 nipples.
42. Not really.
43. Rui thinks a hood ring goes on a car. I'm sorry, I just can't get over that!
44. Rui is a communist, cuz he's from China.
45. Fucking commi.
46. There once was a man from Nantucket. But it wasn't Rui.
47. Rui counts chicken as a vegetable. Actually, that's pretty cool.
48. Rui drives like a maniac. In a coma.
49. Rui never brings over his cute friends.
50. Rui doesn't have any cute friends. I'm just kidding guys, I just needed one more. You can come over any time you want, but there is a no-shirt policy at my house. Rui will fill you in on the details.
51. But the number one reason Rui sucks is: I don't even need another reason. He has reached his maximum sucking capacity. The End.
::::::DISCLAIMER::::::::: Rui actually doesn't suck all that much. In fact, he's a pretty cool cat. Suzan also helped me with this list, so if some of the reasons aren't funny, it's probably her fault.

People I hate on AIM (September 16th, 3:50pm)
Warning, this is a rant... Don't read it if you're one of those dumbasses that get pissed off easily. (Yes if you avoid reading this, you're a dumbass, but atleast you're not a pissed off dumbass.) AIM is AOL's little messaging program that almost everyone has. That's a problem right there since I believe that the majority of people in the world are smacktards. If a lot of people use AIM... Then there's bound to be a lot of smacktards on it. I'm just going to break it off right here and go straight to the people on AIM that I hate. People that ALWAYS have a depressing message in their profile or away message suck. "Nobody likes me so I'm away thinking about killing myself..." Wanna know why no one likes you?... BECAUSE YOU'RE A DEPRESSED SHEEP FUCKER AND IT'S ANNOYING TO TALK TO YOU. Don't get me wrong, everyone has one of those days that just suck, if they want to release some steam through AIM, that's fine... But the ones that do it ALL the time are HUGE attention whores. They want someone to message them with a "Oh my, what's wrong?". Fuck that. Know how to make it worse? Make it a depressing song lyric... That's right, now you're a pseudo-depressed attention whoring ass that doesn't even have enough creativity to come up with your own away message. Guess that's another reason for you to kill yourself... Oh wait, you're not really going to do it, you just want someone to feel sorry for you. Here's a tip for if you REALLY want to kill yourself... Don't fucking tell anyone. If someone knows, then they might try to stop you and that'd ruin your plans of leaving this 'horrid' plane. I hope no one out there is thinking about killing themselves just to show me up... That'd be the dumbest excuse for it ever. "I wanted to take my own life because Rui didn't think I could!" Great! Now instead of being an idiot, you're a DEAD idiot. Also, suicide is pretty cowardly and greedy. You're running away from your problems and by leaving a note, you want people to feel bad for you. Such an attention whore... There you have it! If you say or put up depressing shit all the time, you're a dumbass that wants attention. If you ever happen to go through with it and kill yourself, then you're a dead dumbass coward that wants attention. Best thing to do? Stop with the depressing messages. Cheer up, life's great! Everyone has problems... They just learn to deal with them and some of them get solved in time. Sorry, I got side tracked there... Back to people I hate on AIM! People that have custom sounds for when they sign on and off suck. Why do they have those sounds? Because they think everyone's like: "Holy shit! DumbassDude02 just signed on! He's so cool and 1337! Must talk to him." Reality check, it's more like: "Fuck that's annoying..." Now don't get offended, I'm sort of glad that some people have those custom noises since I actually like talking to them and I'm too lazy to put them on alert. Now you might be like: "Well if you don't like the noises, then turn your sound off!" Hey... Here's something for you, FUCK OFF. I like hearing the little door open when people sign on. Sometimes I'll be waiting for someone to come on-line so that I can talk to them. "Well why don't you put them on pop-up alert and turn your sound off then dumbass?" Because I shouldn't have to change my own settings just because you're busy being an uncompromising attention whore. Here's a little reality check: You want people to know when you sign on so they'll know you're here, you're queer, and you're ready to talk. If someone actually wanted to have a conversation with you, they'd seek you out. The reason for why people won't talk to you isn't because they keep missing you when you're on-line... It's because you suck... At almost everything. The only thing you're good at is pissing me off, and that's a health hazard. Want to make it worse? Make your custom 'sign on' sound the same as a 'message recieved' sound... I'm really prompt with messages, if someone typed something to me, I'm going to reply even if I'm in the middle of a program or game or anything. But now, I have to alt+tab my way out of a program just to call you a dumbass. But hey, you wanted that kind of attention! Make it even worse by changing your 'sign off' noise to 'message recieved'. Now you just distracted me (and probably a lot of other people) just so we can all see your name grey out. You're a fucktard... Oh, the people that are signed onto AIM for days on end aren't so bad since I won't have to keep hearing that sound. It's the fuckers that sign on and off like 6 times everyday. Another annoyance (not as bad as the others) are the people that greet me with a weird message. A simple "hi" or "hey" or even "yo" is suffice but I get messages that pop up with: "lol! I rule!" or "ARRRGGG" or "Shit shit shit" or "Shoot me in the head!". I simply don't respond to these people. Why?... Because they're lesser attention whores. They try to hook you with these little lines because they think you might be interested in why they rule or why they're so frustrated or something. Now, if you're offended or mad at me or something, you might be thinking: "Sure, I do somethings to grab other people's interest... But atleast I don't have a website dedicated to myself! You're the biggest attention whore of all!"
1.) That's only because you're too stupid to know how to make a website.
2.) I'm not tricking or forcing anyone to come to it.
3.) You probably didn't have this thought until I mentioned it.
4.) Go find some burly men and piss them off.
(*End note: Nothing in this rant was aimed at any one person... Or was it?)

Paris Hilton Haters (October 6th, 3:48pm)
I'm tired of hearing things like "Paris Hilton sucks" from people that do the exact same things that she does. What are people's biggest beefs with Ms. Hilton? Well let's see... They call her a slut because she slept with some guy and taped it. So what makes this bad? The sex part or the taping part? Well, video tape itself isn't bad... I mean, how many people are offended by watching their wedding videos? Video tape is only as dirty as it's content. So I'm to assume that having sex in general is bad and makes you a slut for doing so. What does this mean? It means only virgins are allowed to call Paris Hilton a slut. Ok, now that that's settled, let's go into the whole drinking and clubbing issue. I really don't like hearing people say: "Oh Paris is bad, she gets drunk off her ass, then starts shit at clubs and blah blah blah, I'm stupid!" Those people are just jealous. They go out and get drunk off their asses and go out to the clubs all the time. So what's the difference between them doing it and Paris doing it? The fact that Paris Hilton is attractive and famous enough to have cameras on her. "Oh, Paris can't act!" Oh, shut the hell up. We all have celebrities that we can't stand, besides... Paris Hilton hasn't been in any major films or anything so chances are that you already had a bad opinion of her right from the start and you're just looking for excuses to hate her. "The Simple Life is dumb." It's the theme of the show that you probably don't like then, not Paris herself. She's not the one that wrote and designed the thing. "She's self-centered and is a bitch to everyone." Who's NOT self-centered? Now seriously... Who isn't greedy? And don't give me that "Oh, I helped out at the old folk's home last year" crap because the only reason why you did is either because it was a court order, or because you wanted to make yourself feel better since you know you're a drain on society but if you carried a tray for an old person, then your existence will be validated. No, screw that... Everything we do as humans we do because we're greedy and we want something. Don't even try to argue love with me. People 'love' because of a chemical cascade that happens in your head which makes you feel good and it's addictive. 'Love' is like shooting up heroin. I'm not saying that love is a bad thing, I bet it's wonderful... But that we 'love' because we're greedy. Anyways, everyone's self-centered. Now, the part about being a bitch... How has she been a bitch? Give me an example... Oh, ok... Uh huh, uh huh, oh did she really? WOW! Oh hey wait... You've probably done things even worse. The only difference is that you're not famous and so rumors can't spread. Here's an example! Paris Hilton steps on a turtle by accident, all of a sudden camera men rush to the scene taking pictures and filming the reactions of both Paris and the turtle. Soon P.E.T.A (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) show up and slap a sticker on poor Ms. Hilton for "trampling" the turtle. You'll hear about all this on the news the very next day as the president declares it "National Turtle Day" and honors the turtle with a medal because it was so heroic. Now, say I'm walking around and I stepped on a turtle. You know what would happen? Some pothead (pronounced 'po-th-heed') would laugh and go: "Dude, that was SOOO awesome!" We'd highfive, I'd punt the turtle across campus, and everything will go back to normal. The next day, no one will see me and point and go: "THERE'S THE TURTLE HATER! LET'S STEAL HIS PROTEIN BAR AND KICK HIM IN THE KNEES!" What's the difference between what I did and what Paris did?... Nothing except for the fact that Paris is now wanted by the FBI for 'turtle hating' whereas I got highfived by the president of the philosophy club. Now, you're all entitled to your opinions... But unless you're a saintly virgin that doesn't drink and go out to clubs, then not liking Paris Hilton makes you a hypocrite, and a pretty stupid one at that since you had to read this article to realize it. Ok well... That's about it.
(*End Note: Soon after this article was written, the author stepped on a turtle and was highfived.)

My Procedure (October 6th, 4:39pm)
Ever wonder what a typical day in the life of Rui is like? Well too bad, here it is:
-Wake up and turn the alarm off using my perfect sense memory.
-End up on my feet not knowing how I got myself up.
-Check messages on AIM... Yup, Dave Moore's still my #1 fan.
-Limp (or ninja roll) to the bathroom to take a shower.
-Selenium Sulfide, Neutrogena, Shampoo, Conditioner (Typical Stage 4).
-Brushing teeth while thinking of what to eat and gagging myself with the toothbrush.
-Back to my room, check the weather and get dressed accordingly.
-Forget what I had in mind for breakfast, drink a protein shake, eat shredded wheat, and swallow 6 pills of various colors.
-Gel hair if I have enough time and if there's someone I'm trying to impress.
-Ride with Mike, or I drive... Depends who has the parking pass.
-Curse at everyone that gets in my way and wishing that I could summon fireballs.
-Get in classroom 5 minutes early (because I'm a nerd).
-Daydream about the girl(s) sitting in front of me, behind me, beside me, and/or across the room from me.
-Food break! Eat all in sight... Or just whatever I happen to have in my backpack (Usually lint.)
-Next class, I'm usually mentally exhausted with all the fantasizing I did in the morning, so I pay attention to the professor.
-Professor starts looking really attractive.
-All of a sudden, terrorists burst through the door with AK-47s.
-Fireball half of the them.
-Take out the rest with my telekinesis.
-The toughest one gets back up and we kung fu fight.
-A dragon kick to the head declares me as the winner.
-Snap out of it and leave class.
-Flag down a car to get a ride home, Mike gives me a ride back... Or I drive, whatever.
-Check mail, seperate it into piles. One for Mike, and one for 'resident'.
-Sit in front of computer thinking about stuff to put on my webpage.
-Get really lazy with the brain activity and play computer games instead.
-Pwn some 'Llama whores'.
-Pwn some 'n00bz0rs' (or 'nubs' as they're known now).
-Pwn some '1337 h@x0r wannabe'.
-Pwn everyone else in between.
-Declare myself to the on-line community as 'teh pwn' and sign off.
-Call Austin and Jeff and see if they want to work out.
-Austin says he doesn't workout on leg day, after 6pm, during the autumn months, on rainy days, or on days where he eats food.
-Inform Austin of his suckiness.
-Workout while being self-concious of my shorts which bulge in the wrong places and like to crawl up my butt.
-Stop by the climbing wall to see if any friends are working there.
-Annoy people that aren't my friends.
-Water.
-Come home, eat something.
-Wonder what ever happened to the living room floor.
-Call Lesley
-Inform her that I love her and that on a completely seperate note I'd like to park at her house.
-Leave for ninja practice.
-Karma comes into play, I get pwned.
-Stop by the climbing wall to see if any friends are working there.
-Annoy people that aren't my friends.
-Go back to Lesley's.
-Notice that she moved my car to the jungles of the amazon.
-Drive back to the streets while avoiding the exotic 'Venus Cartrap' plant, vine thingy.
-Drive home while thinking about how Lesley's a vegetarian and wonder if that has anything to do with her being crazy.
-Study/Games/TV.
-Eat more food.
-Notice that Honor has finally woken up.
-Say hi.
-Play Nerdic, The Nerderling with Mike.
-Pwn.
-Go to bed wondering why I don't have a girlfriend even though I have my own webpage and we all know that that's uber cool.
-Headbutt the wall because it's too loud in the living room... Or I'm hearing things, whatever... Headbutting solves everything.
-Pass out with thoughts about girls in my class.
-Dream about me, a shotgun, and an evil horde of slow moving zombies. Because let's face it... Blowing away undead flesh with a shotty is as good as it gets.
(*End Note: Pwn is pronounced 'Pown')

Stop Whining! (November 10th, 11:13pm)
Oh boo hoo, the whole world is bad because you made some stupid decisions and now they're coming back to devour you. I can't go through a day without hearing someone bitch and moan about something "terrible" that happened to them. I mean seriously. I once tried to get away and have a grand ol adventure (yes, 'ol' not 'old') by walking around in random directions until I lost myself. See, because I wouldn't be around anyone I knew, I'd be free to do whatever. Also I was hoping I wouldn't hear a friend whine about how he tripped over a branch and accidently broke his favorite egg or some stupid shit. So anyways, I'm off somewhere in Greenville trying to have a good time when all of a sudden a bum comes up to me and asks if I could give him some money. First off, if you don't know this already, there's a HUGE chance of the bum pulling a weapon on you and taking all your cash and might kill you just for the hell of it. But I'm Rui, so I gave him $2. I thought that'd be the end of it, but NOOO. He goes on and on about how life is so hard for him since he doesn't have any cash and he's got like 19 kids, 3 dogs, 6 cats, and a hamster with a broken leg named 'Blinky'. Then he starts talking about the drug addiction he has. He's been injecting this stuff called 'hair-o-in'. Oh whine whine whine. If he doesn't like his life so much, maybe he should change and instead of being a bum, be a banker or some shit. How he's gonna go about doing that is his problem. Anyways, I leave the whiny bum and keep on trekking through the unfamilar location until I came up on a giant statue. It looked like a guy doing something... Rather unappealing. But yeah. So so far on my journey I ran into 1 bum and 1 statue. I was thinking about calling someone for some help on getting out of this place since I was pretty lost... But that's when I ran into the time portal. It was a big glowing blue thingy. Naturally I jump inside because you don't see one of those everyday. Ok, so now I'm in the year 2003 and I'm short $2. When all of a sudden a UFO comes out of nowhere and hits me with a bright yellow tractor beam. As I'm abducted, I start thinking to myself: "Damnit... I need to pee." But yeah, the aliens were cool... We played some Halo (I pwned their asses) and since I won, my reward was a ticket home (to both the right location AND time). Next thing I know I'm back in my apartment bitching about how I can't get a girlfriend and how it's not MY fault, but everyone elses for being so dumb. All of a sudden it dawned on me that I was whining. So I kicked my own ass and when I was done, I felt rather good... And bruised.
(*End Note: I whined about whining... That's awesome.)

Girls Have it Easier (November 18th, 4:48pm)
This article was inspired after reading something on-line about how guys have it all. Let's start by seeing why girls think guys have it easier... They say they have to do their hair and make up and nails and all that stuff. Ok, most guys will do something with their hair... As far as make up and nails go? Personally I don't pay attention to a girl's nails unless they're disgusting and I'm just trying to get away from them. Make up... That's optional, I mean come on, it can only do so much. (Professional make up artists excluded, since they can dramatically change appearance but they do it for guys too.) If you're hideous, no amount of make up will help you. If you're hot, make up might make you look a little hotter. Personally I'm into the naturally pretty wholesome girl look no matter what my friends might say. Ok, that's 3 reasons down. Another thing is comfortable shoes. Ok, no one is making you wear high heels... Seriously, it's your own damn choice and if someone (most likely an abusive boyfriend) is actually MAKING you do it... Kill him. The world needs less scum and more Rui. Also, it's not like wearing boots all day long is a walk in the park (which is why I'm usually seen in sneakers.) "Girls are victimized more." The way I see it, if you get attacked... It's partially your fault. Maybe if you weren't flaunting everything you had, it wouldn't have made someone crazed enough to get you. Statistically homosexual men are the #1 victims for violent crimes (which is why there's such a battle for their rights.) Women on average might not get paid as much as men in the workplace. Like I stated in the previous statement, it's partially their fault! The way the system works is, if you do more quality work than someone, you should get paid more. If you do the SAME amount of work and everything, then you should get the SAME amount of cash. (Not considering seniority or anything of that stuff.) "Yes yes, I know that already" is probably what you're saying to yourself. Well then... DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. People that don't speak up get oppressed! Look at me, I'm a big marshmallow. I have a hard time saying no to friends and so I'm the one that's usually going out of my way to make other people's lives easier. Don't be like the Rui! Demand fair wages, and if you get a bullshit excuse then sue. It's win win! You'll either get a raise, or you'll get MORE money because of the lawsuit. "But it's still not a fair! I'll still be looked down on because I'm a woman." Are you sure? I mean, if I was running a company, I'd want to pay someone as less money as possible to keep them interested. That's what a business is, a capitalistic one atleast. Of course the boss COULD just not like women... If that's the case then that's just too bad. I don't complain about people who are racist against Asians. Sure I hate them and I'd like to go around removing their eyes but I can't, so I just live with it. Hm, so what other hardships do women have to endure that men don't... Oh! I know, they don't have the natural upperbody strength that guys are supposed to have. You *could* just go workout. Seriously, America is in it's wussified, out of shape, stupid phase. So it should be easier to pull ahead with physical strength by just doing some strength training... And don't even TRY that "but I'll get all big if I lift" argument. That's a stupid myth that the treadmill people started in order to boost sales. If you really believe that you can bloat up to bodybuilder status without injecting steroids every other hour, then you need to get hit by a plate. Not only is that a stupid thought, but it's insulting for people that have been lifting heavy for years but still aren't as big as they want to be. "If a guy sleeps with a lot of girls, he's seen as a god, but if a girl sleeps with a lot of guys, she's a slut." This sentence is only here because I need to use the quote marks again and I don't like doing two in a row. "Slut" is just a word. I think of it more as a descriptive word than a vulgar one. Basically if you get called a slut, it means you sleep with a lot of people. But wasn't that your goal? I mean, sure it might make other people look down on you but if you cared about what others think, why'd you go slutting around? Hell, if you LIKE sleeping with 40 people a night, then be proud when someone calls you a slut because you've done your duty. I'm not trying to promote sluts... Hell, I hate whores and man-whores. But if you enjoy it, keep doing it. "Girls have to dress up all nice and pretty all the time, guys can throw on a t-shirt and they'll be fine." Yeah, screw that. If you like dressing up, you like dressing up. Doesn't make too much of a difference. There's a girl in 2 of my classes. I never see her with make up on, I don't know if she paints her nails, I don't even know if she's got earrings or not. She goes to class everytime with just a simple t-shirt and jeans. Not even the tight fitting stuff, REGULAR clothes. And well, simply... I'm wild about her 'nuff said. Now that the "downsides" of being a woman has been dealt with, let's analyze how they have life easier! Let's start with the little "women get anything they want" statement. Sure you might need to put out and/or cry and whine about it... But you'll get it. If a guy puts out or cries because he can't get something, he'll get beaten by his fellow men on the grounds of "being a pussy bitch." You women can use sex as a bargaining chip and I think that's disgusting. You should have sex because you either love someone and want to prove it to them, or you're horny and you want some. But to trade it for favors?... That demeans the act itself. You're no better than a hooker. Women can listen to any kind of music and it'd be deemed cute. Guys that like listening to soft music and/or pop (Britney Spears) are looked down on by both guys AND girls. Guys have to approach girls because equal rights only go so far. Here's a fun topic... Most women want everything to be fair, but guys still have to start the conversation, get the number, make the first date, pay for everything, take them out, buy flowers, and eventually buy them a ring. Ok, maybe you're a hip new generation girl that genuinely doesn't mind picking up the tab once in a while, kudos! But that's all small stuff. A resturant bill at best might be around $50. A diamond engagement ring though? Why is it that the guy has to get this ring for the girl, but the girl doesn't need to give him a ring or anything of equal value? Dwell on that thought for a while. If you're a girl (and you're either hip or you're just pissed off at me and want to argue for the sake of arguing) you might say something like "I don't need a ring." Well then, I'm not going to argue with you on that one. If you don't need a ring, you're not getting one. Everyone's happier and some guy out there just saved a couple hundred (maybe even thousands of) dollars. When a guy and girl get married, the guy needs to hold a job or else he's a 'lazy bum'. But if the girl doesn't work, she's a 'housewife'. Yeah yeah, I said before that they're just words... But still, now you see that it cuts both ways. Women are also seen as more 'heartwarming' and 'loving' than guys. So if a couple ever split, the woman almost always gets the children (and 50% of everything the husband owned.) Which I don't understand... Why give something to someone that didn't lift a finger to earn it? And that's also why I don't think a prenub is rude. Infact, I recommend it to EVERYONE. If a guy makes out with another guy, it's disgusting... However if a girl makes out with another girl, it's hot. Hm... I'm not going to argue against it because well... Two girls kissing IS pretty hot. People tip toe through the tulips when they want to say something condensending about women, but guys are just abused. Seriously, have you watched TV lately? Why is it that in sitcoms and commericals, the normal guy is always some fat idiot running around doing stupid crap but the female is always OH SO smart and beautiful? It's usually a married couple and the show or commerical center around the guy doing something stupid and having his wife clean up his mess. What kind of unrealistic crap is this? If all guys were really that stupid, the world would be in ruins. And if all women were really like that, they'd have been in charge right from the start. Of course, if you had a brilliant husband that went around correcting all of his wife's failures, then you'd have nazi feminists all over it. (Not all feminists are nazis, but if you go as far as to spell "womyn" with a Y, then Sig Heil!" So why aren't there men's rights parades going on all over the place?...
(*End Note: e-mail or IM me if you think I'm wrong. If you can somehow CONVINCE me that women have it harder in life, then I'll post an apology and an article about how I suck [written by me, as opposed to Lesley's post.])

Self Defense (November 26th, 2:56pm)
I was just reading over my last article and I started thinking about my comment on women being attacked. I still stand by my statement that if a person gets attacked, it's still partially their fault. It doesn't matter if you're a guy or a girl, if you got attacked you did something wrong. Say you're walking down the street 'la de do dum da' and next thing you know some punk pulls you into an alley. He pulls out a knife and demands you give him all your money. Best thing to do? Run the fuck away. Sure you'll look back and think of yourself as a coward, but atleast you're alive! You did the *right* thing, and so you weren't physically hurt. Ok ok, what if you couldn't run fast enough and the guy chased you down? What did you do wrong there? You didn't run fast enough OR you ran in the wrong direction. But let's say you're slow, dumb, and you want to prove me wrong by trying to attack a mugger... Fair enough, this article is for YOU! It's just a simple list of items to take with you so that when you're confronted with a "bad guy" YOU'LL be the one being charged with assault in court. (Hey, better in jail than in Hell.)

Shotgun-It's amazing, you think that it'd be common sense for people to walk around with these things. Seriously, just the sight of a shotgun will make a person think twice about attacking you. Remember to keep it loaded just in case someone calls your bluff.

Dog-Walk with Spike (or some other viciously named dog) and unless a person WANTS to get mauled, they'll leave you alone. Make sure the dog looks like it COULD tear a person into pieces. Just to add to the effect, feed it Alka-Seltzer just before you leave your safe haven for the mean streets.

Pistol-Or firearms in general... As far as guns go, the bigger the better. America has some screwed up laws and bearing arms is one of them. Why not abuse it to it's full extent? The way I see it, people WITH guns have an advantage over people without them. The only way the country would be 'fair' is if no one has guns, or if EVERYONE has a gun. But that's not how it is and so the people with the guns usually hold the power. No seriously though think about it, if it were legal to punch horses in the face, you should go around doing so. It would make the world a lot safer to abuse stupid laws. See, if you punched all the horses, the government would take notice and probably make horse punching illegal. Until then, you'd be safe from horses because both you AND the horses know that you can get away with socking one of them. So by you walking around with enough firepower to blow away a small country, you'll be scaring away muggers, gangbangers, nogoodnicks, and horses. And once the government sees these mini mobile military bases as threats to the country, they'll ban guns which means the muggers, gangbangers, nogoodnicks, and horses will lose a lot of their weaponry, thus making the streets safer. The main point is, abuse the law to it's full extent and you'll get stuff done.

Knives-Good for any occasion! No reloading required with these bad boys. Switchblades are faster, so they're better. The same gun rules apply to knives, the bigger the better. If muggers have these things, shouldn't you?

Swords-When your knife gets too big, it's considered a sword. Sure they're illegal to have on you. But it's the same with any other weapon. Why not go for it?

Mace-There are two kinds. The spray (which can hurt like hell) or the big spiked ball attached to a metal rod (which can hurt like hell). So let's compare the two! Sprays can be carried on your keychain, in your purse, pocket, sword arm, knife arm, gun holster, or in your standard kangaroo pouch. Press a button and the stuff comes out. Can blind an attacker, but can also blind you in the process. Can be lethal if used properly. Usually only good for one time use. Convenient but sort of girly.
"Hey Cronk, what's that?"
"It's just my mace."
"Mace?! HAHAHAHA, for when someone wants your purse right?! HAHAHA"
"Shut up Grog! Not funny!"
"You sissy."
*Sniff*
Now the big spiked ball version. It can be carried on your keychain, but is too big for purses and pockets. Can be carried in your sword arm or knife arm but would probably damage your kangaroo pouch. To use, swing it really hard at the person. Can blind and/or cripple an attacker without blinding (but maybe crippling) you in the process. Good chance of contact being lethal. Good for as long as you can still use your arm. More masculine and more intimidating. So in conclusion, the spray may be better for women, whereas the big spiked ball is good for men.

Stun Gun-Or any other electric zapping device. Not only is it effective, it's fun to zap stuff with it! (Use responsibly unless attacked... Then go butt wild crazy.)

Martial Arts-So many of them out there... Just pick one and study it for 8 years. THEN go out and have someone try to mug you.

Bodyguard Rui-Created by Ruico Unlimited! The ultimate in personal protection. Feed it 20 eggs a day and watch him grow! Simple point to whatever you want beaten up and it'll be done. Bodyguard Rui can run on batteries (made of highly concentrated egg whites) for 6 hours. Bodyguard Rui never moves it's shoulders and comes with sunglasses that are worn 24/7! Pull the string in the back and he'll say one of his many colorful phrases like: "I will break you." or "Give me more eggs!"

Legs-Run away... Best thing to do is to run the hell away.
(*End Note: If you KNOW you can take the person, then do so to teach them a lesson. If you know you can't or are unsure... Well, for the umpteenth time: "RUN".)

Tis the Season (December 21st, 8:35pm)
Time for cold, time for bitterness, time for vengence, time for wrath! Just kidding, it's Christmas time! Yeah yeah, we're not all christians I know I know. But I'm still calling it Christmas, I don't say it to offend, I say it because it's habit. Anyways, 'tis the season to be jolly. So do just that! No school right now, for all us college kids this is one of the most stress-free times of the year (some would argue summer, but there's summer school). I'm updating my site simply because I haven't updated in a while and I think it's turning people off. And by "thinking" I actually mean I went onto geocities and looked up the stats for my site and saw my hits plummet. So yeah, I guess you could say that this is a second rate post since I'm not very funny right now. It's strange you know? When I'm pissed or stressed out about something, everyone else around me has a good time since I'm throwing out funny ways of insulting people. However when I'm happy and calm, I'm just boring ol Aeolian Whisper. That dude that either never talks to you on-line or won't stop talking to you on-line. Oh, here's something to discuss, and it should be interesting since I'm in a wussified state of mind right now... Someone refuses to call the things in my writing section "articles". They prefer to call it rants! Well, sure... I rant about some things. Hell, I rant about most things. But that's only because "most things" in the world are fucked up. But how is my Rocky article a rant? Yeah I DID say Rocky V kinda stunk but that's about it. I didn't go off on a tangent about why it stunk, what they could've done to make it better, and then throw in a joke about a funny looking hamster I saw the other day. Yeah, that last little bit I just typed was a rant about how I don't rant all the time, laugh it up, I'm not going to defend myself in this article much... I'm simply not pissed enough. I sure it hope it snows when I get back to ECU. That'd be so great... All I want is 2 feet of snow. It's not so much that the classes will be cancelled, it's that I really like snow. Yes, I do enjoy my classes. Nothing stimulates my mind more than sitting in a lecture hall while listening to someone tell me about how insulin and cortisol work. No, I'm not being sarcastic either... You all have your hobbies, let me have mine! Hm... That just got me thinking... That information about me on the "about" section is really really getting old! I mean, I have a lot more hobbies now! I'm a part-time ninja, sometimes I roll around on the floor... Once I almost assassinated Mike, but right before I got the choke slapped on him, he turned around and... It wasn't Mike. I was some tall black dude that looked sort of LIKE Mike, and he was standing around outside. Shut the hell up, it was dark, I couldn't see properly. Uh let's see... What else do I do for fun?... Oh yeah, I make fun of people. All sorts of people, no one is safe! I've made fun of girls that I had crushes on before. It's all fun and games until they hear about it... And then they'll refuse to date you for some weird reason. Yes it IS a weird reason, girls'll stay with guys that cheat on them and physically abuse them, but you say one bad thing about what they put in their hair once and BAM! You're the meanest guy in the world. Screw the dude that messed around with your best friend while punching you in the face, Aeolian 'the guy that made fun of my hair once' Whisper needs to die. Video games are always nice to kill time with. I used to play counter-strike a lot but then I moved into my apartment, and the wireless connection's really crappy. Plus I hear a lot of servers are down now because of CS:Source and HL2 (if you have no idea what I'm talking about, you're a n00bz0r). So now the games of choice are Super Smash Bros Melee and Halo (Both 1 and 2). Oh yeah, I finally broke down and added myself to thefacebook.com. Both my roomates have met someone on there (how they turned out is another story). But that's still more than the people I meet. Of course, I don't think it'll do me any good since I'm probably not going to initiate any conversation with anyone on there unless I already know them in real life and I sorta like them. So now it's more of just a collection of how many people I can get connected to. Help the cause, register (it's free!) and add me as your friend... ONLY me, I don't want anyone else out there to leech off my friend source. It's all mine, MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!... Ok, that was a total maniacal geek out. I think I'm going to end this post right here. Screw your "happy holidays", Merry Christmas to all!
(*End Note: And a Happy Hanukkah to Austin, sorry I couldn't resist.)
(*Second End Note: Yeah, this is a second rate post, but I spent time typing this up, so I'm not taking it down. Hopefully my New Years one will be just as crappy... I mean, NOT as crappy!... I mean... Damnit, why don't you people go start your own websites and have ME read the contents for fun?)

Balance (December 25th, 9:48pm)
There was an article here.
It took quite a while to type.
It was rather lengthy.
It was too angry.
It was too intense.
It was too heartfelt.
It was too truthful.
It was deleted for those reasons.

We all have our own demons to battle.
Just know that if you ever need help, I'll be here like I always am...
...And I trust you will do the same for me when the time comes.

Hello 2005 (December 31st, 7:46pm)
Wow, time really flies when you're... When you're alive. 2004 was a happy year, I got a new favorite celebrity, I got a new apartment, I've got new crushes, and best of all (for Dave Moore) I've got new articles! Hm... I wonder what ever happened to Cav. Cav, if you're reading this, email me or something! All us old domers are worried sick about you. Certain things haven't changed though, my cynical views of society for one... If anything, I think people have gotten MORE selfish, MORE lazy, which makes me MORE pissed off. Honor is all but lost (and I'm not talking about my roomate). What ever happened to the days of old? When you did things NOT because you wanted a reward, but because it was right? It's sad to see that as spirituality and religion decline, so do morals. Why is that? Because it makes me believe that some people act good ONLY because they think a higher power is watching them. Give a person complete freedom and watch what happens. Also, when people have anonymity, you find that most of them are total assholes. Take on-line gaming for instance! Random people will start cussing like crazy and acting like dicks. They'll do it if you beat them, they'll do it if you lose to them, they'll do it if you both died and somehow got a draw. Not only that, but you guys can be on the same damn team and that fucker'll STILL be talking shit. Here's an example, this conversation happened to me back when I was playing counter-strike, it's been a while so maybe not everything was exactly the same, but the basic concept's still there:
**Phanleet has entered the game**
--ArchAss-- "Hey Phanleet, if you were on the other team, I'd pwnz0r your fucking ass, then do your mom up the butt."
--Phanleet-- "Okay man... Whatever, just play the game."
--ArchAss-- "I'll play your mom's game."
--Phanleet-- "Oh shit, watch out man... 3 Ts just entered the left hall!"
--ArchAss-- "I don't need your bitchass telling me what to do, I r teh pwn."
**ArchAss was killed by Scruff_Scruff**
**New Round!**
--ArchAss-- "WTF PHANLEET! J00 DIDN'T COVER ME YOU FUCKING BITCH!!!"
--Phanleet-- "I was across the map, I didn't have a clear shot, and I WARNED you!"
--ArchAss-- "I warned your mom."
--Phanleet-- "Dude, shut up and play the damn game."
--ArchAss-- "That's what she told me last night, AH HA HA HA"
**ArchAss was teamkilled by Phanleet**
Of course do these people talk like that in real life? Hell no! They'd get the living shit beat out of them. What's the difference? Well you see, ArchAss is a dick 24/7. However, in real life, he has to hide it in order to be 'socially accepted'. You know what's wierd though? If the majority of people were assholes in disguse, then technically wouldn't being genuinely nice be seen as taboo? Anyways, for 2005, I promise to change almost nothing about me! I mean why should I? Original Rui (created by Ruico Unlimited est. 1984) has that sweet tangly flavor that all the girls love! (But refuse to date.) Actually, that might be a good reason to change something... Oh, I got it... I'm gonna be an asshole. Wait wait wait, here's the logic behind it okay? I hear about girls complaining about how their boyfriends are all assholes and that they want to meet a nice guy. Ah, you see... Aeolian r teh nice guy! But can't get dates, thus saying that girls actually do LOVE assholes, they just want to make it look like they don't. No no no, don't argue with me. Bobby Lei (I'm a huge fan of him) says that it's because nice guys don't have balls. While this is true, if a girl REALLY wanted to meet a good guy, then she'll actively seek one out. There are no balls required for that kinda thing. Of course this never happens; I've never had a girl come up to me and say: "Hey, word around the mill is that you're a nice guy, I'm tired of being used and beaten, how's about we go out?" Oh, but girls don't traditionally make the inital move? Well girls didn't initially hold jobs or vote. Times are a changin, you want to be treated equal, then do things that make you SEEM equal. That's something else that pisses me off. A guy who was writing to Men's Health magazine said something along the lines of 'Women want to have their cake, eat it, then blame their boyfriends when they get fat.' Right on! They want all their rights, and also for guys to do stuff for them... Doesn't sound very fair to me, but meh... The whole social system's fucked up anyways. What else happened in 2004?... Oh yeah, people are still blind idiots. Why the hell is a selfish, lying, murdering, propaganda spewing, puppet still in charge? I mean come on people... He's passed a bill where they have the right to read your personal... Well, personal ANYTHING. He's bombing and killing people so that he can drill for oil in a different country, not only that but the oil company is funded by the family of the person that sent airplanes through some tall ass buildings. People say that his opponent is greedy... Yeah right, what's he gonna do? Bomb people and build ketchup factories in the ruins?! My political views go like this: In order to make progress, you gotta change shit. Which reminds me of a nice little joke. How many conservatives does it take to screw in a lightbulb?... None! If you leave the lightbulb alone, it'll screw itself in! Dumbasses... What happens if we change for the worse? Then we can change right back and cover up the damn evidence. You know... Like invading a country because they might have had big ass weapons? Well that's fine and dandy but... Where are the weapons? Where? I don't see them... Oh hey! There's a missile silo, oh wait no... It's a damn oil tower. Doesn't matter though, we'll just tell everyone that they had the POTENTIAL to make shit to blow everyone up... "Potential" just means you haven't done anything yet. Einstein was a "potential" radio host, my roomates are "potential" murderers, people that voted republican however are "definite" blind sheep... Or just greedy bastards, whichever. Sure you save 2% on your taxes, that's an extra egg you could eat! What do you get though? A couple trillion dollars in national debt. Meaning that the next president (whoever that poor fellow may be) is going to have to sell off a couple of states to keep the country alive. Egg for country, seems well worth it doesn't it? Terrorism is defined as: "The unlawful use or threatened use of force or violence by a person or an organized group against people or property with the intention of intimidating or coercing societies or governments, often for ideological or political reasons." (Dictionary.com) Basically means threatening use of force against people, an intimidation tactic, blah blah blah. Hm! I'm not going to say anything more except this: If you're not sure or are unclear about policies, then don't vote. It's like a person trying to oppose a stampede of lobotomized sheep. Sure the person thinks a little bit more than the sheep do... But he's still going to get trampled because stupidity in great numbers if a force to be reckoned with. 2004, wow, so much shit... What else, oh yeah! I'm a ninja now... Yeah... No joke, I'll fly around and cut your head off. Not only that, but I fight ALL the time. (Realultimatepower.net if you haven't realized it yet.) And hopefully I'll still be ninjaing around through 2005. My my my, what a year to leave behind... Hope everyone has fun in 2005, and remember not to take my articles a little too seriously because if you haven't figured it out yet, I'm completely insane, immensely egotistical, and self-righteous (because the rest of the world would probably deem me so and the mob (not the mafia) is what rules society.)
(*End Note: Life makes more sense when you're insane like me.)

I Have Class in the Morning (January 24th, 12:35am)
Yes, this is a rant. It's Sunday night (Monday morning?) and I have 8am classes on Monday. So why am I not getting any sleep? Well... I tried to get some sleep. I tried to sleep at around 10pm. Which would give me 1 full hour to start dozing off and then leaving me with a fresh 8 hours. Good plan right? Oh, just to make sure I wouldn't be interrupted, I turned my fan on high, put in ear plugs, took sleeping pills, and then blindfolded myself. Of course, all these things were no match for assholes who live above me. Oh yeah hey the floor creeks and stuff and I've complained about that... But what gets me is that the douche bag living over me makes no effort whatsoever to be respectful. I've talked to him about it and he said if he's being too loud then all I have to do is bang on the ceiling. So I do... What happens after that? Well, he starts stomping on the floor (my ceiling) thus pissing me off even more. Really now, I have to make white noise with my fan, I have to stuff my bathrobe under my door inorder to seal it so that the door won't shake when the guy runs around, and I've spent money on pills, earplugs, etc just so I can try and sleep... You know what though? Maybe I'm using the sleeping pills wrong. Perhaps instead of me taking 2 a night, I should be making him take 2000 a night. I don't really know the guy and from what I hear he's okay to hang around and stuff... But if he were to drop dead tomorrow, I would find religon and thank whatever god struck his deadbeat ass down. For all you gods and/or goddesses out there: Yes, this IS an opening for my empty religon space. If you were to smite the guy living above me and somehow leave a name tag or what not, I promise to worship you and honor you as the one and true god (or goddess... Whatever you are). At first I just wanted the floorboards replaces and thickened, but now I believe that that's not enough. Sure I'll be able to sleep, but what about society? I bet those guys upstairs are living off welfare, milking the government for every benefit they have, and yet instead of trying to forge a life, they just smoke themselves stupid. I know that they atleast smoke pot, and since they're always around then I'm assuming they don't have jobs and they don't go to school. The whole welfare thing is just a guess... I mean, what other forms of income can they have? No family member would shell out that much money just to keep them alive, and if they were rich from savings or whatnot, then they wouldn't be living at Eastbrook apartments! What a perfect way to ruin an amazing weekend... No really though, friday night was awesome and saturday night was terrific, but how does sunday end? With a jumbo-sized, noise making, undeserving, leech who keeps Rui (our hero for this story) up so that he can't sleep well. "Why don't you just call the cops and have them busted for possession?" some of you may be asking. Of course, most of you out there probably wouldn't be thinking this since you all enjoy pot. Anyways, there's no honor in that. I've thought about it, but having them arrested just for making noise? Pass. Of course if they were to get struck by lightning, then it'd be an act of God, and who am I to argue with a being (or beings) higher than me? To recap: Me calling cops = dishonorable; Holy being striking them down = not my decision so I'll be going to bed... And probably won't get as disturbed. Those of you who know me well know just how irritated I get when I don't sleep well. Well, take that variable and mutiply it by about 24. That's how much I hate those fuckers that live above me. When I wake up at 7am, I'm going to blast really loud music and maybe just bang on the ceiling for no reason. I mean hey, they go to bed late so they keep me up. I think it's only fair for me to wake up early and make sure they're dying from lack of sleep as well. Of course they'll end up winning since I have classes to go to and all they probably do is lie around smoking pot and thinking of new ways to be useless. "Rui, you're stupid, why don't you complain to the landlord?" Hey, fuck you, I've done that already and I'm going to go again soon. I tried to be protective last time, I said that it wasn't their fault and that it's just the floor/ceiling. That sure as hell didn't work, so I'm going to just tell them everything and have the landlords take care of it. Being loud, blasting rap music, stomping around, smoking pot, etc. Hopefully they'll get evicted... Then maybe gunned down after that. Of course, I'd only be held responsible for them getting kicked out. If they WERE to have gotten shot later in life (or even later during that same day) then it'd be an act of God.
(*Endnote: The author later banged on the ceiling really loudly every half hour and then blamed the noise on an act of God.)

Indirect Insults (January 26th, 4:06pm)
Here's a list of compliments or just random comments that I've recieved and decided to pervert into insults. Not so much because I have no self-esteem whatsoever, but because I have a strange sense of humor and I need webcontent! Also, you have my permission to use this as a guide for getting pissed off at people that talk to you.
Phrase: Wow, you're so interesting.
Real Meaning: No idea what you're talking about and I really don't care to listen to it since after all, I'm better than you. Your face is shaped very strange too.


Phrase: "That shirt looks good on you!"
Real Meaning: "I'm tired of shopping with you, buy something and let's go."

Phrase: "Aw, you're so sweet."
Real Meaning: "Aw, you're never gonna get any, especially not from me since I know you have no balls."

Phrase: "Just called to say hi."
Real Meaning: "I want something from you but I'll build it up from that statement so that you'll actually think I give a damn about you."

Phrase: "I like your mole."
Real Meaning: "Goddamnit that thing is HUGE! Do you have a zoning permit for it? Not only that, but it really doesn't look right on you."

Phrase: "You look nice with your hair gelled up like that."
Real Meaning: "Too bad you didn't gel it down so that it covers up your face."

Phrase: "You have a nice body..."
Real Meaning: "Your face doesn't look like it deserves to be on that."

Phrase: "Wanna get some lunch?"
Real Meaning: "I'm hungry, I'm broke, you're a tool."

Phrase: "You're nice."
Real Meaning: "Back the hell off, it'll never happen."

Phrase: "You're a great friend."
Real Meaning: "It's as if you have a vagina or something..."

Phrase: "No I'm serious! You're really good looking!"
Real Meaning: "...For a bridge troll... Not even comparable to the cave trolls though, you can't even hold a candle to one of those things."

Phrase: "I really like how you watch out for me."
Real Meaning: "He only beat me twice, and I WOULD'VE left him, but now that you said something about it, I can't leave him or else it'll look like you won and I can't have that... Ever!"

Phrase: "I want you."
Real Meaning: "I wonder if his head'll explode when he gets excited."

Phrase: "Rui, your head is fine."
Real Meaning: "Rui, your head is fine for a small moon."

Phrase: "I understand."
Real Meaning: "It seems like the universe has it out for you, maybe you should kill yourself so that you'll stop bothering me with all your stupid problems."

Phrase: "I think you're hot."
Real Meaning: "Tell me that I'm good looking."

Phrase: "Rui, you'll get a girlfriend one day."
Real Meaning: "Rui, you'll get a girlfriend one day after all the other men die out and there's an odd number of women who turned into lesbians at the thought of being with you... Who am I kidding? The odd one out will probably just get involved in some love triangle."

Phrase: "You're smart."
Real Meaning: "You're asian."

Phrase: "Wow, that was an amazing (*verb*)"
Real Meaning: "Wow, a talented freak."

Phrase: "That's an awesome picture of you!"
Real Meaning: "You're not that good looking in real life, you realize that right?"

Phrase: "That song you played was beautiful."
Real Meaning: "9 years of piano and that's all you can do? Why the hell were you playing the damn thing in the first place?! I swear, if I didn't need you for emotional support, you'd be SO gone!"

(*End Note: No I don't really think these thoughts when people say the above phrases to me... All the time. Stupidass low self esteem and trust issues... *grumble*)

The Hell is English? (January 29th, 4:23pm)
I be so sick o' all dis here slang an' ebonix sheeit being thrown left an' right. Oh werd up, ya need uh werd ta express how ya feel or an idea but ya don' know da PROPER werd fo' it? Why not make somethin' up? Oh, bettah yet... Take an already existing werd dat has it'sown meaning, but use dat anyways in order ta fuq up da whole language. You know what'sworse? When some rapper or song writer needs uh werd ta rhyme wiff somethin' but can't th'o't o' it. What happens then? They make sheeit up. What hell'suh 'goodie' or uh 'boo'?! If it'snot in da dictionary, then it'snot part o' da language. I'm ranting about dis here right now cuz da whole epidemic iz so severe dat da peeps in charge o' Webster an' da Oxford dictionary iz actually thinking about adding "ghetto slang terminology" ta they dictionaries... Unbelievable! It'salready fine ass bad right now, dere iz peeps in they country dat both speak "english" but can't dig' each other... What da hell iz up wiff dat?! And don' tell me sheeit like: "Well maybe those whackass mofos need ta learn slang." cuz you basically forcing da rest o' da country ta learn sheeit just cuz some lazyass couldn't use da right werdz fo' somethin'. The accents iz bad enough as it iz, dere iz peeps down in da dirty south dat can't be understood by anyone dat lives north o' Oklahoma. Ever watch da movie 'Waterboy'? Remember farmer Fred or Fran or whatever dat guy'sname iz? Yeah... Some peeps actually jive like dat. "We lib ta ba anota da" means: "We live ta play another day." But da accent thin' ain't intention, so it don' piss me off as much. Ebonics however iz intentionally bad. The werdz iz intentionally fucked up, da accent iz intentionally fucked up, da pronounciation iz (yup, ya guessed it) intentionally fucked up. There iz certain letters dat iz never used an' apostrophes iz over used. You know what though? I can't do anythin' about it an' nahh one else can either, so very slowly, slang iz going ta turn into uh dialect an' end up being uh completely different language all in it'sown. It'slike da whole Mandarin, Cantonese, Taiwanese thin'. It used ta all be Chinese, now it'sjust fucked up... In case ya don' know, da three iz about as different as English, German, an' French. But whatever, I'll prob'ly be dead by da tyme dis here happens. So jet out ta da ghettos an' da deep south so dat ya can make conversation wiff da peeps who live dere cuz in uh couple o' years, ya won't be able ta dig' uh werd dey say an' dey won't be able ta dig' uh werd YOU say. what 'chew thinking man?

---------------------English Translation---------------------

I am so sick of all this slang and ebonics shit being thrown left and right. Oh hey, you need a word to express how you feel or an idea but you don't know the PROPER word for it? Why not make something up? Oh, better yet... Take an already existing word that has it's own meaning, but use that anyways in order to fuck up the whole language. You know what's worse? When some rapper or song writer needs a word to rhyme with something but can't think of it. What happens then? They make shit up. What hell's a 'goodie' or a 'boo'?! If it's not in the dictionary, then it's not part of the language. I'm ranting about this right now because the whole epidemic is so severe that the people in charge of Webster and the Oxford dictionary are actually thinking about adding "ghetto slang terminology" to their dictionaries... Unbelievable! It's already pretty bad right now, there are people in their country that both speak "english" but can't understand each other... What the hell is up with that?! And don't tell me shit like: "Well maybe those whackass mofos need to learn slang." because you're basically forcing the rest of the country to learn shit just because some lazyass couldn't use the right words for something. The accents are bad enough as it is, there are people down in the dirty south that can't be understood by anyone that lives north of Oklahoma. Ever watch the movie 'Waterboy'? Remember farmer Fred or Fran or whatever that guy's name is? Yeah... Some people actually talk like that. "We lib ta ba anota da" means: "We live to play another day." But the accent thing isn't intention, so it doesn't piss me off as much. Ebonics however is intentionally bad. The words are intentionally fucked up, the accent is intentionally fucked up, the pronounciation is (yup, you guessed it) intentionally fucked up. There are certain letters that are never used and apostrophes are over used. You know what though? I can't do anything about it and no one else can either, so very slowly, slang is going to turn into a dialect and end up being a completely different language all in it's own. It's like the whole Mandarin, Cantonese, Taiwanese thing. It used to all be Chinese, now it's just fucked up... In case you don't know, the three are about as different as English, German, and French. But whatever, I'll probably be dead by the time this happens. So go out to the ghettos and the deep south so that you can make conversation with the people who live there because in a couple of years, you won't be able to understand a word they say and they won't be able to understand a word YOU say.
(*End Note: Translation was provided by http://www.joel.net/ebonics)

Being Blind (February 5th, 5:25pm)
The project is pretty simple... Unless I'm doing something important, I'm going to blindfold myself. Why? Well, sensitivity training I suppose. The project was started February 4th when I got back from class.

Day 1 Results:
It was hard to move around the apartment, but I soon adjusted. I mean, come on now, I've been living here for a couple of months already, I know the layout of the place. Of course, random items tossed on the floor are really hard to avoid since I'm not using a cane or anything. Sometimes I'd had to get down and crawl in order to avoid everything. Other people being around definitely helps since they can guide me to objects, like Honor putting my hand on the lamp. But of course, there are people who don't care much for it... Someone refused to help me find my wallet which I could've sworn was on my desk. Instead of just grabbing the damn thing and putting it in my hands, they argued and kept telling me to take off the blindfold. Finally out of frustration, the person took the blindfold off of me. I kept my eyes closed for the sake of my little project. It would've been a lot easier if the person just handed me the damn thing... But I guess they had something to prove. Anyways... I'm saving on electricity since there aren't any need for lights. Even when I don't have the blindfold on, I'm leaving the lights off now. It's weird because I'm scared of the dark (now you all know) but when I have the blindfold on, it doesn't "feel" dark. I guess it's because when I'm visualizing what the apartment is like, I light everything up. But, now I'm scared of loud, unexpected noises... Kind of like when the people living above me decide to walk around. Another problem with being blind is entertainment. Almost everything I do requires sight. TV, computer, games, etc. So what do I do for fun when I'm being blind? I walk around the apartment so that I can get a better feel for it (haha, pun SO intended), I'll sit around and try to meditate (although sometimes I think I'm in the hallway or something, I try to aim for my room usually), and I'll listen to the TV (I've got the remote's layout memorized and I'll just channel surf until I hear a familiar voice or something that sounds interesting.) I don't really know the layout to my clock radio so I just don't touch it, I don't want to mess up my alarm or the time or anything. Uh... What else did I do... Oh, Um... I stretched out and did some sit ups today. I definitely think about things a little more than I usually do (which is saying a lot). No, it's never anything really important like how I can end world hunger and such... Just on pointless issues which end up pissing me off. Though I think it's a pretty nice mental workout. Also, after 2 hours of being blindfolded, the other senses get kicked up a notch, I made my way down the hall and I could feel the different temperatures of the air coming out of the rooms from under the doors. For some reason, Mike's room is generally warmer than the hallway... Probably because of that damn cat, which by the way scared the living shit out of me... I can definitely say that I don't think the blind like being clawed. One more thing! I'm a lot more organized now... I'll place my three most important items in specific locations around my room, that wallet incident inspired this... Anyways, I'm gonna go listen to DVDs and stuff until I find one that sounds like Matrix Reloaded and try to play that. See you next update!
(*End Note: Yeah... that last sentence had an intentional pun too.)

Joyride Toilet (February 16th, 8:57pm)
No, this isn't an article dedicated to bathroom humor... Although that's not a very bad idea.... No, no... I'm not going to change the topic of this article. Take a nice look around you, at your friends, at people you know, at people you DON'T know. Notice anything wrong? You should, society is in a shit hole. We live in an age where information is distorted, corruption runs everywhere, everyone thinks they're geniuses, and rebellion is supposed to be "cool". "Oh Rui, you're blowing things out of proportion again... Remember that pigeon? It really wasn't THAT big!" Fuck you, that pigeon was HUGE and society's crap. No seriously, family values? Love? Bah, divorce rate's over 50% now and if it weren't for stupid pride, attachment, and religion I'm thinking that it'd be over 60%, maybe even 70%. Why is this? Well, people think it's okay to be whores now. I saw a picture of a guy walking around a mall with his kid while wearing a shirt that said "Eatin' ain't cheatin'". Although that shirt is totally awesome, it's bad! BAD BAD BAD! And not BAD as in GOOD, BAD as in BAD. No one's really got a dedicated boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, etc. All you ever really see are open relationships. That's where 'casual dating' came from. What's casual dating? It's when you're dating more than one person and trying to justify it without having to resort to calling yourself a cheat. Of course this is where people start to argue with "well how can you know if you like the person or not?" or "I'm just multitasking and saving a lot of time." Come on now... Do people really want to date you THAT badly? If it just so happens that you're a really attractive person and that's the case well I'm sure that out of the hundreds that you've dated, you're probably not satisfied. It may be that you're so egotistical that you think you deserve more than one person, or it could be that you honestly have not found one person that you really really like. If that just happens to be the case, look at how you're going about doing things. You're meeting up with random people (probably in places like clubs or bars or whatever... which in itself is a mistake because this is where people go to pick up drunk sleazy people) instead of taking friend's advices or hey, here's a thought... Try dating someone that you KNOW. Yeah yeah, I never said a friend, just someone that you really don't think is an abusive bastard. I'm going to get off this topic before I offend everyone because I have absolutely nothing nice to say about clubs or the people that go to them to meet people. I don't like couples either, but that's only because I'm bitter so it's not really justifiable... What else is wrong... Oh, the school system. I'm sure everyone's aware of this already though. The best and brightest and most educated are off doing things for the corporate world or something to make a ton of money. The people that can't get those jobs end up teaching whatever it is they majored in in college (yes, that's two ins in a row!) Of course, there are people who WANT to be a teacher, those people are actually respectable since they want to help society out. Kudos to all you kids out there training to be a teacher! The rising obesity rate is alarming... Atleast for everywhere else, but not in the good 'ol USA! I used to be fat, almost 200lb in highschool... But that changed thanks to some iron plates. Come on now, everyone KNOWS that eating 50 Big Macs isn't good for your heart, stomach, butt, etc. But people do it anyways, why? Because of that whole 'we're free so we can do whatever the fuck we want' philosophy that people live by nowadays. Dicipline and willpower have all but diminished while greed is rising like crazy. Lawyers are suing doctors... The people that try to heal others, okay so some of them screwed up. If it was a really bad screw up I can understand the lawsuits but come on now... Suing because of a loose piece of skin that you could've just ripped off? Christ, doctors can't afford their insurance anymore and soon there won't BE any doctors. Then what? Everyone with heart problems and high cholesterol (85% of the population) will die an agonizing death. What then? The kids of the dead fatties will sue fast food places because it wasn't lack of willpower that killed their parents, it was the heroin-like hamburgers. The only people benefiting from all this are the lawyers... Who'll end up dying from evil, because that's the 3rd leading cause of preventable deaths in U.S... Yes, evil is on the rise. Honor is gone (no, not my roomate.) People'll stab each other in the backs for a nickel, I saw it on the streets... Seriously! The guy could've sold the knife to me for more but NOOO, he used it to get $0.05 from someone... Soon after the cops came and stripped the guy of his nickel. But yeah, no one cares for personal honor anymore... I blame the fall of religion. Not too many people are religious anymore which would've been a good thing except that some people actually don't have morals whatsoever. Atleast back in the good ol days (1700s) the immoral would act good because they were afraid of God smiting them. Don't give me the whole "Well if you don't like it, get the fuck out!" thing because it's arrogant douche bags like you that's sending society into a death spiral. It's like you got attacked by a bear (or a ninja) and it mauled (or sliced) your leg off. Everyone's telling you that you're bleeding to death and that you should seek medical attention, but you're just getting pissed because you think you're fine and also because you don't want to do anything about it since that would involve WORK! That's right you lazy asshole, work to make things better... Or fix stuff... Or stop being an asshole, just do SOMETHING. What else is there? Oh oh, everyone thinks they're enlightened. Okay yeah, I'm pretty arrogant about a lot of things but that's only because no one's showed me up yet. If you can argue your point across to me, I'll actually take it into consideration. People have made me shut up before and I respect them more for it... Unlike the people that have a weak argument but try to get it across with underhanded tactics (student relativism and stuff). Those people need to die. However there are kids out there that just won't budge on a subject... "Soy is good for you." Why? How? They don't know, they just say whatever the fuck everyone else is saying. Yet, those are the same kids who think they're nonconformist intellectuals (kinda like the Starbucks people). What annoys the crap out of me is I can take stuff like that down to a molecular level and explain why it's bad... But all I get is "Dar dar dar, I'm sure you're not right about SOMETHING, dar dar dar, because everyone ELSE says..." Hey, newsflash... Everyone else is a type 2 diabetic lardass, what the hell would they know about nutrition? Oh and hey, don't fucking say anything like "well I know more about marketing than you do" if you're a fucking business major. Or "I can out fish you" if that's all you ever fucking do because that's just goddamn stupid. "I bet my Asian lineage is more pure than yours! DEEERRRR" Anyways... I'm going to end this rant right here because I'm afraid I'll go off and offend MORE people.
(*End Note: I'm pretty sure I left a lot of my arguments halfway open... This is because I'm so pissed, I can't focus on just one thing for very long. Also, this just in: I rule.)

The Rui Story (February 16th, 10:17pm) by Nathan
I was born in China though I was told at a young age that I was from Texas. I always suspected I wasn�t a Texan based off my inability to enjoy cheddar cheese but I digress. My first memories are of me waking up under our family mule. He had eaten some bad fruit off our mule ranch and I ended up being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I think I was around 5 or 6 but am not sure. From a young age my parents taught me how to figure skate and sculpture ice�..they had dreams that id be a prodigy but things didn�t� work out. I went to middle school in Maine where to help my extended family out I worked as a fisherman on a little boat called the Tater Salad. Those were the good ole days no worries except for my testis dropping and whether or not the ocean was treating us good. Unfortunately I lost my fishing job cause I got caught eating the shrimp we used as bate��but it was good while it lasted. Years passed and I did just enough to get by in school. Our family had to leave Maine after I got expelled from middle school for peeing on my teacher. My parents thought I was a trouble child so they put me into a military school for my eight grade year. I spent the year doing pushups and sit-ups and got trained on how to use assault weapons and on the latest military tactics. This would come in useful later in life to my great surprise. My parents decided that despite my uniquely shaped head I wasn�t worth spending money on in military school. So we moved to Raleigh and I attended Leesville Road HS. I spent my years there just getting on with life and time passed. My senior year I decide I didn�t like left handed people so I started a campaign for genocide�..luckily I had done previous military training so I was able to use these skills to slowly prune out all of the lefties in the area. I myself am not a fan of people who have long middle toes either none the less the lefties had to be removed. After four years at Leesville I graduated number 324 in my class and attended ECU. I wanted to be a Dentist ever since I developed a sexual fetish for molars so I pursued a degree in chemistry. I decided that being a gym teacher would be a lot less work so I compromised and am now going into Health and Exercise Physiology�..and that�s my life.
(*End Note: Based on a true story... One that was really friggin' different, but still based on it.)

Theory on War (March 5th, 4:24pm)by Nathan
War and Expansion of a specific culture. Cellular automata are discrete dynamical systems whose behavior is completely specified in terms of a local relation. A cellular automaton can be thought of as a stylized universe. Space is represented by a uniform grid, with each cell containing a few bits of data; time advances in discrete steps and the laws of the "universe" are expressed in, say, a small look-up table, through which at each step each cell computes its new state from that of its close neighbors. Thus, the system's laws are local and uniform. So if we take this concept and apply it towards populations, assuming that Earth is a closed system we can see how the concept of mob mentality comes into effect. Now keep this in mind as I continue on with my explanation of the war and expansion in general. In addition to simply taking on the characteristics of surrounding units, after a certain number of units are created or introduced into a system the system forces itself to reorganize and reform so as to maintain efficiency. Always becoming more complex�. Now if we look at the birth date of the worlds major religions in existence today we will see that they all start within approximately 500 years of each other. An interesting fact indeed�..why do you suppose that is? Well the common theme of these new world religions is the concept of free will and morality. Prior to these concepts right and wrong did not exist and the only consequences to actions was the possibility of angering a �deity� or being prosecuted by the government. Now as populations increased these became a very inefficient way of controlling our behavior as a whole. The idea that you need military to be on at least a 1:1 relationship with those it controlled is utterly inefficient. So the birth of these religions came into play and man enforced on itself free will and the concepts of right and wrong. So we in essence reorganized creating the church and organized religion as well as a self controlling agent called Morals. If you look at the world today you can see trends in population that reinforce the concept of cellular automata. Religions and cultures are found to be extremely similar based off geographic locations. Populations in different areas all share extremely similar traits. Examples are the close similarity in religions and culture in the Middle East, North America, Africa, Asian Cultures etc�.. Now on a basic level our primary instinct is to spread and survive. This can be applied to culture groups as well. The concept that these different cultures and religions can coexist is false, they stand against each other not only on a basic primary level but also in a cognitive level. Conflict is inevitable between Muslims, Christians, Jews, etc�.in addition to our cultural conflicts. In essence we have spread to our limits without conflict expanding. Our war in the Middle East may very well be a primary instinct of our culture, to expand and spread our way of life to other geographic locations just as other locations try to force their culture and religion on us. You may have some religious idea that makes you consider this wrong but it is merely existence and the way of the universe. As our population continues to rise religion is becoming obsolete an inefficient. Knowledge and religion cannot coexist and as our populations knowledge expands as a whole religion and faith decrease. We are at another turning point in our species existence. We are slowly being forced to reorganize and reform to become more efficient. That and expand our culture and religions to other areas of the world. It�s a natural process and there is nothing wrong with it. So for all of you who have a �moral� objection to war I tell you to open your eyes and learn a little. If you have ever gotten jealous of another person dating someone your attracted to or ever cheated on a test so that you would get an A or higher grade than others then you have answered to your primary instincts just ass our population is answering to them.
(*End Note: Heavy, Deep, Complicated... Like doing squats at the gym.)

Tell Your Friends About Me! (March 5th, 4:27pm)
This article was inspired by an AIM conversation between my friend Luke and I. (I THINK that's proper grammer... I'm not sure.) Anyways, I was just listing off ways that you could bring me into a conversation subtly (pronounced 'sut-ol-lee', not 'sub-te-ly') for whatever reasons... Maybe you think the person would get a lot more out of life if they were enlightened by the arrogant wisdom of 'teh Rui', maybe you want to talk about me because you need me for an example, or (the most likely reason) I think a friend of yours is hot and I'd like you to put in a good word for me. For whatever reason it may be... Here are some examples on how to introduce me into the conversation.
For the sake of simplicity let's just use the names "Amy" and "Joe" because they're both only 3 letters long. Joe will be the one trying to put me up as a topic of conversation... Because I find Amy attractive and want him to make me sound good. Here's how the conversation would probably go:

Amy: "Hi Joe, how are you?"
Joe: "Good, and so's my friend Rui! (Which is pronounced Ray if you didn't know.)"

Amy: "My what nice weather we're having..."
Joe: "Rui controls the weather and a lot of other things."

Amy: "I'm kind of hungry, how about some lunch?"
Joe: "Rui also consumes food for energy."

Amy: "Where do you think we should go?"
Joe: "Somewhere unhealthy because Rui's not here... If he were, we'd never get away with it because he's a master of nutrition and health and he's OH so smart and not arrogant at all! None what so ever."

Amy: "I'm in a sandwich mood."
Joe: "He really isn't all that arrogant! He does it because he thinks it's funny."

Amy: "Yeah, let's go to Bear Rock Cafe."
Joe: "Rui's taken down a bear once... It's name was Austin."

Amy: "Mmm... The food here is amazing."
Joe: "Know what else is amazing?... My buddy Rui!"

Amy: "Okay, all done! Wanna go to the bank with me?"
Joe: "Rui's rich."

Amy: "I just need a couple of bucks on hand."
Joe: "Yeah, Rui's not really rich... I'm such a bad person for lying... But Rui would NEVER lie unless it made things better."

Amy: "OH MY GOD!!! THE BANK'S BEING ROBBED AND THERE ARE DEAD PEOPLE EVERYWHERE!!!"
Joe: "Kevlar is bullet proof... Much like Rui."

Amy: "Wait a second... The... The people are getting back up? What the hell?! THE BANK'S NOT BEING ROBBED, IT'S A ZOMBIE INVASION!"
Joe: "If Rui was here he'd be able to stop it with his +3 Mace."

Amy: "Okay, we need to get out of here!"
Joe: "Sounds like something Rui would say if he was at a club, but it's not because he's opposed to fun, he's just shy and is easily intimidated by the crackwhores and drunken dumbass frat boys down there."

Amy: "MY GOD, THESE ZOMBIES ARE EVERYWHERE!"
Joe: "Not that he thinks that all frat boys are drunken dumbasses, but most are."

Amy: "Joe... What do we do? I'm so scared!"
Joe: "We should call Rui... Because he's a badass and he has a katana."

Amy: "OH NO!!! ONE'S GOT ME!!! AAAHHHHH HELP!!!!!"
Joe: "Don't worry, Rui brewed this potion of undead destruction... Check it out" *Drinks potion*

Amy: "Oh wow... All the zombies are gone!"
Joe: "We should thank Rui for his magical powers... Like controlling the weather which I previously mentioned."

Amy: "Hey wait a second..."
Joe: "Rui never waits, his brain works at amazing speeds... Probably because he's the next step in evolution."

Amy: "I just noticed that you've been talking about your friend Rui."
Joe: "Rui talks about Rui too... He gets off on it, but not in an arrogant way. You'd get off too if you knew Rui."

Amy: "He's that little Asian kid right? Does he like me or something?"
Joe: "Rui Rui Rui."

Amy: "That's why you're talking about him huh? He wanted you to put in a good word for him!"
Joe: "Damn... If I were Rui, I would've been a little more subtle and you'd have never found me out!"

Amy: "Well, I think he's kind of cute... In an Asian way... Maybe I should ask him out?"
Joe: "Yes I think he would like that... He probably knows this already since he's psychic."

Amy: "I wonder if it'd be weird..."
Joe: "I've seen him throw beer bottles at people using his telekinetic powers before."

Amy: "Maybe I'll give him a chance... What's he like again?"
Joe: "Rui r teh pwn j00 n00bz0r."
(*End Note: Notice how Joe manages to keep his cool during a zombie invasion and talks about me at the same time... THAT'S how you talk about a Rui!)

Things I've Learned (April 2nd, 10:19pm)
Sometimes it's good to be just the observer of a lot of issues that affect my friends, enemies, and co-workers... Ha ha, just kidding... I don't work.

People are idiotic sheep. No exceptions... None, not even me. EVERYONE wants to conform to their group. If they don't, then they want attention... However that's still being part of that group. They're "unique" but just like everyone else in the group, except that their "uniqueness" doesn't come from anything else besides the fact that they try to convince everyone that they're special. So next time you see a bunch of preps walking around with some kid dressed in all black sporting a mohawk, know that that kid probably acts, thinks, and does just about everything the same way the other kids in the group do, except that he's known as the "gothic" one with his buddies. As opposed to the "funny" one, the "fat" one, the "cute" one, etc. So, stop doing stupid shit to try and impress your friends. Don't worry, everyone recognizes you as an individual even if they don't say it. You don't need to go out and do wild crazy things like setting your neighbors on fire to get attention... Unless you live around me and you hate 'Fatass & Crack'. That's for the 'sheep' part... Why is everyone idiotic? Because they don't make progress, instead, they go backwards or they'll keep doing the same shit over and over again and expect different results. 2+2=4, doesn't matter how many times you calculate it, it's always going to be 4! (If you're a math major and you just thought of a smartass commment, know this: You're not going to have a job.) People who say they want to 'change their lives' will do okay for a week or so, then it's back to the normal procedure: Getting drunk, smoking pot, dating bums, exchanging blowjobs for food, etc. And what's wierd is that they somehow think that sucking a hobo's dick in January is different from sucking his dick in March! Okay, I'm sure it's warmer then but what the fuck do you think is going to happen? Maybe he'll squirt out gold! Maybe! Just MAYBE!... Oh... Oh... OH YOU'RE WRONG! He just creamed on your face like all the others you crazy bitch! Your future still hasn't changed yet, you're going to end up as a crackwhore and you will be beaten to death by your pimp because you tried to tell him that you're "unique" and "different" from all the other crackwhores. The moral? If you want something to change, do something differently.

Looks matter. Forget all that stupid bullshit about how people like you for your 'inner beauty' or how you should do the same. We're very visual people and we make decisions based on how purty something is. I even had something about it in my away message, it went like this: "It's nice to know that no matter how smart you are, how noble you are, how funny you are, how compassionate you are, how dedicated you are, how tolerant you are, how successful you are, how patient you are, how honorable you are... People will always like the jerkass next to you because he's better looking." It's true, that's why people get into abusive relationships. "He's really an okay guy! You just need to get to know him better", "She's just in one of her moods", "But this is love!", are all bullshit phrases which translate into: "Yeah, he/she really is a shithead but he/she's SO hot!" And as far as 'inner beauty' goes, come on now, if you found a good partner then you got lucky. You found someone that you were physically attracted to and it *JUST SO HAPPENS* that they're not abusive. Am I bitter? Yes, wholehearted so. It's because I was raised to believe that good things happen to good people and well, that's obviously not true. Which sometimes gives me conflicting feelings I mean seriously now... Why should I be "good" or "nice" when it's the assholes that are getting everything they want.

Only idiots forward chain letters, and since everyone's an idiot... No, you won't get money from Gates, your biggest crush will still think you're ugly as shit, and your head won't shrink down to normal proportions no matter what the letter said. What's worse is that the chain letters try and go for a good 'spin' like "Pray on-line for people who died in the 9-11 crash by sending this is every good American you know!" 1 - The assholes that crashed the plane into the building also died in 9-11 so you're praying for terrorism, and 2 - You forwarding this to everyone isn't going to help resolve anything. You're just a tool, someone out there wanted to be known for writing the biggest chain letter ever and used the death of a lot of people to do it. All the starters of 9-11 chain letters can go to Hell. I recently got one from my roomate about 'Breast Cancer Awareness' or some bullshit. I'm not even going to go into it, just reread what I wrote about the 9-11 chain letter and apply it to this.

All girls are jealous of Paris Hilton. Either 1, because they know I really really like her and they wish I would show them the same amount of affection or 2, (which is a LOT more realistic) she's the ideal girl. "Oh, but she's dirty!" What, and you aren't? "She goes out to clubs and whores attention!" You do the same damn shit, PLUS you have a boyfriend! "She's a rich, snobby, elitist!" Uh oh... SOMEONE doesn't get their coffee from Starbuck! (Which, incase you haven't read that article yet, is THE coffee for nonconformist "intellectuals"). I don't want to write more on this subject, just read my Paris Hilton article.

Jessica Simpson is probably smarter than you. So she said that 'Chicken of the Sea' tasted like tuna... Do you have any idea how much publicity that got her? Yeah, it was a stroke of genius! She played off YOUR stupidity. She was probably thinking: "Well gee... If everyone thought I was stupid, then maybe they'll watch my show more often because of all the "stupid" shit that I do. I mean, the general public DOES love stupid shit..." You played right into her hand. Yeah, don't YOU feel dumb? And don't say anything like: "I doubt she's THAT smart, she just got lucky." Because no one likes a sore loser... Or in this case, a sore loser who just realized that they're dumber than Jessica Simpson. Yeah... Pwned!

The amount of rap music you listen to is inversely proportional to the number of brain cells you have. Maybe there are SOME exceptions, but not much. I find that people who enjoy blasting obnoxious music with the bass turned up are usually... Uh... I'm not gonna say it. Anyways, just know that if your music vibrates your car, you're dumb and I hate you... And... I hope you die... How's THAT for creative threats?

No one likes Asian people. Yeah, no one likes Asian people. Oh wait, lemme guess at the next joke: "No, no one likes YOU, AH HAHAHAHAHA I R SO TEH FUNNY!!! AH HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!1111." Yeah, fuck you. My being Asian gets in the way in so many forms it's not even funny. Even the "complimentary" shit. "Oh, you're Asian, you're good at math." No, I'm good at math because while you were out getting drunk and thinking that it's good for you, I was at home... Doing multiplication... Bitch. That and Asian men are seen as nonsexual martial art machines. No one ever asks me: "Hey Rui, wanna have sex?" or "Hey Rui, looking hot there, rawr!" or "Rui, does the idea of fornication appeal to you?". No, it's always: "Yo RRROOOOEEEE, do a backflip man!... Yeah yeah! WOOO! You da man! You da ASIAN MAN!" Yeah... Thanks Joe Jack. Seriously now, there are only like 2 movies out there that portray Asian guys as real people who have feelings and want to get a girlfriend and shit... All the other movies are about some Asian dude flipping out and kicking the shit out of EVERYONE. And I mean, that's nice and all... But goddamnit, I'd trade my forward rolling ability for a girlfriend... I'm so lonely... BOO HOO!

When in doubt, always refer to the snail & cow story. The snail's all slow and shit and can't do anything, so it partners up with the cow! It rides on it's back and everything, and they're great friends. Anyways, one day the snail's like: "Let's get some icecream" and the cow's like: "Wait a second... You've been using me for transportation and shit! You don't do anything for me!" So the cow tried to shake the snail off it's back, but because the snail's slimey and shit, it just stuck there. So the cow just had to deal with it for the rest of it's life... I'll let YOU figure out the moral of the story. It's really deep though.
(*End Note: MY ivory tower has a window and a porch!)

Aeolian's Secrets (May 2nd, 5:50am)
Here's a nice little list of the secrets that I've been keeping. Know that because they're my opinions, it's probably universal law too... Please don't be offended or I'll be forced to not give a damn!
-Everytime I see a black cat, I'll turn and spit 6 times.
-I'll close one eye and then the other one to balance out the size of my pupils.
-I like skinny pale blonde girls.
-They don't like ME though.
-Probably because I don't put out.
-I have an 'all or nothing' relationship with alcohol.
-I firmly believe that I can still kick your ass when I'm drunk.
-Ravens and crows are fine, but I will freak the fuck out if a dove pecks at my window.
-There are no uses whatsoever for certain living things like mosquitos and potheads.
-Marijuana kills brain cells at an incredible rate... But I don't say anything because I have an easier time manipulating stupid people.
-My boxers are what regulates when I do laundry.
-I play Magic the Gathering because I like it and I think it involves a lot strategy... And although I preach morality and peace in real life, nothing satifies me more than hurling a fireball at Mike.
-Just kidding, I prefer disintegrations... And also there ARE things out there that can satisfy me more than blowing up a chunk of Mike.
-Namely skinny pale blonde girls.
-If I argue with you, it means I care to argue... So argue back with me even though it's futile.
-It's impossible to disagree with me AND possess rational thought.
-I'd rather face off an army of undead zombies than deal with one creepy little kid.
-I'm really not that violent.
-I'll still kick your ass though.
-I find my anatomy professor extremely attractive. She has a really cute British accent, dresses conservatively, and is really really really smart... She has a husband and two kids though.
-The previous secret goes to show that I can be attracted to women that AREN'T skinny, blonde, or pale.
-Actually, she looks pretty fit.
-I can't learn anything in my anatomy class because I keep getting lost in her eyes.
-Lesley and I going to get married and have kids together and I will name one of them Bowser. If she disagrees with it, I'll give the kid a proper name, but I'll call him Bowser in secret.
-I try to moral and all, but if given the chance, I would totally enslave all of humanity.
-I really think that if I'm in charge, nothing bad will happen.
-I have an identical twin brother named Max.
-All the little things that I recieve from people, I keep because I reminds me that I'm worth just a little bit of their time and thought, and that's all I want. In fact, the only decoration on my wall is a little note from Jen & Sarah that says "Rui ~ Happy Valentines Day."
-That note is worth more to me than you'll ever know.
-I have a lucky rhino, lucky pig, and a lucky shirt.
-I'm so into Star Wars that I built myself a lightsaber.
-No you may not see it.
-If I sneeze and no one says 'bless you'. I'll bless myself three times, then I'll thank myself six.
-The main reason why I don't turn my heater on is not because I want to save electricity, it's because I don't want my bed catching on fire.
-Of course if my bed DID catch on fire, I'd be the only one devestated by it since I'm the only person that sleeps in it.
-In case you're still not sure, I'm single... VERY single, and desperate too! And I have low standards!
-Shut up.
-If you can out gun me in counter-strike, you're a cheater.
-Doing squats will improve the amount of weight you do in EVERY other exercise. (Not really a secret, but no one will believe me.)
-I know almost all your secrets. People tell me everything because I know when to reveal something and when not to and it's always worked out for the best.
-It takes exactly 3.5 seconds before someone feels comfortable enough to tell me everything.
-I still believe in love.
-My 2nd hamster never had a name.
-I named my 1st hamster "Lisa" after Lisa Simpson because it was really smart.
-I don't know anyone named Lisa in real life.
-I honestly believe that my father can destroy an entire army.
-You can mess with me all your want, but the people that fuck with my parents are the ones that won't be shown any mercy for their actions.
-I'm extremely superstitious.
-Vengeful too! And extremely bitter.
-That sour candy thing?... Yeah, NOT a joke.
-It's bad luck to study right before a test.
-I have a penis. Suprise! I'm a guy, AND I can be sensitive and stuff.
-All of my female friends say that I'm quite the catch and can't figure out why I'm still single.
-On a completely seperate note, none of my female friends will date me for various reasons which they won't tell me... Or give me a bullshit excuse like: "But I have a boyfriend already!"
-When I find spelling errors on my webpage, I change my password because I think someone hacked into my account and mispelled something.
-Sometimes I doubt Berardi.
-I know more about exercise physiology than anyone in the weight pit at my gym.
-That's right, I said MY gym.
-The only reason why I have two blankets is because I like to roll one of them up and cuddle with it while I sleep.
-And also because it gets really cold in my room.
-I don't think Sarah & Jen could look ugly even if they tried... Though I find it cute when they say they look like shit.
-The one person that has small crush on me isn't legal.
-I find that SO not fair.
-Lesley can look like a runway model if she wanted to, but she's all nonconformist, philosophical, not blonde, and wears that dirty looking leather hat all the time.
-I find that hat really cute... It makes her look like some kind of British orphan... Which turns me on.
-I have some really bizarre fetishes I suppose.
-I like rubber duckies too (not in a sexual way you pervert), but so do a lot of other people. So I try to be all nonconformist to the duckie thing by conforming to the 'I secretly like rubber duckies but refuse to admit it' group.
-I tried talking to someone that I noticed on facebook once.
-It didn't work out, I think it's because I'm all creepy and ugly and shit.
-Which I don't understand because I know a lot of other ugly creeps that get girls... Almost on a regular basis!
-Lesley can't figure it out either.
-I still haven't talked about REALLY deep stuff with anyone yet... I mean really REALLY deep stuff.
-It's so deep that the only way I can express it is with interpretive dance.
-Being at a club downtown is legitament reason for me to kick your ass.
-I both fear and look forward to the day when I need to use my katana.
-If it weren't for environmental laws, I'd have forged my own sword by now.
-The Dodo bird still exists somewhere.
-I think that my being Asian has gotten in the way socially more times than I can imagine.
-Racist comments cut to the bone and are never forgiven, no matter how much I act like I don't care.
-I've stopped aging.
-I still haven't let my emotions take control over me. That makes me better than you.
-People mispelling 'intelligent' always make my day.
-Sometimes I'll purposely misuse a word to see if anyone picks up on it.
-Ebonics is funny because it makes you sound stupid.
-Although I'm ashamed of this, I sometimes take pleasure in seeing 'happy couples' go through rough times with each other.
-It's never stopped me from helping them though.
-Putting others before yourself is the whole basis for being a moral person.
-Sometimes I'm so lazy that I'll control all my body movements with my telekinetic powers instead of my biomechanical powers.
-I got an A in biomechanics.
-I value a: "You're cute" more so than a "You're smart".
-I sometimes wish that I was white. Not that there's anything wrong with being Asian but... Sometimes when all my friends and I are walking around together, we pass by a reflective surface and I notice how much I stand out.
-Sometimes I thank God that Lesley didn't dye her hair blonde because if she did, I wouldn't be able to resist her.
-My "X-TREME" mix collection involves 80's pop music.
-Austin's mom has got it going on.
-I like standing out in the rain.. It calms the mind.
-My left eye can see intentions.
-Sometimes I think about past times... And it never fails to bring tears to my eyes.
-Though I won't care to admit it, the world is beautiful.
-The concept of infinity is real but can't really be grasped... This might mean that human logic may have flaws.
-Human logic... As opposed to Ruian logic.
(*End Note: Still single... And bitter!)

An Article Dedicated to Lesley (May 10th, 11:50am)
I believe the question here is, who DIDN'T see this coming? Lesley Pond has been filling her website up with stuff about me, and so I feel like maybe I should return the favor... That and ever since she left, I really really miss her. Yeah, hasn't even been a week yet I know but since I'm at home and don't really have anything else to think about (screw the MCAT)... Yeah... Anyways I, like all other people are greedy (don't try to argue against me, you won't get very far) so I like to think about how I can get rich. Now, Lesley's a very talented singer who's just begun to make a name for herself. A lot of her stuff is unmarked and so I should go in and cash in from all this. Once Lesley hits it big, I'm going to be the president of the Lesley Pond fan club. I'll charge people $10 to join and every month, I'll write out some bullshit club newsletter and email it to everyone. Once in a while I'll throw a contest ($5 entry fee) where the winner will win something like an autographed Lesley Pond bobble-head. And I'm pretty sure I can get Lesley to sign her name on stuff for me since she's my friend and I can throw on one hell of a guilt-trip if need be. Now, all I need is for 100,000 to join the fan club and I'll make $1,000,000 (assuming that the $5 contests will cover the expenses.) The best part about this is, since Lesley's all "non-sell-outy" she can stay that way... She's not selling out, I am! We'll both have our own seperate fortunes. Also, she said that if she gets famous, she's going to hire me as her trainer/ninja. That was a verbal agreement and so she'll have to hire me. Which simply translates into more money for me. Okay, more stuff about Lesley since this article is dedicated to her! I had a little crush on her back in highschool... Yeah, yeah... The goth clothes, the British accent, the heavy make up, the fact that that she was pale and skinny... "But Rui!" You might ask, "You like blondes! BLONDES!!!" Yes, it's true that Lesley's a redhead (unlike her blonde, yet underaged sister) but we all know that a redhead is just a blonde that ate too many strawberries and is too stuborn to dye her hair to that divine golden color. Lesley tried to pass herself off as a brunette once, which didn't work because well... She's not a brunette. That's like if I glued feathers to myself, flapped around, clucked all over the place, and tried to pass myself off as a cow... It's stupid and it doesn't make sense. Lesley, you are a redhead! You'd make a good blonde and you are certainly not a brunette. Not that there's anything wrong with brunettes, it's just that you are not one. Lesley believes that the best way for me to get a girlfriend is by going out to a club, having sex with some poor helpless drunk girl, and then try to base a relationship off of that. She later retracted that statement for obvious reasons (namely the fact that it was a dumb idea). Lesley also has a lot of stalkers... I'm one of them, but unlike all the other stalkers, I'm actually witty about it so that makes me her favorite... I think. You know, come to think of it... Maybe she's not going to Asheville to start a singing career, maybe she's doing it to get away from all of us. If that's the case, then I'm certainly hurt and I'm going to charge people $15 for membership instead of $10. Also I'm going to act all crazy and shit and go on those "behind the music" shows and talk about how much you suck. Yay for blackmail!... Damn, I DO sound like a stalker... Maybe I should stop... Okay, I will. Anyways, this article was dedicated to Lesley and written all while I was eating dumplings! Yeah, I know this article sucks and that's only because I don't want to seem like a sappy sponge that misses one of his best friends. I mean after all, the personally I want to convey on this thing is that I'm some kind of witty barbarian that likes to rape and pillage other people's minds... And their property. Anyways, just know the whole point of this is simply because I miss you. Plus if you haven't picked up on it yet, if you take the first letter of the beginning of every sentence, it forms a special message! I wish you luck in all that you do and hope to see you again someday.
(End Note: I was so kidding about the special message thing, it doesn't really say shit... I CAN however give you a special time: 10:50pm; Friday; January 20th, 2005.)

Cycle of Love/Pain/Stupidity (May 19th, 4:48pm)
I don't really think this article needs a proper introduction, just read through it... As far as agreeing with me however, well... That all depends on how many times you've been fucked over from this cycle.
*You think you met someone amazing.
*You two hit it off great.
*You put out within a week (but more like the day you met him).
*You don't see or hear from the person for a couple of days.
*You call him up frantically because you think it's love... After all, you DID put out.
*You completely disregard the fact that you met this person at a shady club or party, a place/event that exists for the sheer purpose of one night stands.
*Now that you think about, they really weren't that great.
*In fact, you guys only got along because you did everything he said.
*Oh! You finally got ahold of the person, you were just being paranoid, they really ARE in it for a meaningful relationship.
*Rui must be wrong about everything because you convinced the person to go out on a real date with you. After all, that's how mostly all proper relationships start. Fuck Rui, he doesn't know shit!
*First date, you're nervous because you know that this person knows that you're easy. But you have to appear like you're not, pretend it didn't happen.
*Wow, you think this person's disgusting and not too attractive now that you're both sober.
*But it doesn't matter because you feel like you need to try and make the best of it I mean, you had sex with him already, you don't want to seem like a slut... Besides, there's nothing more humiliating than admiting to Rui that he's right about anything because after all, he's not your friend and trying to watch out for you, he's just an egomaniac that needs to be right all the time. All the gifts and favors he's done for you are just a cover up.
*You put out again because you've done it before and you hope that it helps solidify the "relationship" even further.
*Yup yup, Rui HAS to be wrong because this person called you the very next day! Yippie!
*Something about going to a club/party... You agree to go because you feel like it's your duty as this person's new girlfriend. Besides, they'd probably do the same for you you figure.
*After you both get drunk off your asses, the sex happens. It's great isn't it?
*You can't seem to stop sleeping with this person and you finally wise up a little and think that maybe they're just using you for sex.
*So you ask him: "Are you in this for just the sex?"
*To which he'll reply: "Of course not, I like you."
*You accept this since I mean, he DID just say it. And people that go out to clubs and parties and get fucked up all the time don't lie. EVERYONE knows that!
*Couple months later, you realize that you have no more friends.
*You figure that it's probably because you've been spending all your time with your new soul mate... And it's worth it! I mean, you exist solely for this one person. Screw your friends and your own interests.
*You find him cheating on you but forgive him because let's face it, if you lose him, you'll have no one else since you basically dropped everyone else.
*Uh oh, cheating on you again. You finally think to yourself: "Damnit, he's gone... He's SO gone."
*You finally break up with the jerk, good job!
*Now you feel like shit because it took you months to realize what Rui realized within 30 seconds.
*You go call up your family and former friends for support and they help you. I mean, afterall, those are the people that actually care.
*During the 'healing process' you come to realize that hey, you're still young, you're still sexy and you shouldn't be tied down!
*You go out to a sleezy club/party to look for a fuck buddy. Just a one night stand, no attachments, none! It's party of your rehab.
*Instead of one person, you decide to have sex with 3 guys, 2 girls, and give 10 blow jobs while blindfolded.
*Uh oh, anti-slut drive kicks in and you're feeling guilty, so you play the numbers game with this.
*Oral doesn't count, you only REMEMBER 1 of the guys, and doing girls is hot... So it comes down to a grand total of +1 to your score sheet.
*All the while you find out that Rui's been writing articles about how people that go to clubs and drunken parties make terrible mates.
*You have absolutely no defense against this but you try to argue anyways. Because afterall, Rui is a dumbass and proving him wrong is worth more to you than your life. Fuck the fact that he's the one that stayed up all night comforting you and letting you call him up whenever just to talk. Afterall, it's Rui!
*In order to prove him wrong all you need to do is find a happy and stable couple that started off by seeing each other at a club or party.
*"That's so easy!" You think.
*Couple months later, you can't seem to find any couples like that. You see that the most stable relationships are between people that don't get drunkass stupid and fuck everything in sight.
*But of course that can't be because Rui's never right about anything.
*You figure you'll use yourself as an example and you go out to a club.
*You start right back where you started, at the very first * of this article.
(*End Note: I've been proven wrong before and it was extremely anti-climatical for the other person... I think they were expecting riches from above to come down or some stupid shit like that.) 1
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