Welcome to "Ask Aeolian Whisper". This is where I answer all your questions about life and stuff that you send to me either through my email, AIM Screen Name, or in real life! If you want to ask me a question, send an email to: "[email protected]" with the subject: "Ask Aeolian".
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"Dear Aeolian,
How come nice guys dont get play until they get married, chicks alwasy get f*cked and used by the jerks when what makes them happy *the nice guys* are refused, jerks get the early fun play, nice guys get the used old play =( whys that?" -Pissed off at girls
Dear Pissed off,
This is a very complicated matter, I could just simply say that all girls are whores and make all the nice guys in the world feel better... But that certainly wouldn't help you in any way now would it? Here's what happens... Girls like the tough/bad guy appeal since it's exciting and all that stuff. But the thing is, SOMETIMES the girl wants emotional support too, stuff that the tough/bad guys can't provide. That's why they whine about wanting a "nice guy". If all they got was emotional support, then they'd complain about how their boyfriends aren't dangerous enough. So why ISN'T it reversed?... Well it's simple! The bad guys are easier to get. They're man whores, every last one of them. It's easier to get in a "relationship" (I use the term loosely.) with a bad guy, than it is with a nice guy. And it's human nature to go for the easier things in life. Thus they date the bad guys. Think about it, in order for a girl to date a bad guy, all she has to do is put out. BUT, if a girl wants a nice guy, she'll need to be commited to him in almost everyway. Now what's easier? Putting out or being commited to someone? As a fellow "nice guy" my advice to you and all the other nice guys out there in the world is this: Suck it up because life's unfair, all you need to do is keep trying, keep going out, keep socializing, eventually you'll get that perfect girl.
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"Dear Aeolian,
Why am I so much buffer than you and smarter and cooler?" -Creatine Maniac
Dear Creatine Manic,
You're not buffer than me, nor are you smarter, and it's impossible to be cooler than me. :)
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"Dear Aeolian,
I'm a 300lbs quadraplegic man with a nice personality, would you ever consider marrying me?" -Fat Lova
Dear Fat Lova,
I'm sorry, I know I'm a great guy and that everyone wants me... But I don't like 300lb quadraplegic men. I'm sorry, I'm just not into that kind of stuff. Yes, sometimes physical appearances matter.
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"Dear Aeolian,
I'm 17, my girlfriend and I just broke up... I thought we were in love but then all of a sudden, she hits me with a 'I'm just not attracted to you anymore.' Do you think there's a chance of getting her back? And if there is, how?" -Victim of Love
Dear Victim,
When a girl says she's not attracted to you, it's probably something physical. I'm thinking your attitude hasn't changed, because that'd be kind of rare. So what happened? Did you gain 50 pounds of fat while in the relationship or something tubby? Listen buddy, you're not getting her back. If she hit you with that thing just out of the blue and broke up, chances are that she's just making something up. In fact, she's probably with another guy and always has been. My advice to you, is to go hit the gym, get a great body, great new look, a hotter girlfriend, and show her off to your ex.
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"Dear Aeolian,
I can't get my VCR to stop flashing 12:00! This is driving me insane, what should I do?" -Dippy
Dear Dippy,
Try reading the manual, if that doesn't work, try suicide... It's the only way.
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"Dear Aeolian,
Ok, this question requires a bit of explanation. Sumo wrestlers eat large quantities of tofu. Which is soy. From reading this site I've learned that eating soy turns you into a woman. This must be true because sumo wrestlers have massive boobs! This gave me the idea to market soy pills at natural foodstores as an alternative to breast enlargening surgery for women(possibly men too?) who feel the need. But, I've called many local "granola huts" to offer to sell them my pills and they all reject it. What am I doing wrong here? This seems like the perfect market. I recieve annoying ads in my e-mail everyday for penis enlarging pills, but never breast ones! This must be an undersupplied market, and a golden opportunity. How can I sell this wondrous product? Do you think I should go straight to tv infomercials?" -Soy Boy
Dear Soy Boy,
I bet the local "Granola Huts" in your local area are run by loser estrogenic men. It's not that it's a bad idea, it's that you were trying to appeal to a big heartless corporation! You should file patents on your soy pills because it sounds to me like the "Granola Hut" is only rejecting you simply because they think they can steal your idea and make their own brand of pills that enlarge breasts! If you really want to sell your product, then yes, TV infomercials are the best way to go! Everyone loves infomercials! All you need to do is keep saying the same thing over and over again like: "My pill gives you big boobs!" and have before and after photos flash by the screen countless times. Also in your spare time, you should be outside the "Granola Hut" protesting and chasing away the customers. Also, launch a smear campaign against all competition saying that they're not using high quality soy, instead they're just shredding up corpses of missing children and putting them into cans. You'll be a billionaire in no time. Just remember who gave you this advice. ;) Aeolian wants a Dodge Viper...
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"Dear Aeolian,
My friend is an egomanic. He thinks that the world revolves around him and that he's superior to everyone. What can I do to bring his ego back down to Earth?" -Good Friend
Dear Good Friend,
Your friend needs a huge dose of 'Beat the Living Crap Out of Him'. Unless he's me. In which case, you should give him some really expensive gifts. But yeah anyways if you want to drop someone's ego a couple of notches, just kick his ass to let him know who's boss and that you can do something better than he can. What if he's bigger than you? Or what if you think that kicking his ass is going to ruin your friendship? Well, hire someone ELSE to kick his ass. Make sure it's only ONE person though! Or else your friend won't be cured. In fact he'd probably tell everyone that he would've won if it was a "'fair fight". I hope this helped.
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"Dear Aeolian,
Why are you so mad and sarcastic man? You need to chill bro." -Mellow Mano
Dear Mellow Mano,
Bite me.
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"Dear Aeolian,
How can I get people to pay attention to me? It seems like everyone's ignoring me whenever I open my mouth." -Important Girl
Dear Important Girl,
Make sure you're not spewing stupid. People might ignore you if all you talk about is how to much you LOVE your sticker collection. Also, it might just be your friends... Make sure that they're your REAL friends and that they're not just using you for something. If you find out that you ARE being used then try and switch the field. Use THEM for favors and then drop their asses off somewhere. Here's a test to see if people care: Alter your image. Nothing too shocking or anything, and see if they notice. Or you know... You can like set yourself on fire. That'll get people's attention. Just look at those dumbass Fa Long Gong cult members in China... Now instead of just the government thinking they're idiots, EVERYONE thinks they're idiots.
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"Dear Aeolian,
You talk about how great you are and you're also giving out dating advice in your 'AskAW' section. Do you have a girlfriend? And if you don't then why not? You seem to know EVERYTHING (Sarcastic)" -Doubting Tiffany
Dear Doubting Tiffany,
You're absolutely right Tiff (Not Sarcastic). I am pretty great (Beaming). I don't have a girlfriend, but that just means I can see things more clear than people that are 'blinded by love' or whatever you want to call it (Confident).
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"Dear Aeolian,
I had moved away from home cause my dad is in the military. We moved across country and my girlfriend/fiance and i decided to try a long distance relationship. Then about a week ago my girlfriend/fiance and I broke up. She was heading off to college and I know guys have been a big distraction in her life, and have gotten her into trouble before. So when she headed off to college, she decided that we should break up cause she didn't want any distractions to come between her dreams. I guess I was the distraction. All through the break up she always was like, "Dude, you know I love you so much." So two days before she went to college, I get this IM from her saying that she wants to tell me something, but I gotta promise not to freak out, so I'm like, "What?" and she is like, "I miss you so much. You know I love you so much, etc." And then she says that she's going to college soon, and that she's going to get lonely, and since we're only a few states away, she wants me to come see her. So I'm not sure if she really does miss me, and wants to see me, or just wants company cause she's going to be new to the area and etc. Any advice would be loved." -Lonely Cuban
Dear Lonely Cuban,
What a sad story. I'm very sorry to hear about that. Personally I'm not a big fan of long distance relationships because of the trust complications. But you know what? It's definitely not YOUR fault. I'm sure that you wanted this relationship more than she did since she was the one who felt like it was NEEDED to break it off with you. The way I see it though when two people get seperated by distance is this, if you two did do a long distance relationship, then there would be a chance that it would all work out in the end. But by breaking up, there's a 0% chance. What you need to understand is that women are strange. They don't make sense and they don't care to. She called you because she felt dirty for breaking up with you. But why does she "need" to see you? I know how you really felt about it. She wants to know that you DID care, and also she wants to use you for a little while to hang out with her just because of the familiarity she has with you. My advice to you is that if YOU want to see HER, then go see her. If she truely misses you THAT much, then SHE'LL be the one making the long drive across a couple of states to be with you. Women need to do their part in a relationship too. From what I've seen throughout my life, it was the guy that was struggling to keep the relationship alive while the woman just sat around waiting for it to die. And once it did, she would badmouth the guy to all her friends. I hope I helped.
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"Dear Aeolian,
On your pictures page it says there is 6 things wrong with that picture but I don't see any!" -Smartass Scott
Dear Smartass Scott,
First, it's not "...there is 6 things..." it's "...there ARE 6 things...". I'm sorry though, I was going to respond to you in a mean fashion, but then I realized that you must be one of those middle school dropouts that went blind, you poor poor man. If you want I can FedEx you and the guy reading this to you a protein bar to make you feel better.
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"Dear Aeolian,
I miss u so much, wen r u cumin home? i cant live without u. i miss u 2 mch. get back asap sweetie. luv u!!!11" -Dark Chocolate
Dear Dark,
I'm sorry sir, you have the wrong e-mail address. I believe that you are looking for "[email protected]"
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"Dear Aeolian,
I think you're a fucked up chigga. Much love to teh brotha." -Shizzy
Dear Shizzy,
Word to yo mama or something...
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"Dear Aeolian,
You talk about how buff you are and shit, but why don't you have any pictures of you posing without your shirt on? Not only that, but it seems like every picture that has you in it covers up something..." -Curious
Dear Curious,
You are requesting a picture of me without my shirt on... I hope that you're a girl, because if you aren't, then you sound totally gay. Also, I don't have a digital camera. The pictures that I have are scanned onto my computer, i.e I need to take a REAL picture first. And how embaressing would that be? To have the girl down at the CVS develop pictures if you in full flex without a shirt on? huh? huh?!... Yeah, that's what I thought kiddo. But that IS an interesting idea. I could take before and after shots for a 3 month workout bout to see my progress. Hm... Well, once my balls get a little bigger (probably in October since that's when my balls usually double in size) I might get some pictures... And if I can scan them, I'll do it... But it's not a favor for YOU... You pervert.
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"Dear Aeolian,
You seem almost knowledgable about work out stuff. Tell me, what's better for legs? Leg press or Squats?" -Builder
Dear Builder,
It depends on what you're trying to achieve. You can handle more weight on the leg press, so I think that that's better if you just want quad size. However! If you're looking for functional strength (if you're a wrestler or football player) do squats because the strength pours over. Whatever you do though, no leg extensions because that'll earn you a grand ass whoopin'.
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"Dear Aeolian,
It seems to me like you're just some stupid kid that no one will listen to, and so you're building a website to make yourself feel important. Go get a life." -Headcrab
Dear Headcrab,
It seems to me like you're just some stupid kid that has a bee up his ass, and so you're flaming me to make yourself feel like your opinion matters (It doesn't). Go hang yourself.
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"Dear Aeolian,
Why is Valve being stupid and forcing everyone to use 'Steam'?" -Doc
Dear Doc,
I'm sure it's to make money or some crap.
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"Dear Aeolian,
This company won't stop sending me spam! I think it's 'Peel.net' or something. They have this: 'Click Here to Remove Yourself From Our List' link and so I clicked it, but they still won't stop! How can I get rid of them? I use Hotmail." -eWriter
Dear eWriter,
Spam DOES suck. First off, turn your spamguard on. Just about every single email service has one now. But not only that, go into your filters section and make sure to block ALL incoming email from 'Peel.net'. Or, if it's just one person sending you junk daily, 'BLOCK' that person. Why block? Well it's simple, when someone tries to send email to someone that has them blocked, they'll recieve an email back. Just having your email service filter out the junk isn't good enough, you need to LET that person know that they're a loser and that they have been blocked for trying to screw with your life. Not only that, but if you have time, write 'Peel.net' a very nasty letter about how they refused to take you off their mailing list even though you told them you didn't want any part of it. I think that I'll go ahead and preemptively block all messages from 'Peel.net' and write them a letter right now telling them how pissed off I am. Thank you for letting me know that Peel.net is a company that enjoys harassing people.
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"Dear Aeolian,
Why don't you have a girlfriend?" -Nosey
Dear Nosey,
How about you tell ME why I don't have a girlfriend and if it's good, I'll post it somewhere on my website? Sound good?
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"Dear Aeolian,
I want more pictures of Sarah and Jen." -Josh
Dear Josh,
I'd like more pictures too.
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"Dear Aeolian,
I think you are just desperate for more hits on your webpage. Setting people's homepage to your page is just wrong. Why would you do something like that? Truly annoyed," -Nardo
Dear Nardo,
I set your homepage to my site because I wanted to do you a favor. Your homepage was bellsouth.net, now what the hell can you do there? Huh?... Huh?... NOTHING! Bellsouth.net sucks. Bell South ITSELF sucks. They switched my DSL service without telling me. That meant I had no internet for a week, and this was during my famous "Praetoriette" project. That little stunt ruined their entire reputation, I hope that all the fuckers at the company that were involved get Badger Diease. I'm going to raise my kids/minions (biologic, adopted, and recruited) to hate Bell South. Once I have enough people, I'm going to put their HQ under siege and force their company to go down. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!... And as for hits, yes more hits would be better. No real point except to boost my ego, it's not like I'm making money off this site. You'll occasionally learn something about me, and sometimes it reflects into your life. Besides, how often do you get to read the words of someone who's truely enlightened about... Well... Everything? In conclusion... Bellsouth sucks, and I'll set your homepage to my website if I feel like it. You can't stop me!
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"Dear Aeolian,
Sometimes I cannot decipher all your babble, and sometimes I don't wanna. So based on everything in this website, how would answer the following questions:
A girl on the left side of the street sees you and she throws herself at you, while on the right side of the street another girl is glancing at you in a good way. Both are attractive in their own ways. The girl on the left side of the street looks very attractive physically, yet has the potential to have some sort of personality. You notice the girl on the right side of the street and somehow know that she is all personality, you could carry on a conversation about anything. She has some attractive qualities about her; there are no ugly ducklings here.
Holy Cow, Confucious, Jesus, and Mohammed are walking down the street and they all confront you and ask you:
"Aeolian, two girls seem interested in you and we foresee that you have a chance with either one of them, but you must choose one now because you will never see the other one again. Which one would you choose?"
They each ask you this and they each want a response. They form a triangle around you and meditate until you approach them. So Aeolian, how would you respond to each of them?" -Nardo
Dear Nardo,
What the hell?... Ok, I guess I'll humor you. I'd take the one on the left. Yeah, the one that has no personality but looks better than the one on the right. Why? Well, no matter which one I choose, she'll end up breaking my heart, pissing me off, or cheating on me. See, I already have enough people that I can carry on a conversation with. But what I *don't* have is a fuck buddy. So I might as well enjoy myself with her before I find out that she's cheating on me and I go 15th century Christian on her ass. How would I tell each of these people though? Well let's see... I'd tell Confucious what I just said, except in Chinese. He's a bright boy, he'll understand. I'll tell Jesus that I'll pick the good looking one because she's so dumb that she'll actually believe in Him and that'll make Jesus happy. I'll tell Mohammed that I *would* take both except that might piss off Jesus and when Jesus gets mad, plague happens. As for Holy Cow, I'd say, "Moo" and then power clean it onto a big BBQ pit because I want some of that divine protein. Ok, now I'm done humoring you. This is what I would REALLY do if this situation happened... I'd blow zombie Confucious' head off with an M3 shotgun and then hack him into pieces because if 'Evil Dead' has taught me ANYTHING, it's that you can only stop zombies with dismemberment! I'd probably kick "Jesus'" ass too. But only because he's not the REAL Jesus. The REAL Jesus is dead and stuffed into a cave somewhere. So I'll just assume that this fake Jesus is only a typical hippie due to the long hair and the skinny build. All hippies smoke pot, and I personally hate people that smoke pot. Thus it would result in an ass whoopin'. For Mohammed, I'd break his legs, then call George Walker Bush and say that it's Sadam's brother. By this time, the two girls on the side of the street would be so turned on by my raw display of testosterone that they'd start making out with each other and would be willing to share me. I bet the "real" answer (if there is one) is probably something stupid like: "Walk straight ahead, blah blah shit". So there, I hope I answered your question Nardo. By the way, Holy cow, Confucious, Jesus, and Mohammed are FOUR people, not three. It'd form a pretty screwed up triangle if you ask me. Also, I spell Mohammed with a 'U'. *If you were offended while reading this, then it's your own damn fault. You should've been expecting me to say something like this and X'ed out the window!
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"Dear Aeolian,
Why are you such an ass?" -Assmeter
Dear Assmeter,
Why am I such an ass?! What kind of question is that?! Go fuck yourself, how DARE you call me an ass! Is it the comments that I put up on my site? Are you pissed off about a rant? Look, it's all for fun and no one's making you read this. Now go slap yourself a couple of times.
