I haven't had the opportunity to be faithful to my daily journal writing lately. It disappoints me, yet I have a sense of self-understanding. Lately things have been hectic, and stressful, as was communicated in the last entry. I thought about what was going on with me a lot, and everything that I said there, and I think a lot of that was really just a ventilation entry. I didn't really have a lot of clear focus in that writing, so tonight I'm going to try to clear up any confusion within myself by sorting out my thoughts.

For what it's worth, Liz and I are doing excellent. Last night at swing dancing I danced with her in the birthday circle, as did all of her close dancing friends. First of all, Liz was beautiful. She was wearing a black dress with red roses embroidered on it. Not only was the dress beautiful, but she simply looked fantastic. There was nobody on that floor that could compete with her beauty, except for perhaps Ruth who was wearing a dress that she'd made for herself that was also very beautiful. Even Ruth however was not as drop-dead gorgeous as Liz was that night. I got first dance and the dip, so I was very happy with myself. The bad news is that Liz's condition has been getting progressively worse. She has decided for certain that she's going on treatment. She's still hesitant as to what kind. I really don't care all that much, although I think she's taking a bit more of a gamble with radiation, since chemotherapy is a stronger treatment. Hopefully with time things will be better . . . if the treatment is successful, in roughly three months she'd be off radiation and recovering. If it fails, then she'd die in six to eight months. I hate thinking of that as a possibility, but I have to consider it. After she danced in the circle she got a bit of adrenalin, and it went straight up to the tumor. We walked outside and she felt shaky for twenty to thirty minutes. It scared me a bit, because she nearly passed out a few times. I offered to drive home, but she didn't let me.

That night, Liz was going to drive Merlin and I home, but I insisted that we crash at my place, and so we stayed the night here. It was fun, but there were some scary moments. First of all, Liz did pass out, and she did it twice. When she awoke one time she couldn't move her legs. That scared me a lot. I felt her legs and they were cold, as was her upper body, which scared me a bit more, because I've never felt her colder than me. I knew what to do when she passed out though, I'm a very learned person . . . I straightened her body and put her into a position where her legs were straight, propped her head up, and turned her slightly to her side so if she vomited she wouldn't choke on it. I felt like I knew what I was doing, and I was just hoping everything would be alright with her.

Earlier that day, she'd gone to the beach with some friends. I was unhappy that I couldn't come, especially since she supposedly looked great. I really had wanted to go, but I had my last Beginning Lindy Hop lesson starting at 6:00, and that's when they were arriving at the beach.

Anyway . . . I'll continue writing this entry in the morning, it's 12:10A.M. now, and I'm tired. Tomorrow I'm going to go shopping for Liz, and then take her out for dancing and dinner in honor of her birthday. I want to talk about what happened at my house, and the conversation I had with her tonight. Toda was also Chris Gray's birthday, and for the first time I had someone (Merlin) help me over at Chris'. It went a lot faster with the help. Chris got a really cool gift, and all these things I will explain in the next entry.

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