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The depression of entry 168 has been lifted. I have Liz to thank for that really. I mean, swing dancing was great and all, but it was going and spending the night at her house afterwards that really made the night. First though - Friday's day. I only remember bits and pieces of it now - I'm tired and it's Saturday, but let me summarize some of the frustration. Jennah brought her best friend Halle to campus, who hit on me excessively every time she saw me. Coincidentally, I learned she's my friend's younger sister later that day. Jennah (as I found out it's spelled "Jennah"), thinks I hate her. She can think what she wants I guess. She's at a party right now, hopefully she's having fun. That was the beginning of Friday. After school, Jon Teeter and I went to Bohemian Grove. We arrived inside the grove at 3:43, and asked for our interviews at 3:44. The person declined us, and said the interviewing period ended at 4:00, and they stopped taking interviews at 3:45. I told him it was 3:44 and all he did was get mad and say to come back the following Friday earlier. Stupid rich people. I might not even want to work there if it's going to be such a damned hassle - maybe I'll just apply for a steady and committed job at a grocery store in downtown - it'd be a lot closer, and the pay wouldn't be that much worse. In the evening, I went swing dancing. I must say, I was leading probably the best that I ever have. Swing dancing is about frame, and I was dancing like a frame master all night long - I got told I was good several times. Merlin and Liz both showed up, and Liz invited me to go to her house after dancing and spend the night there with some other people. I got the OK from my parents, although my mom was quite reluctant - my dad had to help quite a bit. I thank him so much . . . . Liz's house . . . Well, a lot of my hesitations are lifting . . . allow me to explain. First of all, I was totally not suave all night. Secondly, she has the most amazing house I have ever stayed in. It's huge, and really well architecturally designed. She didn't seem to mind that I was a dork for a lot of the night, which is good. I wasn't really in a good mood for entertaining. When I get tired, I get very groggy and stupid, and she even put up with that. We got there - Kelsie, Jessica, Chris, Merlin, and I. Chris is Liz's cousin, and he left after playing the guitar for about 30 minutes, talking to his girlfriend on his cell phone, and then watching a movie. We all watched the same pretty funny movie. Liz wasn't giving me any attention - she didn't talk to me at all hardly at swing dancing, and up until we started playing pool in her house she didn't practically even notice me. I felt really cheated, so I did what I do: I implied just that. I told her I didn't like the silent treatment, and that I like aggressive girls who can take charge, because I'm shy. It took her awhile to catch on, other people seemed to understand right away. We went and shot a few games of pool. She has a way of looking like she wants to be kissed, it's really kind of cool. She obviously has a lot of experience around guys, and me with around no sexual experience with girls, I felt a little nervous. We all finished our games of pool, then went back inside. Liz decide to change with the other girls in her room, so Mer and I talked for a bit. When they came out Liz was wearing a sexy outfit, which she later changed, but it was nice to see her in it - she looked really hot. Jessica said she felt sick and lied down soon after, and she was out for the night. So, Kelsie, Liz, Merlin and I played Urf, some other weird game, and five card draw. It was fun. Liz went to the cabinet and offered everyone a Dr. Pepper because it was about 2:00 in the morning and some of the people wanted caffeine. I didn't want one, but she told me if I drank the full thing so I could stay up and talk to her she'd kiss me. I asked where, and she said on the lips. I drank it slowly, but remembered it all night. We went back and played some pool. I was playing horribly, and was muttering weird things because I was incoherently tired. The caffeine. of the 9/10ths of the Dr. Pepper I'd finished wasn't working very well. Merlin and Kelsie walked out of the room toward the end of a game, and Liz and I finished our one on one. I don't really know who won . . . but she lied down on the pool table. I made sure to finish my soda. I was pretty damned nervous throughout the whole thing. She made me feel inexperienced, but comfortable. She's definitely kissed a few guys, at least. It felt exactly what I thought a kiss would be like, but everything not like it at the same time. I've been kissed without tongue and such before, but this was a really cool experience. It was awesome to have it come from such a cool girl too. Either way, we kissed for awhile, then went in with the others. I felt like I had a lot of Adrenalin, but at the same time felt so incredibly inexperienced, so incredibly stupid. When her lips were on mine I barely knew what to do, barely knew how to respond: her sexiness had me sedated. Hopefully we'll practice this again sometime :). Somehow we got involved in throwing a volleyball in her incredibly huge house. We had fun roughhousing around for awhile - good old teenage fun. We ran up and down the stairs, lied on her bed, etc. etc. Some other cool things happened, but nothing that really left as much of an impact on my mind as Liz kissing me. I thought about it a lot that night, but at the same time tried to not think about it so I wouldn't sound weird at all. I ended up falling asleep on the couch in the garage with Liz. Merlin was at the foot of the couch, and after about an hour of talking to them, Kelsie came in and fell asleep too. That was at about 6:00 A.M. Liz and I were lying opposite of each other. She was rubbing my leg, I was rubbing hers. Felt good for the both of us I think. I kissed Liz a quick good night on the lips, then I fell asleep for awhile, but stayed not moving even after I woke up for quite some time. I felt like just lying there, being there, listening there. We all moved into a warmer room in the house in awhile, and slept in one gigantic mass of people. Kelsie left at 10:30 A.M., but even though she told us none of us really understood what was going on. I got up and stretched, then we all went back to playing pool, playing piano, and rolling around in Liz's living room some more. Liz and I lied on the couch for awhile until my mom came. I didn't kiss her goodbye, because I would have been embarrassed with my mom standing right there, but I did introduce everyone, and I did make sure to make eye contact with her before I left. I think I like her, and I think she likes me. I hope she didn't think the kiss was too pathetic. Even if she did though, and she turns me down (pessimism), then she'd be overlooking a lot of my feelings, and I wouldn't want that. I don't think she's that kind of person though, otherwise I doubt I would have been able to kiss her at all. She seems pretty sensitive, but yet very strong. I wonder . . . My mom and I went shopping, and I bought some running stuff - she paid for it and called it my Easter present - I was happy. I realized I hadn't paid for swing dancing last night - I forgot to. But then again, they actually called me in from the other room because they needed an extra lead for the lessons, so I was happy to participate. Maybe I'll consider that my fee for manliness? :) Either way, now I'm home. I showered. I ate. I slept. I woke up. I logged online, and here I am. I talked to Alissa about her Friday night, and just about the same thing happened to her with a guy she was interested in, except it was in his car. We joked about it, talked about it, sympathized about the awkwardness, etc. etc. I think I like Liz . . . but I don't know how to go about doing it. Maybe I'm afraid it would work, and that's why I'm nervous. Either way, I think people will be able to deduce what I'm thinking before I do, but I want to spend more time around Liz, at the moment she's making me feel good. I do however, want to know what she's thinking too, and what she does at Hollan's party tonight. I'm curious if I'm just another guy to kiss, or if it meant something to her like it meant something to me. I'm not going to analyze the deeper meaning of all this, but it felt good, and it brought me happiness, so I like it. Simple. There is no deeper meaning to four letter words. Take care my friends. Back
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