The couple There are certainly advantages to limiting a courtship period. Nobody will criticize the person who wants to make decisions and get on with life, unless those decisions are unduly hasty or have not been given sufficient thought.
This recommendation does not relate to the number of years that you go on dates. It is also not a recommendation to marry while you are young. Those circumstances are defined by certain religious circles. If your family tradition promotes a speedy courtship or marriage while you are young, then please ignore the rest of this article. Your tradition is supported by the quotation at the head of this page.
However, there is another side to the story. Not all of us have enough insight to be able to make binding, life-long decisions in a short period of time, even though we have done the necessary Berurim. There are certain advantages to going out with a person long enough to know them quite well.
You've made a list of what you want in a spouse, and you have gone on various dates in which you tried to achieve various goals. Your partner is likely to meet some of your qualifications, but not all of them. You'll have to decide whether to make compromises.
That should not be a surprise. You knew that marriages involve compromises. You and your confidant will have to discuss the extent of the compromise, and whether it is worth it. You will want to make an informed, stable, and qualified decision.
Clearly, the more information you have, the easier it will be to make the difficult decisions about which compromises you are about to make. Unfortunately, it will take time to gather the necessary data and information.
You may want to get married sooner, but you also don't want to rush blindly into the most important decision of your life.
There is no precise amount of time that can be stated for this question. About half a year may be a reasonable rule of thumb. Most people would legitimately frown on an extended dating or engagement period that would last for close to a year – or more.
However, in this important issue, a bit longer is usually better than a bit shorter.
should meet each other
before marrying
in order to determine
whether they are compatible
- Paraphrase, Shulchan Aruch 35:1
A day-to-day or a date-to-date basis?
What, then, is the happy medium for which we should strive?
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