Winning something
Players' songs
Arsenal Songs
Scum songs
ABUSING AND TAKING THE PISS
Liverpool
One head and shoulders, there's only one head and shoulders, one head and shoulders, there's only one head and shoulders
All you do is, all you do is, all you do is wash your hair
Sign on, sign on
With hope in your heart,
and you'll never get a job, you'll never get a job (You'll never walk alone)
In the Liverpool slums, in the Liverpool slums
Your mum's on the game, and your dad's in the nick
You're all on the social, you're so fucking thick
In the Liverpool slums
In the Liverpool slums, in the Liverpool slums
They look in the dustbins for something to eat
They find a dead rat and they think it's a treat
In the Liverpool slums
Stand-up if you've got a job (Go West)
You scouse bastard,
You scouse bastard,
You scouse bastard!
David James, superstar,
Drops more bollocks than Grobelaar (Jesus Christ Superstar)
Same old Scousers, always cheating
Big-time,
You used to be big-time,
You used to be big-time,
You used to be big-time
You're not going home,
You're not going home,
You're not going, you're not going,
You're not going home
One job between you, you've only one job between you, one job between you, you'veonly one job between you
He's only a poor little scouser,
His face is all battered and torn,
He made me feel sick,
So I hit him with a brick,
And now he don't sing anymore (The Sparrow)
1-0 down, 2-1 up, we fucked Rush's record up
la la la la la la (1987 League Cup final)
Man Utd
Woo Teddy Teddy,
went to Man Utd and he won fuck all
woo Teddy Teddy
(Since the last one sadly is not applicable anymore)
Woo Teddy Teddy,
went to Man Utd and they bought Dwight Yorke
woo Teddy Teddy
Woo Teddy Teddy,
went to Man Utd and you're still a cunt
woo Teddy Teddy
Woo Teddy Teddy,
you may have won the treble but you're still a cunt
woo Teddy Teddy
Woo Teddy Teddy,
you only won in Europe cos they've changed the rules
woo Teddy Teddy
One Teddy Sheringham, there's only one Teddy Sheringham,
with his pockets full of sweets and his nice friendly smile,
he's a fucking paedophile
Who the fuck are Man United, who the fuck are Man United, who the fuck are Man United,
as we Reds go marching on, on, on
Stand up if you hate Man U (Go West)
Part-time supporters
David Beckham walks on water,
everybody knows that dogshit floats (Tis the Season to be Jolly)
Posh Spice is a dirty slag, Posh Spice is a dirty slag,
Posh Spice is a dirty slag, Posh Spice is a dirty slag
Does she take it, does she take it, does she take it up the arse, does she take it up the arse (Bread of Heaven)
Have your teammates, have your teammates, have your teammates have a go, have your teammates have a go
You wear a g-string, Posh Spice's g-string,
you make us wonder, what sex you are,
oh David Beckham, you are a strange one,
but does you g-string match your bra? (You are my sunshine)
Que sera, sera, whatever will be will be
you went out to Barnsley, que sera, sera
Do you come from, do you come from, do you come from Manchester, do you come from Manchester
One Alf Inge Haaland, there's only one Alf Inge Haaland
And did those feet on Parlour tread,
isn't he loopy in the head,
a cheating, sulking, brainless yob
who orders shandy in the pub (Jerusalem, Roy Keane)
If you hate Man Utd clap your hands, c-c-c, if you hate Man Utd clap your hands, c-c-c,
if you hate Man Utd, if you hate Man Utd, if you hate Man Utd clap your hands, c-c-c (Coming round the Mountain)
Andy Cole, Andy Cole, Andy Andy Cole,
he gets the ball and does fuck all, Andy Andy Cole.
One Andy Cole, there's only one Andy Cole,
he takes a spit, and misses with it,
Andy Andy Andy Andy Cole (Winter Wonderland)
Hate Man Utd, we only hate Man Utd, hate Man Utd, we only hate Man Utd (Juantanamera)
1-0 down, 2-1 up, we fucked Fergie's record up
la la la la,
la la la la, la laa (Charity Shield 99)
Brazil, you should have stayed in Brazil, you should have stayed in Brazil, you should have stayed in Brazil (at the Mud Field in January 2000)
Shall we sing a, shall we sing a, shall we sing a song for you,
shall we sing a song for you (everytime we're at the Mud Field)
50000 muppets, 50000 muppets,
na na na na,
na na na na
Chelsea
Stamford Bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down, Stamford Bridge is falling down, oh ohh Chelsea
One man went to mow,
Went to mow a Chelsea,
One man and his baseball bat,
Went to mow a Chelsea
Two men went to mow....
etc
One men went to laugh,
went to laugh at Chelsea, etc.
He's bald,
He's queer,
He takes it up the rear,
Frank Le Boeuf
Chelsea rent-boy,
Chelsea rent-boy,
woah-oh, oh-oh
Have you ever seen the Chelsea win the league, c-c-c, have you ever seen the Chelsea win the league,
Have you ever seen the Chelsea, have you ever seen the Chelsea, have you ever seen the Chelsea win the league, c-c-c (Coming round the Mountain)
Shit cups, you only win shit cups, you only win shit cups, you only win shit cups, shit cups, etc.
Champions, c-c-c,
Champions, c-c-c,
Champions, c-c-c,
That song, you'll never sing that song, you'll never sing that song, you'll never sing that song, that song etc
They're blue, they're white,
they're fucking full of shite,
Chelsea, Chelsea
West Ham
Same old West Ham, fucking useless
You're just a bunch of nazis
Chim-chimminy,
Chim-chimminy,
Chim-chim chi-roo,
We hate those bastards in claret and blue
You can stick your fucking bubbles up your arse
If you hate Eastenders clap your hands
Phil and Grant are homosexual
We've got Dennis Bergkamp, we've got Dennis Bergkamp
you've got Iain Dowie, you've got Iain Dowie
Newcastle
Where were you when you were shit?
I'd walk a mile and a bit,
To rub your face in the shit,
Oh-oh oh Kenny,
I'd walk a mile and a bit,
To rub your face in the shit,
Oh-oh oh Kenny, Kenny
One Mary Poppins, there's only one Mary Poppins
We all agree, Freddie and Dougie are magic
Come as a barcode, you must have come as a barcode
One quasimodo, there's only one quasimodo (Peter Beardsley)
Hark now hear the bandwagon roll,
And Keegan's driving it,
But we wanna know where the Geordies were,
When they were fucking shit!
Cry on the telly, we saw you cry on the telly
Same old Geordies, always crying
Keegan is a wanker,
John Hall is a twat,
You've won fuck all,
Still won fuck all,
What do you think of that! (Knees up Mother Brown)
Fuck off, Alan Shearer,
Oh what can it mean, to a,
Sad geordie bastard, and a,
Shite football team
Aston Villa
Chim chimney, chim chimney, chim chim, charooo,
we hate those bastards in claret and blue.
Shit on the Villa,
shit on the Villa tonight (ooh, ha, ha)
shit on the Villa,
shit on the Villa tonight,
shit on the Villa,
shit on the Villa tonight,
everyone shit on the Villa,
because their a load of shi-te!
Don't cry for me Aston Villa,
the truth is I cannot stand you,
all through my wild days,
my mad existence
we took the Holte End,
with no resistance.
Wimbledon
You're all going to Dublin,
thank the Lord,
you're all going to Dublin,
thank the Lord,
you're all going to Dublin,
you're all going to Dublin,
you're all going to Dublin,
thank the Lord!
Others
Who ate all the pies, who ate all the pies?
You fat bastard, you fat bastard, you ate all the pies. (Knees up Mother Brown)
Are you Tottenham, are you Tottenham, are you Tottenham in disguise?(Bread of Heaven)
You're supposed to, you're supposed to, you're supposed to be at home (Bread of Heaven)
You dirty northern bastards, you dirty northern bastards
You're shit, and you know you are, you're shit, and you know you are (Go West)
You're so shit it's unbelievable
A morgue, it's like a morgue in here, it's like a morgue in here, a morgue,..... (Blue Moon)
What's it like to, what's it like to, what's it like to have no fans, what's it like to have no fans (Bread of Heaven)
Teddy's got a medal, Teddy's got a medal (Charity Shield 98)
Win if we had to, you know we'd win if we had to, win if we had to, you know we'd win if we had to (Juantanamera)
We took the piss, on Merseyside,
we took the piss on Merseyside
we took the piss on the Mersey
we took the piss on Merseyside (Oh when the Saints, 1989)
Come to see the Champions, you've only come to see the Champions,
come to see the Champions, you've only come to see the Champions (Juantanamera,Anfield 98)
He's supposed to, he's supposed to, he's supposed to be your mate,
he's supposed to be your mate (Bread of Heaven, at Ince chopping down Wright, Anfield 98)
We've got Dennis Bergkamp, you've got Iain Dowie (West Ham 97)
You're not singing, you're not singing, you're not singing anymore, you're not singing anymore (Bread of Heaven)
La la la la la, wank wank, wank wank
La la la la la, wank wank, wank wank (Donauwalzer)
You'll never play for Arsenal, you'll never play for Arsenal
What a waste of money, what a waste of money
You're just a bunch of wankers, you're just a bunch of wankers
What's it like to, what's it like to, what's it like to be a cunt, what's it like to be a cunt? (Bread of Heaven)
What's it like to, what's it like to, what's it like to follow shit, what's it like to follow shit?
Arsenal reject, Arsenal reject
We're in Europe, we're in Europe, you're not, you're not
You're not fit to, you're not fit to, you're not fit to wipe my arse, you're not fit to wipe my arse (Bread of Heaven)
You're not very good, you're not very good, you're not very, you're not very, you're not very good (Knees up mother Brown)
QPR, Qphahahahaha
Monday, Tuesday, who the fuck are Wednesday (Sheffield Weds)
All Bobbies are bastards, all Bobbies are bastards
The referee's a wanker, the referee's a wanker
Who's the wanker, who's the wanker, who's the wanker in the black, who's the wanker in the black (Bread of Heaven)
Blow the fucking whistle, blow the fucking whistle
Your songs, we'll sing your songs for you, we'll sing your songs for you (Blue Moon)
Sheep, sheep, sheepshaggers
Sheep, sheep, sheepshaggers
M���hhhhh
Down with the Tottenham, you're going down with the Tottenham, down with the Tottenham, you're going down with the Tottenham (Juantanamera)
Going down, going down, going down, going down, going down, going do-own, going down, going down, going down, going down, going down (The Stars and Stripes forever)
The referee, is full of shit, the referee is full of shit
Full of shit, shit and bullshit
The referee is full of shit (Oh when the Saints)
Who the fucking, who the fucking, who the fucking hell are you, who the fucking hell are you (Bread of Heaven)
How fat can a striker get, how fat can a striker get, how fat can a striker get, how fat can a striker get (Tomas Brolin)
Go home, you might as well go home, you might as well go home, go home,... (Blue Moon)
Are you watching, are you watching, are you watching Tottenham, are you watching Tottenham (Bread of Heaven)
Are you Teddy, are you Teddy, are you Teddy in disguise, are you Teddy in disguise? (Bread of Heaven)
All we are saying, please give us a goal, all we are saying, please give us a goal
We won the World Cup, we won the World Cup
Sit and shut up, sit and shut up, sit and shut up
What's it like to, what's it like to, what's it like to have no fans, what's it like to have no fans? (Bread of Heaven)
Is that all you, is that all you, is that all you bring away, is that all you bring away (Bread of Heaven)
Score in a brothel, you couldn't score in a brothel, score in a brothel, you couldn't score in a brothel (Juantanamera)
Oh wanky, wanky
wanky wanky wanky wanky Wanderers (Bolton)
You're going home in a combine harvester (Bristol City)
What's it like to, what's it like to, what's it like to see a crowd,...
Fuck all, you always win fuck all, you always win fuck all, you always win fuck all, fuck all...
Brazil, you're just like Alan Brazil, you're just like Alan Brazil, you're just like Alan Brazil, Brazil,...
Are you England, are you England, are you England in disguise, are you England in disguise
He shot,
he missed
He musst be fucking pissed
XY
Fuck all, you're gonna win fuck all, you're gonna win fuck all, you're gonna win fuck all...
Barnsley, it's just like playing Barnsley, it's just like playing Barnsley, it's just like playing Barnsley, Barnsley...
So fucking easy, oh this is so fucking easy, so fucking easy, oh this is so fucking easy
What's it like to, what's it like to, what's it like to be outclassed, what's it like to be outclassed
One song, you've only got one song, you've only got one song, you've only got one song
Can we play you, can we play you, can we play you every week, can we play you every week
We drink Pepsi, we drink Pepsi
we drink Pepsi anyway,
we drink Pepsi anyway (losing v Millwall in the Coca Cola Cup 93)
The Scum, we hope you beat the Scum, we hope you beat the Scum, we hope you beat the Scum (to Leicester prior to League Cup Final 99)
Would you like a, would you like a, would you like another go,
would you like another go? (to Sheffield Utd in the FA Cup 'replay' in 99)
Do you want to, do you want to, do you want to start again,
do you want to start again? (same place, same time, same team)
Gordon Strachan's ginger,
he wears a ginger hat,
and when he saw the nationwide he said
'I'm having that.'