M: Howdy.

BJ: Hello.

M: So, you have decided to return to competing as an amateur. Why is that?

BJ: I wanted to make American gymnastics watchable again.

M: Brave. What exactly do you think is wrong with American gymnastics?

BJ: Do you want a list?

M: Hmm.. no, just summarize for us.

BJ: Um, ok.. ALL CRAP!

M: Tell us your thought on the recent Indy World Championships... wait, stop laughing.., have a glass of water.

BJ: Thanks... I thought The Mogilny covered the farce quite well, although you failed to mention that I wasn't there.

M: Cool.. you read The Mogilny, it seems that Dobre isn't the only thing that gets around.

BJ: Yes, okay, take the World Championships for instance... which gymnasts really stood out as the cool ones? Maja Hristova, Miriam De Tena, Eugenia Popa, Svetla Ivanova, Boguinskaia, Stella Umeh..none of them from the US. I want to change that. I want to be the cool gymnast fromthe US.Blobby runts are out, coolness is in.

M: Thank you for your time. One more thing, what do you call a good-looking Bulgarian?

BJ: What?

M: Lucky.

ME by Mrs. Omeliantchik

A Deltchev on the uneven bar

Flying high as a star

Got in my car

Drove so far

Oooo, Aaaa

I'm a dreamin' woman.

Never touched a can of spam

But I've punch-fronted enough,

Although never in the buff

To know what I love.

Oh, gymnastics is for me

He, he, he

Did a double pike yesterday

Made it look so easy

Shushunova was jealous.

Never had shoes too small.

Never have really been tall.

But I love magnesium carbonate,

It makes me quite giddy

Here kitty, kitty.

Tell me your troubles,

Tell me your pains.

I used to wear Hanes.

Now I don't because it irritates my skin.

Had a leotard bright yellow

Made me look like a banana

One day I put it on backwards

It hurt

Can't get enough of those layouts

Especially the full twisting ones

When I land on my buns.

I was knitting in Kiev today,

Knitted me a spiffy sock.

Too tired to knit the other one

Don't matter'cause I'm almost at dock

Captured by aliens, I was.

Forced me to vault like Kim Kelly

As a result, they spontaneously decapitated,

Quite smelly

Lashonova tripped me today,

So I shot her.