Ottawa, ON -  The newly formed Canadian Alliance made it's first big election move yesterday when party leader Stockwell Day announced that Jesus Christ, son of God and saviour of humanity, is supporting his bid for Prime Minister.

"I don't need to tell you how excited I am to have Jesus on our team," beamed a confident and energized Mr. Day.  Jesus Christ, standing near Mr. Day, nodded and smiled throughout the announcement.  "I think it's safe to say that having an omnipotent being working alongside me will be a real asset.  An incredible asset."

Mr. Day, an evangelical Christian, has been quietly working behind the scenes to get Jesus's support since rumours began circulating several months ago that Jean Chretien, the Prime Minister, was going to call an early election.  "While I've always been a devout Christian and have been praying every day now for nearly 30 years, I really stepped up my intensity level these past months."  Sources close to Mr. Day told reporters that he was spending up to three hours a day in seclusion, praying intensely for divine intervention in the election.  His prayers, often overheard, involved a lot of weeping and screaming "Help me sweet Jesus!  I'm doomed without you!  Doomed!"

"Jesus heard my call," stated Mr. Day.

Jesus then took the podium and made a brief prepared statement.  "Mr. Day is a very persistent man," Jesus intoned, his voice seeming to come from all directions at once.  "Even I, who has managed to ignore centuries of devastation, war, natural disasters, and repeated losses by the Buffalo Bills could not ignore Stockwell's pleas for ever."

Mr. Day assured the media that Jesus would not use his omnipotence to alter the outcome of the vote but expressed confidence that many voters would turn to the Alliance quickly knowing that their Lord, Jesus Christ of Nazareth, was behind him.  "It may take a few miracles or scourgings, but I'm sure the Canadian people will quickly see the benefits of following the guy who has the support of the son of Almighty God."

The press conference ended when Jesus looked to the heavens, parted the clouds allowing the sun to bath him in him light, said "Behold, it is a time for change!" and was quickly whisked into an awaiting limousine to be taken to his next scheduled stop.
 

 
 

Copyright 2000 The Upper Canada Chronicle