Army III- Cartoon

I'm trying to figure out how my experience was any different than what would have happened in a cartoon. I think it was a cartoon. I mean, what would happen if, say, the Anamaniacs were to be in an army session?

Well, first of all, their superiors would have names that would quickly lend themselves to jokes. Instead of a Mr. Putz, or a Dr. Scrachensnif, we have a Mefakeid, (If you haven't gotten that yet, say it a few times outloud, and knowing that Hebrew annunciates the last syllables. With all the English that is spoken in this country, I really can't believe they would give anything such a name, especially to something which means that it should garnish respect. The person who decided to use this as a title probably saw nothing wrong with naming their kid "Enis.") and above him, was the Arasaf, but due to a speech impediment, it continuously came out as Arafat.

Especially in the Anamaniacs, there is the attractive woman who has a name that, while not suggestive, is descriptive. In this case it as the beautiful superior, with the long blonde hair, who was in charge of everyone. Above the Arasaf, comes the Mamamet.

Then, we have the villain with the speech problem, or the strange accent. In this case, it's the Arasaf, who besides presenting himself as Arafat, can't pronounce his "S"'s or, and had a tendency to speak in such a way that it revealed a virtual sin graph of the pitch in his voice. The word for punishment in Hebrew is "onesh," So, (Words in caps were spoken in soprano) "YOU mutht lithen to me. I (capitalized twice) AM the Arafa. If you do not LITHen, oneth, haBAITA (Habaita means "the home." You go home. That was the ultimate punishment.) Thit ith the ARMY, ith all VERY theriouth."

I generally don't make fun of other people's speech problems, God knows I had enough of my own, and this isn't his first language of course, but it'th hard when the theargent ith thcreaming thith in your fathe, while he ith doing the normal thingth a theargent doeth to generally pith you off, to be able to keep a straight face. We had Sylvester the Cat going through puberty as our Sergeant.

In a cartoon, this guy would also be very sexually distracted. In our case, he called Sarah, one of our bubbly cheerleader types, over. He tells her she should learn to calm down to the military. Then he asked if she had a boyfriend, and asked her if he could give her a massage. That's as far as she will tell anybody but her closest friends, but we know he made further unwanted advances.

(False foreshadowing warning: none of the Military equipment, guns, TNT, bombs, tanks, etc., went off in anybody's face. Cartoon violence didn't quite apply.)

The protagonists in the cartoon would of course show themselves to be the worst group ever encountered. They wouldn't shut up, they'd chew gum while the Sergeant was screaming at them, they'd show up close to an hour late for roll call, and they'd probably start a food fight in the cafeteria. All of which happened in our week.

At the end if the cartoon, especially with the Warner Brothers, they generally get the beautiful girl in a rather inexplicable way. Well, when we were about to leave, after the two mefakaids decided they'd have nothing to do with us, after the Arasaf mysteriously didn't come back from two days before, we were being said goodbye to. The reluctant mefakaids and the gorgeous mamamet, were giving us joke awards. Everybody got in the bus, save the Scottosh kid, Guy. He came on a few minutes later. "What took so long?"

The stunning mamemet with the long blonde hair, who the mefakaids and (obviously) the Arasaf had drooled over, who was five years his elder, gave him her phone number.

Thththththththat's All folks.

Oh, wait, Anamaniacs, "OK, I love you, bubye."

Get me outa here!!!

Wanna read the last one?

Wanna read the next one?

Take me back to the list

---

Michael Kadish

"All nuisances should be noosed." -- Vegard Aspelund.

Hosted by www.Geocities.ws