These are the Jokes Folks 1,056,539.
(Sexual Jokes)

Warning--These jokes are all sexual in nature, and use sexual terms.



!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A girl scout troop leader suddenly came upon a clearing where a young couple was engaged in oral sex.

"Back ladies, back!" cried the leader, "There's a very dangerous beast out there!"

But it was too late, several of her charges had more-or-less seen all. They asked their leader what was happening. "Well, if you.... err..... must know, they were practicing a brand new form of artificial respiration."

"WOW!" exclaimed the oldest of the group. "I know which merit badge I'm gonna try for next."

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There was a guy who was struggling to decide what to wear to go to a fancy costume party. Then he had a bright idea. When the host answered the door, he found the guy standing there with no shirt and no socks on. "What the hell are you supposed to be?" asked the host.

"A premature ejaculation." said the man "I just came in my pants!"

 Commercial break:

OK, we now return...
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There was a farmer, sitting on the front porch of his house this one hot summer day, when this kid comes walking down the road carrying a big bundle of wire.

'Hey kid!' the farmer says. 'Where ya goin' with that wire?'

'Well,' the kid drawls, 'this here ain't just any ol' wire, this here's chicken wire -- I'm fixin' to catch me some chickens!'

'You can't catch chickens with chicken wire!'

'Sure I can!' the kid says, and takes off down the road. He comes back at the end of the day and sure enough, he's got a whole mess of chickens caught in his chicken wire.

Well, the farmer is sitting on his porch the next day, and the same kid comes walking down the lane, carrying a big roll of tape.

'Hey kid!' the farmer yells. 'Where ya goin' with that tape?'

'Well, this here ain't just any ol' tape, this here's duck tape --I'm fixin' to catch me some ducks!'

'You can't catch ducks with duck tape!' the farmer yells back.

'Sure I can!' the kid says, and takes off down the road.

He comes back at the end of the day and again, the farmer can't believe his eyes. The kid had a whole bunch of ducks all wrapped up tightly in his tape.

The next day the farmer's sitting on his porch again, and the kid comes walking down the road carrying a stick.

'Hey kid!' the farmer says. 'Where ya goin' with that stick?'

'Well, this here ain't just any old stick, this here's pussy willow.'

'Hang on,' the farmer says. 'I'll get my hat.'

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Michael Kadish

"Some programs have been theatrical masterpieces, but all we're seeing is the negative side of nuclear war." -- Barry Goldwater
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