Depression

Problem: I am naturally depressed. Not severely, but enough to keep a shrink busy.

So, I'm in Yeshiva, attending a class on Mussar, "The way in which you should behave." That's not literally what it means, but that's the way the Rabbi explains it. In every class, a universal personal description is taken, and explained why it's both wrong and or right, and supposedly, we learn how to combat it, or use it. One day we get greed, then the next class is generosity. Generally they cover the extreme sides of the spectrum though, so it's not SO black and white.

It's not quite as bad as it sounds.

But, the last class had been "pride." So, what follows this seventh deadly sin? Depression. That is the opposite I suppose. (This is one of the things about learning Mussar. There is no don't do this, do this, stay on the opposite side of the spectrum, it's don't do this, but also don't do this, this, or this, try to stay in the exact center without getting close to any of the sides.) I figure, this is the class for me. Depression. I suppose of the negative attributes we learned (at least I hope) in this class, depression is my most egregious violation.

OK, and according to the class, what causes depression? I have depression because my ego's to big. According to them, I think that life is horrible, because I'm under the impression that I deserve so much more, and I'm not getting it.

Wow, I'm depressed because I really think I'm better than other people? Really? This isn't sarcastic, it's serious. I had no idea I was such a megalomaniac. I mean, I've thought myself a jerk many a time, but I never really thought that I was such an egocentric snob. Do I really walk around with my nose in the air that much?

God, I'm more pathetic than I thought�. I'm a complete jerk, apparently. I can't stand it, and don't know how to deal with it.

All irony aside, do you guys agree with this? Am I that bad? Is this really all depression is? A punishment for us who are stuck up? How depressing.

Get me outa here!!!

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Michael Kadish

"Some programs have been theatrical masterpieces, but all we're seeing is the negative side of nuclear war." -- Barry Goldwater

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