Kid and Caboodle: Musings of a "Split-Shift" Mom
By Peggy B. Hu
November 2006

My son A.J. was born in mid-November nearly four years ago. Recently I had a conference with his pre-school teacher about his progress. She told me he seems to be doing well academically; he can identify colors, shapes, body parts, numbers and letters and likes to sing to himself and do art projects. A.J. is very observant and has a great memory. The area that concerns her the most is his social development. A.J. watches what his classmates do -- and makes comments about their activities to his teacher -- but he shows no interest in playing with them. He does not use the playground equipment either; instead, he spends much of his outdoor time shadowing the teachers or collecting acorns.

Her comments were not a surprise to me. Ever since he was a baby, A.J. has preferred to observe rather than engage others. This strong tendency toward introversion is the main reason my husband and I put him in pre-school when he turned 2 rather than continue to take care of him ourselves at home; we wanted A.J. to have opportunities to socialize with others his age. A.J. is an only child, and the kids in our neighborhood are significantly older than he is so he does not play with them. Although we spend time every month with friends who have children A.J.'s age, he needs more frequent opportunities to socialize. Both my husband and I understand A.J.'s tendency to withdraw -- we are introverts ourselves -- but as introverts we also understand the importance of connecting with our peers.

A.J.'s teacher and I brainstormed a bit. I noted that A.J. prefers one-on-one situations over group activities and that he does not like frequent changes in his environment. I suggested that if she paired A.J. up with one child regularly for class activities that he might begin to bond with that person. She thought that was a good idea, and we discussed whether it would be better to pair him up with a quiet person like A.J. or with someone very extroverted who would try to socialize with him. I hope this experiment will work; I really want A.J. to make some friends among his classmates. For A.J.'s upcoming birthday party, I have invited some of the classmates whom he mentions regularly. Hopefully they will come, and hopefully A.J. will play with some of them.

Do you have an introverted child? If so, what are some of the strategies you use to get him or her to socialize more?