The week started off with X'2001 fuming, wanting to know where Evil Penguin had been last week. After much searching Penguin was found playing an unauthorized game of hangman. It turns out that last week Penguin was lounging around in Antartica. X'2001 demanded that in light of these circumstances that the title be passed on to him, as the rules demanded. Dark Timmy, however, decided that it was an acceptable absence. X'2001 protested angrily. Timmy agreed, dropping his ranking to 5 and suspending Evil Penguin for a week. X'2001 wanted to know who he would be fighting, and Timmy revealed it would be Ravenslarke, X'2001's sister.

Eggplant Girl prepared to take on Datafox to further rise up the ladder of the Games. Datafox turned out to be absent, away in Disneyland. Eggplant Girl was declared the winner and rose a rank.

Backstage X'2001 informed his sister that they would be facing each other. Ravenslarke seemed okay with it. When X'2001 asked her how she could be so calm, Ravenslarke told him that her martial arts discipline wouldn't allow her to get upset. Maybe if he ate food with less salt he wouldn't be so strung out. X'2001 gruffly told her to eat a hamburger and stormed off.

No one could find Youtea for the four team elimination match. Wabut informed everyone that he's away in the other part of the world. Wabut then agreed to play the elimination game alone. Neon & Vfatdan and Jon Wang & Eggman came out without incident. Finally Slade came out with his mystery partner, Eggplant Girl. Playing a game of scrabble the board was soon filled with words like "mitot", "quizybuck", and "jollinger". Finally, Eggplant Girl questioned Wabut's use of "bitch slap" as a word. A check of Webster's Dictionary proved that it wasn't a legal word and Wabut was disqualified. Eggplant Girl was about to question Neon's word, "Bitchcansuckmydick", when Vfatdan hit Slade with a chair, disqualifying him and his partner. Jon Wang's word "quiz", launched his team to first place, where they stayed until the end of the game despite finishing with three letter words.

X'2001 won a rather uneventful game of Starcraft against his sister, Ravenslarke.

Jon Fung defended his title against Princess Adiana by winning a game of tic-tac-toe. No one was surprised.

The week of June 26, 2000: Pain in the Leg

Before an asemblage of all the gamers Dark Timmy announced that if he was unable to win the Bastard Championship in the Lazer Tag Tournament then he would remove himself from the games and act in a strictly magerial position. In response to this there was much cheering and chanting of "Timmy's going away."

Before the tournament began Ravenslarke came out to defend her Remote Championship carrying both her championships. She declared how heavy it was to carry two belts, especially when her martial arts and Wiccan training dictated that she understand how others felt in situations. And since everyone was jealous of her, with her two championships, she could feel everyone's pain of knowing how inferior they are to her. To feel better she recomended that everyone try a vegetarian diet. Before she could continue Slade came out and demanded the match start before the anti-meat rant continued.

The game was skee ball. Ravenslarke made an impressive show of 300 and 400 point tosses. But as her last ball sank into the 500 point ring Slade walked up his ramp and dumped all his balls into the 500 point ring making him the winner and new Remote Champion.

The tournament began with Dark Timmy calling Wesley Fong's name. When Wesley turned Timmy fired five shots into Wesley's chest target, scoring five hits and picking up the win.

In the second round Vfatdan, making a bunch of exploding noises as he shot his Lazer pistol around randomly, was able to score two hits without realizing it. While Vfatdan made a shotgun imitation Jon Wang fired five times at the Dan, winning the round. Vfatdan didn't seem to notice.

In the Psymon vs. Wabut match Psymon found a corner of the Lazer Tag arena and camped out. When Wabut finally approached him Psymon was able to score three hits before Wabut figured out where Psymon was. Wabut then found a suitable hiding place and traded scored hits with Psymon until Psymon won 5-2.

Neon and X'2001 ran around the arena searching for each other, trading hits, until X'2001, who is much more expierienced with this kind of thing, won.

As the match began Eggplant Girl and Bidnessman simply shot at each other until Eggplant girl scored five hits for the win.

The five winners, Dark Timmy, Jon Wang, Psymon, X'2001, and Eggplant Girl, went on to an free-for-all match of lazer tag. First Psymon was eliminated when the other four ganged up on him, quickly scoring the five shots needed to eliminate him. He was able to score two hits on Wang and Eggplant Girl. With Psymon eliminated X'2001 changed the direction of his rapid firing to score four hits against Timmy. Timmy fled before he could be completley eliminated. Eggplant Girl scored a hit against X'2001 by firing on him from behind just as X'2001 scored a hit against Wang. Wang was then able to turn and score a hit againt X'2001. Stuck between Eggplant Girl adn Wang, X'2001 had another two hits scored against him before he was able to flee. Wang and Eggplant Girl then fired upon each other until Wang was eliminated and Eggplant Girl had three shots against her.

By this point both X'2001 and Timmy had four scored hits against them, each one hit away from elimination. Eggplant Girl had three. Timmy was able to sneak behing Eggplant Girl and score a hit against her. Unfortunatley for Timmy, Eggplant Girl turned and was able to score a hit against him, eliminating the Dark One from the tournament. X'2001 called out to Eggplant Girl that they should do things like a Western shoot out. Eggplant Girl agreed and holstered her Lazer gun. X'2001 jumped from a corner and shot his last oposition, scoring a hit, and eliminating her from the competition.

For the final match Evil Penguin never showed, prompting everyone to wonder where he had gone. According to the rules of the Games if Evil Penguin couldn't come up with a good reason for his absence then his title would be stripped from him. So everyone was anxious to know what happened to him.

Old matches