Vic enters singing I’m a Believer.

You would not believe...
Cliff Michelmore bombing along with a wheelbarrow full of yogurt. All these tiny little witches hovering above it. He must have been in a hurry of summat.

Later on
A family of trained puffing who are going to be driving a vintage traction engine over some really nice delicious fresh olives – without crushing them, mind. Then they’re going to be reversing it back through the smallest keyhole in Britain.

Les facts
Apparently there is a labyrinth full of facts about Les under the studio. Today’s Les facts are:
1) Les was the lead singer in the pop group Japan.
2) Les can’t help but raise a smile whenever he sees a spirit level.

The Man with the Stick
He won't let us see what's on the end of the stick just yet, but the man with the stick has some interesting pictures on his helmet of things he has seen during the week:
1) The feeling you get on a summer’s day when you are listening to Level 42
2) A thimble near a baker’s footprint
3) Wendy Richards pulling a cup out of a policeman’s stomach
4) Spandau Ballet laughing at an orphan who’s fallen off his bike

The Man with the stick also talks about safety problems of the studio. Apparently the lights are dangerous because he could throw his nephew up there and loose him and be looking for him for hours. Another safety problem is that a pensioner could mistake Vic’s desk for a post office counter.

You wouldn’t let it lie
“Did you give that widow her pension book back?”

Novelty Island
Today’s acts are:
1) Graham Lister with Lard for Laughs. Graham promises to provide 3 laughs using lard and the other items he has brought. The first laugh is from spreading salt on the floor and dropping the lard onto it while saying Larrrrrrd. Laugh no. 2 is from pushing Lard through the eye and nose holes of Micky Rauk’s face, again while saying Larrrrrrd. Vic and Graham have a disagreement about whether Micky Rauk is a pop star or a film star, Graham says he is a pop star and Vic disagrees. Vic requests laugh no.3 but Graham insists 3 laughs have been had because he counts saying Larrrrrrd as a laugh.
2) Cubond the Heretic. We never get to find out what act this strange cloaked person with a doll’s head has in store for us because he is disqualified for not entering the paddock. 3) Judith Grant with Dusty the Caterpillar. Judith brings a sighing caterpillar but Vic reckons it is her sighing.
4) Mr. Wobblyhand. Mr. Wobblyhand is a weird guy with what looks like a cabbage for a head and a glove that he runs around the stage wobbling.

The acts at Novelty Island this week were judged by Jean Paul Gaultier who was judging via the gift of prisms strategically placed around the countryside. He is hiding on his BMX behind some beer barrels round the back of a rugby club in Torquay – the front wheel of his BMX is jutting out a little bit. He decides that the winner is Mr. Wobblyhand.

Just before the break, Vic says he is going to have a pint and pours himself one. After the break his desk is covered in empty pint glasses and he leaves to go to the toilet while Donald and Davey Stott come on to do their magic show - the most unimpressive magic show in history, with the possible exception of Vic and Bob’s one on Shooting stars where Vic stretched Bob’s leg. They make a box of Ryvita appear form behind the Turin Shroud and a bird appear from a box using hot oil. The bird startles Davey and he runs off, so Donald has to go and look after him.

That’s Justice

Today's possible punishments are:
Have your insides scooped out by Duncan goodhew's flipper
A terrible facial scold from boiling beer
Diamonds are forever

The defendant’s crimes are:
In 1911 intentionally caused serious damage to the Bayaux Tapestry by putting it in for a service wash
In 1980 stuffed a load of cotton wool up all the drainpipes in the world causing the Earth to expand whenever it rained

The punishment was:
1 year being adored by the cast of Jesus Christ Superstar.

So, what was on the end of the stick?
A pint of beer