Gina sat waiting in the office of Superintendent Okaro, �Where is he?� she thought to herself angrily. Short tempered at the best of times, she couldn�t believe she had agreed to that �50 bet with him that she could go without smoking for a week. Looking down at her fingernails she sighed. Vain she wasn�t � but they looked awful. It had only been a day into the weeklong bet, and she had already bitten them down to the bone. She began to stare out of the window just as the door swung open, making her jump.
�Sorry to keep you Gina� said Adam in an insincere tone.
�No problem� she replied half-heartedly, while thinking to herself �It�s not as though I have work to do�.
Adam raised one eyebrow to her response, he knew her too well and could guess what she was thinking.
�I wanted to talk to you about the relief�and the state it�s in at the moment�
�What do you mean?� she said defensively.
�Well, where do I start? We have had Nick Klein being treated for drug addiction, the incident with Cameron Tait and his daughter, Luke Ashton playing desperado against the kid with a converted replica, Des Taviner having the Area Car stolen��
�OK - I get the message!�
�I don�t think you do. God only knows how they are still making arrests, they are all too busy sorting out their personal lives and working incompetently�
He was angry, and felt Gina should take her fair share of the blame.
�So what do you want me to do?� She was getting agitated now.
�I want you to start spending time with your officers. You�re their Inspector and aside from occasionally dressing them down in your office, I don�t see you doing a lot else about the situation. So, I want you to start going on patrols with them, spend time in Custody and CAD, talk to them and discuss any problems they are having�
�What am I now - Sun Hills resident agony aunt?�
�No, you are their line manager�SO MANAGE THE SITUATION!� He was getting angrier with every word.
Gina began gritting her teeth as the prospect of it. She needed a cigarette more than ever now, God help the first person that crosses her after this.
�One area that needs immediate improvement is your relationship with your Sgts.� He had cooled down slightly and was now trying to guide her.
�What makes you say that?�
She was confused now, why did they need special attention now as opposed to the PCs.
�Well, you have always had a problem with June Ackland for a start. And after the suicide, she needs support more than ever. Then there is Dale Smith, a loose canon if ever I saw one�not forgetting his role in the Area Car theft. And last but not least, Sheelagh Murphy. She has only been here a couple of months and yet in that space of time, has seen her husband arrested for serious assault, been kidnapped and nearly raped, and to top it off � has started an affair with Des Taviner of all people�
�No. I spoke to her yesterday and she assures me it�s over�
She was trying to reclaim some credibility and he knew it.
�I don�t care. But despite the affair, I think she is a good officer and I would really like to see her pass her probationary period as a Sgt�
Adam looked to Gina for some agreement. She nodded with him. She hated to admit it, but Sheelagh was an officer she didn�t want to lose. Des was a different story.
�So, make her your first port of call. She�s now on foot patrol today and you are going to be with her�
�FOOT PATROL!?!� Now she was pissed off.
������������������
As this meeting was taking place, the officers of Sun Hill began arriving for the start of their shift. Sheelagh Murphy was taking a slow walk to the station, determined to achieve as higher Nicotine level as possible without killing herself. She hadn�t smoked since she became a nurse, and had forgotten how much she had missed it. Suddenly she could see Sun Hill station in the distance, stopping dead in her tracks � she sighed. A few months ago she loved her job, now she found it spirit crushing. Her colleagues had noticed that she wasn�t the same. Gone was the easy-going, approachable Sgt Murphy. They now saw miserable Sgt Murphy, a woman that either looked as though she was about to cry or lose her temper at any moment. She would still dispense her trademark advice, but now she always looked as though she resented doing so.
Little did anybody know that her marriage had ended the week previously. She and Patrick argued like any other couple, but now they couldn�t go a day without arguing. It had all come to a head, and she had been thrown out of her own home. Patrick was furious that she wanted the marriage to end, that she wasn�t willing to try to work things out�and bemused by the fact that she wouldn�t give him a reason why. She hadn�t told him about the affair, there was no point � it hadn�t gone on for very long and was now over. But her children, he wouldn�t let her speak to her kids�every time she rang the house, he slammed the phone down on her. She was now living in a cramped B & B with only a TV for company, only leaving periodically to go to work. How would she afford a place of her own and pay half the mortgage on the house?
With that thought Sheelagh took a long lasting puff on her cigarette, looking at it briefly before regretfully putting it out on the ground. She looked up at the station, staring at it she began to slowly walk towards it�
������������������
Des had driven to the station and was parked up outside. He didn�t want to go in until he absolutely had to. He knew that his colleagues and so-called mates would be winding him up for weeks about the area car. Why couldn�t anything go right for him? The Area Car gets nicked; he�s busted down to foot patrol�and Sheelagh.
�You�re an idiot� he thought to himself along with the realisation that the only woman he has ever loved wants nothing more to do with him. If only he could explain, get her on her own for an hour without any interruptions � he could sort things out, make her see what she means to him. But how could he do it with Gina Gold keeping a close eye on them? He rolled is eyes and looked straight ahead. He could see a blonde walking towards the station, could it be�? She was too far away for him to tell, he began to squint�yes it was her! He started to clamber his things together, desperately trying to get to her before she reached the station. He opened the car door and tried to get out, he couldn�t � the seatbelt was holding him back. He tried to undo it�for some reason it wouldn�t release. Too late! He looked up and saw Sheelagh entering the station. He cursed the life-saving device before punching the window, the seat belt then released�
Sheelagh walked into the locker room and saw June Ackland getting ready for the shift.
�Hello June.� Sheelagh uttered, not really wanting to talk to anyone.
�Hello Sheelagh, how are you doing?� Replied June, oblivious to Sheelagh�s mood.
�Not good actually�
The reply surprised June, who looked over at Sheelagh throwing her goods in her locker before wisely deciding not to probe further. With that, Gina walked into the room.
�Hello June� Gina uttered, making it obvious she was ignoring Sheelagh � in spite of the fact they were standing next to each other.
�Ma�am.� June nodded, before glancing at Sheelagh and sensing that Gina would have had something to do with her mood.
�There are a few changes to the postings today. I�m out on foot patrol today. I want you in CAD and Sgt Smith in Custody.�
This raised Sheelagh�s eyebrows as SHE was supposed to be in CAD. Gina began to walk out of the room. She stopped just before she reached the door and turned to Sheelagh.
�By the way Sheelagh, you�re with me today.�
She smirked at Sheelagh, before completing her exit of the room. Sheelagh closed her eyes and shook her head. She then turned to June with gritted teeth, a false smile and said:-
�It never fails to surprise me how quickly a day can turn to shit in this place�.
June giggled and they both left for the briefing�
������������������
Sheelagh and Gina were half an hour into their shift. They had not spoken to each other since beginning it and had barely made eye contact. They were walking slowly along the high street with Sheelagh staring across the other side of the road, she was determined not to be the one who broke the silence. Gina occasionally looked to Sheelagh trying to make eye contact but knew too well that she was being ignored.
�What�s with the attitude?� She said aggressively, trying to remind Sheelagh that she was the hard one.
�Ma�am?�
�You heard me�
�I don�t an attitude, I�m in a bad mood ok? Or isn�t that allowed in Sun Hill either?�
�Sheelagh, I did warn you not to have an affair with a PC, remember? So don�t get stroppy with me because of yesterday.�
�I also remember you telling me that what I do outside of work was none of your business. And I know what you are going to say; I let it interfere with my work. That was my only mistake�
�No, your only mistake was getting involved with Des Taviner. You know that and be honest, it�s why you ended it�
�NO! I ended it because things were being made too difficult for us� That was only partly true, but Sheelagh was not giving in.
Gina was surprised by the sudden bout of conviction on Sheelagh�s part and the fact that she was squaring up to her.
�What about your husband? Have you thought about him? Do you care about him?� Gina was serious now, and was actually trying to reason with Sheelagh.
�We�re separated, and no; I don�t give a damn about him�
She didn�t mean it, but talking to the Inspector about her love life was too much.
�And your career? Are you not worried about losing your job?�
�You know as well as I do that I could go back to nursing, it�s not as if being a copper is my only option.�
�Why Des? Sheelagh, try and make me understand why him, of all people?�
�No Ma�am, this is where I draw the line. Don�t treat me like an idiot. I don�t think for one minute that you actually care about the reasons behind my relationship with Des��
�Oh please, a relationship?� Gina cut her off; she couldn�t comprehend what she was hearing.
�YES a relationship. It wasn�t a one-night stand; it wasn�t an affair or a fling. Before Patrick and I split up, I was actually considering leaving him for Des. But it�s irrelevant now�because I�m not with Des or Patrick anymore. So can we leave it at that?�
Sheelagh was at the point of no return now, she couldn�t think about this. She tried not to look Gina in the eye; she knew she would start crying if she did�this whole situation had gotten to her more than she would admit. Gina sensed Sheelagh�s discomfort and knew that she had pushed her too far. She attempted to put her hand on her shoulder, before being interrupted by the radio�
�Sierra Oscar One from Sierra Oscar�
�Go ahead�
�Ma�am, there have been reports of a stabbing on Church Avenue, can you deal?�
�Yep, show us dealing�
�Ambulance has been called, given an ETA of 2 minutes�
�Received�
With that, Sheelagh and Gina begin to run to the scene. Just as they are getting close, Sheelagh goes down.
�Are you ok?�
�It�s my ankle,� said Sheelagh in agony
�Can you walk?� Gina, aware that the clock was ticking�
�I think so, you go ahead and I�ll catch up�
Gina carried on, while Sheelagh struggled to her feet and began to make her way to the call with a mixture of running and limping. She eventually got to the scene, just as Gina gave up on CPR. Sheelagh knelt down to take over�
�Sheelagh, he�s gone�
Sheelagh wasn�t listening, she had to try�otherwise she would never forgive herself. She carried on with the compressions, mouth-to-mouth, compressions�
�Sheelagh he�s gone, there�s nothing you can do. Sgt. Murphy, are you listening to me?� Despite the situation, Gina was astounded that she was being ignored
Sheelagh was not giving up, not for anything, not until the ambulance got there�
�Sheelagh, the ambulance is here�
Sheelagh felt the victim�s throat for a pulse, just as the Paramedics were running over with their kit.
�Alright guys, I�ve got him back - but his pulse is very weak�
The Paramedics took over and Sheelagh once again struggled to her feet. Gina looked at her with a mixture of surprise, admiration and humiliation. She couldn�t believe she had given up on CPR and she didn�t know what to say. The area car pulled up saving her from having to bother, Tony and Ruby leaping out of it, Des and Reg also appeared and together they ran over to Sheelagh and Gina.
�Right. Ruby can you get these crowds back? Tony, I need you to cordon off the scene. Reg, start looking for witnesses�find out exactly what happened here, there was a big enough crowd when we got here � somebody must have seen something.�
Ruby, Tony and Reg duly dispersed and attended to their given tasks. Gina looked up at the Paramedics who signalled that they were ready to take the victim to hospital. She looked back at Sheelagh and Des�
�Des, you go to the hospital with the victim � try and identify who he is and when he regains consciousness, call CID. Sheelagh, you go in the ambulance as well and get your ankle seen to�
Gina walked off to help the other officers with the crowd. Des watched her walk off and then looked back at Sheelagh who was making her way to the ambulance.
�Sheelagh!� he called after while trying to catch up with her, �Are you ok?�
�I�m fine� she grimaced.
�Wait� he said forcefully. He threw her arm around his shoulder, while grabbing onto her waist. They began to walk towards the ambulance. The paramedics reached out to Sheelagh and helped her into the ambulance. Des sat down next to her while the paramedic shut the door. The whole scenario being observed by Gina Gold�
������������������
Three hours later Sheelagh was sitting in the hospital�s waiting area. The paramedics had given her an ice pack for her ankle, but still hadn�t been seen by a doctor. Meanwhile, Des was on the phone to the Inspector.
�The witnesses say he was mugged, have you found out who he is yet?� She asked.
�No. Though a mugging would tie in with what the doctors told me. Aside from the stabbing, he has taken a hell of a beating. Plus, he doesn�t have a wallet on him. He�s having surgery at the moment, but the doctors think he will be ok.�
�Ok Des, let me know when he regains consciousness. How is Sgt. Murphy?�
With that question he turned around to look at her. She had her foot on the chair, holding the ice pack to her ankle. She looked up and caught his eye.
�Des?� Gina, curious about the silence at the other end.
�Sorry Ma�am. Er, she still hasn�t been seen.�
�Ok, let me know when she has and I will send somebody to pick her up�
Des put down the phone and headed over to Sheelagh. There was nowhere to sit except for the chair Sheelagh was resting her foot on. He looked at her and just got a blank stare in return. Without taking his eyes off her, he lifted her foot off the chair and sat down, placing her foot on his lap. He began to gently rub her foot, while holding the ice pack to her ankle.
�Stop it Des�
She needed this like a hole in the head. She knew what was coming and didn�t want to hear it.
�Sheelagh, I love you.�
Sheelagh rolled her eyes and shook her head. Poor predictable Des, did he think that by saying her loved her; all would be forgiven? That she would fall into his arms yet again? Deep down, she knew she wanted to - he was all she ever wanted. But they just kept repeating the same old mistakes. Her head was hurting now, she closed her eyes and began massaging her head; it didn�t help, but she couldn�t let their eyes meet.
�Sheelagh?� Des was looking for some reassurance that she felt the same way, that all was not lost.
�What?� Sheelagh, still failing to make eye contact.
Des leaned forward slightly and placed his hand softly on her knee.
�I love you.�
Sheelagh un-phased continued to massage her head, trying desperately to ignore the sad figure practically kneeling in front of her. This was worrying Des now, he hadn�t expected this much of a fight. In one last bid, he reached forward and grabbed hold of the hand that was massaging her head�the action forced her eyes to open and look at him.
�I love you.� Sheelagh heard the sincerity in his voice, it made her want to cry.
�Des I��
�Yes?� This sounded promising, his heart began to thump.
�I�know we need to talk, but can you understand that I can�t do it now. I have had one hell of a morning; I�m in agony and I have too much going on in my head now. We can talk, just not now - another time��
His heart sank, but he couldn�t give up that easily.
�So when can we talk? How about after the shift?�
�I have plans tonight Des, sorry.�
She was lying and he knew it. .
�I�ll figure something out tomorrow.�
Well, that�s something he thought. Not a lot, but something.
A doctor came over to the seating area, disturbing Des� train of thought�
�Sheelagh Murphy?�
With that, Des helped Sheelagh up and into a wheelchair.
������������������
Tony had picked Sheelagh up at the hospital, leaving Des with the stab victim. Tony was surprised that not only had she refused the use of crutches, but that she was also going back to work.
�It�s just a sprain Tony, no big deal. I can use this time to get rid of some paper work�
Tony shrugged this comment off with the thought that she was just another wannabe tough cookie, someone who wouldn�t admit that they needed help. They had just pulled into the yard and Sheelagh struggled out of the car.
�Do you need any help getting back to your office Sarge?�
�No thanks Tony, I need some air after being cooped up in that hospital for four hours.� Another lie, she just wanted to have a Cigarette. She knew she wasn�t allowed to smoke in the yard, but if Gold and Smithy could do it � so could she.
�Ok, but I wouldn�t be too long. The Inspector said she wanted to see you as soon as you were back�
�Thanks Tony, I�ll bear that in mind� Sarcastically said.
She watched him walk into the station, before leaning against the area car and lighting her cigarette. Her head was climbing; thinking about the events of this morning, Des, Patrick, her children, her job�something needed to give, otherwise she would drive herself crazy. Taking a long pull on her ciggy, a voice made her jump.
�Hi Sheelagh!�
Sheelagh looked up to see Ramani De Costa walking down the slope from custody.
�Hi Ramani.� Sheelagh said with a smile. She liked Ramani and thought they were alike, maybe due to their positions of being new sergeants and relatively new at Sun Hill. She was jogging over to Sheelagh, trying to avoid the prisoner van pulling up to custody. She had a confused look on her face.
�I thought the area car got trashed yesterday�
�It did. Barton Street�s shut, so we have their area car until we get ours back�
�Ah. You�ve had an eventful day by all accounts. Going on patrol with the Inspector, attending a stabbing, spraining your ankle. How is it by the way?�
�I�ll live!� Sheelagh answering, not letting on exactly how much pain she was in.
Ramani stood next to Sheelagh, leaning up against the area car. They both kept a watchful eye on the officers unloading the van. Without losing sight of the van, Sheelagh turned slightly to Ramani, feeling the need to strike up conversation.
�So, are you hiding out here or what?� She asked jokingly.
�No! Just needed to get out of that office for five minutes�
Sheelagh knew that feeling all too well.
�Tough case?�
�Yes, but that�s not it �it�s just one of those days!�
�I hear that�
Ramani began to explain the case she was working on; a thirteen-year-old girl who claims she was raped by her boyfriend�but admitted that they had been having under-age sex for a while. The conversation then led on to the trouble Ramani was having trying to gain respect in the office from Cathy Bradford. Both were too immersed in conversation to hear Adam Okaro parking his car next to the area car.
�So Sheelagh, do you have any advice for the new girl on the block?�
�Well, to be honest � no. But I can say this - don�t ever put yourself out for this place Ramani. They�ll never thank you for it!�
Unfortunately for Sheelagh, Okaro had heard this comment and was not impressed.
�Sgt. Murphy, what kind of attitude is that to take?�
Sheelagh glanced over her shoulder at the Super. �Unbelievable�, she thought to herself �why is it others can bitch and moan without any comeback, but when I do it�� before uttering those famous words,
�I�m sorry Sir.�
This gained an apologetic smile from Ramani.
�Do you fancy a drink later?� She asked.
She had already lied to Des about being busy so what the hell�
�Yes ok. We�ll talk later� Sheelagh replied hurriedly, aware that Okaro was still glaring at her.
Okaros eyes followed Ramani up the slope before coming back to Sheelagh who, by this point was staring at the ground.
�And Sheelagh, you know you�re not allowed to smoke on Met premises�
Sheelagh watched him walk up the slope before looking at her cigarette, �I can�t take much more of this� she thought to herself before throwing it on the ground and hobbling inside...
Sheelagh sat in her office and looked at the clock. After the events of this morning, the rest of the day seemed to drag in comparison. She had fifteen minutes to go and desperately needed that drink Ramani had promised her. She looked up at the clock again and sighed, the phone rang making her jump.
�Sheelagh, it�s Ramani. I�m sorry but we�ll have to go for a drink tomorrow. Do you remember the girl I told you about earlier? Well, she has been taken to St. Hughes; badly beaten. I�m on my way over there now.�
�No that�s ok Ramani, do what you have to do � see you tomorrow.� Sheelagh replied in an understanding but disappointed tone.
She sat back in her chair, closed her eyes and shook her head.
�Perfect.�
Looking up at the clock again, she got up sharply and headed towards the locker room. She was having this drink tonight regardless.
������������������
Gina too, was leaving early. She needed a drink, a large one. If today was anything to go by, she was going to have a hell of a time trying to get know the rest of her officers. She opened the door to leave her office and walked into Adam.
�How did it go today?�
�How do you think?�
�Gina, I didn�t say it was going to be easy � but it has to be done.�
Gina looked away from Adam; she could cheerfully slap him for this.
�I tell you what Gina, let me buy you a drink�
He knew she wasn�t going to enjoy spending that much time with her officers, but her attitude was last thing he needed.
�You better buy me a drink, something strong in a bottomless glass will do nicely!�
He wasn�t just going to buy her a drink; he knew he was going to be buying them all night. He smiled and they headed towards the yard, where his car was parked.
������������������
Des sat on the ground, leaning against his locker. Thoughts of Sheelagh were running through his mind. Her first day at Sun Hill, the day she defended him over the Chinese translator cock-up, the night she was kidnapped, their kiss, the first night they spent together, his idiotic behaviour in the pub, the hospital�what she said, the way she lied to him about being busy � he began thinking the worst. Why did he have to go for a drink that day? Bloody Gabriel Kent and his SWAMP. Des began lightly banging his head against the locker, how could he persuade her to give it another go?
His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Reg, Tony, Gabriel and Smithy coming into the locker room laughing. Their laughter stops when they see Des sitting on the floor staring into space.
�You alright Des?� Asked Reg, genuinely concerned.
Obviously he couldn�t say what was bothering him, that really wouldn�t go down well with Sheelagh OR the Super.
�Des?� Smithy asked with a bemused smile on his face.
�I�m fine� Des responded, without looking at any of them.
�I heard about that bloke who was mugged, is that what is getting to you?� Reg, still unconvinced that nothing was bothering Des.
The victim that Sheelagh had tried so desperately to save, developed complications during surgery and died not long after Sheelagh had left the hospital, despite the doctors thinking he was going to be ok.
�Honestly empty-ead, I�m alright. Anybody fancy a pint?�
Des leaped up from the floor and glanced at each of them waiting for an answer. For the first time in his life he didn�t actually want to go to the pub, but anything to distract them from asking any more stupid questions.
Reg looked at the rest of them nodding and replied
�Sure�
They looked at each other before starting to get ready.
������������������
Sheelagh sat on a stool at the bar and stared into space. She put her left elbow on the bar and leaned her head against her hand. She used the other to smoke her cigarette and gulp her drink. She was going to look like a fall-down drunk the way she was carrying on, but she didn�t care. She signalled the barman to get her a large whiskey.
As she handed over her money, she heard the throaty laugh of a woman walking through the door of the pub.
�I don�t believe this�, Sheelagh thought to herself. This was just the perfect end to the perfect day. She really didn�t want to share a drink with Gina Gold. She didn�t turn around; she didn�t want to draw attention to the fact she was there. The throaty laugh had suddenly stopped, Sheelagh had been seen and knew that Gina and whoever she was with were heading her way.
�Sergeant.�
Sheelagh�s heart sank further upon hearing the voice of Adam Okaro.
�Sir. Ma�am.�
She had acknowledged their presence without looking at them. She picked up her glass and began to drink, knowing full well they were pulling stools next to her. Adam glanced over at the same barman that had just served Sheelagh
�Three large Whiskeys�
Sheelagh hated the fact that somebody who had contributed to the miserable state she was in was now buying her a drink. The barman bought over the drinks and before Adam had even paid, Sheelagh had knocked hers back in one. Still holding onto the money, he looked at her open-mouthed, then to Gina who was equally shocked. He looked back to the barman to bring over another whiskey.
�No thank you sir, I really must be going�
She was halfway off her stool before hearing his tempered voice.
�Sheelagh, sit down!�
He was angry that she had made him draw attention to the three of them. She sat down feeling slightly humiliated for the same reason. Adam handed over the money for the drinks and turned back to Sheelagh. He watched her light up another cigarette and placed her replacement drink in front of her. Sheelagh glimpsed at it before looking straight ahead. Not for the first time that day, she wanted to cry and could feel her eyes welling up. Gina, who had stayed silent throughout this, was feeling more sympathetic to Sheelagh now and knew that a change of conversation was needed. But she could only think of the stabbing they had dealt with earlier.
�Sheelagh, did you hear about the stab victim? He developed complications in surgery�they couldn�t save him, I�m sorry�
�No I didn�t hear�oh well, I tried�
There was regret in her voice, but Gina knew this was a swipe about her giving up on CPR so soon after getting to the scene. Her temper flared
�Sheelagh, you have got to get over this and get a hold of yourself. Des Taviner is not worth all this aggravation�
�Whatever you say ma�am, but we have already had this conversation�
This gained more of Adam�s attention. Gina had not yet fully informed him of the events of the day. She glanced at him, then back to Sheelagh.
�Sheelagh, you�re on probation as a Sgt, you�re also married. The Super and myself were just trying to stop you from doing something you would regret for the rest of your life�
Sheelagh at this point was really struggling to remain controlled. Part of her wanted to start shouting at her bosses to mind their own business, part of her wanted to run out screaming and another part wishing she hadn�t lied to Des at the hospital about being busy that night.
She was too busy trying to digest what Gina had just said to notice Des, Reg and the others walking into the pub on the other side of the bar. Adam and Gina though - had noticed their entrance. They knew they had been seen by the group, they also knew Sheelagh was still unaware of their presence.
Des couldn�t believe what he was seeing. He couldn�t believe that Sheelagh would rather go for a drink with Okaro and Gold, then spend the evening with him to talk about their relationship. But he could see that she was upset�
Adam glared at Des before turning back to Sheelagh. She was in a world of her own, her mind once again going a-mile-a-minute.
�Sheelagh?�
She stared at her cigarette and was suddenly reminded of the fact that her mother died of cancer. For the first time in her life, she felt the need to explain herself � to tell people about her history. She turned to the pair, who were still waiting for a response.
�You know my mother died of cancer when I was thirteen. I was the oldest and I spent the rest of my teenage years looking after the family. I then became a wife and mother to another family. I have never had the opportunity to just be me, to just take a moment to enjoy myself. I have cared and looked after people my entire life�nobody�s been looking after me��
This explanation was not what they were expecting and it began to make them feel uncomfortable. She knew what it was doing to them, but she needed to get this out once and for all.
�I have no identity other than wife and mother. People look at me and that is all they see�somebody who can care for them and look after them. Des Taviner gave me an identity, he made me feel wanted instead of just needed. I liked who I was when I was with him, and now the feeling�s gone. So with all due respect � if you are waiting for me to thank you for that, I�m sorry � but you are in for a long wait.�
She slowly shook her head and looked at them - they had no clue what to say to her. It was now their turn to try and avoid making eye contact.
She stubbed out the cigarette, which by that point - had nearly burnt to the end. She gathered her things together, before limping out of the pub. She couldn�t stop her tears from flowing now. This was the second time in less than three weeks she had walked from a pub crying. Why her? Why couldn�t people just leave her alone? What had she done that was this bad that she would be stuck in this predicament?
Sheelagh stood outside the pub for a few seconds and caught her breath. She looked up to see people were staring at her. She turned her head slightly and hurriedly wiped the tears from her cheeks. She looked backed at the crowd and saw that they were still watching her. She turned away from them and started to walk as fast as she could with her sore ankle, oblivious to Des peering through a window in the pub�
������������������
Sheelagh decided to walk all the way back to the B �n� B. She was in agony, but refused to try and get a Taxi. She needed the air and the peace�this would be the first time she had been on her own all day.
She became lost in her thoughts as she carried on walking. She looked at her watch before looking up at the sky, it was nearly ten o�clock and the stars were out. She looked at her watch again and thought she must have been walking for nearly an hour. She tried to speed herself up�she needed to get home and rest her ankle. As she turned to walk down a road she realised where she was actually heading�to the home she had shared with Patrick and the children. She had been too distracted to notice that she was not walking to the B �n� B after all.
Sheelagh stood outside the house where she had been happy for so many years. Had she made a mistake? Was she destined to be with Patrick? Had she thrown her marriage away for nothing? She looked up and down the road and saw that Patrick�s cab was gone. She the looked back at the house and saw that all the lights were off. Nobody was home. Patrick had taken her keys from her when he threw her out. She couldn�t get into the house even if she wanted to. She continued to think about Patrick and decided that she hadn�t made a mistake. Whenever he tried to kiss her, she pulled away. Whenever he tried to touch her, he made her skin crawl. It wasn�t his fault she knew that. It was the affair with Des that had done it. She couldn�t live like that; it was unfair to the both of them. She reassured herself before taking one last look at the house and departing to the B �n� B. She needed to sort things out with Des, one way or another.
After half an hour, Sheelagh was nearing the B �n� B. The pain in her ankle wasn�t as bad as it had been. Things seemed a lot brighter for her now that she had convinced herself that she had done the right thing, she even managed to smile to herself. She could see the B �n� B in the distance. She began thinking of the nice hot bath, the bottle of wine and the bar of chocolate with her name on it. As she continued to walk, she began to fumble through her bag for the keys and almost didn�t hear the footsteps coming up behind her�
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