Janet Reno
A. She's about the only one mannish enough for me to "do".
B. She's one tough bitch (in the good way)
Or in a pinch, Gene Simmons from KISS

--Rox

I am going to have to pass on this one Bahh since I do indeed have a vagina.I just lack the imagination. But that reminds me of that one man who was a female supermodel and married a man who claimed he never knew "she" was a man. How could you not know that??? Anyway, the supermodel she-man was beautiful, I think she auditioned as a Bond girl. Astonishing.

--Ophelia Resurrected

I dunno what my name would be, but I would dress beyond provocative, massive cleavage, and would be all the things I am not, but would like to be - outgoing, touchy, outspoken - well... a drag queen!

-- Some Chick

I think I'm having a hard enough time just trying to pull of being me, without trying to attempt a foray into Drag Queen....

Although I think if I could... I'd be Angelina Jolie... Not only is she a total hottie, but then I might get a chance at BAHB!! ;-)

~Wicked

If I would dress in drag, Not saying that I would, But if I had to, I would dress as Colin Frisbie, He is the most attractive man-woman I know.
:)

LG

I would be Hedwig.
"Where my penis used to be, where my vagina never was there's a one inch mound of flesh."

--DuoMaxwell

I'm the Bearded Lady. Who the hell are you?"

--RobbaD

My Top 5:

DaRude - Sandstorm
Maddison Avenue - Who the Hell are you!
ATC - Around The World
Janet Jackson - Someone to Call My Lover
Full Frontal - You Think You're A Man

Yeah, I am a party kid, and I love the hardcore dance music! We could also substitute any of the above for some of my own work! (Except DaRude)
Loves, Tiaras and Falsies

~ DizzyQueen in ATL ~

Busy Child, rap version of Rollin', I got High, Puddle of Mud's new one(control?), help me out on that one Bahbbabe.., and the last one would be anything techno!..dj kiyoko maybe?

--Shea

5 songs that would be played at a party that i was throwing:
1. Skinny Puppy- Lust Chance
2. Bauhaus- She's in Parties (it's cheesy, but c'mon ;) )
3. Synapscape- I Know You Know
4. Joy Division- Something Must Break
5. Death in June- Touch Defiles

--xina

When the Levee Breaks - Led Zeppelin
Murder Incorporated - Bruce Springsteen
Son of a Preacher Man - Dusty Springfield
Hey. We Want Some Px$$y.. - 2 Live crew (For Bahb)
The Dance - Garth Brooks

--Shawn

All My Ex's Live in Texas
My Girlfriend Wears a Cowboy Hat
The Night I Called the Old Man Out
Boot, Scoot'n'Boogie
and Don't Play Hardball with My Softball Heart

I'm a country music fan.

--Harley

I'm going to go with the top 5 songs I have in rotation right at this second. I should add that these songs may not necessarily have any longevity, they just crush me right now. :o)
1. Click, Click, BOOM! ~ Saliva
2. Control ~ Puddle of Mudd
3. Hey Man, Nice Shot ~ Filter
4. Highlife ~ Daft Punk
and for the wind down...
5. Song to the Siren ~ This Mortal Coil

--Waive

Anarchy - KMFDM (mmmm....hateful...)
Megalomaniac - KMFDM (gotta love them German guys...)
Gunlover - Acumen Nation ('cause Brian "I'm a pussy" Hawk won't play this song even though it kicks ass)
It's a Sin - Pet Me Boys (for Bahb)
The Boy With a Thorn in His Side - The Smiths (if it were at all possible, I'd have Morrissey's child)

-- Livin' in the 80's

How Soon is Now-The Smith's
Evolution Revolution Love-Tricky
She Sells Sanctuary-The Cult
Battleflag-Low Fidelity Allstars
Love Shack-B-52's

--Ophelia Resurrected

1. Why does Earthlink fuck with me?
2. Why do meter maids stalk my car?
3. Do penises expire at 26 years old or have I just been unlucky?
4. Will my Dad ever figure out how to turn off the Caps Lock key?
5. Would Phillip Seymore Hoffman date me if I were "in the business"?

You said anything else I want to talk about.

--charva_z

So much for the Afterglow (Everclear to start off the night)
Lovely Jane (Dag)
Burn One Down (Ben Haper)
Mama Said (Lenny Kravitz)
No Suprises (Radiohead to end the night)

Would you come to my party?

--RobbaD
(I'm down on GP alone...the music is just a big, fat bonus-Rox)

Crazy Train - Ozzy
Mother - Danzig
In My Tree - Pearl Jam
Sugar Kane - Sonic Youth
Tomb Ride - Man Is The Bastard

--JV

OT, now that is laughable.....

TOP 5 songs at my party....

5-- dream on, aerosmith
4-- love shack, b-
52's 3-- lights, journey
2-- dude looks like a lady, rolling stones

and at #1
1-- bare necessities, as sung by baloo, the jungle book movie
late,

--the white guy

Hmmm...
Before the crowd showed up:
10. Temple of Love-Sisters of Mercy (just to get the snot dripping out of my nose)
9. Beat Bionic-UberZone
8. Girls-Tricky
7. Just One-None Of The Above (Just to see a room full of girls sing "Lick my balls and suck my penis" as loud as they can)
6. Killing In The Name-Rage Against The Machine (A bonus for the early arrivals)

And after the crowd got a little juice in 'em...
5. Higher Ground-Red Hot Chili Peppers (Because the sight of drunks singing Stevie Wonder is a beautiful thing)
4. Last-NIN (Just to fuck some shit up)
3. Teardrop-Massive Attack ("For those about to hump, we salute you")
2. Teenage Lobotomy-Ramones (Because in my heart of hearts I believe DDT did a job on us all)
1. No Sleep 'til Brooklyn-Beastie Boys ("'cuz I been rockin' this party eight days a week")

--Rox

Last but not forgotten...just been drizzling the sickness and haven't had a chance to respond...

5) "Charva_z is the Shiyat"
4) "Smack my biyatch up"
3) "Why do kids carry viruses'(chorus, 'because, because, because')?"
2) "Punch the Gretsky/Mullett boy (whose thingy doesn't work)"
1) "Smooth Criminal (cover)" -- Alien Ant Farm

Who said I had to be serious?

^^Kleo^^

cancer...because it eventually effects most of us...

--shea

Personally, I vote for this:
http://www.ernieshouseofwhoopass.com/pictures/nuderun.jpg

~Wicked

A million Drag Queen march would be pretty f*in funny...

--Logical Gambit

The Under 5' 7" March so we short people can see the God Damn Parade.

--Shawn

How about the "Million Dot Com" march. My guess is that there are at least a million unemployed dotcommers in the U.S.

-RobbaD

Personally, I'd like to see the million moron march. Oh wait, it's already happened...never mind

--Rox

Rox, the next march should be the....

The Million Interns who have been perused, used, abused, and scmoozed by our friendly neighborhood politicians......there should be no problem finding a million of them....
late,

--the white guy

I think it should be the Million Queer March

Gays and Lesbians are the last oppressed group in America, and it stands to reason that something will have to be done to completely ensure Gay Rights! (We have come a long way, but there is still a long way to go!)

--DQ in ATL

I should have gone to Caltech to study Physics when I was young. I actually got accepted, but I thought I wasn't smart enough to make it through the first year, so I went to UCSC instead (sorry Bahb). I think I'd like to study Astronomy now. I finally live in a place where I can actually see stars...

--A

Kudos to Logical Gambit and his topic suggestion. I dream of going back to college to study mechanical engineering. I would be perfectly satisfied with CSUS but also have dreamed about CAL POLY or even UOP. I actually was courted for the engineering department at UOP a few years ago. Someday, someday.

--TJ

You can always go back to college; college will always be there. If I knew what I would choose as a major I'd have a degree or two right now. I guess that mysterious major would determine which college I would attend.
But let's pretend...
I would love to have studied art history abroad. I would learn foreign languages, eat foreign food, and sleep with foreign men--all in the name of education. Now I'll just have to do these things as an adult.

charva_z

Accounting.
Stanford.

Sorry Wood. I just couldn't hack the Religion minor.

--Shawn

Oxford-Shakespearean Studies
Berklee College-Music Theory
CalTech-Applied Physics
University Of California, Los Angeles-Drama and Film Studies
Kresge College-History Of Consciousness (gotta love UCSC)
University Of California, Berkeley-Hygiene Avoidance and Urban Cash-Flow Generation in Hazardous Environments

--Rox

Easy...Harvard and medicine

Ophelia Resurrected

I am not difficult. I would simply return to UCSD and finish my Psychology degree with minors in Philosophy and Cognitive Science. I never finished what I started thanks to a new husband and baby and lack of funds. Hell, I would complete the degree here in Sac - maybe I will once my kids need less of me.

--Some Chick

Carpe Diem
Coitus Ergo Sum
Vidi, Vinci, Vini
Anger Is A Gift

--Rox

Be true to yourself and never let another person drag you down!!

--Shea

Life is the pursuit of happiness.

--RobbaD

I quote the much respected old Bard himself, Mr. Bill Shakespeare: To thine own self be true....or words to that effect. Learned it, live it, love it.
Warms fuzzies to the pink parts!

--TJ

KARMA ... WHAT U GIVE IS WHAT U GET RETURNED ...
worked for me for the last 8yrs..makes u appreciate the good things and think twice about doing the bad things

--jules

Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.
As harm it none, thy will be done.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

The words that I live FOR ?
"Mommie! Mommie! Mommie!"
:-)

~Wicked

Just keep your pecker up, your powder dry, the worm WILL turn

--Shawn

Learn to handle hot things. Keep your knives sharp. Above all, have a good time." -Julia Child

--charva_z

Bahb,

I wish to commend the late JFK Jr. for having the balls EVERY man should have!! He was witty, outgoing, fiesty, intellegent, knew how to treat a lady,a genuinely sincere person, and actually HAD the balls to do all the fun and exciting indoor AND outdoor things most men are too scared to achieve, not to mention that HE had the presidency in his hands and definitely had the balls to back it up, and yet remained unscathed by any bad publicity or negativity because he wanted to do his own thing! (Was there even any at all??)He was the ultimate in cool.

Shea

Well, at least in my world, the person with the biggest balls that I know would have to be Codejnki. And not JUST for putting up with ME for 4 months!!! I mean, what else can you say about a guy who would move across country and ONLY take what would fit in his Paseo?!?! And that's one of the bravest things I"ve seen in a long time......

~~Wicked
PS: Bahb, strippers wear vanilla becuase men like vanilla.... and don't even try to tell me I'm wrong! :-)

b -

After thinking of the physical attributes of all the men I know (some quite lovely, others...... not), I decided against the physical contest. I think our former president Mr. Clinton wins the gonad-magnumus trophy. Having an affair takes small ones, yes. As leader of world in the public spotlight, bigger ones. While married to Hillary, bigger still.

--Some Chick.

O.J.
He still believes he's innocent - even with an Bronco full of blood. I don't find many people around who think he's innocent. Except him and his lawyer$.

--Shawn

I heard that certain whales have 4 ton balls.

--DuoMaxwell
(I doubt even the folks at Lipton would touch a teabag of that size-Rox)

Caligula.

--BM

Madonna has got some big balls for a chick. I guess she isn't rich enough. I found out that she is charging $250 for tickets to her show. And after 7 shows she is already "fatigued" and had to cancel some upcoming shows. I think she is just an old and out of date material girl who should have shaved before her spread in Playboy (now we all know you're not a real blonde). The only woman with bigger balls than Madonna is Barbara Streisand (spelling??? not a fan). I can't see paying that much for a ticket to any show unless Madonna herself was going to personally service me, and even then I still wouldn't buy the ticket.

-RobbaD

A tie:
Frank Zappa and Mike Patton

FZ always had very unfashionable lyrics (he loved singling out hippies when they were his primary audience in the 60's), but no matter how sick the words were, they always made you laugh.
Patton antagonizes his audience into a frenzy; my favorite example being a show in Hollywood where he taunted a Sno-Core teen audience by wearing a very gay sailor-boy costume, calling the tour "Sno-Queer" and declaring his happiness at being in the hometown of "The Red Hot Junkie Peppers and Rage Inside the Mansion" and then proceeded to bring down the house and receive the accolades of angsty-teen bands System of a Down and Incubus--that was too much for the little kiddies' minds!
It takes more than balls to get away with these feats. These folks have charisma, confidence and talent that just seem to excuse any and all obnoxious behavior.

charva_z

My husband Rick has displayed the biggest balls I've ever seen and I'm not talking just physical characteristics...I know TMI. I watched that man stay in college when his mohter became terminally ill with breast cancer only to have his step father (the only real Dad he's ever known) pass away 6 months later of a broken heart. During this time Rick came to school everyday and not only graduated but did it WITH HONORS. Now that's a set of cohones! I have monumental respect for his commitment to becoming an aircraft mechanic during a very tragic time in his life.

Interesting question...much affection to your pink parts!

--TJ

Lance Armstrong. After beating testicular cancer, he has(so far) three victories in the most challenging sporting event around, the Tour de France. And not only that, but the whiny French think that he shouldn't win because he's not French. Yeah, he's a one-ball guy, but it's really fucking huge!

--Salivation Street

Historically there are several candidates (Inclusion here in no way reflects approval of their actions merely an awareness of the size of their nuts)…The Carpenter guy from Galilee, William Wallace, Galileo, Luther, Napoleon, Teddy Roosevelt, Franklin Roosevelt, Lenin, Dali, Hitler, Mao, Truman, Jackie Robinson, Dr. King, Malcolm X, Anwar Sadat, Richard Nixon, Lech Walesa, Jimmy Carter, Joey Ramone, Moummar al-Quadaffi, Saddam Huessein, Ted Turner.

I’ve also have great respect for Ronnie Lott. The guy gave 100% of what he had every time he stepped on the field. He made the people around him better by his very presence, and his physical aptitude was only heightened by the size of his heart.

Joe Strummer is another that routinely pissed into the wind of conformity. I could spew forth citations for Joe, but the list would drag on for days.

On a personal level, almost all of my friends have displayed a “big brain” in some degree or other. It is the very “Attitude” they display that draws me to them. I also think that anyone that has ever replied to a TOTW is worthy of respect, as they have shown the courage to bare their psyche for the rest of the WWW.

--Rox

My 2 cents for the topic of the week:

I see myself being some kind of manager here at EarthLink, and holding some crown (Drag Competition title) here in the south. Yes, Pamlea has come out of retirement!

Just my $0.02

~DizzyQueen in HotLanta~
Also, Bahb, please extend my Happy Birthday Wishes to Lance. He and I can share Aug. 2nd :-P

Hey Bahb,

I'm back! Pulled from the deepest darkest recesses of the Venezuelan Amazon.

I think that in five years I'll be doing pretty much the same thing I'm doing now, but hopefully a lot smarter...

Ciao,

--Amado

In 5 years I see myself destroying the whole education system, cause IT SUCKS!!!

--LG

In five years I will be oldest living medical student around. Hopefully I will be living someplace other than Phoenix. I hope to be happy and content.And perhaps I will have finally found the right man for me: i.e. sex daily, a great sense of humor, knows a little about music, art,and lit, fiscally responsible.It would help if he could cook, put air in my tires, and kill spiders.

--Ophelia Resurrected

Good Lord, b, how the hell am I supposed to know? Despite my recent misgivings, still married. Still a mom. Still fat, I bet. Still paycheck to paycheck, unless I get rich off EarthLink stock. And hopefully, a little more emotionally stable. :)

--Some Chick

Running a web site where you can increase your penis size, cure impotence, consolidate your debt and buy a natural alternative to increase your sex drive, for both men and women. Is this possible? Just ask Robert F-ing Hoffiman, we're going into business together. Check us out at www.baldknob.com

--RobbaD
(Rare is the individual that can make me laugh at 1:45am after a 15-hour day, but then there is Rob-Rox)

In five years I'll be 70, so hopefully I will be retired and spending peaceful afternoons curled up on the couch or wandering the neighborhood pooping in people's yards.

--harley

In five years...
I'll have another 45 hours of skewl under my belt...
I'll have a nephew turning 11 and another turning 5...
I'll be celebrating my 11th anniversary...
I'll have been teaching for 11 years...
My parents will be 60 and my in-laws, 70...
But these are all matters of math aren't they? Beyond the numbers, I can't even speculate. Wherever I am, whatever I'm doing...I hope that I am as satisfied and content as I am right now.

~~waive

you know bahb, it used to be so simple to reach into the depths of the unknown futrue and pluck something out , no matter how strange or nasty. But i try not to think that far ahead anymore, i mean the ultimate goal, is to just be happy and content with the end result, accounting that 5 years from right now, i will be anxiously awaiting my 27th birthday, and i belive it will be saturday. i would like to wake up in the morning smile and say, "Yes, this is how its supoosed to be." that's all, nothing more, just to be content and happy. not too much right?

--jinggles

In five years I will be doing one of several things. I will either be living in Everett Washington and working as a technical writer/materials handler liason for McChord AFB and Boeing, working as a Quality Assurance officer for Boeing, working as a Manufacturing Tech for Boeing, OR still in Sacramento working as an Assistant Safety Inspector for the local FAA FSDO. In short aircraft, aircraft, aircraft.

--TJ

Probably making a withdrawal from The Bank. Tick...Tick...Tick...

^^Kleo^^

Still trying to figure out what it is I'm supposed to be doing with life.

--Sandee

Hi Bahb:
Here goes!

I will have a much better understanding of myself (turning 28 this month gave me a sense of comfort that my 20's are almost over and that I have a decent chunk of life experience under my belt).
I will be running my own food-related business in a neighborhood that needs a place for its members to gather and commune over a cup of coffee or a good meal. I can see the tables on the sidewalk where people's conversations about local politics and news of family and friends spills out onto the street, all the while I am playing happy hostess.
Romantically, I will have a healthier attraction to men, I will be attracted to and attracting men who respect and appreciate me.
I see my future as being my responsibility. It is my responsibility to visualize great things for myself and then work toward them. What prophecy can you self-fulfill if you never take the time to dream?

--charva_z

Older, probably grey to a degree, Not getting laid (duh!...some things never change) and probably trying to figure out what the fucking Topic is gonna be for that week.

--Rox

My best summers were when I was around 15 or 16. I, my brother and my friends played baseball everyday. Then we'd all ride our bike down to Jack In The Box for chocolate shakes and sodas. The great thing about those summers were that there was no pressure to make money, the future was all there in front of us. We did it all for the fun. It's probably why I have fun in any job I do. Rox will tell ya, I go way out of my way to have a little fun.

--Shawn
(Raider-Man is correct. Sometimes he will go WAY out his way for even the smallest amount of fun..."So where is this Neeer-vana place anyway?"--Rox)

I don't really "get" summer vacations, but I get my fun by going to concerts. This year was killa!! I saw Depeche Mode last week, Staind, Cold, Saliva, Papa Roach, Crazytown, Deftones, Godsmack, 311 a FEW times, Fuel even more times, Perfect Circle, Korn, Limp Bizkit, STP, Linkin Park, Dave Matthews Band, Lenny Kravitz, and one of your personal favorites...Better than Ezra! I think these constitute a great summer of FUN!!!

--Shea

I must be part fish and Irish or something because the two summer vacations I remember the most are realted to water and drinking alcohol. Went House Boating on Lake Trinity a few years back and there is nothing more relaxing than sitting in the sun playing water sports and drinking. I finally got to go to Maui last summer and I didn't want to come back. Bloody Mary's, snorkling off the shore in back of your condo, great food and basking in the sun while sipping a Corona or Lava Flow. That's the life for me.

--RobbaD

On a Friday two years ago, I sold some CD's to have some cash, drove up to Pipe's house, packed his clothes, and when he got home at 9pm I told him to get in the car and sleep 'cause I was driving him to Las Vegas. I drove from 9pm to 6am and had to hand over the wheel 'cause I was TIRED... We rolled into town, got some breakfast, checked into Caesar's, and crashed. Had fun for a day and a half and drove back to Sac. It was great.

--The Girl Behind the Girl

Think it would have to be the first summer during college. I was newly "free" from parental controls (sounds like AOL, huh?) and it finally clicked that I could do what I wanted to do. So that is exactly what I did - exerted my power to be free and kinda graduated into my own life, so to speak.

--Some Chick

my fondest summer vacation memory would be getting drunk on cheap wine with my favorite cousin. it's fond because we were only 12 and 13 running around playing on swing sets....ah yeah...

i miss those days.

--x

Oddly enough I tend to think that, in the years to come, THIS summer will rank up there as pretty phenomenal. Being that I have just "graduated" from the poverty status of a student, into the somewhat comfort of a REAL AND PAYING job, I think that last Friday will be ever engraved into my memory as a real turning point. Now I just need to move out of this hell-hole that masks as an apartment complex. Okay, okay...one step at a time...

^^Kleo^^

Other than a trip abroad a few years ago (which was also the last time I got any) the summers I spent as a camp counselor had to be the best.

--Rox