I refuse to respond on the grounds that my answer may incriminate me.

--Badmonkey

Easy one...the time my mom walked in on me giving a blowjob to a virgin I was toying with at the time.

--Ophelia Resurrected

Being born naked and without a clue where I was!!!

--Shawn

I can't think of one, but I'd have to say that one of Pipe's most embarrasing moments is when I had him dress up in his cycling uniform (he's got balls like fucking watermelons, I'm telling ya). He pranced around the hizzie until his sis + our best buddies busted him by walking into the house... It was crack up!

-- Spud

Prolly Jim's Mom bringing me underwear and thanking me for a good time in front of the the entire CS floor.

--Rox

I started my FIRST period all over myself in front of the entire 7th grade during a spelling bee. When it was down to two of us, I purposely mispelled "license" in order to be relieved of embarrassment.

--Some Chick

I was 5, an innocent Kindergartener, and one of the "Older Boys" (i.e. 6th Grader) told me that 3 wishes would be granted to me if I took off my Wonder Woman underwear and hung them on the jungle gym bars. Needless to say, no wishes were granted, and Mrs. Dahlia was furious with ME as she strode her winged, 70s hair out to the playground to see them floating like a flag on top of the metal. The 6th grade boy was never found.

--Kleo

The amount of time I spend removing unwanted hair.

--charva_z

thinking that by now I'd be "set up" and know where I was going.....not yet...

--Shea

For me, the biggest surprise about life has been the realization that I do not have a lot of control over it. It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that the only power I have in life is in my ability to control my own behavior, and not that of others. Therefore, much of life involves planning in response to unexpected events, and pretending that you would have followed that course of action anyway. After all, illusions usually feel much safer than reality.

--ELA

The biggest surprise about life is how little true happiness I get from it. I listen to Natalie Merchant's "Life is Sweet" and I just don't get it. When I was a child, I experienced moments of pure joy that I have not been able to recapture as an adult. Bittersweet experiences at every turn.

--Opehelia Resurrected

that no matter what anyone says, you are truly alone.

--xina :)

I've considered this topic for quite awhile. And there are two sides to the "coin" of that question. First let me address the darker side of that coin. One of the things that has been a BIG surprise in life is the general lack of personal accountability in my generation. I look at so many of my peers and wonder what kind of parents were raising them that they haven't the courage to stand and face the consequences of their actions. I was taught to face the situations that my actions created in an honest and humble way. It does make for a difficult life sometimes but in the end I can usually go to sleep easilly at night. The brighter side of that coin is very simple....I still marvel at the wonderful gift that is my husband. I had always believed that I was destined for that mythical great love but I am often still very surprised that I found him and married him! Talk about blessings!

--TJ
As always you have my love and respect for your pinkest parts Rox!

i would have to say the biggest surprise in my life thus far, is my abiltiy to trust and continue to trust after all that has occured. It amazes me that i have not cut myself off from the rest of the world and not hate all men in general. but you know life is full of surprises, oh and one other thing, i know way way too many songs, that category of music and the miles of lyrics and melodys and moments they tie to are vast stretching out to the beginning of my own time. its kinda scaaarrrrey!

--jinggles

This is the the most surprising thing I've ever seen in my life.
Does that count?

--M Soy

The biggest surprise to me is how much people change their minds. People often change their morals, etc, based on the moment.
I also agree on the unwanted hair thing. Good God.

--Some Chick

While the standard reply, as a parent, would be that sometimes the biggest surprises come in the smallest of packages, I think that the biggest surprise in my life came on a totally different level. I think I'd have to say that the biggest surprise I've had about life, and, more to the point, MY life, is that I'm stronger than I have given myself credit for. Life's many lessons... all have come down to that one realization. And, yes... I was surprised.

~~Dolphyn

As this topic is so massive that I would be daunted to hold my answer under 30,000 words, I will give the reply that was the original stimulus for the topic: That Shawn owns (and seems to thoroughly enjoy) a copy of "Darklands" by the Jesus And Mary Chain, which is quite possibly one of the 10 most influential, inspirational and darkest records of my time.

--Rox

Great art causes a reaction inside of you. I don't know if I agree that art changes your life as much as it shapes your life. I have had two amazing experiences at concerts in the last six months. Radiohead (Shoreline June 27, 2001) and Ben Harper (Aspen Opera House December 27th, 2000).

--Robba D

1.The creation of the bridge. Cross water in a car.
2. Excape from reality by watching a twisted movie.
3. The Filmore's original concert flyers from the 60's and 70's. drugs need I say more.

Thats all for now folks.

--FaziBear

5 (not so *Easy*) Pieces, eh?

Pet Sounds
The Beach Boys
Sincere, tender and frank. I hear its influence in every new release by artists I love.

The Night Cafe in the Place Lamartine in Arles
Vincent van Gogh
Illustrates the fact that there is a seediness to life that is intrinsic and not to be judged by naïve sorts like me.

My sister's boeuf bourguignon (she made it at age 11!)
Awakened and tantalized my palate, encouraging me to forever eat well.

The Most Beautiful Woman in Town and Other Stories
Charles Bukowski
Sick, out of control and without remorse.

The Mighty Mouse Routine
Andy Kauffman
I was a child and I thought, "This guy is twisted!"

--charva_z

Is it possible? The answer is a resounding YES. The question is what does one define as art? My definition includes unorthodox representations of art but it is still art to me. And now for my 5 pieces

1). Aircraft: especially the F4uD Corsair
2). Rembrandt (forgive the incorrect spelling): Night Watch
3). The Beatles: Long and Winding Road
4). the movie Always
5). Spielberg's Empire of the Sun
And this one MUST be mentioned: ANYTHING written by Mr. Nogat I love his work!

--TJ

It already has and does everyday.

Bruce Springsteen - Thunder Road
Ohio Players - Fire
Tower of Power - Below Us All the City Lights
Eddie and the Cruisers - Tender Years
Jimmy Buffett - Pirate Looks at Forty

--Shawn

Art is a living breathing thing. musical, paintings, plays, architectural, etc.... Many are like births from the wombs of artists. Coddled in the bosoms until mature enough to express themselves fully. As they stand they represent something crude, beautiful, fearless or frightening! You may look at people as art. Maybe see movies as art. How about math, poetry, or science. I believe art is just a way of looking at something. Everything is a form of art. In every way something expresses something. This is the definition of art. " Like a statue he stands there:" " They make love like poetry." " Their howling is like music." What we see and are touched by everyday affects us since the second we were conceived. Yes, I believe that art plays a big impact on everyone's life.

--Winter

I think not only is it possible to have art change us but that if you are never affected by it then you are lacking somehow. Not that I am being judgmental (yah right!).

The Marly Courtyard at the Louvre had a profound effect on me. The sculptures are astounding, especially Amphitrite by Coysevox. You aren't supposed to touch but I couldn't resist running a finger over it. It is very humbling to look at something that was once a block of marble and see how a human breathed life into it. I just looked at it and thought that man cannot be that bad if he could create something so beautiful. When I feel cynical I think about that day.

Another piece of art was at the opposite end of the spectrum, man's ability to destroy. It is a sculpture in Dachau by a Yugoslav, Glid Nandor. It consists of skeletons and chains in bronze, with the inscription "Never Again" engraved on it. When I feel like my life is shit, pissing and moaning about how things aren't going right, I think back to that sculpture and put everything in perspective.

As far as cinema...major impact. Kingdom of the Spiders turned me into an arachniphobe. Jaws made me intensely nervous of swimming in the ocean.The end of Magnolia helped me make a very important decision in my life. Prince of Tides (movie but the book even more so)made me feel that there were other people out there who had experienced the beauty and dysfunction of growing up in the South.

As far as music...it hasn't changed me but I can't remember a time in my life without hearing music in the background.

--Opehelia Resurrected

As for art, yes, it absolutely can affect one's life. As for me, I think I have been touched by art in many ways. Books, movies, songs, paintings, drawings, it all has potential - Good Lord, thinking of all the books and movies and songs I have cried over. (Even TV commercials during pregnancy....) I love photos of people. But I think the art that has touched me most is that I did myself when down and out - like poetry:

Swimming on a blanket of the whitest, whitest kind
Lost in a love affair deep within my mind
I love, it's not returned
I fall through my dream cloud,
Burned.

...and the art presented to me by my kids. There are many more than 5, Bahb.

--Some Chick

It depends on the art. A few blobs of paint won't change me. However, a few blobs of paint depicting say the Backstreet Boys screwing N'Sync silly and/or listening to their music...... My life would never be the same again.

--ReiRei

I would have to say that art definitely can change your life. Like all things, I feel it’s a matter of the degree to which you allow yourself to be exposed to new material, and to be real enough with your emotions to see and feel things in an unfamiliar way is proportional to the degree to which you will be affected by it.

These are the majors, there are scads more, but these were gradual nudges to my youthful schema, which have become building blocks for my personality as I continue to mature.

Fantasia definitely rocked my world as a kid. The juxtaposition of the surreal animation and the brilliantly conducted classical music was absolutely stunning.

KISS Alive showed me a dark, seedy side of life in my pre-pubescent years at a time when pop/disco was beginning to surge in popularity. I saw in them the attitude that “if you think something is cool than do it, and fuck the critics”.

Never Mind The Bollock’s, Here’s The Sex Pistols showed me that emotion and anger are healthy, and taught me to never blindly trust anyone. They took the gritty realism of KISS and melded it with a social consciousness.

My Grandparents had a print of Van Gogh’s Starry Night which if bored, I would always dive into, and try imagine what things would be like in a world where reality was a little skewed, and have since tried to skew the reality of those around me.

Steinbeck’s The Grapes Of Wrath fired my anger at a thoughtless, careless world; as well as showed me the compassion and strength that we all possess, and for evermore made me a fan of the underdog.

Michelangelo’s David gave to me a sense of the symbolic nature of art, and thus life. After exposure to it, I tried to see, and aggressively search for meaning in everything, and to lard my literary work with the same. The beauty, power and potential of human beings flows from that piece.

For someone who had never been in love to hear Elvis Costello’s Imperial Bedroom is a very scary proposition. This album came out in the post-pubescent/young adult period and was rife with anger, lust, fear and doubt. It also used instrumentation that helped to broaden my palette of acceptability on the musical level, which also helped to make me a more accepting person.

--Rox

I don't think that art has changed my life; moreover, I believe that it has somehow evolved into an intrinsic reality for me. I started drawing and painting, with some accuracy when I was about 14 or 15, and realized around that age, too, that I did not see this world the same as many people around me (most especially, my family). I was perversely ashamed of this for many years...actually, until just quite recently. It is only within the last year or so that I have been able to grasp my view of reality (and the artistic way that I view it) with more than a modicum of respect...AND as a gift.

My apartment is a living, breathing capsule of art in and of itself. I've always thought of it as a meager extension of my own mind...because the walls are covered in art, drawings, paintings, writing, flowers, happiness, sadness...you name it. Books are scattered throughout my place, as well...in boxes, on shelves, piling themselves in the corners and on the floor. And, of course, music plays it's part as well...a bit of a fusion between what is on the wall and what is on the floor.

I'm not sure I can narrow down art to the purest of 5 forms...but I will mention a few things that have had a tremendous impact on me:

The Cocteau Twins, "The Pink Opaque" -- I was introduced to this album at about age 15... and have never stopped loving it. I was amazed and grateful that someone else, aside from me, could dream in sound while still being awake.

Sylvia Plath's "The Bell Jar" -- I discovered this book at age 17, and found a certain kinship with (what I thought to be at the time) my own insanity. I thoroughly believed, until I read this book, that I was cursed and alone in my swollen and ugly thoughts. In a strange way, it helped me feel less by myself...

Georgia O'Keefe's "Deer's Skull with Pedernal" -- I saw this in a book when I was about 16, and again (in person) in Boston. It was my first introduction to the idea that death can have its own sense of beauty, when separated from emotion (which is very, very difficult for me in its own right)...this same idea was reinforced in a little movie called, "American Beauty."

"Fireflower" circa, me --- Not to be too egotistical, just probably one of the most precise paintings that exited my mind and came through my hand...

I could go on an on...but I won't. Art is not a way to "change you" it is a definitive way of life. Without it I have no doubt that I would NOT be alive today.

^^Kleo^^

uhm...yes! i am definitely not going to go into the definition of art.

my top 5:
1. skinny puppy- "love" - ok, this song still makes me cry.

2. christopher wool (modern/contemporary art)- the fact that his pieces are anti art.

3. samuel taylor coleridge- "oh rose thou art sick" - one of my favorite poems.

4. david lynch's "blue velvet" - "i'll fuck anything that moves"

5. "the story of o"...technically it's anonymous. this book actually got me in trouble when i was younger.

--xina

1: "We Wear the Mask" by Paul Laurence Dunbar
2: a painting named "jacob's ladder" by william henry
3: Bound
4: the human form
5: and, yes, anything my kids do.....

~~Dolphyn

As far as I can throw it.

--x-vile

I trust the government just as much as I trust my anus when I have a diarrhea attack.

--ReiRei

As far as I can spit. The government is a human institution made up of human beings. We all know how fucked up they are, don't we...

--A

as much as i trust any corporation.

--xina

In the words of the infamous Kevin from the St. Mary's (Marriott) days, who I barely met but who's brilliant words still rumble through my mind, "not much."

--RobbaD

Such cute little kitties........I trust the government to the tune of $725...they are so kind to tax me out of my check , tax me when I purchase products and then tax me at the end of the year....so nice they are.....I mean they even seperate State and Federal taxes.....I am so happy to be an American.....

Much Maligned
--J-dogg

Well, even though I don't completely trust them, at least they are honest about some of the ways they screw you. They Warn you about taxes and stuff, but there are still unscrupulous practices. To be honest, I don't really trust the government, but I trust Gary Betty and Steve Case less!

just my $0.02

~DizzyQueen in Atlanta~

Seems strange to be replying to my own suggested topic but I am compelled to nonetheless. I believe that if I really delved into my sense of governmental conspiracies I may find myself sitting atop the roof of some remote book repository with a high powered rifle, quietly babbling to myself...in other less threatening words I think I'd drive myself batty. I refuse, though, to accept that my governent ALWAYS has my best interests in mind and is looking out for me the voter. Call me a cynic...I consider government conspiracies very much alive, no theories about it. With that said...I will retire to my metal lined crash helmet.

Conspiratorily Yours;

--TJ

" ^~ +@~ +}} *!@~^~|...." {The following message was brought to you by your local conspiracy theorist, the letter "c" (for crazy) and one exhausted young woman who is about to start drooling on her keyboard.)

---An ANONYMOUS G.R.L.

I trust no one except myself, let alone a bunch of callow fucks whose main function is to kiss enough societal ass as to recycle their political careers as long as is possible.

The hand-maidens, the appointees, are even less trustworthy. One fuck up and they know they're gone, so their main focus is appeasing their masters.
These fucks can't even spell accountability let alone use it in a sentence that applies to their jobs.

Wait a minute, it is a government of the people by the people and for the people.
Amado, you're right. It is we who now wear the human clothes, and we that eat at the table. And what was written on the wall of the barn anyway?

--Rox

As far as I can bowl it.

--Thunder

"Giving money and power to governments is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys"
P.J. O'Rourke

Why shouldn't I work for the NSA? That's a tough one. But I'll take a shot. Say I'm workin' at the NSA and somebody puts a code on my desk, somethin' no one else can break. Maybe I take a shot at it and maybe I break it and I'm real happy with myself cause I did my job well, but maybe that code was the location of some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East and once they have that location, they bomb the village where the rebels are hiding, fifteen hundred people I never met, never had no problem with get killed.

Now the politicains are sayin' "Oh send in the marines to secure the area, cause they don't give a shit, won't be their kid over there gettin' shot just like it wasn't them when their number got called cause they were all pullin' a tour in the National Guard. It'll be some kid from Southy over there takin' shrapnel in the ass. He comes back to find that the plant he used to work at, got exploited to the country he just got back from, and the guy that put the shrapnel in his ass got his old job cause he'll work for 15 cents a day and no bathroom breaks.

Meanwhile, he realises the only reason he was over there in the first place was so that we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price, and ofcourse the oil companies use a little skirmish over there to scare up domestic oil prices, a cute little antilary benefit for them, but it ain't helpin' my buddy at 2.50 a gallon. Their takin' their sweet time bringin' the oil back, of course maybe they even took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic skipper who likes to drink martini's and fuckin' play slolum with the icebergs. It ain't to long til he hits one, spills the oil, and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic... so now my buddy's out of work, he can't afford to drive, so he's walkin' to the fuckin' job interviews which sucks cause the shrapnel in his ass is givin' him cronic hemroids and meanwhile, he's starvin' cause everytime he tries to get a bite to eat the only blue plate special their serving is North Atlantic squad with Quaker State....so what did I think? I'm holdin' out for somethin' better. I figure fuck it, while Im at it why not just shoot my buddy, take his job, give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe, and join the National Guard. I could be elected President.
Matt Damon, Good Will Hunting

As much as I trust BP or KG.

--Shawn