No question whatsoever.

I'd sodomize John Tesh until his vocal chords bled from the screaming. Maybe he'd stop making all of those fucking songs, once he was humiliated and brutalized thusly.

Knowing my luck, though, he'd be full of angst for a new album.

Of course, I don't think this is the sort of thing one should do to anyone who isn't a new age musician. Or am I being just a bit too harsh, here?

Pax,

Dusty

Dear Bahb,

Seeing that I am already celibate 362 days out of the year (been "married" for 15 years now), I think I qualify for the first option. However, if we were all in prison, they would both definitely be my bitches...

--A

Celibacy. I would rather grow my hymen back than subject myself to either one of them.

I can't stand John Tesh though I would love to have sex with his wife Connie Selleca, she is hot. I think she and John bragged about deciding to wait until after they were married to have sex. I used to have some weird fantasies about corrupting her on her wedding night while John was out cold from a sedative I slipped in his non-alcoholic beverage. I guess I do have some lesbian tendencies eh?

As far as Martha. She makes me heave. I can just imagine her taking an empty beer can, hot gluing some crappy beads on it and giving it to someone as a candle holder. I see her ads for Kmart on TV and it pisses me off.Martha trying to instill style in the poor people. "They may not have money but by god, they MUST have coordinating towels". She smacks of condescension.I feel sorry for all the suburbanites out there that buy into it. I want to shake them and say "wake up! your man would rather have a great blowjob and a pizza with extra cheese"

--Ophelia Resurrected
(As a man, I'd like to second that emotion...and would even settle for just a half-assed blow job and a frozen pizza--Rox)

No brainer. Celibacy.

--Chick of Few Words

Damn, Bahb, No Fair. You stumped me. The sex-addict herself.... I am torn. Sex with someone new is fun, but Good God! John Tesh? Ms. Stewart? *shudder*

I'm gonna have to go with celibacy. I always have my battery-operated boyfriend (or girlfriend, depending on the mood) to see me through.

--Some Chick

Gonna have to go with celibacy on this one. Three reasons leap to mind:
A: I don't want anything of theirs getting that close to anything of mine
B: It wouldn't be a big leap from my current status
and
C: I don't drink beer that comes in 12 packs.

~Dolphyn

Celibacy and a bottle of Jack!

--Shawn

For Kleo and charva_z... (I did promise)

Being celibate I'd do MS just for the principle of it all...only with JT watching though....I'd pass the beers out to my crew, who hopefully would flick bottle caps at both of 'em.

I think I'd get up on her and pound hams until she screamed "Bam!" into a hand-decorated flourless chocolate cake, and when she was about to pass out, I'd make her beg me to "Kick It Up A Notch" and proceed to skull-fuck her until she had aioli pouring out of her ears.

Hopefully by this point little Johnny boy would be pissing himself in the corner wringing a hand-made batik tablecloth in his paws hoping to finish her off. And no, she would neither "find cigarettes" nor think that she hadn't been "fucked like that since grade school".

This reply has been brought to you by The Food Network, "Fight Club" and the Pixies CD I've been listening to for the last 30 minutes.

--Rox

Well, Bahb...I'm not sure these options are truly options, my friend. The idea of Johnny's fingers tinkling a tune anywhere NEAR parts of my body makes the out-of-body of me take leave of my own self and run screaming nekked (and invisible) to the next, and more pleasant, dimension. I can only imagine him with his less-than-manly limpy trying to serenade me with some sexual conundrum that he thinks is oh-so-sexy into his zebra stripped bed. Ick. And Martha? My option for this one, Bahb, is door number two...where she can go fuck her ever-loving self. She loves herself already, so why not? As much as it strains my recent fever...I would have to opt for celibacy. I'll stick to my toys rather than sweaty yuppies that are certain that they are God's gift to the Creative Arts.

^^Kleo^^
P.S. -- Jesus, did I just say CELIBACY...that's BAD!!!

I say, slap on the beer goggles and fuck me Teshy!

Sex and beer go together like mullets and hockey.

--charva_z

Bahb,

I think our litle miss, Martha maybe more than she is letting on. I'll do Martha/john and a 6 pack!.....I could give her a few tips of my own **wink**... She can show me how to make a 6-tier cake and ill show her how to make John moan....even trade.

--jinggles

You people are nasty, to say the things you say...esp. you Dusty...sick son's of bitches....Rosie is a wholesome person, making the common home-maker's life a longer and more fruitful...and Yanni is a Musicians musician....Oh fuck, that's not right, you said Tesh and stewart....Fuck!!!!!!!!!!!.....celibacy, no, doesn't matter what the alt is .....i'd ram Johnny boy so hard it would bleed and then martha can make some sort of craft out the blood-urine-shit-cum mess that our raw hate has made..........

--J-dog

That's an easy one being the horny bastard that I am and having disdain for Martha that I have. I would grudge-fuck Martha...in the corn-shoot of course...and then punch her in the back of the head when I was finished. That's pretty angry, huh? Thinking of it makes me smile though...

--K

Dispose of the bodies silently then take the money and buy a decent hooker. Beer is a plus.

--ReiRei

First of all, let's change the scenario. Martha, Jon, a twelve pack, and four hits of solid blotter would do the trick nicely. No joke! I've been wanting to see Martha naked for years! Call me what you want, I think she's kinda sexy!
Throw John in a hole for all I care, with the gimp.

Badmonkey-( B Diddy)

i think that i would go with celibacy on this one. i don't think a 12 pack would be enough for me and i wouldn't share ;). i would rather enjoy time with my battery operated friends.

--xina

I think that celebacy would be a better option! I love Martha Stewart, but her being a woman disqualifies her. I don't know anyone in their right mind (or their left for that matter) that would sleep with John Tesh for less than 10 million dollars and something stronger than a 12 pack.

Just my 2 cents

~DQ in Hotlanta~

Fuck. It's been too long since I've sounded off.......

It's a fine line, the selling out thing. You really need to play the line carefully. The RIAA is so powerful, there's no way to avoid them if you want true stardom.

Selling out is difficult to play, but I think the real rule is how many promises you've made. I think Metallica sold out, since they promised to never make a video, and then Cliff died, and you see how fucked they are now. Assholes.

On the other hand, if you've never promised your fans a motherfucking thing, then you have the right to do whatever you want. There's no reason to not "sell-out". Moby is fully within his rights, and I hope he makes a fuckton of money, and makes everyone who ever called him a sellout cry viciously with their own worthlessness.

That's about all I have to say.

Word up.
Dusty

Dear Bahb,

If the artist is comfortable with the idea then fine by me. If the artist sees his art as something personal and of themselves, then I doubt that they would sell it to anyone, let alone a corporation. But lets not forget that for the majority of artists, their creations also represent a financial interest. A way to pay the bills. Maybe the artist created it with this in mind? Hey athletes do it, why not musicians?

--A

Interesting topic...one that could be debated hotly I'm sure. But for me the bottom line is this....the artist has to eat, needs clothes on his/her back, and a roof over his/her head whereby that artist may live and create safely. Is it a sell-out? I guess it depends on the person answering the question. For me, no it isn't but then there is of course the shades of gray I won't even go into. Art for art's sake and if you can make a living at it...GO FOR IT!

--TJ

Maybe.

^^Kleo^^

I have a tough time with the term "sellout." I think it gets thrown around too loosely by individuals who need a reason to dislike a popular band. Are there sell outs? Yes. I guess it hits home for me since I am a musician and want to make a living doing it. I don't think that there is a definitive line that can be drawn for what a sellout is or isn't. My songwriting partner Dan and I just signed a song to a Music Publisher who is going to try and pace it in TV and film. If it gets placed, we (including the publisher) will get paid. Did we sell out? We wrote a tune that musically and lyrically means something to us. Someone heard it and responded to it thinking that he might be able to place it. Does that make it any less artistic?

I think what people forget is that it is the "music business" and if you want to strictly be an artist, you should call your music "performance art" and play for free every time. I believe that an artist becomes a sellout when they let money or business influence the creative process. For example, there is a country artist who wrote a song called "Crazy for a Mercury" and the marketing people at Ford really liked the tune. So with a contract and a ton of money in hand this artist changed the chorus to "Crazy for a Ford Truck." This not only went for the commercial spots but for every time he performed the song live since he signed the contract. This would be "selling out" to me.

Music is art and just because something is more accessible (albums available on a wide scale, radio, and I'd hate to say it but video) or licensed for commercial use doesn't (in my opinion) make it less beautiful if it is not changed from it's original conception. We all have to make a living, why not be able to do it with something you love doing? There are millions of Picasso's in print, does this make the original any less beautiful?

--RobbaD

Nah, I don't think selling the rights to a corporation makes the artist a sell out. It just makes the artist one who sold their rights to a corporation. Gotta do whatcha gotta do.

--Some Chick

I thought of this question while watching "Behind the Music". Moby had talked about how tough it was to sell records until he "sold" his songs for commercials and movies. It reminded me of being a ball player as a kid. You did it for the fun of the game. As you got older and the "$$$" became more prominent, players no longer played for the love of the game but for the $$$. Professional sports has alot of athletes who aren't in it for the game but for the $$$. I wondered if the same is true in music. People start out doing it for the love of the playing music and then later sold their soul for the $$$.

My answer..........Goals. If the goal of the artist is to be an artist and to have his/her music heard, you do what you have to do to get your music heard by the masses. Being heard on radio for new artists is tough since 95% of rock radio only plays top 40 shit. If the goal is to be a rock star and a product of the machine...you are a sellout!!!!!!

--Shawn

Depends on how much they pay for my oppinion.

--ReiRei

if the artist intentionally writes the song for the corporation i would not necessarily say that they were selling out. they would just be working for that "man." i don't really think it's selling out until the artist intentionally changes their music style to fit the mold of "popular" music. i am not talking progression, since it's a different thing.

i really don't associate the music with the product. maybe some people do, great. the only real thing i despise is when a corporation uses a song without the artists permission. there was a cadillac ad that was running a couple of years back and they used a noisex song. the artist found out from a fan and sued. but, i am going off on tangents.

--xina

It really depends on several points....Will that particular artist be around 1-5-10-20 years from now? The Stones were the first corporate sell-out way back in circa 81' and I feel they made the right decision...record labels are not going to allow most artist to make the music that they want to make, selling is the bottom line...anything an artist has to do to maintain creative credibility has nothing to do with selling out ( please note that any crappy music doesn't count; I.E. All those boy bands). Shit,I'd be out there pitching my own urine if there was a market for it. You also have to take into effect that MOST, the majority of artists on major and minor labels, are making NO money or are being ripped off by managers, record labels or anyone else with their hands in the cookie jar, SO FUCK YA, sell, sell, sell.....Doesn't mean cause Sting is selling his shit to Mercedes that i'm gonna go buy his album which i'll never buy , but if anyone has a copy....let me burn it real quick.......and that is my point right there.

--J-Dogg

If Pipe sells rights to his member, does that mean he's a sellout?

--Adam Ant (about not thinking today)
(He's not a sell-out, just market-savvy. Speaking of selling out, how are you Adam?--Rox)

Happy Friday All!

I have thought long and hard about the issue of "selling out" and have arrived at the following conclusions.
It seems to me that when a popular song is used in conjunction with a product it uses two types of advertising principles. The first is a form of faulty logic called syllogism where you get a consumer to agree to a few true statements and then insert a questionable statement that is validated by the truth of the previous statements. (The sun rises every day, puppies are cute, Safeway has the lowest prices in town!) To take Bahb's Moby example, the syllogism is not overtly stated but is inferred and goes a little something like this...I like moby, moby likes (product), therefor I will like (product). The second principle at work is that of referral. A known personality gives an endorsement (for money) of a product and therefor, by association, you will also enjoy the product.
These concepts are nothing new to anyone. I doubt that Moby or any artist who has lent a tune to a product, originally set out to associate or espouse the virtues of that product with their music. I think that linking a product to a song whose original purpose was artistic expression is a perversion of the song and the expression and therefor selling out. How many of us can now separate the a familiar Paula Cole song about coming to grips with a troubled upbringing with the cast of angst ridden lovelorn Dawson's Creek characters.
On the other hand I believe that any artist has a right to make money in the best way they see fit. In response to making a bad movie Peter O'Toole once said "you may not like the movie, but you'd love the house". I cannot fault an artist for makin' that dolla but by the same token they do in my book earn the title as well.

--Thompson (wishing he had art to pimp) Hamilton

I have waited the appropriate amount of time to reply to this, and have promised that I would spend no more than 30 minutes on this.
A) Moby’s music has long been underground, limited primarily to clubs and the like. As such it’s almost impossible to gain any financial reward from the possibly 20,000 DJ’s that may play his stuff.
B) Moby has always been associated with experimentation, and bucking the trend. When electronic music was cracking its nut in the States, he released a punk record. When electronic had been defined as over-produced he came back with “Play”, a lo-fi fusion of jazz and gospel.
C) If one of the few artists with any semblance of talent in otherwise vomitorium of pop music can make money by licensing his music, than fuckin’ a, that’s cool with me. I have loved “Play” from the day I bought, and will continue to love it. It’s quality music written by a quality guy.
D) If he had had a legacy of high creativity and strict standards, then completely flip-flopped and gobbled as much cock as possible by writing music specifically for corporate sponsors, and did only that, and released only that, then yes in my arrogant mind he would be a sell out.
E) If an artist continues to do what they have always done and the media and society finally “catch up” with them, more often than not they will be wearing the albatross of the dollar sign around their necks. Can they control the label PR, or media attention? Hardly, in most cases it’s corporate money that is feeding the exposure in the first place.
F) Artists that have come out and taken a stand of some sort are most likely the first fall (U2--Achtung Baby my ass…REM--What’s your frequency shiny, happy Kenneth). What makes the sting of that label so hurtful is that in most cases the fans have a strong emotional bond with these artists, feeling connected to them in some way. When that faith is shaken by a more commercial approach, the fans feel that their trust has been misdirected and betrayed, and tend to lash out at the artist with what used to be the most unholy of unholies.
G) Bigger issue…Since about ’94 there has been an evacuation culturally of any shred of integrity. Without standing FOR anything, it’s impossible to sell that out. Apathy is a tough sell in a saturated market. We as a culture are too chicken shit to have lasting values. Call it a spin-off of gloabalization, and an end of nationalism, but lasting values such as truth and honor and beauty mean so little any more as they are too often co-opted by the instant gratification of material goods, and trendy “flavor of the month” new age philosophies.
H) The biggest sell outs of my life have either taken a huge stand regarding social issues (social justice, freedom, poverty) or have taken the creative high road in the pursuit of “Art.” U2, REM, Billy Idol (“Never sell out like they did”—horseshit!), Red Hot Chili Peppers, Rage Against The Machine, Pearl Jam, Stone Temple Pilots, KMFDM will never again have to worry about having me as a paying fan.
I) I’ll cite my most violent sell-out by direct example. U2 on their first three records had pushed the envelope of modern music by rising out of the ashes of punk and providing hope and inspiration to a generation that had seen only powerlessness and frustration. The downslide began when they dumped their producer Steve Lillywhite and got in bed with Daniel Lanois and art-rock guru Brian Eno. The resulting album “The Forgettable Album” made U2 huge in The States. The follow up “The Money Tree” took them even further into mainstream rock. They then produced their second film “Brittle and Dum” with an album of the same name compiled from out-takes of this experience. I had forgiven them these excursions from the creative integrity that they had displayed on “Boy”, “October”, and “War.” But where they lost me was when they ceased to push themselves and art further and instead began reacting to what else was going on in pop culture because it sold. “Mysterious Ways” was such a blatant buy-in to the Manchester scene of the late 80’s it’s almost ridiculous. At that point I said goodbye, and everything that they have done since then (including their most recent work, an admitted attempt to cash in by recreating their former musical selves) has reinforced my decision. Bono, you were my hero, but you just liked humping blonde American chicks a little too much…you fucking cock-sucking whore.
Bitter? Me? Not by a long shot…
Mike Peters from The Alarm summarized almost perfectly my sentiments on cashing in. “Selling out is a cardinal sin, it’s like sinning with a safety net”.

--Rox

I think I might change my name to Michael. I like the name Michael, and I think I would like trying out life as a man. My boobs are too big to dress up like one and try it out now.

--Some Chick

Just the other week a good friend of mine showed me the way to figure out your name if you were thinking of a career in the porn industry. You take your middle name for your first name and the street that you grew up on for your last name. My porn star name would be, Dante Firestone. Not quite as good as George Castanza's...Buck Naked.

--RobbaD

Well....

-Bad monkey ; )
(I really do love That Funky Monkey--Rox)

If I changed my name to "Anything", it would be dumb. Why? Why would I want to?

--Shawn

Mike Rotchich Esalot. Imagine all the people I could embarrass....
Including myself.

--ReiRei
(I think there's a cream that'll knock that down for you Mr. Esalot--Rox)

I believe the film was Sixteen Candles I am not sure, but none the less if i had to change my name it would have to be to Long Duck Dong. Such a smooth name.

--Neil

My cat's breath smells like catfood.

--charva_z

Considering I am the aptly named, "Queen of De Nial," it would be right to presume that my OTHER name would be "Sensitiva, Goddess of Tears and Laughter." Emotionalism is my middle name...although, Charva came up with Sensitiva.

^^Kleo^^
P.S. -- Does Shawn REALLY want to get into semantics with me? Uh-huh, that's what I thought...;)

I'm going to have to say I would go with "Dirk Diggler". Enough said.

--Kel

peter......then my name, alpha'd would be white peter....
late,

--the white guy

My name if I changed it? Well I'd take one of my middle names: Storm And I'd use just that as my "artistic" name. I used it as my commercial name when I was doing free-lance photography many years ago. And when I get back into showing my work I'll use that name again. So just Storm I guess.

Much love to the pink parts, don't let the sun scorch them!

--TJ

Usually I go and visit my family in Florida to ignore the world or Anywhere I happen to be when the little voice in my head tells me it's time to ignore the world.

--Shawn

In a six pack of Newcastle Brown Ale.

--Neil

ICQ...msn...yahoo messenger.

--jules

My favorite place to ignore the world is my bed. I have T-shirt sheets and a big fluffy white down comforter and a lot of pillows. When the going gets tough, I like to crash there, turn on the ceiling fan, close the blinds, and just BE. Ahh, it is quite a refuge.

--Some Chick

you can never get away from the world
you are the world

--lana

work

--Shea

I just stick my head up my ass and the world tends to leave me alone. I need to shower afterwards, but it's usually worth it. Good insight on my eating habits.

--ReiRei

Inside of my computer... (WITH AIM, ICQ, YAHOO, MSN, and IRC turned off...)

--LG

Bahb;

Now you've got me thinking. But truthfully the answer is easy. Point me in the direction of the ocean. Primarily Noyo Harbor or Mendocino. Anytime I can slip away and feel the pounding of the surf through my bones I can tune out the hustle and bustle of everyday life. For a quick trip I listen to my favorite disc, "Solitudes". It comes equipped with classical music coupled with sounds from nature. That gets me to Mendocino in my mind all the time. Thanks for the happy thought. Much love to the pink parts!

--TJ

My gut instinct on this one originally was the shitter.
Or under a pair of headphones…I tried combining the two, however my extension cord doesn’t reach, and I don’t feel like stocking up on carpet cleaner…there’s the rub…
Forgoing my gut (an exercise in futility anyway you look at it) I would have to say the Redwoods or the ocean. Lacking a tidal body of water or some Sequoias, I would say De LaVeaga GC in Aptos, or on my bike in the Berkeley Hills about ready to vomit nothing but endorphins. The distance involved is somewhat prohibitive to be effective on a routine basis.
These are all secondary anyway. My absolute favorite place is on a jam-packed dance floor with a heavy ghetto-assed beat and about 200 db’s of angst-y guitar crushing my eardrums and sweat dripping out of every pore on my body. Some weird Zen-type thing happens, and the pathetic arhythmic masses swarming around me melt away as the music, lights and extraneous sensory stimuli become a part of me…and like Calgon, it carries me away...personally, I blame The Clash.

--Rox

Dancing with two of my favourite assholes at a so called "goth-industrial" club held in a strip mall with a pathetic excuse for a DJ, who is also lacking in the male genitalia department (huh? what industrial?) and making fun of the local flora and fauna (mainly of the sub-species "Homo-erotic Semi-erectus Fraturnius" and "I'm a Skanky Bitch (oh my god, buffy. like her butt is so big...) who isn't half the girl my girlfriend was and is trying to jock me? "Sororitum").

- Unhappy When It's Tuesday
aka: Shirley Manson)

Dear Bahb,

My favorite place to ignore the world is on Highway 74, on the way home from work. A one lane serpent that winds it's way through the Cleveland National Forrest. Blazin' past tractor trailers in my '66 Chevy Chevelle, blastin' a little Led Zeppelin and watching the world go bye-bye.

--A

I've discovered in recent years that the golf course is a great place to ignore the world. You don't even have to try, it just happens.

--RobbaD

in front of the tele watching sportscenter on espn.....
late,

--the white guy

When I want to ignore the world I usually curl up on the couch with my head in my daddy's lap, occaisionally licking his fingers.

--harley

My car is my escape. What better place could I be? Flying down a country road, horse farms whooshing past, music really, really loud. No destination, no responsibility past the instinctual chore of not running into anything. Where else can I so openly scream and curse at anyone who annoys me? Where else can I so anonymously be aggressive and cut in line at every opportunity? Freezing cold or smothering heat, I roll with the windows down and the radio up...and I don't stop until I can face it all again.

~~waivey

Personally, I think that the imagination is the perfect place for a getaway. I love to imagine myself into different dimensions, places and times...and, sometimes, it is the only thing that will bring me out of a slump created by a not-so-friendly world. Creativity is my greatest gift, and I don't think that people use it to its fullest potential.

^^Kleo^^
P.S. -- I have recently come to KNOW that Charva_z whiles away a substantial amount of her time "getting away from the world" by daydreaming about what it would be like to ride in the saddle of one "Gretsky."
(Odd...Never would have pegged Miss Z for a hockey fan--Rox)

dancing to power noise, whether it's in my kitchen or at das bunker (i miss that place.) unfortunately, the clubs up here don't cater to the likes of it, but i always have my kitchen. my second place is my bathtub. there is nothing like being encased in warm water with a good book, cigarette, and glass of merlot.

--xina :)

Very touchy with me........most people go to work to get away from things, seems to be that my life isn't so , so work , no.....some go out with friends to escape the world when in fact, that is more attacking the world....shit, that is my escape, a nice long, grunt real hard, scream if you want to, just finished two books type of shit...that is my peace and serenity.

--The one and only- J-( yes i love it) Doggie

Gosh, at this point in my life, its hard for me to ignore the rest of the world, but there is a little bit of escape, every night when I lie my head down.

I am sure that all of you know of this place. There's a quiet place, in between sleep and awake, where you are aware that you are asleep but also aware that you are awake. Just for a little while, right before I completely fall into the dream world, I am content, and every will in my body is at rest. I wish sometimes that it would last longer, but I am glad that it doesn't.

--jinggles

The batting cages. I can hit an 80 mph ball and it is such a GOOD THING (right, Martha?) to watch the dudes from the 60 mph cages cue up and WHIFF after they see me hit a few frozen ropes.

--charva z
PS: It's not hockey, but the hockey hair that gets my Zamboni purring.

Bahb...
I'd have to say in my dreams

--Rin