--harley

Seafood by the gallon brought to my table, which is situated 10 feet from my private stage performance of each of my top 100 favorite songs by their respective artists (living or dead). (Not eating sugar would be so much easier if I could just have live entertainment for my meals.)

~waivey
ps ~ I take back the dead part...that could get rather unappetizing...

A nooner and a smoke.

--charva z

Dos Coyotes...
Border Burrito, Steak, No Guak, No Sour Cream, with melted Cheese on Top...

-LG

Setting: Somewhere in Italy, near the coast (either one).
Menu: Water packed mozz, Some Roma tomatoes with a few kalamata olives to get things kickin'. A petit mixed green salad and heaps of fresh breads. For the main course either gnocchi in a light pesto and buttered spaghetti squash, or a ragout of wild mushrooms served with creamed polenta and al dente asparagus. A guava sorbet and latte to round things out before a lengthy and aggressive nooner and a smoke.

--Rox

In the back of that clear, vivid eye
A Luncheon sought, years before she died.
Upon silk pillows, silver sheets and sand
The River offered her lush wine and man.

Dripping flowers, and honeydew
Grapes and berries,to name a few.
Tender hands to feed her mist,
rain and clouds from Heaven's fist.

The opaque dream was imagined real,
From a remembered, someday, midday meal.
Peacock fans cooled her skin,
while exotic fruits fed her sin.

She wishes she was there today,
Instead of pinched in this modern way.
The Queen of De Nile wants that again,
but knows all great dreams must come to an end.

^^Kleo^^

My ideal lunch is free. :)

--Some Chick

Bahb,

Togo's large # 9 -- Hot Pastrami on an Onion Roll
Big Grab Fritos
Large Diet Coke

minor apologies to the veggies out there....this sandwich ROX!
life should be so simple...
late,

--the white guy
(What...no PB & J on a sweet steak roll...or chocolate raised doughnut...you Food Cost killing genius, you--Rox)

The ideal corporate lunch includes a blow job, a six pack of any import and a two hour nap.

--RobbaD
(The hummer is of course from one of your dutiful career-driven minions...and isn't the capper crushing the career of at least two of your peers by blaming them for your short-comings...I seem to remember that in "The Complete Corporate Whore's Guide To Success"--Rox)

"box"

--Shawn
(I really do love my friends-Rox)

Ideal lunch...my ideal lunch is not having to worry about how much time I have. I wanna take time to read in the sun and walk along a beach, shit there's no beach around here.... well there goes my ideal lunch.

--Lana

If I could, I'd eat the rich.
In the hunter/ big game sense. Wouldn't eat it unless I killed it myself.

--Dan-o
(I mean I really, REALLY do love my friends-Rox)

ideal luch ..lasanga with lots of garlic , crispy bread and salad ...massive amounts of vino ...served anyway is fine!! in the company of 6 fun loving friends.

--jules

The box lunch from Centerfolds. The tuna, of course.

-- On Belhalf of Pipe

Hey Bahb,

Anyone for Ren & Stimpy world? It would be free of charge but there would be mandatory LSD Blow Pops handed out at the entrance. Why? Because that show FREAKS me out. If I had been a kid watching that show, I would have definitely developed some sociopathic tendencies. As it is, I can no longer look at my dog bailey the same way. This is a theme park that helps us explore our violent and depraved subconscious using an over-exposure of smells, sight and sound. Kind of a cross between a haunted house and a Chuckee Cheese Pizza Parlor.

--A

I want to see the creation of Canine Country. This theme park would tote such rides as The Toilet Bowl of Terror, The Mailman Mansion of Monsters, and Slobber Rapids. Win a prize at the Feline Frenzy Pit, Canine Karaoke or watch an award winning show such as "Yeah, Sniff Me There!". Best of all? You can poop anywhere you want to!

--Harley

Heya Bahb and all!

Hmmmmm ... theme park eh? I would have to go for "Terrance and Phillip's Little Canada." With little speakers blaring Uncle F***er and TV screens showing the two characters flatulating on each other. It may not be appropriate for the little ones, but for us "Big Kids" it would be fabulous! Hey, Grown Up's should get to have fun too! Now we just need to figure out rides! Maybe the Canada Coaster ... it's not too fast, but it's very loopy!
just my 0.02.

~~DizzyQueen in Atlanta ~~

For my themepark, just imagine big huge phallic symbols everywhere. Free lube, mirrors....

HA! Just kidding. It would be air and space, flight. Who is not thrilled by flying, sky diving, that kind of thing? Even if just simulators, I think it would be so cool to get to experience weightlessness, aerobatics, G forces, etc. Being in the "cockpit" and flying your plane in a dog fight, with the freedom to crash it and not die or waste billions of tax payer dollars.... sheer raw power... yes. :)

-- Some Chick

Funny,
I'm in Las Vegas right now. The Theme City!!!!
Anyway, my theme park would be just like the Daytona 500. I get to drive a fast car - very fast!!!!

--Shawn

Theme Park --

I always thought the best ride was the haunted mansion in Disney Land. My WHOLE THEMEPARK would be based off of scary movies, and Ghost and stuff. You think a roller coaster is scary? How about sitting next to a roller coaster of a headless Bahb, That freaks the shizit out of me... I mean hell the fingers are bad enough, let alone no head. Also, there would be a costume shop on entry that you get a free rental with the purchase of every ticket...

--LG

Escape and Evade-

I would start a theme park for all of these soft, pathetic, never done anything and never will types.
A place where people can go and be thrashed. That way they would be able to carry on with their lives and know that they had been put through the ringer.
I would start by putting them in an environment with which they where unfamilar, then deprive them of sleep and food. I would put them in real, life-threating situations...where they had to endure things like loosing a finger everytime they where caught. All exercises would be “live-fire.” The challenge is to escape danger and evade detection while building the confidence and ability to approach the minor challenges of life as such, and appreciate the safety that they take for granted.
All of this of course would be broadcast live to the weak-willed that crave vicarious thrills rather than having the stones to live for themselves.

--Recondo

Rox....having just visited the world of Florida amusements, and just a bit earlier having become a homeowner, I think a Home Improvement park, sponsored of course, by the demon of HI, Home Depot.....as it is, the lines at HD are just as long as an amusement park, and trying to find your way around the store is like trying to find that last attraction you just have to hit.
While the parks have ppl sweeping up the trash, HD has the live birds flying around just waiting to crap on you, the lucky shoppers. The coaster cars would be made in a shopping cart design, and for those truly adventurous, the large flat carts would provide a death defying free-fall ride. You could have a spill the paint zone, beat the nail instead of your thumb challenge, play water games in shower displays that would never fit in your own bathroom, tours of all the places and houses you want yours to look like but can never accomplish because of time, let alone skill-set, and best of all, it would suck your wallet dry, just like they BOTH do now.....by the end of the day, you'd be just as tired of the work/play, yet just waiting and anticipating getting to the next project/ride.....
ah the sheer joy, let's go, front row baby.....what's next?
late

--the white guy

Although I know that this type of "ideal" is completely imagination/fantasy-based, it makes me smile a little to think about it. My ultimate theme park would be something akin to a "Diving Art World." Upon entering, a person could chose an artist (let’s say, S. Dali, for example) and literally ENTER the paintings that the artist has created. How fantastic would it be to be able to walk around in some of the great works of art? See what the melting clock was REALLY made out of...find out what the hell Mona was really smiling about...see things in a new, and three-dimensional, perspective that is completely void from this end of the world. At the end of their park adventure, each person would be required to paint a picture of their own (no matter their artistic abilities) and would then be given the option to travel into their own painting, as well. I think I was born about 3000 years too early, I want to do that NOW! Dammit, why can’t the potential of our collective imaginations be realized...:(

^^Kleo^^

Okay look from a chicka that grew up in the 80's and watched way too much MTV at some point in her life.. CARSON DALY, come on he could be the anti-christ for all we know, launching his plane to brainwash all the young prepubescent girls in the nation in an evil plan to take over the world. Okay maybe not, but Villain pretending to like all the artists that come into his small MTV world... come on you have your favorites, don’t lie we know you do, you cant lie to us, i saw how you gawk at Christina A's ass.

--Jingles

Heya Bahb and all!

Well, as for the biggest villian, that is a rough question. In my personal opinion, I have to say Steve Case!
Steve Case created the biggest crackpipe in the world. The internet for those unwilling or unable to grasp the concept of a bloody browser! AOL is intended for those who want everything to be simple ... to be in a cookie cutter shell that is moderated and censored! Not only is America Offline a plague to your computer, but it is a plague to your privacy. Steve Case's company has made millions from selling their users information, or giving it to government agencies without subpoena.
Additionally, Steve Case and his wife contribute money to organizations that promote hatred towards certain minority groups. I feel that Steve Case is the antichrist, and AOL is the Devil Child!

~~DizzyQueen in Atlanta~~

Carson Daly makes me vomit. I had a fantasy once where I played out that sodomy scene from Pulp Fiction...he was on the receiving end of course. I was extremely rough and oops! there was NO KY JELLY ON HAND.

--Ophelia Resurrected

I'm gonna look for brownie points here and say Steve Case. Who in the 21st century has moved the world more toward bland, slobbering, dazed-eyed Utopia than he?

~~waive

I can't really say who's worse...but I drool for Carson. Have you ever seen how much hair he has on his back?!

--Harls

Unh-uh! No you DIDN’T! Once again, the Truth mandates that I be limited to a given number of choices. Where is the autonomy in THAT? Since I chose to utilize my own reasoning on this subject, I’m going to forge an alliance with myself and answer how I damn well please (by now, you really shouldn’t be surprised by that). Much to my homegirl, Brown Sugah’s, chagrin I will have to go with Martha Stewart being the antichrist-incarnate of the most recent years. Twigs-and-leaves-into-a-beautiful-centerpiece my ASS...As far as I’m concerned, she’s the Steve Case of the so-called creative world. "Hi, my name is Martha and I’m going to inculcate your Stepford Wives existence’s into believing that EVERYTHING I do is complete and utter art... that you may copy it as you please and forget that you have your own imagination. Please buy my magazines, tapes and other trivial paraphernalia so that you might completely void your mind of any creative spark it has left." Forgive my rant, or don’t...do what you please, but maybe it will get you to think about it. Ya, I went off...that’s right...wanna take it outside? That’s what I thought. ;)

**Kleo**

Boris and Natasha!!!!

--Shawn

None Of The Above.
Carson Daly Is a moron, but villain would require a degree of pre-meditation and awareness of which I doubt he is capable. He is the personification of a trend that is destroying modern culture by force-feeding trends to impressionable youths. The music may be absolute shit (Pink, Britney, BSB) but if it’s TRL it’s guaranteed to sell because of the increased visibility. The fact that this exposure is driven by blatant corporate sponsorship is sickening. True Villain: Corporate Rock.
Steve Case created a palatable, marketable version of technology, and helped forge for millions of customers how the technology is used. The fact that all he cares about is revenue makes him greedy. The fact that he is predatory, exclusionary and wholly responsible for dumbing down a generation of Americans is deplorable. His marriage with Time-Warner and his desire to exploit all of TW’s assets via the internet is disturbing. Given that he admittedly sells confidential information and uses members viewing habits to generate more marketing revenue is reprehensible. Most Americans don’t care about loss of privacy, and having their lives sold, and their intimate correspondence via e-mail or IM read. People continue to buy what he sells, and with source programming such as with AOL 5.0 and 6.0 he has prevented them from using anyone else to exploit the internet. True Villain: Apathetic, Callow, Ignorant people.
Iago would probably be president if he were real, and alive today. He is completely self-absorbed, driven by greed and lust, and incapable of loyalty or even basic feeling s of compassion. His personification as a Villain is only substantiated by his juxtaposition with Othello and Desdemona. However both of the latter are so driven by desire for their will to supercede all other conventions that they are eventually consumed by tragic fate. If many people in today’s culture were to read Othello, they in fact would fail to even pick up on Shakespeare’s attempt to Villainize Iago. They most likely would see him as some sort of sleeper hero. True Villain: Self-Love.
The Bigger Villain is our own fear of the unknown.

--Rox

Dear Bahb,

I think I'd like to go back and check out southern california at the turn of the last century. Buy up all the land around Anahiem. I'd a made some sweet bucks off of Disney by now. Hell I might as well buy up half of Beverly Hills while I'm at it...

--A

If I could pick an era,I would go back to the time of Queen Elizabeth I. I am fascinated by the intrigues back then (life before TV and radio). I would want to be close enough to see what was going on. Was Elizabeth REALLY a virgin? Did Sir Walter Raleigh throw down the cloak for her to walk on? Was Shakespeare gay? As far as what I would do...I have no clue. As long as I didn't have to empty chamber pots I would be fine. I think I would bring some fire exstinguishers and put out some of the witches they used to burn. I would bring toilet paper along as well, introduce that to mankind at an earlier date, save our forefathers from those corncobs.

Out, Out brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a brief player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.

--Ophelia Resurrected

I would want to visit 1968-69 and bring lots of soap to let the hippies know you can still be earthy and be responsible for daily hygene. Kidding.
Actually I would want to go back to that time and witness first hand all of the energy in the air. Hang out at the Filmore and watch some great bands in there prime. Sit on the steps of Sproul Plaza or hang out in DC and New York. Definitely smoke a ton of grass and probably hit Woodstock. I'd have to bring a bar of soap the size of conneticut for that hippyfest.

--RobbaD

I would travel to the 70's. I was a preschooler then. I would like to go back at THIS age (29 11/12) and get high and get crazy and have a lot of sex. (Gee, every time I answer these questions, I talk about sex. Maybe I have a problem.)

--Some Chick

Go back to the beginning of time. Just to see if I could.

--Shawn

I’m rather torn by this...mostly because I’d like to be the proverbial "fly on the wall" to so MANY events in history. When I was a child, I would spend many hours vividly imagining inventing some type of time machine that would easily traverse throughout years past, and years to come, with just the twitch of a nose (circa: "Bewitched," mid-1970s) or the blink of an eye. I guess the two scenarios that I have are this: I’d like to either
a) visit the time of the Ancient Egyptians/Romans (i.e. my personal interest in the real Cleopatra and Caesar/Mark Antony)...or
b) I’d like to move FORWARD through times that have yet to occur. Something like 2000 years into the future to see what really happens to the human species. Being that I have a such an intense fascination with outer space, it would be quite alluring to me to see the inventions and/or genetic adaptations we might take on sometime in the distant future. I’m sure I’d be amazed.
So there’s my answer...I’ll ask myself again tomorrow and see if it’s still the same. ;)

--Kleo--

Uninteresting as it may be, I'd travel back to 1998 and relive the last year I had with my grandad. Seeing him healthy one last time would mean more to me than witnessing some historic event or meeting any famous person.

~~waivey

I'd have to say the 1920's.
I hear Rin Tin Tin was a total stud in person.

--Harley

I tend to agree with Waive, and at an emotional level I would love one more day of any kind with my mom.
At an intellectual level I would love to be around Europe during the Renaissance, during the 1780's, and the latter part of the 19th Century.
The dumbass in me wants to be in London and New York from '74-81 so I could watch the birth and death of punk and catch some shows in the process--duh!
I also think that I'd like to kick it forward to see if I ended up having kids, and then knock it forward a couple of hundred years to see how my generation is judged historically.

--Rox

I would go back to the sixties! First I would find Herman- From Herman and the Hermits, and kick him in the balls as hard as I possibly could. As if his teeth werent punishment enough....
Then, Moving forward, I would look up the Greatful Dead. KICK Jerry in the balls as hard as I could! That's gotta hurt!.
Moving throught the years, I would find a myriad of other lame ass pop icons to piss off.
I'd find Elvis and call him a fat ass! Find old Sammy Davis Jr., whack him in the back of the head and throw down a bucket of everlasting jawbreakers! The Ozmonds would burn, end of story. To the 80's I would go, letting the world know right off the bat that Boy George in fact DID have a cock! Tie down Rick Schroeder and feed him cocaine. FIND GEORGE MICHEAL AND KICK HIM IN THE BALLS AS HARD AS I COULD!!!!!!
The list goes on.......
All in all, I think I'd have just liked to have seen Zeppelin in their prime, just once.

--Dan-o

Medieval England, to taunt King Arthur a second time.

--Krups Pooch

Bahb.....

I would desire to go forward......say about 200 more years, when our country is now again double its age. One has got to believe that we as a even more global community would have been able to figure out by then that all this conflict, fighting, and other bull was detrimental to our global health. I know, all this crap has been going on since man was placed on this blue ball, but at some point, I have got to believe and would hope that we can simply get past the differences we all have and make the world a better place for all. That's what I would want to do with my every waking hour, to work to improve the lives of those less fortunate than myself. I better get off my butt and start making it happen.....

like you said, enough simplistic mushy-ness, i guess it's just the optimist in me
late

-- the white guy

Luis, who is studying in Avignon, France, says he would go to the sixties, as long as he was not Mexican, so he could drive a Black Pontiac GTO.
Molly would go to Italy and hang out with the Romantics, mid to late 1800s.
Joe would go back to before agriculture and search for peace and REAL humanity.

--J V
p.s. Fuck q Frenck keyboqrd!!!

I would like to go to Paris in the 20's and hang out with artists, musicians, poets and revolutionaries. Promiscuous sex, opium and absinthe and general hedonism in such a stylish time sounds irresistible to me.

--charva z

Rox...

Kudos on the topic. It is frequently a topic of thought for me. For I truly believe that I DID live in the time that I would travel back to. That time would be the mid 1940's..WW2 and the South Pacific. I would be piloting a Chance-Vought F4U-D Corsair. I've always felt an unearthly connection to that particular aircraft and in this life whenever I see one I am moved to tears. I feel like an old pilot looking for his "sky mate". Silly I know, but honest nonetheless. It was one of the strongest motives behind me becoming an aircraft mechanic. As I type I hear the call of the wind and the sky. Time to fly.....best wishes to you and your pink parts!

--TJ