The Topic Of The Week

5 Things That I will never do.

1. Buy a greatest hits album
2. Hit a woman.
3. commit suicide
4. get divorced
5. sellout and listen to only top 40. (PUKE!!!)

--Logical Gambit

Dear Bahb,

1) Drink milk
2) Play the tuba
3) Learn to iron my pants
4) Buy an N'sync album
5) Cheat on my wife
Amen.

--A

Rox --

5 things I will never do....

1) Renounce my faith
2) Cheat on my wife
3) Allow myself to be caught up in the corporate culture of squashing those who are your peers or subordinates to improve my own stature
4) Keep my kids from doing anything they truly, truly desire to do
5) Root from any team from North Carolina
late --

--the white guy

1. Tug on Superman's cape
2. Spit into the wind
3. Pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger
4. Mess around with Jim
5. Mess around with BAHB!!!!

--Shawn

1. ride a motorcycle;
2. give up caffeine;
3. epitomize the word "redneck" (or hillbilly...ha ha bro);
4. wear Jordache;
OR 5. do anything without procrastinating.

~~waive

I will NEVER...
...use a fork.
...mind getting doggie style.
...drink anything but toilet water.
...take a bath without first being sedated.
...sniff anyone's butt without letting them sniff mine.
peace out,

--harley
(I do love that girl-Rox)

1. Stop being myself.
2. Give up on humanity.
3. Forgive Ronald Reagan.
4. Stop trying to improve myself.
5. Take the easy way out.

--Rox

I will never:

1.) Read the "readme" file
2.) Follow the included directions
3.) Trust the government
4.) Enjoy the Grammys
5.) Be a humanitarian

--J Sims

5 things I would never do:

1) Have sex with anything (or anybody) that doesn't want to. That includes animals, children, and my ex husband.
2) Drive drunk (but I am willing to have hot, sweaty, drunken sex in a stationary vehicle).
3) Have a sex change.
4) Eat shit (knowingly)
5) Sing the national anthem at any sporting event (horrible images of Roseanne Arnold just came to mind).

--Ophelia Resurrected

I've thought long and hard and here it is:

1) Masturbate in a public theatre or public restroom
2) Own any merchandise related to Britney, Bizkit or N'Sync
3) Eat brains or "sessos" of any animal
4) Participate in a German "Sheiste" (spelling) film
5) Cheer for the Raiders

--RobbaD

Bahb--

As of late, I realize that I can't say "I'll never do that" because I'm doing stuff now I said I'd never do five years ago.....

--Sandee

I will never:

1. Stop making mistakes
2. Hurt an animal
3. Go out to eat without seriously weighing all the options
4. Buy a brand new car
5. Be on Jerry Springer

--Charva Z

I will NEVER:

1) Own a minivan
2) Braid my leg hairs
3) Be "normal" by societies standards
4) Stop thinking abstractly and creatively
5) Stop loving the ocean
6) Follow set guidelines to a 'T'

--Kleo

5. Drink another bottle of Baja Tequila, alone
4. Give in to the notion to just try everything once (and you know what i am getting at)
3. Give up on anything that i truly love
2. By mistake or purpose, cut off my penis
1. Beleive that there is a central purpose to this crazy thing called life.

--J-Dogg

I will never:

-- Some Chick

Well here they are in no particular order
1.never stop loving chocolate.
2.have to worry about my children not knowing my love them
3.find all the answers to the tricky Q's the kids throw at me
4.expecience the wonder of a natural birth ...(wonder,vain and agony i guess)
5.have anal sex ....(sorry bahb we decided it had to go in)!!!!!!!!

--Jules

Five things I will never do...

1) Fornicate with any animal with sharp claws
2) Give it or take it up the cornhole
3) Gargle with turpentine while smoking a cigar
4) Clean my genitals with a wire brush
5) Hang out with OJ Simpson

--Kel

never do or never do again ?

never
climb mt everest
belong to aol
give up the Canocratic dream
eat shit
spam people

never again
marry my ex
smoke (cigarettez)
hide pornography from loved ones
join the military
enter animalz cagez at the zoo again

p.z. i alzo try to never uze 's' again

--Zmiley

I find it nearly impossible to focus my thoughts enough to render even a vague opinion about democracy. I feel as though anything my mind would spew forth would compromise my generally optimistic personality.
I can't specifically say what bothers me most about our government, our politics, our quote unquote social/moral decline. I can only say that something does.
Democracy in itself no longer exists, nor should it. I am convinced of that. The definition has been stretched, tugged and mutated to the point that it's original meaning is no longer evident in practice.
I'm not smart enough to pretend that I know what I'm talking about...I just know that I let hopelessness seep into too many areas of my thinking. It isn't a personal hopelessness, but one I feel for everyone else who supposedly lives in this democratic nation. What's it matter who we vote for when the choices are what they are? How can we determine who our leaders are going to be based upon what Geraldo Rivera or The National Enquirer have to say? How can we possibly know who the 'decent' candidates are or even if there are any?
UGH!! Thinking about this, figuring out what it is I have to say makes me squirm around in my skin.

I quit.

~~waive

There sure is. That's one vote from me.
That is if "chad" can get his shit together.
By the way Bob - how's your hanging chad?

--Shawn
(A little to the right...should've worn the tighties--Rox)

"How Long? Not Long...'Cuz what you reap is what you sow."

You know, I sat down all full of piss and vinegar ready to reply to this, and as I type this am looking down at roughly two pages of a single-spaced Word Doc that is larded with so much inflammatory prose and unbridled patriotism that even I want to hurl.
The fact that “Wake Up”, “Butyric Acid” and ironically “Holding Back The Years” all played sequentially while I began typing played some…well…minor role in this empathic literary display.
However, I figure that the foundational logic of my answer would either offend or upset the audience and thus would potentially detract from the answers of the Crew.
Given that, I shall cut through the rhetoric of my passion and simply state: No.

"Freedom, yeah right."

I thought we were a Republic? If we were a true Democracy, wouldn't Gore be in office right now?

--RobbaD

By Joe! I do believe that Democracy is a topic worth explaining! No! I don't believe that it is right for America. In a perfect world maybe!
But there is the "AOL/iMAC" (AiM) contingent that is continuously breeding! There should be laws against that! But that is another topic for another week. Democracy!
Democracy is a wonderful notion conceived by those that wanted to preserve the right of true freedom. But because of the stupid breeders in this world that can not be possible. Lets say that the majority rules... What does the "majority" of the human race want? Easy money, more money, don't want to share, want no taxes and want all the money to go to the schools (But for some reason only like towards sports). Sure right!
Now is there a reason why the U.S. is at the bottom of the list in the educational realm? Massive inbreeding does help to explain some of this. But most of all if we really tried to educate these retarded impudent wastes of carbon they may find out that they are not really governing themselves and arrive at the crazy notion that they really do know what is best for them and try to make decisions for themselves. Mmmm...Really now...can you imagine...
"Why did you change the color of the street lights?"
"Because they match my iMAC."
Why is it that the AiM breed feel that in order to make things easier you have to cut freedom? Because they know that they will hurt themselves if they have too much freedom. This even further proves my point. Even the stupid, inbred scum of the Earth know that they will hurt themselves if given enough freedom.
Take the simplest situation. You give them a computer...brand new, straight out of the box...and what do they do? Read two small pamphlets: "More stupid than 'dummies on the internet'?" and "More stupid than 'dummies with a new computer'?" They then call up tech support and ask why they are getting some strange error or why they can't turn on their computer and will insist on telling you that they know what they are doing...that they are a technician...because they read two books! mmmm? Lets sit back and think about this for a min...... IF THEY ARE A TECHNICIAN WHY ARE THEY CALLING FOR HELP IF THEY THINK THEY KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING! They have only had the computer for a couple of hours and for some reason it's not working and it couldn't have anything to do with all the files that they just deleted!
Thus, why they make iMacs...It's much harder for customer (and machine) to self-destruct...
Then there is the smart Earthlink (ELN) breed that know to ask questions and research answers, but unfortunately the only thing that the AiM breed can do is procreate. This is why the population is so overwhelmed by the AiM group. They can not govern themselves because they are continually looking for the "Easy (or simple) Way" and that is why they are all so "Easy" (and simple).
Now if the mass was the ELN breed then yes Democracy is good; but since there are and always will be (until we kill them all off) an AiM breed...constantly reproducing, breeding and inbreeding strange deformed, dysfunctional children...Like my roommates (excluding Tom) that continuously ask the same question over and over again...
No!!!!!!!!! I do not believe that it (Democracy) is possible until we find a way to weed out these pesky little rodents (Soon to be done at my house :)~ ) that take our jobs because they have blackmail material on a cousin sleeping with their rabid rabbits, and scramble around our feet in the back yard clucking like a chicken that just got its foot cut off while trying to run from the guy with the axe!!!!!
Now if you will excuse me I must go take a valium... till next time...

--Winter

Living in a Nation that has the ability to forgive some of its most horrible actions and move forward to correct those actions through admission and love. This has something to be said about the people of this Nation. Even those in the highest positions.

--Duncan

I work at Phoenix Children's Hospital and if I ever need a dose of hope I go visit some of the kids and staff upstairs in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit. They have a strength that would put a Green Beret to shame. Some of the kids are dying and yet they still cling to the hope they will survive. It is awe inspiring. When I get in one of my dark moods where I wonder about the meaning of life,wonder about the point of going through the motions, I go upstairs and talk to the kids. It puts my life in perspective. There are alot of kind, compassionate people out there and that is what keeps this world from going to hell in a handbasket.

--Ophelia Resurrected

That the Beatles can still have a number one album released in 2000 with all the other garbage that was released in the same year.

--RobbaD

Gleaming ray of hope? Sex. Well, sex, and people. I am somewhat of a wimp, not very outgoing, not one to walk up to you and get to know you. But I love those occasional chance meetings that turn into something hot and heavy, deep and involved, and make you really grow. Sometimes that involves sex. Not always, and it isn't necessary. But I get hope, and the desire to go on in life, from these kinds of intense relationships. And when one passes by or dies away, there is hope for another. (That's what I am hoping for right now anyway, and maybe some raunchy sex too. HA!)

--Some Chick

The fact that I can still make it to the bathroom before I make a mess of things.

--Shawn

Looking into the vista and gazing upon a serene and powerful range of mountains covered in sun-reflected snow. That gives me hope and puts what sometimes feels like such an "enormous" life into perspective.

--Sandee

Kategroically speaking, the things that give me hope these days are: the sky, the ocean, clouds that can be imagined into anything, electric-blue dragonflies, the color of things, creativity, water, shine, children laughing, smiling eyes, the gleefully unexpected, Vitamin P, the blue in fire, art, music, books from one hundred years ago or more, clarity, humor, stars, purring, new experiences, trees at sunset, moments of peace, epiphanies, changing seasons...oh, and of course, one could never forget orgasms.

--Kleo
P.S. -- I think what your friend "Some Chick" is experiencing is commonly referred to as, "SpringSex Fever"...I'm sure she already knows the remedy...;)

listening to a new CD...overhearing one of my students say that I'm not all that bad as a teacher...hearing that my sister has layed off the latest fool in her collection of romances...eating a dinner that I did not prepare...seeing a band (any band) live...finishing a project that I created with my own hands...calling California and having something other than a machine pick up ;o)...using my computer without having one page fault or program error...prayer...trying something new...finishing something old...subscribing to Emily's philosophy that Hope is a thing with feathers and believing that Hope can be found in anything, anywhere, anytime...

~~waive

The gleaming ray of hope that I see around me is the strength of the human spirit exhibited by those whom I love. Some of them struggle with health issues, others struggle with survival issues - wondering where next month's rent and food money will come from - another still, manages to greet the day with a smile and gentle grace despite the knowledge that the disease she suffers from (Hodgekin's) will end her life soon. It is from these friends and family memebers that I learn the gift of perseverance, tolerance, and HOPE. It is from them that I realize anything I have to complain about is trivial in the grand scheme of our daily existence. That is my gleaming light!
Peace and Health to you Rox!

TJ

bahb, this is the easiest totw ever....

--the white guy
ps.....7.95 a minute with you, for a slim total of 23.85, my every 3 minute dream could be fulfilled! a bargain and the best spent money of my life!

Sadly, not much these days.
I find my strongest inspiration from watching the sun both rise and set. I guess it has something to do with the cycle of life. Greeting the new day as a fresh start, and at the other end a sense of accomplishment (and often survival). My poetic heart has always been struck dumb by the beauty in the physical world, but something about sunrise and sunset makes them almost magical amongst the forests, animals and oceans. I can be having the crappiest day, and the subtle change in light at sunset is like a huge dose of opiate into my bloodstream. I think it forces a pause and reflection that lets the optimist in me wiggle around for a bit.
Seeing young kids play amongst themselves also does something weird to the cynic in me. Seeing the honesty of children uncorrupted by adults…hearing them laugh…seeing the wonder in their eyes…watching in awe as they can smile at almost EVERYTHING.
Mozart also tends to lift me up, and allows me to see “the incredible” in the otherwise mundane.

--Rox

My gleaming ray of hope is my kids. Even as I see all the crap going on these days, all the violence, death, hatefulness, rotten kids, school shootings, etc...I see a ray of hope for our future when I look at my kids. More specifically, when my kids do or say something intelligent, insightful, kind, etc. Most of the time I am just caught up in trying not to screw them up too much and enjoying watch them just be kids. There are those moments though, when they do some good deed or make some enlightening statement, that give me great hope because I know there must be lots of other kids out there just like them. Awww...more sapp...but true.

--Kel

Being 12 days late with my quarterly tax payment.

--A

P.S. It was rumored that I once snuck into another movie at the megaplex without paying, but it turned out to be Leanord part 6, so I walked back out.

Rox!
The closest I've ever come to sailing the seas of anarchy was tap dancing on the most valuable piece of furniture in my parents' home. It was a antique mahogany table and what a wonderful sound my tap shoes made on it!
My best to you!

--TJ

When my students fall asleep in class I play subliminal recordings that encourage them to start their own cornbread militias in the hills of Kentucky.

So far, no luck...but hey, they're still young.

~~waivey
(Is there ANY doubt as to why she is my "Sister"?)

I am sailing on it right now.

--J-doggy-dog

I guess the closest I have ever been is "associating" with members of the IRA. Two of my friends are on the lam in Europe because the Brits are after them.
Hmmmmm...wait...
I just remembered. My senior year of high school, my best friends and I all dressed up like the Cure and staged a sit in at a school dance. We sat in the middle of the floor and conned the dj into playing the Dead Kennedy's Holiday in Cambodia. We thought we were making a statement...now I realize that we just looked like morbid jackasses (with good taste in music).

--Ophelia Resurrected
(The IRA and a sit-in are very good, but the vision of a bunch of Bat-types requesting "Holiday Inn, Cambodia" (see the 12" cover) is off the Anarchistic scale--Rox)

I seem to equate this with some sense of a societally imposed "danger! danger!" I remember vividly a time, five or six years ago, when I gave the proverbial flip-off to everything that I perceived as regulated by the constraints of the "rules" around me. This mostly manifested itself in a way which had me placing myself in dangerous situations where I was convinced a preschool teacher didn't belong.
While in Massachusetts, a friend of mine and I embarked on a hitchhiking trip from W. MA to Salem and encountered some of the darker sides of humanity (also taking a ride from a somewhat questionable young man who "couldn't remember" why the keys were not in the ignition while he was driving). I also remember not caring, at that time, and believing that ---just because I was in the "role" that I was in --- I should not limit the amounts of dares that I should take. In retrospect, I suppose I placed myself in dangerous situations just to do so, but I took from that experience yet another lesson in life...and in that respect, it was worth all the risks I exposed myself to.

--Kleo

Happens everyday. Waking up usually starts it.

--Shawn

Of course the obvious was buying "Never Mind The Bollocks, Here's The Sex Pistols" when the rest Sacramento was listening to fucking Journey.
Hmmmm...Aside from many excursions while under the influence (insert your substance here) during my wasted youth (that many of you were a party to), and a trip I made a few years back, probably starting this site.

--Rox

I used to live in a house with six other guys. We partied. We went off. Fuck it, we were animals! I loved this situation because collectively, we didn't give a fuck about what anyone thought.We were who we were because we felt like it! How we lived, what we said, intelligable social interactions were almost appreciated, as well as super intelligent hypothysis! FUCK EVERYBODY THAT DIDN'T THINK!!!!!!!!!!
We loved each other because we knew we wouldn't do each other harm, be too difficult, would lend money, not hit on each other's girl-friend, not complain when the others got too loud, pay bills, fuck, deal, rock, happy, satisfied, real.

--Dan-o
This was the Cavour St House!

uh....anarchy, what is that?
i guess it would have to be publishing, on a very conservative college campus, after way too many old milwawkee 16oz'ers, an underground satirical newspaper in the 70's and very early 80's, that praised the benefits of then running geo. bush, sr. "we push for bush", or extolling the commentary of saturday night live (the good shows!) relating it to the ultra liberal jane fonda's vietnam trip.....
ah...those were the days....
late,

--the white guy

My anarchiest moment was when I was about 4 years old and I started to use my plastic Playskool picnic basket to poop and pee in and put it under my bed for safekeeping.
Nevermind the bollocks! Oi!

--Charva Z

I woke up
got dressed
and walked out
the front door.