| Hall Of Shame: The greatest guttenbergs of all time. Sometimes a movie is just so awful you can't help but delight in it's grand awfulness. I for one am convinced that there are few rewarding pleasures (Movie wise) outside of a classic camp movie. Here is my list of the greatest guttenbergs, a list of such terrible movies so awesome in their, well, terribleness that it could only be rewarded with a guttenberg. 10.Police Academy 4:Citizens On Patrol- Dear god, I don't think there is a comedy out there that gets me to giggle this much. Complete with the final performance from Steve Guttenberg in the series. (He maybe in Police Academy 8) Police Academy 4 represents comedy at it's most stupid and slapstick at it's most obvious. And yet you still can't help but laugh. I seriously don't know why. Science has yet to determine why I break into a chuckle everytime Michael Winslow (the sound effects guy) makes a fart noise right when G.W Bailey bends down and says "And I quote you directly sir when I say..." I still don't get it. 9.Nightmare On Elm Street Part 2-Universally panned by fans of the series as well as critics, people failed to notice the extreme homoerotic tendencies of this movie. In it Freddy Krueger posesses Jesse(If he became a dragqueen, he wouldn't even need to change his name.) and kills the usual teenagers. However our hero makes sure to pull down his soon to be best friend's pants (I've been schoolyard fights but who pulls down another guy's pants?) and when Freddy looks to do in the gym teacher (Who is also a homosexual) he makes sure to hit him in the ass with towels. Even more evidence is that Jesse dances to Cathy Dennis' "Touch Me" and when he can't bring himself to make out with Lisa (His would be girlfriend, who is indeed a very hot chick, even for a red head.) he instead spends the night with the guy, he almost depantsed. Driving the point home is when Jesse quips "There is something inside me that needs to come out!" An obvious refrence to coming of the closet. Of course this makes this movie essential in the camp department for those boy scouts still confused about their sexuality. 8.Mommie Dearest-"NO MORE WIRE HAAANNNGGGERRSSSSSS EVER!" Although hailed as a failure of an already not-too credible novel, this flop got crapped out and flung at us. I myself still can't keep a straight face throughout the movie. With hilarious moments such as when Faye Dunnaway smacks her daughter with comet, makes her wear a cut up dress and then gets into a huge dragout fight sequence more at home in an American Ninja sequel then in a "drama" like this. I don't think there is anyone on this planet that can take a movie so over the top so seriously. Oh wait, I forgot about my mom. 7.R.O.T.O.R-What can be said about a Robocop rip off made in Texas with a strangely catchy but awful soundtack. Add in one of the most shoehorned refrences to The Beach Boys. In the meeting describing the robot the songs "God Only Knows", "Heroes and Villains", "I get around" and "Good Vibrations" one has the sneaking suspicion that this was imprompted by someone who was driving their pickup truck with The Beach Boys. (Others have noticed this too) also what can you say about a movie in which the hero's colt python switches to one of those cheap B.B repeaters sold for 10 dollars and a hero so dense. Dialogue so corny. "You get to WATCH, you get to watch me blow her brains out! You gonna stop me, all you've got is a newspaper." "I've got more then a newspaper and you get to guess what it is!" to which a fireball flies out of his gun and hits the white guy with the worst mexican accent ever right in the forehead, in slow motion. Also add in that the machine looks like a 70's porn star and you have a camp classic. Also this makes a great drinking game. And we all know that beer always makes a bad movie sweeter. 6.Troll 2- I've been trying for years to book a vacation to the town of Nilbog, where the farmers go to bed in broad daylight. Where the creepiest looking people dwell and midgets in paper mache masks run around trying to get you to drink something that looks like deteregent. Where eating a bolony sandwich scares off paper mache mask wearing midgets. Where touching a paper mache stone will bring down the evil sorcery of the town. Where dead stupid jerk kids piss on the dinner table to prevent consumption of deteregent. Where popcorn is made by sexual tension. Where the supermarket only sells sour milk. Where church services consist of the evils of eating meat. Where people exchange houses with complete strangers. Now this is a vacation! 5.Rangers- Indeed this movie brings back memories. Of course this is in response to all of the stock footage used from Invasion USA, The Delta Force and Navy Seals. (Oooh navy seals!) The movie stars the guy who took over for Steve Guttenberg in Police Academy 5 and Rangers manages to make that cringe inducing horror show seem like well, Police Academy 2. This is the type of actioner that has a guy blow up his best friend's house, kidnap his wife and so on, without even being 100% sure that the best friend was in on it. Of course this leads to tons of action sequences, unfortunately since these particular action sequences were made 16 years prior to this movie, the labor to which Jim Wynorski goes to disguise this makes this a hilariously bad movie indeed. Also best of all is the character development. Despite blowing up his friend's house and kidnapping his best friend's wife, the friends show their true colors by not being upset at all. Not even the wife. Another amazing feat is how the wife keeps her hair in perfect place, despite being bound and gagged for at least 3 days and surviving a gun fight. Now that is poweful hairspray. Click to see 4-1! |