Futures

I've copied the futures here and organized them by sign, instead of date, like other places. It may not be the right way, but I figured it'd be a fresh way to look at them. Some clues (like the "patience kids" message) would be harder this way, but it's something different at least.
Links to the current site futures and mirrors of past issues are at the end in the "Final Comments" section..

Dead Weight's Over-Analysis Of

The Eagle (March 11th - April 10th)

The Spider (April 11th - May 10th)

The Wave (May 11th - June 10th)

The Archer (June 11th - July 10th)

The Half-filled Jug (July 11th - August 10th)

The Dragon (August 11th - September 10th)

The Three Balls (September 11th - October 10th)

The Dice (October 11th - November 10th)

The Apple-thief (Demember 11th - January 10th)

The Hand (January 11th - February 10th)

The Baby (February 11th - March 10th)

The Maze(November 11th - December 10th)

3/21 - Heel, boy! You've been coming down pretty hard on your group. Step back, breathe, and remember - it's only a game.
3/28 - Floundering? Out of options? Do what I do when trouble hits: Sushi! Have an eel and cucumber roll; it brings you luck.
4/4 - Persistence pays; this is the week for you to be stubborn. Stand your ground. Beware the Jug who will try to derail you.
4/11 - Don't be so hard on yourself on Wednesday, it could happen to anybody. On Friday, though, you so should have seen it coming. Better luck next time!
418 - You have reason to stand tall. Just make sure you don't hit your head on that load-bearing strut over there!

3/21 - Miss Priss, when last we spoke you were plotting vengeance on he who done you wrong. Giving the man a little space may be just the unexpected trick to lure him back to your lair.
3/28 - The Archer has you in her sights. Should your subdolous ways slip, she'll snarl. Scarper.
4/4 - As your skirmish rolls on, you may require a distraction. A fluffy movie, a new pair of shoes, or some Earth-lit might be perfect to lift your spirits.
4/11 - You've been hard at work spinning that web of yours. This week you'll finally get a look at your grand design. It's perfect!
4/18 - Web's done, so take a time out. Get to the library and ask yourself, "What would Charlotte do?"

3/21 - I love how hard you're working, but I do not love the toll this work is taking on your body. I prescribe green vegetables and a spa day.
3/28 - Shuffle your way to heaven at your weekly card game. Bet big. Triangles are go.
4/4 - Try your brain at your local puzzle open this week. I know you can be intimidated by live events, but you owe it to yourself to give it a shot. You're making great strides.
4/11 - Wear something yellow today. And no, I mean something that started out yellow. It brings out your ruddy optimism.
4/18 - Trust your gut. If you think the hand's bad, it probably is. But then, you knew that, right?

3/21 - Is it possible to have it all if you're not having much fun? Take some time out of your hectic schedule to plan some spontaneity!
3/28 - The fruits of your labor are sour. Taking up arms is never suggested, though it is often appropriate. Just don't forget to take backup.
4/4 - Intelligence has driven you where you are. It is, however, not everything. You're becoming cold, and I fret that you'll freeze out your support system.
4/11 - Getting awfully full of yourself, aren't you? Don't worry, I know a little Hand who's going to put you in your place.
4/18 - Well, that smarted! Sometimes it is okay to bite that which smacks you.

3/21 - If you ask her, she will come.
3/28 - Great minds think alike, so get together with a like mind this week. Let two halves make a sphere.
4/4 - Endgame can't come too soon for you, eh? Take some time to really explore your world fully now. Breathe it in while you still have a chance.
4/11 - Tuesday will be a very, very bad day. Better call in sick and hide under the covers.
4/18 - Remember how much fun you used to have with the neighborhood kids, playing tag in the street? Games can still be that freeing, so go with the flow.

3/21 - So there's this rumor going around that you just suffered a rather devastating blow to your ego. You've kind of had it coming. But don't fret, you'll bounce straight back.
3/28 - Your fiery nature ignites a skirmish against a rival team. Funnel your energies into something positive, and stop it. You know, before someone loses an eye.
4/4 - "Nice spec. Buy you a drink?" This haggard line was actually used on me at a puzzlebar this weekend. Needless to say, I had to retort with another classic: "What's your sign, baby?" Dragons, get new material. Please.
4/11 - Ever feel like you're the last of a dying breed? That's because you are. And who do you think will miss you, anyway?
4/18 - You never were so hot at pick up sticks. Does it sting that she didn't call? Welcome to the rest of the human race, boyo.

3/21 - Your team is spinning its wheels, and you're leaving them hanging. You're the ideas person, so get cracking!
3/28 - You seem to be in a bit of a bawdy phase. Doesn't seem like a lasting turn. The slightest overstepping of your boundaries will turn you prim again.
4/4 - Cased any joints lately? Several Balls I know are up to no good. Crime doesn't pay, dudes.
4/11 - You should have a nice chat with your mother. She misses you, and we both know you've got some things you really should tell her.
4/18 - When the revolution comes, it'll be people like you against the wall. Of course, we all know spheres don't rest against a wall easily, so let's just say there'll probably be a vice involved.

3/21 - Take a shot on that newcomer who wants a piece of the action. Bide your time; it will pay off big at the end of the week.
3/28 - Missing a piece of your interpersonal jigsaw is even worse than misplacing your key. This is a good week to take out a personal ad. Go on, it's only your pride.
4/4 - Expect a windfall. Then do the opposite of your norm. Rather than putting those Lecks back into the games, please set some aside. You'll need them next month.
4/11 - All of this practice being patient is having a salubrious effect on you. Blood pressure down, in touch with your inner light, and so forth. You even find solves faster! Keep up the good work.
4/18 - Long story short. Snorkels ahoy! Prepare to eat trout, you lucky duckling.

3/21 - I know just what will get you out of those doldrums. Shake up your little world: take a class, join a new games league, take a day trip. Anything's better than where you are now, right?
3/28 - Unexpected ventures haven't turned out well for you. It's time to get back to basics. Traditional values are on the rise.
4/4 - Kick those energy leeches out of your life. You know you have to sooner or later!
4/11 - You're getting frustrated at your irrational surroundings. Take a deep breath, help yourself to a good glass of wine, relax. It will all start to make sense before long.
4/18 - Quite lost down the rabbit hole, aren't ya? This babe's the one to give you a helping hand.

3/21 - Roses are red, violets are blue. Somebody close has a huge crush on you.
3/28 - I think that you shall never be as smart as those who know base three.
4/4 - If we shadows have offended, think but this and all is mended. That you have but slumbr'd here, whilst these visions did appear.
4/11 - When every die cast falls your way, be grateful that you're here to play.
4/18 - All work and no play yield great rewards at the end of the day.

3/21 - You're too gosh darned nice. Stop being everyone's carpet. Next time someone asks a favor of you, politely refuse. You know what guy does not look hot to the ladies? That would be the one they can push around.
3/28 - Your newfound spirit of independence has opened many portals. Pay no heed to those who would direct your course; use your own internal compass.
4/4 - Does my third eye deceive me? Are you really eyeing the Three Balls? If you want to end up like Joya and Alejo, I suppose it's really none of my business.
4/11 - This week you'll see right through the Archer's fabrications. Don't be afraid to speak up, you know you're on the right side.
4/18 - It's like I used to tell my sister: if you're going to head south, make sure you bring the spray. If you mess with the bull, you'll get the horns.

3/21 - You have been taking such positive steps lately. Keep it up! The end result will be completely worth it. You may even land a treat tomorrow for all your hard work.
3/28 - You are as beautiful as a flower. Why do you let this ugly-minded person make you dinner? (Eel and cucumber rolls can be lucky for all signs, really. Yum.)
4/4 - Spring is all sprungy, so splurge on something cute and pastel. Nothing works as well as fashion for a panacea!
4/11 - Looking at your spring wardrobe? You'll feel better about it if you wait until next week, after you catch a stomach bug and lose five pounds.
4/18 - Can't get that promotion you want by resting on your laurels. The effort you'll need to make comes reflexively to others, so you'll have to really put on a good show.

The Final Comments

3/21 - (none given)
3/28 - And remember, it's not how you play the game, it's how the game plays you, kiddo.
4/4 - And remember, you won't help children grow by pulling them up higher.
4/11 - And remember, nobody keeps a secret forever.
4/18 - And remember, the most amazing journey happens without taking a step.