Zero in On Caring for People

[Teamwork]

It is a cool blustery winters day.  The deep black clouds blankets and engulfed the sky blocking out the sun.  There's a small crowd people hanging around for the final moments of this graveside service.  The service itself a short, but so then was alive of the deceased.  Death came so suddenly an unexpectedly that there was little time for the deceased to prepare for his final trip.

The funeral is about one year in the future; the deceased is you.

Who will weep at this funeral?  Who will care enough about our passage to to truly grieve?  Who's allies have we genuinely touched so deeply that we'll have left them as a true legacy?  This next principal addresses this human relationship.  This principal demands an extensive presentation because its scope is so great.  Our entire lives are burled around people, and there are basic absolute principles and attendance skills that must be learned if we are going to be authentically successful in these relationships.

Deep relationships today are not offered the same way as they once were.  Daniel Yankalovich, and his book New Rules in American Life, wrote,

"The hunger for deeper personal relationships shows up in our research findings as a growing conviction that Amy first, satisfy all my desires attitude leads to relationships that are superficial, transitory, and ultimately unsatisfying.  Our surveys show that 75 percent of all Americans now recognize that while they have many acquaintances they have a few close friends, and inexperience that as a serious void in their lives.  Moreover, two out of five -41 percent, state that they have fewer close friends than they had in the recent past."

Perhaps one reason why we Americans tend to have such difficulty in developing deep relationships is because we have moved away from acknowledging the importance of deep relationships and have become too involved in extraneous activities that don't encourage them.  In doing so, we have moved away from the most critical aspect of our lives.

When top performers around the world are asked what is most important to them, they don't talk about their work.  Rather, they talk instead about relationships; of marriage, family, friends, colleagues, partners, and community.  Furthermore, when they are asked how they would live their lives over again if they could, they almost invariably answer that they would spend more effort toward relationships.  They realize that people count and that one of the fundamental mistakes in life has been the mistreatment of those who are closest to us

Rabbi Harold Kushner, had an important lesson that he learned one day at the beach.  He was watching two children, a boy and girl, build an elaborate Sandcastle with everything he could cancel should have.  Just when it looked as though the castle might be finished, a big wave came along unexpectedly and knocked it down.  Kushner says that he fully expected the children to have deep tears of sorrow at the destruction of several hours of work.  However, he was surprised when they laughed, grabbed hands, and moved off to more stable ground to build another castle.  The lesson that he learned was, "all the things in our lives, all the complicated structure to spend so much time and energy creating, are built on sand.  Only our relationships to each other endure.  Sooner or later, the way evil, long and knockdown what we have worked so hard to build up.  When that happens, only the person who has somebody's hands to hold will be able to laugh."

More and more, people are looking for deeper intimacy in their relationships not only to fulfill their own needs, but also to develop a vehicle for their contribution to society.  The ability to develop such personal intimacy by zeroing in on caring for people, is essential to becoming a maximizer.

Teamwork

[Unity] 

The concept of teamwork is foundational for families, friendships, communities, and indeed entire cultures.  There is at least a growing trend toward teamwork in the business realm.  At their best, these teams are relationally intensive; the members authentically care for one another and build a healthy unity that surpasses normal or even good human relationships.  Whether it involves serving a customer, coaching the business associates and partners, or training a child in the home, the comment link is a vital need to build and sustain relationships.

The Ultimate Of Teamness: Unity

Successful networking is built upon the principal of unity.  The deeper in relationship goes, the greater the unity that will exist in relationship.  It is such unity that creates winning teams in a marriage, a family, a place of worship, a business, or an entire community.  When we speak of unity, we did not mean union.  Union takes place where when we are placed together organizationally, as in marriage, a business partnership, or some other organizational match.  Certainly can be any union that have no unity.

Nor are we speaking of uniformity.  Uniformity occurs winning two things all the same way.  However this can be dangerous at times.  If we are like to much at least a growing, sharpening, and being sharpened by the people about us.  For example, the members of a marriage may have a high level of unity even though we're very different.  The wife may like symphonies in museums chorus a husband may like pop in music and line dancing.

Finally, we are not speaking of unanimity.  Unanimity takes place when everybody totally agrees.  Certainly, members of 18 should be agreeable and gracious although we did not usually always agree about everything.  Forced unanimity can stifle the relationship.  Dr. Wayne Dyer says, "in counseling I always think it is important to help anyone to resist automatic conformity to anything, because it attracts seriously from a person's basic human dignity by elevating other authority to a level higher than one's own.  If this is true for dominated children, wives, husbands, employees, or anyone else: if you can't think for yourself, if you are unable to the other than conforming and submissive, then you're always going to be gullible, a slave to what ever any authority figure dictates.

Rather, we're speaking of unity.  This begins when we give up our own agenda to develop a better one.  It's combining our uniqueness with that of another or others to create something new and special.  It's choosing to be more excited about the success of the team or another person, then our own success.  It's a spirit of oneness that seeks to build up those about us and to be open an honest in the process.  It's rooted in genuine caring (a commitment and action, not merely an emotion).  Notice, that this is often a choice rather than an automatic action; it is something that we need to work at because it is frequently not automatic.

Such unity is founded on a healthy view of people.  To have unity, we must recognize other people as knocked things to be used, but rather as precious individuals created for greatness, to be built up and assisted in maximizing their own uniqueness all of which allows for healthy productive institutions in our society.

If we want to both maximizing develop this concept, we need to master the roots of right relationships.  These can be categorized with the acronym unity:

uplift one another,
need one another,
intimately relate to one another,
trust one another,
yield to one another.

Uplift One Another

[Complimenting] [Confidence] [Comfort] [Coaching]

The place to begin developing the concept of unity in relationships is its two learned how to build up other people.  It means encouraging, exhorting, and stimulating another person to positive action.  We can uplift people and build unity by applying for skills:

1.  Complementing

The foundational skill needed to uplift those about us is complementing.  Mark Twain said, "I can live for two months on a good complement."  And Charles Schwab, the great steel executive, noted, "I have never seen a man he could do real pork except under the stimulus of encouragement in the approval of the people for whom he is working."

We need to develop a habit of complementing the people about us.  We need to do this not for their looks or their egos were even for our own ulterior motives.  Then complementing becomes mere flattery.  Flattery is a dangerous, manipulative, and wrong because it is not character based.  It is rather based on external circumstances that are not internally motivated.

Learned to complement people by praising them for something that illustrates their true personal and character growth.  True compliments encourage people to progress to truth.  At the same time it is necessary to express our compliments positively; it is very easy to be critical, sarcastic, or flippant.

The American Institute of Family Relations asked parents how many positive statements and negative statements to make to their children every day.  Amazingly, the average parents makes 10 negative statements to every positive one to his or own children.  Similarly, elementary teachers were asked how many positive statements it takes to overcome a negative statements to a child.  Research has found that it takes for positive statements to overcome every negative one.  For some reason, people linger upon negative statements rather than positive ones.  We need to think of these ratios and cannot ignore the impact of our words; generally a negative impact.

We may have been brought up in a home where we were put down all our life.  As a result, we may have learned the habit of constantly putting down others.  Alternatively, we may have learned this habit in school were children are generally very mean-spirited toward their classmates.  It may be a defense mechanism that we believe preservers our self-esteem.  In his book about children and self-esteem, Hide or Seek, psychologist Dr. James Dobson provides a thumbnail sketch of the background of Lee Harvey Oswald.  His assassination of President John F. Kennedy, and subsequently his own murder, were the capstones to a life of constant rejection.

Oswald's childhood was friendless and loveless, marked primarily by rejection from his mother.  Even though he had above average intelligence, he was not successful in any area of his life.  He dropped out of high school, left the Marines with a dishonorable discharge, and married a woman from another country who overtime treated him as abusively as his own mother had.  According to Dr. Dobson's account, there appear to be not one who was supportive in his life.  Perhaps to Oswald, the assassination was his final attempt to be noticed.

Lee Harvey Oswald left the legacy of destruction devastation.  What might have happened is just one person in his life had actively cared for him?  Do what kind of legacy are we leaning through those over whom we have influence?

We need to break the cycle of putdowns and concentrate on uplifting others through troop concern and compliments.  We need to begin the habit of demonstrating our care through the building up other people rather than constantly tearing them down.  Utilize every tool we have to help others change their lives by helping them begin again to believe in their own abilities and personal assets.

2.  Expressing Confidence

Another way we can learn to uplift others is to express confidence in them.  People always fail us; it is a part of human nature.  However, it is how we respond to this failure that illustrates our troop concern toward other people.  Do we give up on them or shame them?  Or do we still try to express some degree of confidence in their abilities?

We can express confidence in others and articulate appreciation for their efforts through rewards.  The simple fact is that people do what they will be rewarded for.  In one area most of us need to reward more often is risk-taking.  Too often, we discourage risk-taking and thereby discourage greatness.  Great results often have equally great risks attached to their achievement.

Dale Carnegie said it well: "take a chance!  All of life is a chance.  The man who goes for this is generally the one who is willing to do and care.  The "sure thing" boat never goes far from sure."  I

A famous story is told about Tom Watson, the founder of IBM.  One of his subordinates may horrendous mistake that cost the company $10 million.  When he was called into Watson's office, he told his boss, "I suppose you want my resignation."  Watson answered, "Are you kidding?  We just and $10 million educating you."

There are times in our lives we needed to keep our mouths and shut an keep ourselves available to others who are hurting.  As a physician, and there are many times I have to tell people bad news, news they do not want to hear.  Frequent have to tell people that they, or one of their closest love ones, is about to die.  There is little comforting I can do it that time other than to listen. 

It is at that time when we are giving call for two people who are facing death that we need to remember that we have been through tough times might prepare us to be empathetic with others.  We need at that time to clean into our own portfolio of grief, in turn the pain that we have had into something positive for somebody else but just been there with them at the time of greatest need.

4. Coaching

The last way that we can help those around us is through coaching.

People are encouraged when they are able to see growth in themselves.  But this growth doesn't just happened; frequently, is it is ignited and fanned by caring people who have helped them develop a skill, adjust an attitude, build a mental framework, or gain some form of insight into their difficulties.  These people are called coaches.

A great leader knows the needs of those about him and seeks to assist those people in their development.  For instance, a great father will coaches kids, not just in Little League, but in right values, antedates, and commitments.  A great business leader will coach and mentor his associates and employees and skills and attitudes than necessary to accomplish their agendas in business.

How do we coach?  First we need to determine exactly what is needed.  Then we need help people get their through the appropriate means.  Again, this is fully discussed previously as servant leadership.

The apostle Paul said, "Warren those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the week, the patient with everyone."  Made of course to use the right method at the right time.  If someone is unruly or deliberately out of line, we need to warn them or discipline that person strongly in deliberately.  If someone is overwhelmed then we need to be able to encourage that person in their efforts.  If someone is week, and we need to come alongside that person and helped them.

The following illustration shows how this procedure works:

• if committed and competence: delegate,

• if confidence but not committed: support,

• if committed but not competence: coach,

• if not committed or competence: direct.

Need one another

The second major principal in the unity acrostic is to develop a healthy interdependence through needing one another.  There are healthy and unhealthy ways to relate to other individuals.  Less first began by looking at an unhealthy one.

In an unhealthy relationship is characterized by people rather than loving you can caring for you, my develop a parasitic clinging in relate clinging an attachment, might become submissive independent, might reject or withdraw from you, might be against you with hostility or enmity, might try to do something in spite of your wishes or ignoring you totally, might try to control or direct you, might become overinvested and totally absorbed with you, or might attempt to relieve you of our responsibility,

Rather, you want people to relate human way that is loving and leveling, caring and comforting, and interrelationship that's based in truth.  Needing other people is a two-way street; other people need you and you need other people.

1.  Others need you

If you have a physician hard to believe that other people need you.  Your leadership and feedback is a central for that other person.  You must fully embrace the reality, privilege, and responsibility of leadership if you're going to authentically succeed.  Your family needs you, your friends thank you, and her co-workers and assertions nature.  As each of these relationships will suffer if you do not accept your place has what they needed and a needy human being.

Consider the man who is interviewed by Gail Sheehy and her bestseller, Pasages. 

“The man had left his wife and moved in with an 18-year-old girl he had just met.  "The difficult thing for me to justify and leaving Nan (his ex-wife) high-end try because she hasn't done anything wrong.  She still in that other world where we were all brought up to live according to plants.  What I've learned from the young people I mapped out here is that there are no commitments."  In other words, happiness is having no commitments, no one to answer to (in which is to say you're irresponsible), no one who's need to problems will ever get in your way or tie you down.  This type of your responsibility is a major element in the breakdown of the worldwide culture.  People are abandoning their responsibility to others in the home, workplace, and in their community at-large.”

Authentic success involves taking responsibility to care, knowing that part of your calling in mission in life is to positively interact with other people and to care for them.  This responsibility is just not the job of a social worker, r and abbi, pastor, or psychologist, because it is our job is well.  We are the only people in this world who have our contacts and privileged relationships.  We alone have this responsibility, and the stewardship for caring for other people.

2.  We need others

This is the other side to the same coin.

As a physician, it is originally easy to believe that others may need my caring assistance.  The problem is the other side of the equation; that is, believing I need other people.  My struggles to recognize my need for other people, to keep me in balance and point at my blind spots, to round out my rough edges and to complement my life.

This tendency to exclude other people has led me to develop specific friendships which, in three different forms: casual, committed, and covenant friendships.

The casual group represents those friends and acquaintances with whom you periodically relate at a somewhat superficial level.  The committed friend is one who cultivate your friendship and is therefore you.  You have significant things in common with that friend and like being together.  The covenant friendship represents those few people in your life (starting with your spouse) who always be there.  These people love you enough to confront you on your soft spots, but still believe in you.  These are our support group, and encouragement in the source of open an honest communication.  He can struggle together with them, as you strive toward common ends.

Frequently, those who help us the most are those with whom we have a covenant relationship.  These friends might represent an accountability group, someone to whom you have delegated the responsibility of watching over you.  Covenant friendships are friends who have the responsibility to ask certain potentially embarrassing questions at any time such as:

• Did you consistently give your employer and honest day's work?
• Did you do anything this week that would hurt your reputation?
• Where you in any compromising situation with someone at the opposite sex?
• Did you take quality time to build up your children?
• Was your integrity and impeccable?

If we are serious about developing positive qualities in our life, they will need to say to a few others, "I wanted to hold me accountable.  You have access to my life, and if you ever see anything in need it needs to change, tell me.  You are my friend, and I know you want to do the best for me."

All of this builds the right principal for the next three unity sub-principles.

Intimately relate to others

There is an increasing fear of intimacy in today's culture.  Intimacy is the center letter in the unity acrostic, and the central principles in the concept of people building. Intimacy is central because, without it, there is no real unity.  Unity is oneness, and oneness requires a deep, abiding intimacy.  Is about being with somebody else, being opened, honest, and unashamed in the presence of another.  A key to treat intimacy is communication.

The word "intercourse" brings to mind sexual union, but the word actually means much more.  It is an old English term for "discussion," "interaction," "communication."  That's what social intercourse is.

When we communicate, we ought to aim for the same oneness and honesty, the same mental emotional correctness, that we might find thrilling in meaningful in sexual experience.  Under this critical principal, we need to address to aspects of communication; connecting (first understanding and then being understood) and clarifying (learning how to resolve conflicts).

1.  Connecting

Effective communication takes place when the picture in my mind becomes the same as a picture in somebody else's mind.  Of course, this is easy to say but it is very difficult to do

The fact is, oneness connect frequently.  Someone once said, "I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure that you realize that what you heard is not what I meant."

In other words, you must connect if you're going to communicate.  Communication is not just talking, not just listening, not just repeating back what you heard another person say.  It's not just understanding words which are spoken to you but it is connecting.  It is seen in feeling things the way your partner does.  It is getting into his or her on cheese and catching that person's perspective.

Dr. Ron Jensen relates the experience that he recently had with his wife.

“My wife Mary and I went out for a quiet dinner sometime ago.  She had just returned from a conference that made her think about her future and about the different life roles she had at that time.  She came home confused and discouraged about her direction in need to talk.

As she poured out her heart, I, of course, formulated a nice plan of action for her to take.  I knew it could solve her on easing give her direction.

Yet, as I expressed my thoughts, Mary politely told me she didn't want to hear my plan.  She didn't want me to fix her problem; she just wanted me to listen.  Just talking about it-putting it all into words in the presence of somebody who cared, was all she needed to do."

My experience is that most women are like Mary.  Women are generally more intuitive, insensitive and more effective communicators than are men.  A woman will often seek to communicate a deeper level than a man does.

Men generally have measurable and specific goals and dreams in mind while communicating, while women are more general and life encompassing concepts.  When men and women talk about their children, men have a tendency to address the bottom-line concerning their children's grades or behavior, while women are more concerned about how to children feel about themselves and what we can do to boost their self-esteem.

Checking our perspective in our marriage communication can make all the difference in the world.  So, how do we connect?  First try to work hard to understanding other person’s perspective.  This does not mean that we will always agree with that perspective, but we must try to understand it.  Generally, people spend too much time trying to get their own view across and a nearly enough time try to understanding other persons point of view.  In doing so, their sanctity that other persons, "you're not very important, your views are stupid, you're not worth listening to."

We need to learn to sharpen our understanding skills by first learning to listen to others.  We need to not just parrot back the words we hear but need to listen for what the other person is trying to say, and try to understand how he or she feels.  We need to ask probing questions so it that we can try to understand that other person.

Healthy listening is based on making the other person and his or her own views a priority.  And it seeks clarification by asking questions such as, "Are you telling me that...?"

Remember that the goal of listening is to see from the other person’s perspective and to empathize and feel with that other person.  Sympathy is when someone hits a thumb with a finger hammer and you say, "Oh, I'm so sorry."  Empathy is when someone hits his thumb with a hammer and you say, "Ouch!"  You feel with the other person.  Your meaning is communicated not only through words but also through voice tone or body language.  In fact, the weight given to each of these three factors is as follows:

• body language, 55 percent
• voice tone, 38 percent,
• word spoken, 7 percent.

Obviously, one of the skills we need to cultivate is that of understanding and effectively utilizing our nonverbal skills in addition to our verbal ones.

You probably can see in your mind's eye postures in body language is the communicate various attitudes: the shy person with her arms crossed over her chest, who won't need your eye or initiate conversation; the friend he stares into space in the midst of your communication or who watches over someone else in the restaurant except you; the stranger who looks at you, listens carefully, and responds thoughtfully; the guy who grimaces at "red flag" words; the woman who stroke her boyfriend’s arm as she talks.

Wounding self-awareness is a very significant factor in the meaning in communication in connection.  In its part of the work do we have to do and to ensure effective communication.  By knowing your own bends in predilections, you can free yourself up to consider the other persons perspective.  Of communication is a complex activity that involves your whole person.  We need to work hard to align our verbal and nonverbal communications.  Otherwise, we may find that our actions are sabotaging our intent.  Connecting us further confused by the five levels of communication that take place:

• Cliche.  That's when we say things out of habit.  "Hi, how are you?  You say this to a friendly than answers, "fine."

• Gossip.  When we talk about someone in this way, it feels so we're not really revealing much about ourselves, but in reality, gossip reveals quite a bit about our character or lack of it.

• Opinions.  At this level we show how we view things.  It's a little riskier because if an opinion is rejected, it feels like a fundamental part of the opinion insurer is rejected too.

• Feelings.  This is when we start to share what's going on inside of us, when we began to become transparent.

• Genuine transparency and honesty in communication.  This is a level of communication that we will not share with a large number of people because it reveals too much about our inner workings and character.

Our tendency toward self-preservation can scare us into staying mostly at the cliche and prosper levels into many of our relationships.  And, as William James said, "it is only by risking our persons from one hour to the next that we live at all."  And sharing opinions and feelings is vital to building oneness immunity in relationships, even casual ones.

Judson Swilhard once said,

"Some people are like medieval castles.  Their high walls keep them say from being hurt.  They protect themselves emotionally by permitting no exchange of feelings with others.  No one can enter.  They are secure from attack.  However, inspection of the occupants licensed him or her lonely, rattling around the castle alone.  The castle dweller is a self-made prisoner.  He or she needs to feel loved by someone, but the walls are too high and it is difficult to reach out war for anyone else to reach in."

The way we can open up to others and experience real communication is through connecting.  But the way we keep connection ongoing and dynamic insert clarifying issues on a day-to-day basis.

2.  Clarifying

Clarifying is the art of focusing on issues so that conflicting perspectives are resolved in the most positive way possible.  Inevitably, there are times when we hit an impasse.  We can make someone else respond.  All we can do is communicating clarifying in the right way; we cannot be responsible for the results.  We're responsible only for getting the point across.

Unfortunately, much of the assertiveness training that has been popular in recent years has really become a license to practice offensiveness training.  In the it is based on an honest desire to help people speak up and speak out.  But now the pendulum has long to encourage people to become fighters, demeaning the people around them and having negative long-term results.

If we're going to create unity and oneness and effectively clarifying issues, then we must learn the skills of appropriate, balanced assertiveness.

Unfortunately, conflicts inevitable because it is natural and happens in all environments.  Conflict isn't necessarily bad and he can even be a key to building relationships.  Conflict sharpens us, and as the proverb says: as iron shapes iron, so one man sharpened another.

Conflict should be expected, and we shouldn't run away from a toward the night.  We need to embrace a 10 learn from it.  Additionally, strong emotion is not necessarily a bad thing either.  In fact, strong emotions have launched some of the greatest actions and largest movements of all time.  For example, a hatred of poverty and a deep love for both God and humankind spurred Mother Teresa to do her incredible work in Calcutta.  Additionally, a deep hatred of inequality and injustice motivated Martin Luther King to spearhead the civil rights movement.  Anger or frustration can help motivate us to find solutions in the clarification process.  But we need to keep in mind that deep emotions can also be for destructive and debilitating.

If we can activate the following principles consistently and persistently, then we might be well our way to mastering clarification.

Trust one another

Trust changes on the door to intimate, unified relationships.  The fourth principle is simply "believing the best" about people.  It does not demand that we abandoned our discernment war that we exhibit inappropriate behavior.  In fact, we need to consistently clarifying and address conflicts and problems.

Trust underscores the need not to develop harmful imaginations about others, misreading nonverbal communications, misjudging motives, or making false assumptions were accusations.  Forming preliminary assumptions is a way of closing another spirit, not only stopping present communications but hardening the arteries of its future flow.

The next time you find yourself wondering what someone means when he says or does something questionable war unacceptable, it might be prudent to simply ask that person exactly what he meant.  Often, we will be amazed at how we have misread a situation.

Yield to one another

The last letter in the unity acrostic may not sound very appealing but we want to change other people's lives that we must learn to yield to them.  Continual fighting produces only breezes, breaks, and eventually resistant people.  But when you learn to yield appropriately at the right time, we will take all the hot air out of an argument and to respond more positively.

Real communication is seen in our willingness to yield to others.  This spirit is an evidence of a selfless, carrying love for others.  Without it, he communicates merely a self-centered, ego driven, superficial relationship that is based on Work conditions and performance and not really commitment to that of the person.

And how do we yield to others?  You submit yourself to those absolute principles that govern your thoughts, emotions, and behavior.  C. S. Lewis spoke eloquently on this issue:

“ It would be quite wrong to think that the way to be calm loving is to set in trying to manufacture affectionate feelings.  Some people are cold by temperament....  The rule for us all is perfectly simple.  Do not waste time bothering whether you start quote slick start quote "love your neighbor"; act as if you did....  When you are behaving as if you loved somebody, you'll presently come to love them.

If you injure someone you dislike, you'll find yourself and disliking him more.  If you do him good turn, you'll find yourself disliking him less....  But whenever we do good to another self, just because it is itself, made my God, and desiring its own happiness as we desire hours, we shall have learned to love it a little more, at least, to dislike it less.”

Malcolm Muggeridge wrote reflectively about the Calcutta he saw in the Company of Mother Teresa: "the biggest disease today is not leprosy or tuberculosis, but rather the feeling of being unwanted, and heretofore, and asserted by everybody.  The greatest evil is the lack of love and charity, the terrible indifference toward one's neighbor who lives at the roadside assaulted by exploitation, corruption, poverty, indices."

We need to put this concept of yielding to work every day of our lives in all our roles; at work, at home, and social settings, and even on the road.

Sometimes it is beneficial to imagine a scenario and then feeling the emotions that might arise.  For example, consider that one night your late, again, and during dinner your beloved wife says, "when are you going to get her priorities straight and give some attention to me and your children?"

How would you feel?  Angry, embarrassed, the tour?  And what would you normally do?  Yell back?  “Look!  I’m the one who keeps food on the table."  Or, "why don't you get a job so I don't have to work extra hours?"  Or, perhaps more like, “Shut up!"

A radical strategy might be simply to yield.  That's right, he yield.  I don't mean to imply that your wife is totally right and that you're totally wrong, but think of the messaging to convey to your wife and children if you would yield.

What will you lose my yielding?  Absolutely nothing.  Your authority is increased because your humility enhances your credibility.  Your families respect for you is elevated because your open spirit and healthy yielding reflect a deeply held value of the people around you.  Putting other people first ahead of you is a sign of character, not compromise or complacency.

Dying to you insures growth in others.  This is true of great mothers, effective executives, winning professionals, and successful employees.  As you grow in humility, those around us open up to change; and we will grow as well.

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