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Written for La Mama Experiments ’05. Concert reading at The La Mama Annex on January 10th, 2005, directed by George Ferencz with the following cast: JAMIE ANSLEY (Orma Dial) FELIPE BONILLA (Gormin Dial) BOBBY FAUST (Joralmon Wigdor) JIM SEAMAN (Narrator) JENNIE VATH (Dot Strant). The same cast reading with a synchronized music score for Flute, Clarinet, Guitar and Cello, at The Fort at SideWalk, March 29th, 2005, included two songs, “Hold On (Dearie Dearie),” and “Let Your Life Begin.” TENTAGATNET was produced by La Mama E.T.C. in 2007 as part of its Experimental Festival celebrating 10 years of La Mama’s Play Reading Series. Direction, casting and staging by George Ferencz. Costumes by Sally Lesser. Lights by Federico Restrepo. Scenic Art by Mark Kehoe. Sound Design by Tim Schellenbaum. Production Management by Juile Rosier. Press Representative Jonathan Slaff. Script and Score by Peter Dizozza. Cast: Dot: Leslie Ann Hendricks, Gormin: John Andrew Morrison, Orma: Sonja Perryman, Joralmon: Chris Zorker, Guy: Sarah Ford, Gary: Ulrich Flada 6 CHARACTERS Gormin Dial (Husband): in his mid-50’s. Orma Dial (Wife): in her mid-50’s. They are the “Dials,” a conservative married couple living, modestly but relatively prosperously, in the present day, in a 1930’s cottage built into a mountainside. No children. They are always together. They rarely go out. They no sooner begin to interact with each other than they are arguing about their fidelities to truth, beauty, decency, and each other. Dot Strant: This hooded shopper went to market to keep her slipshod slapped-together scrappy family in provisions and supplies. It appears she has orders to do so, and that her destination, the supermarket, is supremely foreign to her. Of indeterminate age, she turns out to be a female magician, deceptive, in that she is cloaked. A woman of surprising capabilities, she is devoted to her long-term boyfriend, Joralmon. Joralmon Wigdor: Her servant/master, an insomniac, partying all night, then up at dawn to take out the morning trash. His girlfriend, Dot, and two other disenfranchised (because of their freakish appearance) friends are living in his childhood trailer home. As a holdout to the development of the area around him, he has made enemies in his time, but among his friends he creates a rural utopian commune. When even from his friends he needs respite he visits to his private lair, a pup tent adjacent to the trailer. Of the two remaining people who live with Dot and Joralmon, one is a “preemie” baby with a tendency to shove his long fingers down his throat until he chokes (Gary). Anyone standing next to him feels obligated to say, “I didn’t do it.” The other is an equally freakish eggshell-eyed figure (Miss Guy) of indeterminate religion. TENTAGATNET is a word invented to suggest a way of turning a pup tent into a portal. To make a TENTAGATNET, before you pup the tent you must always cross the spikes. Locations. 1. A 1930s cottage (with bedrooms on either side, one of which includes an oval mirror) built into a mountainside inhabited by The Dials. It has a patio in front and a place for a tent (elevated) behind. 2. The Supermarket, a massive construction spread across two football fields from road to creek, built on the footprint of a Playhouse Theatre of Performing Arts which had served the area for 50 years prior to its demolition. 3. A Pup Tent, a two-person army tent behind the cottage. 4. A hammock tent, suspended between two trees, also behind the cottage. 5. A decaying 400 square foot trailer home covered in plastic white siding inhabited by Joralmon, Dot, Gary and Guy on the other side of the creek by the supermarket. 6. A Pup Tent, a two-person army tent behind the trailer with a portal connecting it with the pup tent behind the cottage. TAGLINE: A conservative couple confronts their mirror radicals when they accidentally cross the stakes of an army surplus pup tent, turning it into a TentagatneT!!! Time: The present. SCENE ONE A balmy Saturday Evening, 10PM, at the cottage of the Dial Family. Demonic groans emanate from an old motion picture projector as Gorman and Orma Dial sit on the patio in front of a screen, eating popcorn, watching a film. The groans fluctuate. ORMA What are we watching? GORMIN It’s a mystery reel. I’m sorry. I’ll turn it off. He rises ORMA Hurry! GORMIN OK. He shuts off the projector GORMIN Sorry. And returns to her. ORMA Get rid of that. GORMIN But I haven’t seen the whole thing. ORMA Your life is infested with the occult. Yet when I give you a book about spiritualism you don’t read it. It doesn’t hold your interest, why, because there’s no fetish in it. GORMIN I disagree. There’s just no story in it. ORMA Someday you’ll see beyond story to the reality in a spiritual journey. Unfortunately it may not be in this lifetime. GORMIN There’s no question we’re on a spiritual journey. I’m just admitting into my psyche the random influence of the universe. ORMA You need to be more discriminating. GORMIN Well, that was fun. Once again I bought a film that will never be screened in this home. Aren’t you the least bit curious to see the rest of it? ORMA I’ve seen enough. GORMIN What do we do now? It’s Saturday night. Do we want to go out? ORMA We need to go to the supermarket. GORMIN That’ll be the second time today. ORMA But we need water and cat food! I’ll go. GORMIN I’ll come. ORMA Give me a minute to freshen up. GORMIN It’s just the supermarket. ORMA (in front of an oval mirror) It is the new supermarket. GORMIN (while Orma prepares to go out) It is a testament to urban sprawl, blanketing the footprint of the neighborhood playhouse they tore down to build it. Remember the stately drive-through entrance, its restaurant and cabaret? What a distinction for this town to have a place you could go for theatre, or for a nightcap with some post-performance entertainment from the cast? When visitors ask, “Where’s the playhouse?” they should always say Aisles 10 through 50. ORMA Help me with this clasp. GORMIN That’s a beautiful cocktail dress. I’ll get my jacket. It’s Saturday night. Let’s go to the supermarket! ORMA The only game in town. SCENE TWO Gormin and Orma drive down their hill and pull into a parking lot (they sing along with the radio a song called Hold On.), exit the car and enter the supermarket, a shopping cart in tow. ORMA Always pick up the circular. GORMIN Got it. Let’s see. Buy three frozen pizzas; get the fourth one free. It’s so confusing. ORMA (Pointing left) The frozen pizzas are in that direction. GORMIN Focus. We need water and cat food. ORMA (Pointing right) That’s in the opposite direction. They enter an aisle.
GORMIN Look at all these light bulbs. ORMA Focus. Orma keeps walking to the end of the aisle and turns out of sight. GORMIN I’m focusing on finding a 300-watt outdoor vita-light to illuminate the trees around the patio. As Gormin remains transfixed by the multiple light bulb boxes, he catches from the corner of his eye a visual fluctuation. He turns to catch a glimpse of a passing shadow as a hooded Dot, pushing a shopping cart, crosses at the end of the aisle.
GORMIN Someone walked over my grave! Orma, did you see what just passed? Orma, Where are you? He walks to the edge of the aisle. GORMIN Oh, she’s talking to her. Gorman observes Orma answering the question of a hooded figure pushing a shopping cart. Another observer (Joralmon) gazes furtively through the store window. At the other end of the shopping aisle, this conversation ensues: ORMA Cleaning supplies? This aisle has the gourmet-cleaning supplies with pink grapefruit, ginger and essential oils. You want bleach and ammonia, ordinary cleaning supplies. Those are all the way at the other side of the store. You can’t mix the two, you know. DOT Which? ORMA Bleach and ammonia. You can’t mix them. DOT I thought you could. ORMA Who told you that? DOT My boyfriend. ORMA Does he want to kill you? The fumes are lethal. DOT I’ve been doing it for months. ORMA How do you feel? DOT Like I have a headache. ORMA It’s no wonder. You can’t do that. Let me see your list. Franks, baloney? What is this, a Rachel Ray recipe? As I suspected, not a healthy thing on it. DOT He’s been acting strangely. ORMA Maybe it’s time you talked about it. DOT He visits me in the night. He leaves before dawn. ORMA May I ask your name? DOT It’s Dot. ORMA I’m Orma. Take off your hood, Dot. Dot reveals herself to Orma only. Orma reacts. ORMA He’s a monster. You’re not going back there. (She pulls Dot toward Gormin as he approaches them.) She’s coming with us. She’s never going back there. DOT But he’s waiting outside. ORMA Gormin, get the car. GORMIN What did she say? Is she ever going to take off that hood? ORMA Let’s just get her home. Another observer (Joralmon) gazes furtively through the store window. JORALMON Kidnappers! Where are they taking her? What is she doing? I told her, no chit chat! As they drive away, Joralmon, sings a verse of Hold On. Everyone joins in the chorus. ------ SCENE THREE opens with a knock on the door. It is the next morning. Gormin and Orma enter from one side. SPECIAL DELIVERY Special Delivery! ORMA, opening the door, receiving a box Thank you. It’s for you, Gormin. You’re always ordering these trashy auction items. GORMIN This is different. ORMA It looks like another army cot. That last cot had a discolored green canvas. Someone peed in that cot. It’s a far cry from the white Shabby Chic cot with the lace and pink fabric we saw at the store. GORMIN I love how it folded out. Those double jointed elbows! But you’re so right. That cot couldn’t hold the weight of a body. It tore right apart. ORMA It probably came from the trenches of Normandy. GORMIN It’s more likely from Vietnam. Some fellow named Andy sold it with his army blanket. ORMA I like the woolen blanket. I washed it and laid it in the sun to dry. GORMIN Look at the canvas and these poles and spikes. This is the tent I ordered, bringing the military campsites of Normandy to the mountains of Connecticut. ORMA Do you know how to assemble it? GORMIN I’ll figure it out. Dot, still hooded, enters. DOT It’s a pup tent. It’s got to pup. ORMA Good morning, Dot. Are you familiar with this? DOT I can figure it out. GORMIN And I’m sure I can figure it out. ORMA All right. Figure it out, you two. I’m going to the supermarket, and when I get back I want to see that tent up. GORMIN (standing beside her in front of the oval mirror) But you never go out. ORMA We need coffee. I’ll be right back. Orma exits. Gormin and Dot stand around for a BLACK OUT. SCENE FOUR: Lights up same cottage. Gormin and Dot in the same positions. GORMIN Shall we put up the tent? DOT Where? GORMIN I was thinking behind the house. I’ll show you. They go around the back.
GORMIN You take one end; I’ll take the other. What are you doing with your end? DOT I’m crossing the spikes. GORMIN I’m just putting mine in straight at the entrance. They lay down the canvas and poles, hammer in the spikes, pull up the ends … DOT There. It pupped! … And enter the tent, Gormin first, Dot pushing him forward. They continue traveling into it past the end where the stakes are crossed. GORMIN I don’t think we can go any farther. DOT Sure we can. There’s still room. As Gormin and Dot twist to accommodate the canvas “twist point,” they flatten into two dimensions and come out the other side, where Joralmon can be seen from behind. DOT Joralmon! GORMIN Who’s that? DOT My boyfriend. He sleeps alone in a tent like yours in the back of our home. GORMIN What is he doing? DOT He spends too much time alone. GORMIN We’re intruding. Let’s get out of here. Back up! They exit through the open flaps. GORMIN Un pup the tent, please. Release the far end. I’ll release this one. The tent collapses and flattens to the ground. SCENE FIVE. Dot and Gormin, waiting in the cottage. DOT Do you suppose your wife is ever coming back? GORMIN I don’t see why not. She's getting coffee. We buy things one at a time around here. DOT You should try making a grocery list, like the one my boyfriend gave me. They must be starving now. GORMIN Who? DOT My boyfriend, and our guests. GORMIN Your cart was full. Why weren’t they helping you? DOT They look too weird to go in there. GORMIN Yet they sent you in, with a hood! DOT Yes. GORMIN Which you’re still wearing. DOT Yes. GORMIN Which I think you should take off. DOT No. GORMIN (Reaching toward her) What if I were to take it off for you? DOT No. GORMIN So is your car still parked out in the parking lot? DOT There is no car. We live across the river. GORMIN Where is there a river? DOT It’s a stream with a plank bridge leading to our trailer. I should go back there. GORMIN I remember. There’s a little creak by the supermarket. Do you actually live there? DOT Yes. I’m going. GORMIN Let’s wait ‘til Orma comes home. DOT He’ll be here soon. GORMIN Does your boyfriend resemble the guy we saw through the pup tent? DOT Yes. GORMIN Let him come. DOT OK. BLACKOUT
ORMA Where’s Dot? GORMIN She’s upstairs doing a jigsaw puzzle. ORMA What did you do to her? GORMIN Nothing. Not only don’t you and I do anything but I didn’t do anything to her either. ORMA That’s not what I meant, though your answer speaks volumes. I’ll see that you never have children. GORMIN Harsh words. ORMA Then contradict me, which you never do. Did she take off her hood? GORMIN No. ORMA All right, I’ll make breakfast. Then we’ll see about that tent of yours. GORMIN Great! DOT, entering I’m going now. ORMA No. You must stay. You’re getting better. GORMIN Stay. Later when it’s dark I’ll set up the projector and we’ll screen a movie on the patio. DOT If I stay away much longer he’s going to come for me. ORMA You and I will go to the supermarket and let Gormin deal with him. DOT Could we? ORMA Of course. Will you be all right, Gormin? GORMIN Go ahead. I’ll be fine. But what do we need at the supermarket? ORMA Coffee filters. SCENE SEVEN. That afternoon. There is a knock on the door. Gormin rises to open it. GORMIN You must be Dot’s boyfriend. JORALMON And you’re the husband of the woman who took her from me. GORMIN My wife is out. JORALMON I saw them leave, going to the supermarket, I imagine. GORMIN Yes. It has everything there, except for summer stock productions of popular plays. Do you remember when it used to be a theatre? JORALMON I was head carpenter in the prop room. GORMIN Oh, you definitely remember, then. What happened to you when they shut it down? JORALMON I lost my job and my life began a new chapter. GORMIN Have you and Dot been together long? JORALMON Yes. She's always been with me, helping, guiding me, even when I was head carpenter. While I worked at the theatre my life consisted of carpentry and sex. GORMIN What got you out of that rut? JORALMON It was no rut, as long as I placed the achievement of my pleasure into the jerking hands of others, giving them helpers’ high. GORMIN (embarrassed) What a short-sighted super imposition! JORALMON Fool. It’s your duty to superimpose yourself upon your community. As soon as I withdrew into solitude, the next thing I knew they had knocked down my theatre to build there a supermarket! GORMIN By now you’d think we human beings could eliminate the animal drive altogether. JORALMON We can subsume it, but never eliminate it. GORMIN Yet some of us tempt fate and the pliability of our mates by insisting they mix bleach with ammonia. JORALMON First we use bleach, then ammonia, to clean up after the incontinence of our guests. GORMIN Guests? JORALMON I am not alone. I still have friends. GORMIN Disenfranchised, incontinent friends. JORALMON Not Dot. While other’s left, she stayed with me. Damn that supermarket. We’d been holding out from going there ever since they tore down our theatre to build it, but as our grocery list grew, their promotional enticements became more radical, until finally I turned to Dot. I said, "Here's a list of items. Go in and come out with them." Then you came along. Dressed like you were attending some charity ball. GORMIN My wife likes to elevate an experience by preparing for it. JORALMON Sounds like a good woman; naturally Dot turned to her for guidance. And all I could do was stand by the window and watch it happen. GORMIN Come in. Sit down. Let’s wait for them inside. Can I get you something? I have no idea what’s here except for my film collection. It’ll be dark soon. I’ll set up the screen. Do you want to stay and watch a movie? JORALMON Not much of an offer. How about a glass of water? GORMIN Right away. And there’s juice, too. Plenty. They had the three for two special at the…. I’m sorry. JORALMON You’re a film collector? GORMIN I pick up remainder stuff and pretend it’s rare treasure. JORALMON Hoarding sublimates the animal drive. GORMIN Collecting is a noble passion, so long as there is purity. JORALMON And is there? GORMIN Can you tell? JORALMON No. GORMIN An infestation of the occult is destroying from within my most precious film collection. JORALMON Really? What do you have? Films of the occult can draw high bids at auction, and there are sure to be re-sales, as ultimately no one wants such cursed items in their home. Are you a designated film collector? GORMIN No. I’ve never been so designated. JORALMON Then I can communicate with you as an individual, as a friend, as an ally. GORMIN But I collect film. I don’t deny it. JORALMON But is it correct to say that you have never been designated a film collector? GORMIN I don’t think so. Why does it matter? JORALMON You see, I am a designated collector, and if you search me by name, you will find me accused of certain crimes against film collecting, basically, I enter people’s homes and steal their film collections, break up the complete ones and individually sell each scene. So, if it ever came out that I was communicating instructions to a designated collector then the people allowing this meeting, your wife and my girlfriend, would be facilitators. They would charged and the charges would stick. GORMIN Is there a conspiracy here that will cause blame to fall upon Orma or Dot for bringing us together? I don’t think so. You’re just uncapping my need to talk. I have a problem in my heart, which you may be able to shed light upon. When they get back I’ll report to Orma that you’re an OK fellow and that this hooded thing with your girlfriend was the result of a misunderstanding. JORALMON Are you listening to what I’m saying? GORMIN I think so. Ever since you lost your job as a prop builder you’ve fallen into the dubious practice of stealing a family’s film collection. Why? They’re just private collections for the family to enjoy together in their homes. Would that there were children here to enjoy mine, but knowing what she does about me, my wife does not allow us to have children. JORALMON Then why did she marry you? GORMIN To protect others, to keep them safe from me, I suppose. JORALMON Are you a sex offender? GORMIN Are you a designated film collector? JORALMON You know I am. GORMIN Let’s just say I have used sex to offend. JORALMON It’s getting dark. We haven’t much time. Let’s see the tent you have out back. GORMIN Oh, yes. There’s something’s odd about that tent. SCENE EIGHT. Joralmon and Gormin stand by a flattened tent. JORALMON The tent is down. No wonder I had to walk here. GORMIN Otherwise would you have come through this tent? JORALMON If you assembled it properly, yes, I could have connected it to mine. GORMIN How? JORALMON Through its twist point. The twist can fuse the three dimensions into two, eliminating the distance of depth. GORMIN I had no idea the magic I was bidding on when I bought it. Shall we raise it? JORALMON Yes. Why don’t you raise it the way you did with my Dot. GORMIN OK. Take an end. JORALMON How does this work? GORMIN We lay the canvases flat upon the ground with the poles under them. Then we take these spikes, and hammer them at the points of a tetragrammaton. JORALMON A “tetragrammaton?” Did Dot tell you that? GORMIN Yes. I heard that word for the first time today. JORALMON What else did she tell you? GORMIN Nothing. JORALMON Do you remember her face? GORMIN I think so, but I’ve only seen her hood. JORALMON I’m beginning to understand how your mind works. GORMIN You’ve assessed my intelligence so low as to see me incapable of remembering anything unless I’m in the throes of an obsession. Fair enough. JORALMON Rather, I understand your obsession to be presentational. You are a cool calculator, sir. You’ve already done the groundwork, here, wedging spikes into dirt. Now let’s pup this tent. GORMIN (pausing) I suddenly feel that we have we done this before, a long time ago. JORALMON In the interest of time I won’t address that, “Brother.” Where do these spikes go? GORMIN The crossed spikes go here. Wedge them, and then pull. There. Here’s a candle. You can go inside, but not too far. JORALMON I had never interest to go beyond its parameters. GORMIN Until now? JORALMON Until now. GORMIN Then with the ground free of impurity, we say, “YodHeeWadee.” Say it. JORALMON You are obsessed with my girlfriend! Well, all right. GORMIN and JORALMON “Yodheewadee!” Pup goes the tent! They look inside. JORALMON I see it. You were in here with Dot, and you were necking! GORMIN No. You see yourself. JORALMON Where? GORMIN There, through the twist point! END SCENE CONTINUED IN NEXT ISSUE
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