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As Samuel settles in comfortably on Sereina's right side, he slips his left arm around her shoulders and leans in to kiss her softly on the tip of the nose. As he leans back to smile at her, he reaches over and takes her right hand in his, pressing his palm against the back of her hand and slipping his fingers between hers. He gives a gentle squeeze and leans in again, kissing her ear and whispering very, very softly,'I love you.'
A wave of surprise overcomes Sereina as she holds very still against him. 'I...' she begins, her voice trembling with the effort to not cry. 'I love you too,' she whispers, pressing her lips to his cheek gently.
Samuel goes very still for the briefest of moments, a sudden turmoil and sick feeling rising through him. Then, as if physically pushing the thoughts aside, the calm returns, the feeling of warm affection flowing from him through the bond. He squeezes Sereina's right hand in his and hugs her tightly against him with his left. A sense of struggle, exhiliaration and disgust flares through him briefly as the blankets rise, as if of their own accord, and settle gently across the couple's chests. Then the feeling of channeling is gone and he settles his cheek against her.
Sereina sighs as she feels the torrent of emotions run through Samuel but keeps silent as he channels. Brushing her left hand gently across his cheek, she opens her mouth to say something, but closes it again, sighing softly. The feel of the sheets against her back brings a small giggle to her. 'I'm going to have to get some new sheets for the bed in the morning..' she says softly, snuggling closer.
Samuel settles the blanket more comfortably around them with his left hand then slips it around Sereina's shoulders again. He turns his head nuzzle the fingers caressing his cheek and smiles adoringly at her, a feeling of pure contentment settling over him, as well as something akin to pride... perhaps a slight feeling of triumph.
Sereina hugs Samuel with her right arm and presses her face against his chest. She blushes at his expression, cheeks dimpling as she smiles. A small pulse of worry goes through her before she stomps it down once more, mouth opening to speak and closing. She traces his lips with her index finger slowly.
Samuel kisses Sereina's fingertip and then smiles at her. His left hand slides down to settle on the small of her back. He looks into her eyes, the fingers of his left hand beginning to caress softly down her spine as he whispers,'Use the money you save on shifts.' Then he flashes a wicked grin at her.
Sereina laughs softly against his chest, yawning sleepily. 'Mmm, you're probably right.' She nibbles Samuel's collarbone absentmindedly. 'Umm..I really hate asking this, but..what will you do when you see Anibelle?' her voice ends with only the faintest of whispers. Her mouth pauses against his skin as she looks up, an unreadable expression in her eyes as well as an undecipherable clump of emotions within the bond.
Samuel lets out a soft, disappointed sounding sigh. He shakes his head slightly and says,'Don't trouble trouble til trouble troubles you.' He turns and looks to the window for a long moment, a hard knot forming in his stomach. When he turns back he squeezes Sereina against him with his left arm, them wraps both around her and hugs her tightly, muttering,'I'm sorry. It deserves an answer, but I just don't know...' The chaotic tide of emotions flowing through him finally breaks. He squeezes her even more tightly and begins to tremble as tears start flowing down his cheeks.
Sereina nods and brushes his cheeks softly, wiping the tears away. 'I wasn't sure whether you had an answer...' she says with a sigh. A small lump forms in the back of her throat and she swallows, trying to force it down. 'I know how you feel for her, but I don't want to lose you, especially now..'
Samuel trembles as if chilled, sniffing as he tries to stop crying. He squeezes Sereina tightly again and just holds her against him for a long moment until he has himself calmed enough to speak again. He leans back, swallowing hard, to look into her eyes and says very softly,'She won't take me away, love. She is Aes Sedai. She and I both know that .. oh light, this is so hard to talk about..'
Sereina nods, pressing a finger over his lips. 'It's alright. You don't have to talk about it...Just that...well, you loved her first...and we still barely..' she shrugs and hides her face against his chest. 'Even if you both know, I know what you feel, and I'm sure she feels the same way..'
Samuel sighs softly and reaches his left hand up to stroke Sereina's hair. Very gently, he whispers,'I.. do you not realize that I can never forget you? That you are with me no matter where I go? I won't deny my feelings, but I know nothing can become of them.. even knowing how I feel about her, I still love you.. does that say nothing to you?'
Sereina nods against his chest. 'I know, and I appreciate it, I do...just that...I don't know....it was something I felt I had to ask before my mind exploded.' She sighs and closes her eyes. 'Just...forget I asked...' she says softly. 'It wasn't a smart question anyway.' The bond lays calm for once, not one hint of anger coming from her.
Samuel shakes his head and wraps his arms around Sereina, hugging her gently against him. He sighs softly and says,'It was not a stupid question, love.. that is what makes it so hard. You have every right to know... but I am too confused. None of this is your fault.' He kisses her softly on top of the head, tears welling up in his eyes again.
Sereina sighs and nuzzles her face against his chest. 'I..I'm not even sure if I want to know now..' she whispers. 'I..I want everything to be simple. But that will never happen. There are just too many secrets around. With you, me, her....just too many secrets..' She raises her head to kiss his cheek, thumb brushing away his tears gently. 'Please don't cry..'
Samuel just nods his head, unable to speak, the emotions filling him too jumbled to be read through the bond. Tightly squeezing Sereina's body against his, he begins to cover her face in urgent kisses.
Sereina kisses back, bringing Samuel against her. She brushes back his hair, mouth finding his and pressing her lips tightly against his own. She whispers words even she cannot understand as the kiss breaks, pressing her cheek tightly against his own.
Samuel pulls Sereina even more tightly against him and buries his face against her neck, shaking slightly as he holds her. After a long moment, he regains the ability to speak, although his voice is muffled by her hair,'I do love you, Sereina. You can feel that, right?' There is something almost desperate about his tone of voice, fearful.
Sereina nods, stroking Samuel's hair softly. 'I can feel it,' she whispers. 'Which is why I know this is so hard for you. The last thing I want to be right now is a burden.' she presses a finger to his lip. 'I know what you're going to say, and I know I'm not, but I'd hate for you to feel that when you say goodbye to her.'
Samuel relaxes against Sereina for a moment as she reassures him. When she mentions saying goodbye, he immediately tenses again, a feeling of shock and then fear verging on panic rising through the bond. Slowly he leans back until he can look in her face. He starts to shiver again from the tide of emotions, causing his voice to stammer,'I..I.. don't know if..if I can..' He suddenly gains some strength to his voice, but the edge of panic is clear,'She was talking crazy, Sereina. Like she's going to do something stupid to get herself killed.' Terror may be a more accurate description of the feeling raging through him than panic.
Sereina nods, sighing. 'Well...it's up to you. But you do have to at least try to stop her...' she says faintly. She brushes Samuel's hair softly, smoothing his forehead with her thumb. 'This isn't easy for me either, but I want you happy..'
Samuel shudders for a moment, then clutches Sereina to him again.He gasps for breath for a moment, then asks softly,'But.. how? Just talking to her makes it worse for both of us.. and I can't risk stopping her or keeping her from being killed by one of the others. I can't risk what turning traitor would cause to happen to you.'
Sereina presses her cheek to Samuel's forehead, nodding. 'I really have no idea on how. But something must be done or all of our heads will be lobbed off. A letter, a secret meeting... or nothing at all. It's your choice.' she brushes her lips across his forehead gently.
As Samuel hugs Sereina against him, he whispers softly,'I'm so scared, though.. I really can't understand why.. and talking about it with you just makes me feel like I'm the one killing her.' Suddenly he squeezes her more tightly and then relaxes and says softly,'Secret meetings are out. I couldn't have a secret from you even if I wanted to. I hate myself for feeling the way I feel.'
Sereina kisses Samuel's forehead again, smiling faintly. 'I didn't mean a secret meeting from me. And don't hate yourself. You're one of the sweetest and most caring people I know. I know it may not seem like much, being stuck on a farm nearly all of my life, but I mean it with all of my heart. You can't help what you feel. If one could help that, then there would be a lot less pain within this world. You're not killing her. I don't know how to convince you of it, but you are definitely not killing her.'
Samuel sighs softly and kisses Sereina again, briefly. With sadness so pure in his voice it almost seems distilled, he says,'If she dies because of me, how is that different than me killing her?' He shakes his head slowly and adds,'I don't know what to do, but I know I do have to do something. And I know you will be affected either way.'
Sereina bites her lip, hand pausing at the side of his head. 'I don't know...' she whispers, fingers lowering down to twine his braids around them. 'Just....just..be sure to tell me beforehand if you are going to do anything.'
Samuel blinks at her for a moment, a look and feel of shock very evident. Softly, very softly, as if almost afraid to voice it, he says,'I am not sure what I might do if I saw her about to die.. but I do not think I would do that.. telling you or not.. for one thing, I'd never be able to get the words out to tell you.'
Sereina sighs and slowly separates herself from Samuel, pouring a cup of tea before returning to the bed. She hands it to him and shrugs. 'Nevermind then..' she whispers, pressing her forehead against his arm. 'There really is no way of going at this without sounding selfish...I want to say, anything she does is her choice. She is choosing that she wants to die, if that's what she will do. Perhaps the only way of solving that is unbonding me, in either of your eyes. I know that you say it will not happen, but that is perhaps the only way of saving her life, even if she wants to keep it. You both knew that you couldn't have each other. And I don't want to sound harsh, but it's either live with the knowledge or die from it. It's your choice. But remember...you die and I die. And I don't care what you think of that.'
Samuel takes the cup from Sereina and sips from it slowly as he listens to her talk. By the time she finishes, the cup is empty and he just holds it in numb fingers. Gradually, a hardness seems to come over him, as if he has made a decision. The feeling through the bond is that he is not very thrilled with that decision, either. He shakes his head slightly and says in a voice raw with emotion,'No, this is going to sound selfish. If I die before unbonding you, you will do everything that you are capable of to make sure that you live. You will find mother and finish your training, and you WILL LIVE!' There is no doubt at all that it is definitely an order.In a tone that sounds oddly defeated, he continues,'I may already be damned. My hope of salvation and rebirth my be totally gone. But I will not take you down with me.'
A flame of anger builds within the bond and she slowly pulls away from Samuel again. 'How DARE you make that decision for me,' she says coldly, slapping him hard across the face. 'You may be have bonded me, and you may be able to order me around, but this is my life. What point will there be to...to scavenge for the rest of my pitiful days while you...you and that woman live within the pattern like....' she shakes her head and steps out of the bed, grabbing her dress and pulling it over her head. 'You may be damned, and I might as well send my life off to the Dark One for all it matters, since all you seem to care about is that your women are taken care of. Nevermind yourself, oh no.' She angrily stomps her feet within her slippers.
Samuel doesn't flinch from the slap. If anything, he leans into it. Stubbornness flares through the bond and he says harshly,'Nevermind myself? You seem to have forgotten something.' To demonstrate his point, he seizes Saidin, the taint pouring into him as well as the power. His voice comes out cold from the void,'I am eventually going mad. That is if I do not get killed first. Yet, you fault me for trying to guarantee that you survive that?' Then, just as suddenly as a balloon deflates when pricked, Saidin leaves him along with the stern voice and resolve. He slowly lowers the tea cup and says very softly,'I'm sorry. I was wrong. I panicked, love..' He lowers his eyes and stares at his hands as he says softly,'You may do whatever you wish.You are no longer bound by any of the orders I have given you.' After those words, he sits silent, not looking up.
Sereina sighs and her legs crumple beneath her. kneeling at the floor, she stares at the bed. 'You...have to realize, the both of you have to realize you can't bloody live for the future. You're going to die. She's going to die. I'm going to die. It's a fact. Live for now, worry about later when it's here.'
Samuel nods slowly, still looking down at his hands. He mutters softly,'Will you please come back to bed? I don't want to fight with you.' He sighs again, louder this time, and says,'I did it again. Doing stuff without thinking about it first. I'm sorry. Please come back?'
Sereina sighs and crawls to her feet, walking back to the bed and sitting down at her side. She makes no move to lay down though. 'It's too late to start thinking about consequences that were set into motion...before we could do anything about them. I don't like the fact that she might die either. I may not like her, but my hatred isn't so strong that I'd wish death upon her. The simple fact is....is that there isn't anything to do but carry on. And like it or not, you're responsible for me, and not her.'
Samuel nods again and holds his left hand out for her to take. The feeling through the bond is almost one of defeat. He looks tired, very tired. He raises his head slowly to look at Sereina's face and says one simple word,'Please?.'
Sereina slowly kicks off her shoes and climbs into the bed, taking his hand. 'I'm sorry,' she whispers.
Samuel squeezes Sereina's hand firmly, a sense of relief flooding through the bond. Blinking back tears, he says,'Don't leav...' He stops and sighs at obvious frustration at himself before continuing,'Please, don't leave me. I..' The sudden surge of emotions overwhelms his ability to speak for a moment before he finally adds,'I know you can, now, but I.. just please?'
Sereina leans over to gently brush away his tears with her free hand. 'Oh, baby...I'm not going to leave. As long as you try to at least stay alive as long as you can. Don't do anything rash..' she cups his cheek, turning his face so that blue eyes met dark brown. 'I don't want to seem like I'm asking too much, but can you try?'
Samuel sniffles slightly, but a smile begins to tug at his lips. He squeezes Sereina's hand again and says softly,'I just did two rash things back to back not three minutes ago. I .. I will try to live as long as I can, love..' He suddenly looks away, his grip on her hand tightening even more and says softly,'If I seem to be going mad.. will you try to save yourself? Please?'
Sereina nods, pulling Samuel closer and hugging him against her. 'I will try. I will wait as long as I am able before I leave, though.' She lays her head on his shoulder and sighs.
Samuel releases Sereina's hand and slips his arms around her. Hugging her gently against him, he says softly,'That frightens me more than you can know, love. It scares me that you might leave, and it hurts that I'm putting you through so much with.. the other thing.' He kisses the top of her head and adds in a shaky voice,'But the thought that I might hurt you without even knowing what I am doing if I go mad..' A violent shudder passing through his body is the only explanation offered.
Sereina nods, hugging Samuel tight. 'I understand....' she whispers. She brushes her hand across her cheek. 'You won't have to worry about that...'
Samuel snuggles down against Sereina, arms wrapping snuggly around her. He kisses her softly on top of the head again and mutters sleepily,'Thank you, Sereina... And next time I'm being stupid.. could you not hit me quite so hard?' With the last there is a sense of teasing through the bond, but it fades quickly. The fight and the exertions of the day apparently too much for him, he drifts off into a light sleep.
Sereina opens her mouth to reply but slowly shuts it again when he falls asleep against her. Gently separating herself, she takes off her dress and climbs back into the bed, fixing the covers around the both of them. Holding Samuel protectively, she falls asleep.
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