How can I Gull you? Let me count the ways.
FALSE ECONOMY - Many of today's cars and trucks have built in an "overdrive". This when used at highway speeds results in a saving of gasoline as the result of giving some four or five additional miles per gallon of gas. What the manufactures don't tell you is that this additional gear in the transmission is made of nylon and typically fails after about 80,000 to 90,000 miles. Now let's calculate the savings. Assuming 30 miles per gallon this means that you will have purchased about 3,000 gallons of gas before the transmission fails. Had you not had (and used) the overdrive gear, you would have bought about 3,600 gallons of gas, since gas cost about $1.25/gallon, you saved $750. However, that rebuilt or new transmission just cost you $1,800. So you are now out about $1,000 that you need not have spent. So much for fuel economy! (Oh yes, when you go to trade in that boat, you will also discover that the dealers are going to discount the price for high mileage so you get to pay for that offense also.)
FALSE NUTRITION - That margarine that you are buying that is advertised as low calorie seems like just the ticket to better health. What wonder of science did the manufacture impose to bring you this marvel. Simple, the addition of emulsifiers and water permits reducing the fat content. Unfortunately when you use the product in cooking, you must put more in the pan to get the same results. Welcome to the club, you have just been had! And on another note, that vegetable oil used to manufacture the higher priced spread is chemically modified (hydrogenated) to solidify it and make it similar to butter. This process add hydrogen across the double bonds in the unsaturated oil, saturating it and yielding both the cis and trans isomers. Great news, now it is more like animal fats except one of these isomers is "unnatural". Don't know what the ultimate fate in our digestive and metabolic system is for these freaks of chemistry.
FALSE PACKAGING - Ever note that the package just doesn't seem to go as far as it once did. There is an easy explanation. Take coffee as an example. The can that once held one pound (sixteen ounces) now contains 15, or 14 or maybe 12 ounces. Same size can - lower price? Don't bet on it!
BAIT AND SWITCH - Auto dealers, mass merchandisers, and fast food chains are accomplished in this practice. We all seem to be aware of this practice but still fall for the shamster.
KNOCK THE COMPETITOR'S PRODUCT - Claim yours does the same thing but don't mention that the price is much higher. This is best illustrated by Advil and its many look-alikes. This entire family of products take on aspirin. Aspirin has side effects. What medicine doesn't. Just read the inserts in the packages - it should scare you to death. Since the customer is willing to pay inflated prices for these products, resulting in generous profits, the manufacturer can afford to advertise widely. How can aspirin manufacturers compete? Not very well. The best solution is to avoid medication whenever possible.
The politician has discovered this ploy and used it well. Dick Morris of recent fame described the methodology thus, "cut off your opponent's legs to make your own candidate appear taller".
FIX IT, EVEN IF IT AIN'T BROKEN - Throughout the United States, gas and water meters have been modified to permit reading from an electronic encoded message so that the meter reader does not have to figure out the little dials that go round and round. However, the weakness of these wondrous devices is that they are more susceptible to failure. So if they freeze up in the cold weather, the simply stop working as does the meter, as does the flow of gas (or water) as does the hot-water heaters and/or furnaces. So thanks to the wonders of electronics, now your once working system crashes - and you either get cold, go without a bath or both. Ah Science!
NUTRITIONAL INFORMATION THAT IS MEANINGLESS - The breakfast cereal that boldly states that it is both fat and cholesterol free. Never mind that it is heavily laden with sugar and unless you eat it with water rather than milk, you will get a dose of cholesterol and perhaps fat. Thanks to the Government regulators this form of advertising is quite permissible, and there is no way of presenting a balanced report on what is good (or bad for you.) And did you ever notice that the cereal just gets sweeter and sweeter. (Sugar is cheap!) Thank USDA for their food pyramid.
. CHANGE FOR THE GOOD? - Along comes TV that must be digital, so all sets manufactured before 2003 or so will be unable to receive a signal (unless you buy a box to convert digital to analog.) Car seats for the small fry that are in an endless progression of change, perhaps for the better - remember when they were suppose to be in the front seat secure in their restraint, before it was discovered that air bags have a nasty habit of beheading! And of course, Bill Gates and company with their countless upgrades of Windows that makes past generations of software obsolete. Thanks Bill. Or my favorite, THE GUILELESS POLITICIAN - First use scare tactics to raise false issues, wrap themselves in the flag, support apple-pie, motherhood and baseball. And then once elected, find unlimited reasons to vote against the will of the electorate. And yes, when caught with their hand in the cookie jar, claim - I didn't do anything illegal. (Morals be damned!) This topic really set Brann off.
Been Gulled lately?
nb --- A gull is an aggressive, cannibalistic, scavenger that attacks the weak, young and innocent. Any relationship to that creature that lurks behind advertising formats, is purely coincidental. Or is it?
Books well worth owning:
Presbrey, Frank History and Development of Advertising, Doubleday,
Doran & Company, Inc. Garden City, New York, 1929 (Expensive, ca. $100, but well
worth it)
McKendrick, Neil The Birth of a Consumer Society, Indiana
University Press, Bloomington, Indiana, 1985 (Almost impossible to find)
Turner, E. S. The Shocking History of Advertising! E. P. Dutton,
Inc., New York, 1953 (Reasonably priced (ca $10) via Internet bookstores. Try
Abe.com)
Davis, Alec Package and Print, Clarkson N. Potter, Inc., New York,
1967 (Not your usual coffee table book, great pictures and reasonable price)
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