And so our tale winds to an end. We all thought my sanity had prevailed, right? Right? We were wrong. So I�m standing in my room late last night when I hear a thump. Like the thump of our back gate. I know this gate is locked because I personally locked it. And my dog is going batshit crazy.
Did I mention the back gate is right next to my bedroom?
I peer out the windows. Nothing.
Shut up, dog.
I go back to cutting out pictures at one am on the floor of my bedroom.
WOOF WOOF WOOF.
Still nothing. Only now, I�m good and paranoid. Chances are the door was my dumb dog throwing herself at it in order to harass a passing plastic bag carried on the wind. But... But...
Oh Leigh, you fool, I tell myself. It�s been two weeks and you�re perfectly, astoundingly fine and now, the last night at home, you�re - AAAARGH SHUT UP DOG THE BURGLARS WILL SILENCE YOU OTHERWISE AND NEITHER OF US WANT THAT! BANG BANG YOU�RE DEAD, DOGGY!
I guess it wasn�t an axe-wielding maniac, because after a good ol� fashioned perimeter check, everything was secure. Except me. Mommy, I sobbed. Oh, Mommy.
Further evidence of the effect such little human contact has had on me: This morning, in the midst of my house-cleaning and vase-repair and cake-baking, the telephone rang. I ran to answer it.
"Pardon?" I said, cheerfully. There was a pause. A lengthy pause. My brain caught up with my mouth. "HELLO?!" I then shouted in compensation.
"... �Pardon?�?" the person on the other end, a business associate of my daddy�s, queried.
"I am an idiot," I replied knowingly.
They did not seem reassured, though they were probably well-convinced of this fact.
Anyway, les parents and ma soeur have returned in good health, some bad humour, and
bringing me many cherry ripe bars. Vivent les cherry ripes! Oh, and, you know... My
family. They�re okay too. So until next time, my faithful audience of approximately two...
Happy holidays. Peace out. I'm off to eat a dolphin.
Previous - Jan 04
The End.
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