Devil to PayPart 16I didn't sleep much, that night. The look on Lighe's face had finished me off. I'd never seen him cry - except in the cinema, or curled up on his couch, eating popcorn and watching "Billy Elliot". His friends didn't call him "Iron Balls" for nothing. He was strong minded, and strong willed - but not, apparently, where I was concerned. Snap, then. The cave was as big, if not bigger than the one we'd left. And it had advantages. There was an indoor waterfall at the back, through a tunnel. I wanted to see it, but I was too giddy to trust myself, for a while. "A waterfall inside a fucking hill?" I said to Viggo, in amazement. He grinned. "It's only a very small one, Sblomie. Not like the Lautenbrunnen - that's huge! - a waterfall inside a mountain in Switzerland", he explained as he saw my bemused look. "Fuck, you're a walking encyclopaedia", Billy snorted as he passed us with a bag of vegetables. "Worse than fuckin' Astin!" "No one", countered Orli, giving my blankets a shake, "can be worse in that respect than Sean, man." Lighe opened his mouth to comment, but decided against it. Lighe sat beside me. "This cave is fucking incredible," he enthused. "It goes on for ever, and there's a deep hole back there with running water at the bottom we can use for a john, and we can wash in the waterfall. How fucking neat is that?" His enthusiasm was infectious. I wanted to see it. Besides, I had eaten earlier, and needed to use the hole. I was terrified, but it had to be done. Lighe brought the new cloth pieces that Andy had persuaded the old woman in the house to part with, and the container of warm, herb scented water, and off we went. I shan't write down what happened, because it's fucking monotonous - but I ended up under my blankets, with Lighe holding my hand. I promised myself not to eat another fucking thing until we were rescued. Andy sat with me while Lighe, Tino and Viggo went out to do something together. Viggo said he - Lighe, I mean - needed fresh air. Fresh air! We were living in a fucking cave for god's sake - how much fresher could the air get? But I knew what he meant, and grinned at them as they left with some strips of leather they must have got from the house, I suppose, and some other stuff. I was too tired to question what they were going to do. Andy was my minder for today. He was a lovely boy, and he certainly looked up to his older brother. Every time he spoke of him there was a sort of pride in his face. I liked that. We had a long talk. He told me all about his mother, who had died two years previously of some chest thing, and the hopes and dreams he had that would never happen...poor sod. And I told him about myself, and about Lighe and his family, and the filming we'd just done...and our time in New Zealand, where I'd fallen in love with a boy with blue eyes, who was now a man with blue eyes. He went and got me a warm herby drink - we had to ration the tea - and he handed it to me with a shy grin. He sat down again, and looked out of the cave entrance, into the long grass and the trees obscuring our view. "You love him very much, Elijah - yes?" He asked, quietly. Fuck it, my eyes filled. "Adore him, Andy. Have for years, as I told you. But it's only recently that we've got ...together, y'know". I blushed, furiously, and rubbed my hands together, wanting something to do with them. I wasn't sure how much to tell him as he was only a young lad. "There is something about him. He is special. All of you smile at him. All of you like him".He trained his eyes on my face, expectantly. His voice was so certain. "I have seen this." "He is - yes..." my voice tailed away. "May I ask you a question, Dom? I am very embarrassed to ask it, and please I am sorry". He paused until I nodded. " Have you had sex - let a man do it to you - before? Or do you do it to them? How do you know which you'd like? I have no one I can ask, Sblomie. My Tino would not tell me." His use of the nickname endeared him to me. He was one of "us", now. "Yes, Andy, I've done both - but not with Lighe, yet. And, you'll know which thing you like best, when you've found someone like I've found Lighe... or maybe you'll both like it both ways, it all depends. And you may like women too. There's plenty of time before you need to think of things like this - you're very young yet, Andy." "Does it hurt you? I mean, Tino says...it hurts". Eyes down, cheeks aflame. "I might like it if it did not hurt, Sblomie - I have not had the chance to find out." He threw a small stone at the cave wall, blushing even deeper. "Fuck!", he said again, louder this time. He'd picked up some bad habits from us, poor little bugger. "It can hurt, if you don't take proper care, Andy, but it can be beautiful, too. It will be beautiful for us when we can...when I..." "Why have you not made love with Elijah yet? Do you not ...does he not want to?" I pulled a face. I decided to be honest. The kid was helping us - he deserved that much. "It's not a question of wanting to, Andy. We can't. No condoms, y'see. Can't do it without condoms. Can't do bugger all without them, really, not with this infection and stuff. God knows what sort of diseases that smiling bastard has given me!" I choked on the last words. I really was scared, but Andy was the only one I had talked to about it - a kid. But he seemed to understand - he looked at me, pain written all over his face. "I am sorry, Dom. Although, he has had Tino twice a week, and yes at first there were injuries but now Tino is fine. Sore, but fine." Tino was sixteen. Fuck the bastard. "How long has this been going on, Andy?" He swallowed, hard. "Two years - since Tino was my age now". "Why didn't he fucking leave, Andy - and take you with him?" His face held a lost look. "Where would we go? We have no money, no friends outside our village. At least there is food and shelter here. This is a poor country. We could get little work; we are not skilled at anything. We would starve." I was furious. The poor little bastards! "Why didn't anyone protect Tino from him? What about your family - what about your father? I though the family was a big thing around here. Couldn't he help?" "Our father died during a skirmish with some other men from the mountains, years ago", he said, sadly. "We have no male relatives who can help us". He started drawing in the sand with a stick. I watched him silently - poor kid. Tino came bursting through into the cave, waving four very dead birds in our faces. "Look!", he said, triumphantly. "Fresh meat! And not rabbit!" Lighe and Viggo came in looking flushed and happy, and also rather smug. Bills wandered out from the back of the cave with Orli, and took possession of the birds. Viggo sat down by me, and felt my brow with a frown. "What sort of birds are these, then, Viggo?", Billy enquired, pulling feathers out at a rate of knots. I was glad to see they had been gutted. My stomach wasn't up to it. "God knows, Billy", Viggo murmured, still concentrating on me. "They're just birds, for fuck's sake!" "Podiceps auritus, or the Slavonian Grebe", a voice said from the back of the cave. "Not to be confused, of course, with Podiceps nigricollis, which, as its name infers, has a black neck." "Podiceps?" I stuttered in amazement. "Latin for "vent footed". You can see how far back its body its legs are. I felt a bit guilty killing them, they're quite rare birds. But several species of grebe are edible, and I wanted you to have some tasty, tender meat, my Sblom. The rabbits around here are tough, and only fit for stew", said the love of my life with a smile that outdid the Mona Lisa's. We all gazed at him in astonishment. "Elijah caught the birds?", Orli voiced our incredulity. "Elijah? How, for fuck's sake?" Lighe took the strips of leather out of his pocket, and swung them over his head. "I'm more used to the diablo, or the Black Widow, but I can hit a sitting duck - or grebe - with any fucking smooth stone, as long as I can see it. Thank god I had my glasses with me!" "Catapult?" I whispered. "Well, technically, this is a sling shot", he replied, gazing at me in a way that made my bones melt. "But, luckily, I can use both". I stared at him. Then at the others. Bill's mouth hung open. He shut it with a snap. Orli blinked. Tino and Andy just looked at each other. Viggo grinned. "He's a talented man," he drawled. I noticed he hadn't said "boy." Lighe smiled again, sat down and started plucking a bird. "Blame it on my home schooling." he said with a smile. I sneezed. They moved farther off with those birds, grinning at me. Bugger the allergies! Ah, my man. My lovely, beautiful man. Not so fucking useless, after all. And, for his sake - I was so bloody proud. |