Fake Personals

Handsome, Charming, Wonderful - 24

Reply to: anon-58987532@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-02-08, 11:40PM EST

I'm sick of all of these "strong" and "independant" women. What happenned to all of the nice, old-fashioned women, the kind I could take to a romantic dinner and she won't get the wrong idea, the kind of woman I could grow old with, and who doesn't press charges?

I'm seeking an intelligent woman who could do my taxes, if you know what I mean ;-) And, uh, also my FICA score is really low, if you're not planning on buying anything major soon, we could get married and you could co-sign. But that can wait, I understand if you want to go on a few dates first. And oh yeah, Looks matter, I'm talking Blue Steel, baby! ;-)

Me: 6'2 and I weigh 83lbs, but I think my European scale is broke I gotta check that out. I've had a few minor cosmetic operations, but I'm disease free, and currently have no restraining orders against me (fingers crossed)! Paternity suits pending.

I like to cook; my favorite Hungry Man dinner is the boneless whitemeat chicken, but I'm open to anything ;-) I'm awaiting fate to bring you to me, you dream girl, in the case that I'm allowed conjugal visits.

Here's to hoping for the best!

Attached is a picture of what I had for lunch.

cat

Twelve-sided die goes unrolled - m4w - 26

Reply to: anon-59169323@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-02-10, 10:35AM EST

Me: The Half-Human Half-Elf that saved you from that barrage of Orc-mages.

You: The hot dark-elf that assured me that you are in fact a real girl, and that you weren't just saying that. Also, that you'd make me rice crispy treats.

Still seeking Divinity and Inspiration ( www.cybermoonstudios.com/8bitDandD.html ). Wallowing in a Dungeon, the stench of mildew emanating from the dungeon walls. I await you in solice.

My parents just called me up for dinner. I hope to find your response when I get back.

this is in or around The Nether-Realms
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

There's nothing sexier than... - 23

Reply to: anon-59483046@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-02-12, 2:48PM EST

What's with all the women who just want one-night stands? Why does every fine girl I go out with have to do something crazy like follow me into the men's room, push me into a stall and have her way with me? And no, the coat closet isn't any better.

What I'm looking for is a respectable girl that I could take out, and, if things go well, could move in with me after the first date. You know, like the lesbians do. Besides, rent's expensive. And I'm really quite a catch so really, you'd be the big winner.

Just say yes, and this puppy could be yours. Just promise me you won't eat it. I like to dress my pets up as food and I don't want to have another problem.

hotdog

That one special thing - 24

Reply to: anon-60003207@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-02-16, 1:34PM EST

Seeking pretty girl with bracelets. Top hats not required.

I have sharp intellect. I am on cutting edge. Ouch! You get cut. I have bandaids.

Seeking nurse with whom to play doctor. You'll throw hot coffee in my lap, file sexual harassment lawsuit. I'll breath deeply, clench cheeks. Later, we'll have cake.

Old and Busted: Fire-retardant socks.
New hotness: You, the lady, in bikini holding pumpkin

Christmas lights are still up. You like? I'll show!

No puppies this time.

monkey

I like hot chicks - 24

Reply to: anon-62445172@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-03-05, 2:59PM EST

I think I'm missing something.

Why does every woman assume that just because I drive a large luxury SUV, collect guns that I display throughout my house, and wear shoes that are 4 sizes larger than what the foolish salesman says is my "correct" size, that I have a small penis?

I reallize that I am by no means impressive, or "satisfying" or whatever you want to call it, but why I can't a get a fair shake? I just want a fair shake IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN HA HA HA! (I mean, could you SHAKE my ... PENIS!)

I'm really having difficulty getting women to see the real me that I'm trying to be. Any advice? Thanks in advance.

No mimes, please.

Bald man seeking woman with long hair - 24

Reply to: anon-67270222@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-04-07, 10:35AM EDT

To make a wig with. Hair started going at an early age. Plus, I think it would add to the intimacy, don't you?

I'm a beautiful specimen with great hands and calves; I was a hand and calf model in my late teens. Could have gone big-time modeling -- full page Sears Catalog ads -- if not for the receding hairline, and severe scoliosis which has since been corrected. I like animals.

Seeking a attractive women with which to share mutual admiration of our near perfect beauty. Mimes are a plus.