Oh yeah, we're doing it again, just like the first, only different, completely different in format. Story's still the same though, we join Darkwood searching for his bride.

Part 2: The part immediately after the Beginning

We Join our young Hero Darkwood as he travels from his home in search of a bride. It has been two days since he left his Stedding, yet nothing happened in those two days, so here we are, ready to show you the story picked up in progress. Don't take this as a sign that something will start happening now, because of course that might or might not be true. heh,

Caught ya, of course something's gonna happen. the only question now is will it be funny. heh

caught you again! Of course it won't be funny. This is ME we're talking about here. anyway I've spoken long enough, we pick up our story as Darkwood travels down the road, singing a merry tune.

Trailor's for sale or Rent
Rooms to let 50 cents
no phone, no pool, no pets
I ain't got no cigarettes

aaaawww but.....
two hours of pushing broom
buys a, 8 by 12 4 bit room
I'm a, man of means by no means
King of the Road.

Third Boxcar midnight Train
destination Bangor Maine
old worn out suit and shoes
I don't pay no union dues
I smoke, whole stogies I have found
Short, but not too big around
I'm a, man of means by no means
King of the Road.

I know every engineer on every train
all of their children
and all of their names
EVERY hand out in every town
and every lock that ain't locked when no one's around
I sing....
Trailor's for sale or Rent
Rooms to let 50 cents
no phone, no pool, no pets
I ain't got no cigarettes
aaaawww but
two hours of pushing broom
buys a, 8 by 12 4 bit room
I'm a, man of means by no means
King of the Road.

Darkwood starts to dance around snapping his fingers at this time. Just bobbin as he hums the beat, then resumes

I know every engineer on every train
all of their children
and all of their names
EVERY hand out in every town
and every lock that ain't locked when no one's around
I sing....
Trailor's for sale or Rent
Rooms to let 50 cents
no phone, no pool, no pets
I ain't got noooooo cigarettes
aaaawww but
two hours of pushing broom
buys a, 8 by 12 4 bit room
I'm a man of means by no means
King of the Road.

Begins to sing in a slightly quieter voice

Trailor's for sale or Rent
Rooms to let 50 cents
no phone, no pool, no pets
I ain't got no cigarettes
two hours of pushing broom
buys an 8 by 12 4 bit room
I'm a man of means by no means
King of the Road

King of the Road

King of the road

Darkwood wasn't sure as to the meanings of the song. He didn't, for instance, know what an Engineer was, or a train, or many of the other odd sayings, but it was a merry tune. A tinker had taught him the song.

Darkwood remembered the tinker fondly. Ol black and blue he'd called the man. When the Tua'thon had left Darkwood had followed him, and in every town the traveling person had gone to Darkwood had waited until nightfall, and then stolen all the pots in town, and placed them near where the tinker was bedding down.

Darkwood Laughed, a clear sound across the fields he was walking through. He remembered well the enraged mob screaming about the tinker stealing their pots and then beating ol black and blue to within in a inch of his life.

Heh heh, there was only one thing better than watching a tinker receive a first class beating, and that was watching a tinker receive a first class beating in every city he went to from Tear to Toman Head.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Darkwood allowed his laughter to echo along the path once again, stopping to reflect and on how much he'd put ol black and blue through. Such odd people tinkers, he never once lifted a hand to defend himself, and He Kept going into new towns every time he passed them.

Darkwood wiped the tears of laughter from his eyes as he approached a tree with a home carved out of it. Twas his ancient Grandmother's house, she had moved outside the stedding by nearly two days because, as she claimed

'all the trees in the stedding are looking at me funny, and urinating on me flower garden when me back is turned.'

Despite his Grandma's obvious senility Darkwood liked her muchly. She made it habit to give him an Andoran weight silver on every day of the year but his birthday. Again she claimed,

'A man is more likely to fall into a pit of poisonous vipers and break his leg on his birthday than on any other day'

How that translated into the money thing Darkwood would never really know, but he liked the old bag.

After wizzing on her flower garden Darkwood knocked on the door four times and called out.

Darkwood: It is I Grandma, Darkwood. erm, huh, I mean it is I Darkwood. Grandma! ack! um um, I mean to say, Hey you old crone open the hell up, it's me, Darks!

Sure enough the door creaked open, though Grandma was snug in her bed. He always wondered how she did that.

Darkwood: Hello Hello Grandma. How's things for you on this fine Autumn afternoon?

Grandma Wood: Things are horrible, I have arthritis, my stove isn't warming up my soup properly, and Oprah's been pre-empted by some presidential debate of some sort.

That's right folks, not just any Presidential debate, the last debate. Who will you vote for, come November 7th. I mean to say after you go out and buy Robert Jordan's Winter's Heart, and on the way home drive by the voting booth and say to yourself, Eh, I've got a couple minutes to spare who will you vote for then? I urge you to vote for George Bush Jr. Sure he's not that bright, but at least he's not a commy. *gives the grin and the big thumbs up*

This add has been paid for by the national organization of blood sucking conservatives the Filthy Rich for Lower Taxes and as Gore would say, all the Big Ohle companies out there. It was also paid for by RJ, because he'd really like to you to buy his book,

oh and vote, vote too, yes voting is important

but buy his book in any case.

Darkwood: A presidential debate? during Oprah? why it's the afternoon! HAVE THEY NO SHAME!!! Saved by the Bell re runs will show late because of this! The Bastards!

Grandma Wood:Yes, yes they will.

Hmmmmmm Darkwood thought to himself. The old crone's acting strange, I've read about this type of thing before. Better act now.

Darkwood:Why Grandma, what big Eyes you have.

Grandma Wood: Yes well these are glasses Darks, you've seen them before. see.

*She takes off her glasses and shows them to Darkwood.*

Darkwood: Ahhh, I was worried for a minute. hmmmm But Grandma, what big teeth you have.

Grandma Wood:Darks sweetie, it's just my false teeth. See.

*Grandma takes out her teeth, and her gums then seem to dominate her face.*

You see?

Darkwood: Damnit Grandma, that's just scary, put your teeth back in for light's Sake.

*the young Ogier shudders*

Erm, btw, what saggy and large ears you have.

Again we will cut from this violent scene as Grandma Darkwood whaps little Darkwood into oblivion. Can you believe the strange little weirdo was actually looking at his grandma's ears? Man that's some sick sh.....stuff. anyway she looks to have finished whapping him with her old biddy whapping cane, so let's resume the story.

Grandma Wood:You sick sick little errant Ogier, staring at an old woman's ears so, especially when that old woman is your Grandmother. SHAME!!!!

*the old woman trails off*

Of course I remember when my ears were very perky, a yes, they captured many a young Ogier's eye back then. So pert and vibrant. Why I remember..... what's wrong with you?

*Cut To Darkwood retching in the corner of the room*

Darkwood: Grandma, seriously *he wipes his mouth with the back of his arm* I don't want to hear about your ears okay.

Grandma Wood: Well you did bring it up you sick little fruitcake.

Darkwood: Yes well nevermind that Ok?

erm well anyway Grandma I'm gonna go now, Important stuff to do you know, you weird old biddy.

Grandma Wood: Wait wait wait there young whipper snapper, you errant little bastad you!

Darkwood: But Grandma..... Mums sent me to find a bride. I have to go.

Grandma Wood: *guffaw* What!? Don't lie to Grandma now Darkie, You? A Bride? *laughs hysterically* whatever. I've got something important for you to do.

Darkwood: Alright what? You old battle axe? Mums really did send me to find a bride, she kept going on about her best hat or something. I dunno.

Grandma Wood: Yes, yes that's a fine hat, I can see her point. Hmmmm, well this mission I'm sending you on will not detract from you finding a bride *she stifles laughter* It will in fact take you to a place where perhaps you are not so well known, that would be a plus for you in seeking a bride I'd think.

*She gives Darkwood no chance to respond* I want you.....

to track down......

your brother.

*cue dramatic music* DUM DUM DUM!!!

Darkwood: You must be mistaken Grandma, for I have no brother.

Grandma Wood: well.....

*she said tentatively*

That's not exactly true, you see, back when your mother was young, she was a bit wild, and well, she was a USOgier girl in the war against the isles of Seanchan.

Darkwood: Um, what? We never had a war, and never with any folk called the sawchin?

Grandma Wood: Okay you're right, but it was a Seanchan soldier with black raven tattoos that caught your mother's attention. I just thought the war story would preface better than "Darkwood, you're mom's easy" You understand what I'm saying.

Darkwood: Ah damnit. Yes *sighs*

Grandma Wood: I mean I could tell you about all the men your mother was intimate with, why her and I used to keep count, it was sort of a joke, we lost count at 156 though, and to think, she was probably only about halfway done at that point.

Darkwood: LIGHT GRANDMA! *Darkwood yells between retches* I don't want to hear it okay! Damn why did father ever marry her anyway?

Grandma Wood: Oh let's not get started on your father boy, we know quite well how big a loser he is, you know you kinda take after him that way.

Darkwood: Alright seriously Grandma, you either spit out what it is you want me to do or I'm leaving. I don't have to take this abuse.

Grandma Wood: Fine fine you little sissy. Here's the Deal. Your brother was visiting a few weeks past. I enjoyed his company, he's a fine boy your brother, not the errant little loser you are. Oh, yes sorry, I'll move on. Anyway I asked your half brother to for a cookie. Said I was frail and old and that's all I wanted from him. You know what he did?

HE TRIED TO KILL ME!!! and he kept mumbling something about blaming it on Ghandi and giggling hysterically.

I only have one piece of evidence, he was wearing this shirt at the time.

I want you to take this whapping cane of mine. I don't need to whap anymore youngsters, my whapping days are through, but please, take this, and whap the crap out of your brother.

Darkwood: Um, yeah.

Well I'll do my best, bye.

*tries to leave*

Grandma Wood: Um Darkwood

Darkwood: WHAT? What now?

Grandma Wood: Get me a cookie?

Darkwood: Um, No.

And with that Darkwood leaves the cabin and continues on his way.

Will Darkwood Find a Bride?
Will the Plotline actually advance at some point?
Will Darkwood's half brother be as cool as our Hero?
Will this Jimmy enlist the semi-evil in his army?

All this and more,
Next Time.

Darkwood,
Errant Youth,
Searching for a bride

Part 3