When one of the board members spoke to me 6 months ago I never expected the task which awaited me.

"Charles, Charlie, can I call you Charlie? Right. Good.

Well, Charlie, I need your help. In recent years, the image of this company has gone to the dogs. The budget is 6 figures- we want TV adverts, radio campaigns, the works. Are you up for the challenge?"

Am I ever!!! "Challenge" is my middle name, or at least it would be, if it wasn't Quentin.

Brainstorming began the next morning, in earnest. I suppose we could have gone for the "green" image, but that's being done by Power Corp. It's just a cynical advertising ploy, as investment in renewable resources is so low, that the UK will probably have to import electricity from abroad in future. As far as bullshit advertising campaigns go, they've done a great job. Hats off to them! So, the team and I, knowing what we were up against, had to put our heads together and think of an idea to bring the customers back. But, what is it that the customers like? Well, we know the only thing the customers dislike more than the current government is the last one. We need something that will make the customers forget that we're a multi million pound business, and remember that we are a national service and that we, and our shareholders, care deeply that customers are paying us for their energy. We need something dependable, something or someone the customers can identify with�

"Something that harks back to the good old days when we were part of the public sector?� Jenkins only said it as a joke, but, by Jove, he had an idea! But, who to have as a figurehead for our new advertising campaign?

"How about Dickey Romlinson?"  You've got to be kidding! Jenkins, are those herbal?

He's made his fortune on this image: renown as a gritty northern working class hero, ex-docker and funny man who says "my bum"- a lot. How could our customers fail to relate to that?!! Stalwart of the unions, Dickey was imprisoned for the cause of a builder's strike in the 70's, and even went so far as claiming to be a political prisoner. He's named as a supporter of the Socialist Party, Socialist Worker, Lancashire Social Alliance and London Socialist Association. What can I say, he's a sociable guy! Absolutely perfect for the job, he was quoted as saying he's sick of New Labour, would remain true to his Socialist roots, and would probably be joining fellow Scousers who plan on dancing on top of Thatcher's grave!!! He doesn�t approve of a government talking like socialists, acting like capitalists. On the Jonathon Ross show (promoting his book to those of the working class endowed with the ability to read), he commented �I wish there was a revolution- I�d lead it!�  How better can we distance ourselves from the P,L and C that so taints our company name? Ticks in boxes, my friend, he fits the description to a T!  Not a Mrs T, you understand! Nor a Mr T either! We are always hungry after a good brainstorming session; I believe it�s called �the munchies�.

What a challenge! How to persuade this supporter of Arthur Scargill and darling of the left to join our noble cause? I came to the conclusion that Jenkins, myself and the rest of the Marketing department must be going slightly bonkers. Just imagine it: Dickey Romlinson publicising a business whose board are paid 5 figure sums, a company whose profits once were ploughed back into public services, but now go into the pockets of shareholders?!  Who would even have the cheek to make such an offer to working class guy with such staunch beliefs? One would be risking having their nose boxed! ...or so one would think.

Jenkins, our newly promoted marketing VP, that's who! Approaching Dickey wasn't even as difficult or treacherous as we'd anticipated- just a matter of gentle persuasion. We explained that our super-normal profits are due to "progression through competitive capitalism" and nothing at all to do with increasing our customer's bills above inflation. I jest! Too much time with Jenkins I fear. Actually, it was simply a case of naming the right price for Romlinson (who, incidentally, is now a millionaire) to renounce his Socialist values. Somehow this brave City and Guild�s member is managing to eek out a living despite the harsh legacy of the Thatcherite regime. Were those values just a whole load of gas? One could say it's a right Royle sell out�but fair enough, I say; good Charlie isn't cheap these days.

Of course, Dicky hasn't sold out to cocaine socialism...he's sure to prove us all wrong by redistributing his new found wealth in a
socialist style to those less fortunate - not including long suffering friends and family members who haven't done quite so well from the demise of our national industries.