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MPs petition Blair: please don't go. As Blair continues to be oblivious to what separates us from the rest of Europe in being the number one terrorist target this side of the Atlantic... more soldiers die for the sake of the Emperor's reputation as he attempts to make his mark on history. Democracy, if not facing another democratic vote; is one really held democratically accountable? Advertising feature: "Incredible" Sure (TM) women. The deodorant company actively celebrating female ingenuity with such amazing stories of courage such as: woman fixes broken bra with sticky tape. Isn't that incredible?!! A PR campaign clearly invented by men; "quick, think of an incredible gender specific incident!" Not at all patronising to the prettier, weaker but less sweaty and better smelling sex*. Local boy convicted of arson The Scottish "freedom fighter" who attacked a council hall in Clackmannanshire had a decidedly local appearance. Apparently he'd attacked his local council because he doesn't like people who aren't local. Suffice to say this chump was put in a local prison for local people. Are you local?
Precious things...I didn't burn them! Priest in navy offended by porn sues for £50000 compensation. Yet...not offended by being on a warship brimming with weapons designed to kill. Yet again we're shown that practises involved in creating life are far more offensive to some than practises concerned with ending life. John Reid standing for all that is good in the world, and if you disagree then it's clear what camp you're in. When Dr Reid made his vacuous speech, none of the delegates pointed out the moot point "protecting freedom”. Who’s going to complain about the reduction in civil liberties when he points out the "sacrifices needed to beat Hitler"? What does Reid plan to do to stop terrorists who want to use our democratic freedom of speech to destroy our will to fight for our democratic values? Reid thinks that it's unfair that terrorists can kill at will without being answerable, yet when our soldiers do something wrong, like killing or torturing prisoners/civilians.... “I believe British troops are now forced to operate on what I call an uneven playing field of scrutiny.” Yes, having to abide by human rights laws is such a hassle. "The British army is a superb and deeply ethical professional body precisely because it seeks to inject morality - right and wrong - into the harsh reality of warfare, which is the least conductive of moral environments, especially now with such an uneven battlefield." What baseline of standards is being used exactly? In comparison to the actions of terrorists? Yes, we do expect our soldiers to behave slightly better than the terrorists unconstrained by rules of engagement. It's silly to complain that it's not fair. War isn't fair. If war was supposed to be fair, they'd have a great big army with jet planes too. It's great to say you believe in human rights, and then change the definition of what constitutes them. If urging the media not to undermine troop morale and accusing anyone critical of the war of a lack of patriotism isn't an attempt to subvert free speech...what is? So what is it that John Reid stands for exactly? 'cos it doesn't appear to be what he says it is. News just in: David Cameron: standing for anything you want him to stand for The Daily Mail: standing for family values. "Family" with an exclusive definition (no gays or single mothers please). As they say; the devil is in the detail. As implied; "are you thinking what we're thinking?" Labelling oneself as “moral” or representative of qualities to which everyone aspires is never anything more than propaganda, replete with the inference that your competitor doesn't represent those attributes. D.T. (reporting all that is true and just in the world). Tesco deprive child workers of jobs After a Channel 4 exposé of Tesco's proud youth employment plan; the evil multinational is now planning to make redundant hundreds of 12 to 16 year olds working making clothes for its Florence and Fred range. Shocking. Every little (12 to 16 year old child) helps. Media Commentator's Field Day: shock and disgust at the price of gas.
4th Oct 2006 .The explanation of economic circumstances and the 6 month time lag between wholesale and retail prices- beyond the Joe of average Ken. Still, look at your favourite overpaid DJ, and he's right there, backing you up, feeling just as perturbed as the pensioner who can't afford to pay her heating bills! I wonder what proportion of the complainants hold energy company shares, or voted for the party who sold off the public assets in the 1st place? Nae, there's nothing surprising about it, and the outrageousness of businesses profiting from granny's heating bill is decade old news...still, there's plenty of room left on this particular band wagon. Off the rails:
Why is it that girls on the train can spend 20 minutes doing their makeup and no-one bats an eyelid ('cept them while they're doing the
In an online discussion, 10-oct-2006, a
As heard at Hampden "Stand up if you hate the racists".
African children for sale - slaves to fashion?
Cost of Madonna raising a little black baby; the latest showbiz fashion accessory:
VS
Cost of donation to a father, who has already tragically lost his wife, so he can afford to raise his own son.
Scotland: probably the best small country in the world
Glasgow: Scotland with style Ayrshire: Pure dead brilliant The Highlands: Outdoor capital of Scotland The Borders: Scotland's leading destination.
The tourist board: bullshitting with flair
Rice ends World Hunger, cures Middle East
Is there anything that Rice can't do? On the day it was revealed that American 'planes delivering bunker busting bombs refuelled in the UK before continuing to Israel, for use against their neighbours... Bush and Blair still can't work out why it is exactly that the majority of the Arab world hates them (whilst refusing to tell Israel to cease fire). "Now not a good time to stop killing innocent women and children." Blaming one's own war crimes on the actions of others... now, where did we hear that before? Wait...doesn't that sound exactly like what Hammas said? When terrorists are using civilians as a human shield...refusal to attempt to minimise civilian casualties by sending in special forces to do the job is utter cowardice. "But we've got precision weapons" Wait...haven't we seen these so-called precision weapons somewhere else? On CNN bombing bunkers in US Army publicity (right before seeing the aftermath of one of them landing in a crowded Iraqi marketplace). Suddenly every dead civilian is a harbourer of terrorism, deserving of their fate. In which imaginary country do the civilians have control of terrorist accountability? Internationally unaccountable government with special exemption. Political magazine derides greed, sleaze & hypocrisy, carries greedy sleazy adverts. Adverts for "personal services" and luxury cars sit uneasily alongside articles about hypocrisy in the newspapers, sordid affairs of MPs, commercial websites selling communist t-shirts. Great ideas: Help child welfare by paying single mothers to stay at home. Yeah, great idea to create a society where it pays NOT to know who the father of a child is, where a teenage mother can sure to receive, not only a free council house, but also pocket money for fags and booze. Yes, a great leap forward step for child welfare. Police arrest Arab woman over terrorist smuggling allegation.
*update: that's not a baby, it's just a stash of mobile phones being smuggled!
At first parents responded to the tabloid publicized paedo threat by refusing to let kids walk to school and insisting they ate chips and played the PS2.
Children realised that being fat, ugly little kids, may indeed make them easier to catch, but a lot less attractive to the fiddlers. The paedo threat reached epidemic proportions and the second issue became apparent; lowered self esteem. One local mothers commented:
"How would you when all the thin kids in your class get molested and you don't? My daughter asked me what was wrong with her, and if I thought she was fat. I was horrified to 'ear it, soes I marched her to the door of the neighbourhood nonce an' demanded that he give her a right seeing too. I ain't 'avin' bloody paedos tellin' me that my flesh 'nd blood ain't good enough for 'em. Bastards."
"I think there is a danger of politicians piling in to have their ten pence-worth and really they have to ask themselves whether this is having an overall good effect or not" David Cameron
So, it's not good for other ministers to comment, but it is for him? After this pathetic vague criticism of unspecified politicians, it is rather arrogant to think that his own "considered" comments wouldn't have exactly the same effect. Busses don't kill people. Bus drivers do. (and people who don't look both ways). Black friend used as pawn in argument between queen and bishop.
Second only to making a Nazi comparison during an argument is the quoting of black/gay/foreign/disabled friends in a pathetic attempt to prove that you're not a standard prejudiced middle class white male. Your need to do so, not only insulted your audience, but also made them think "he doth protest too much", and that maybe you are. Pupil discipline improves with replacement teaching assistant (Vader)
How exactly does banning the media help counteract allegations of subversiveness?! duh. |
North Korean nuclear test kills two million by proxy
A half kiloton blast deep underground, dwarfed in comparison to the 14 kiloton Hiroshima blast, could prove to be many times more deadly. Why? Because the international community sees fit to punish the entire population of North Korea for having a dictator who kills anyone who steps out of line. Of course, this will make life utterly miserable in the palace for Kim Jong-Il, and make the population's life a lot more pleasurable; so much so, they'll positively adore foreigners for allowing them to starve.
If anything has been learnt from the experience, surely it is that regime change cannot be forced upon a country by starving it of food or medical aid, as was done with Iraq (at the cost of hundreds of thousands of mainly infant casualties). Progressive development, the sweet taste of progress is a much more relenting force for change; as evident in neighbouring China. But hey, that makes for shit headlines if you want to be seen to be tough on terror...besides...the crazy guy left you no choice, did he? (much like he did with his own subjects).
NHS investigation reveals total cost a 20-a-day habit to be £2,500 a year.
Neil Rafferty, spokesperson said: "It is fine for them to tell smokers about the dangers of their habit, but not on what they should be spending their money on." Why is it not the business of the NHS to highlight the financial costs of smoking, when its effects are clearly health related? "Stating the obvious" seems entirely appropriate when smokers appear oblivious to the unwise decisions they're making. Nationalism for sale; going cheap.
The discussion of Gordon Brown’s “Scottishness” has been particularly demonstrative of the ugly side of national identity. The English supposedly unhappy at the thought of enduring him (while it was fine for the Scots to endure a Northern friendly PM like Thatcher!!). Naturally this gave Alex Salmond ample room to score points on Brown’s supposed biases (especially given that his party sells itself on them). As with the Shi’ite / Sunni situation in Iraq’s government there are all the same elements of politics, although one would have hoped that in the civilised west we would be beyond such triviality. No, wait, it appears not; Salmond wants to reward people in Scotland with their own Olympic team as reward for trusting the country to be run by a woman with a mullet. It's been a great week for Scotland apparently (because of a football match).
It may be a vote winner in a situation with a reduced political choice, however, what hasn't been considered is the possible direction this bandwagon may travel on. Hey, jump on Cardinal, there's room for religious leaders to get involved in this debate. The SNP obviously see the Cardinal's O'Brien's comment as no less a heavenly sign than a vaguely cross shaped cloud, one could hardly place aspersions on an Irishman's feelings about things Unionist. It's a pity we weren't treated to his wisdom during the troubles. In the last month, there have been more utterly false and downright crude attempts to manipulate the public by all concerned than in recent years.
With Labour sold down the river for a cheap buck, a quango, a PPP or an honour, the door has been left open for the wolves of secular politics. The main aim forgotten; those remaining loyal to the party which now resembles the one it replaced a little over a decade ago. A de-motivated electorate; with no-one worthy to fill the void. Ranters with their faces painted blue crying 'freedom'; or those waving red star flags, punching the air and lying 'til they are blue in the face. Who cares? Even Kinnock's past caring now he's got his fancy car and job in Europe. John Smith's bones have worn away from the all the turning in the grave he's been doing. Wonder what their thoughts are on the current blood being shed to try to prevent Iraq splitting into autonomous regions? Just a different bunch of bastards in charge; even more parochial and narrow minded than the last lot.
Vatican unsure over nature of afterlife
After 700 years, the infallible church admits that they're not sure about limbo & need a theological commission to discuss it. After they finally decide what it is they believe, it will be pronounced as fact with followers obliged to believe it too.
A spokesperson announced that any change would be designed to relieve grieving parents and not just a cynical ploy to spread religion by adjusting it for the audience in developing countries with high infant mortality.
Perhaps the Vatican should announce what else is just a "hypothesis" & what followers are actually expected to believe. One doesn't want to be believing in heresy like those heathen protestants. For a group claiming intimate knowledge of God, it seems like a pretty fundamental thing to be unsure of, especially given how Christian sects emphasis their minuscule differences. What is the effect on the souls of those who have already died if they believe this heresy?
It appears that other ideas should be up for debate: the concepts of heaven and hell ripe for instance. Infinite punishment in hell for finite sins committed on earth, or infinite reward for finite good deeds are hardly "fair" by any earthly standards. Well, about as fair as the concept of original sin. Condoms being sinful is another idea supposedly extrapolated from the bible by these scholars, along with the idea of god forgiving all of mankind's sins if we say we're friends with some dead guy who'll take the blame for everyone.
Dougal: Come on now Ted, we're not really expected to believe that! Ted <exasperated>: NO Dougal... we are
Religion is inherently malleable, anything which is disproved or unfashionable 13th C ideas suddenly become "allegorical". If more people subscribed to rational philosophical viewpoints instead of religious ones, it would be better for everyone. Amish school gun tragedy
After the 3rd fatal school killing in a week (as opposed to those non fatal killings) there is an outcry across the USA is demanding: What can be done to make it stop?
"Take the guns out the school? No. Arm the kids I say"
Charlton Heston
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad; president of Iran
Dubya.
God
"I refuse to let them treat the child using these modern methods; this newfangled "medical science" is as evil as the gun which shot her. We trust her to the will of god"
The Amish
Generic weird Goth kid
Unfair terrorists force us to break international law
One would think that being among the people who decide the law would be enough of an advantage. It makes you wonder why you had the law in the first place.
Leaders claim: "Good fascism" ideal cure for "Bad fascism"
Fighting fire with fire; countering fascism with retaliatory actions "good fascism". Any pro-active war could be said to be a globally fascist action. Fascism exalts the nation, state, or race as superior to the individuals, institutions, or groups composing it. Fascism uses explicit populist rhetoric; calls for a heroic mass effort to restore past greatness; and demands loyalty to a single leader. Moreover the presumption of being right, and that giving the right to any action.
Police incompetence great excuse for bringing in new laws to compensate.
After loosing two suspects who were subject to a highly dubious (and possibly illegal) control order, the government now wants to change the law and opt out of the Geneva convention on human rights. The UN recognises that human rights can be limited or even pushed aside during times of national emergency - although "the emergency must be actual, affect the whole population and the threat must be to the very existence of the nation. The declaration of emergency must also be a last resort and a temporary measure". Even Tony and his smooth tongued associated would have a hard job of convincing the electorate of this; although they are giving it a damn good try.
The task of the government is to protect it's citizens; human rights legislation is more relevant to the protection of individuals from everyone; including the government. More is the pity that fools have denigrated the term by claiming to have a "human right" to be able to afford two foreign holidays a year and a Chelsea tractor.
With the current record on intelligence...is it appropriate that anyone be arrested, "controlled" or indeed jailed on information that is "too sensitive" to be shown in court?
Common reactions to Jack Straw's comments
Shock Surprise Outrage
She's only doing it to get her face in the papers.
Unhappy Families Dictators: gotta catch 'em all.
Something desperately wrong with Kylie.
Is the recent interview with Ms Minogue on the subject of her recovery from cancer a valuable contribution from a plucky victim, or morbid commercial self exploitation?
Is it naivety or just plain arrogance which makes her think that she's got the ability to help those with cancer? When will a celebrity survive a debilitating illness then realise "just a minute, there are already several good charities for this cause; better I lend my (financial) support to one of them".
Still, it doesn't hurt ticket sales for her comeback tour.
If the best thing about Scottish is not being English...why is it not good to be English?
Attempt to formulate an answer without referencing any racial stereotypes proves an impossible challenge. Ideas are frequently perpetuated by "Folk science"; anecdotal analysis of "data"; specifically the subconscious noting of anything which reinforces a pre-existing stereotype. "Oh yes, they do like a drink", we observe...but which country (apart from the obvious exceptions) doesn't? Which land doesn't claim to have the attributes of bravery, friendliness, so forth? Football fans claimed that their team exemplified Scotland's "Hardworking and determined" attitude during their miraculous win over France, yet one need only glance down any main street to see many for whom these attributes are foreign. The mere idea that we share a common in values with all of the population appears foul when we consider the miscreants within any group with whom we would not want to associate ourselves.
Given the flimsy reasoning of folk science is inadequate at determining who is a "great bunch of lads" and who isn't, should anyone be given preferential treatment based on a preconceived idea? Should anyone be treated pre-judgementally, with favours be given or denied them based on this most shallow of identities?
Best thing about being Scottish was the opportunity to discover how irrelevant nationality is to one's existence; and the chance to reject it completely and think in a less-biased manner. (this perhaps wouldn't be possible where free thought is more openly discouraged and children brainwashed with anthems)
"Human rights" degraded by stupid comparisons.
Yet when the topic of the rights of suspects crops up, suddenly human rights are said to be a stupid, superfluous things damaging to the public good.
No doubt these were the self same people opposed to the drink drive laws who thought that the breathalyser test was a breach of civil liberties...Yeah, the sooner we get away from these crazy notions of "evidence" and "innocent until proven guilty" the better. |
Vatican condemn Guinness "evolution" advert. After two and a half decades, Robert Smith's mother admits that it might not be "just a phase" Augmented cosmetic surgery addict Jordan's new claim: "be happy with who you are" Lost the receipt? A whole livelihood dependant on artificial assets, now she's using her intellect to full effect Popular cycles of reinvention. Activist, artiste, girl-next-door, 2001 alternative ending Dave presses control-alt-delete Alternative found for rapid, effective verruca removal Bazooka gel? No. Landmine ointment. The only Bikini diet with guaranteed weight loss is the one which involves eating nothing but bikinis. Medieval pop combo burned at stake: Heresy. Great great grand-daughter of suffragette encouraged to hold ambitions of being a princess, given dolls to play with, dress in pink.
Branson offers profits from airline and trains to be invested in green energy In other news: Kalashnikov offers profits from sales of his machine gun sales to be invested in a peace camp. Boss unhumorously reaffirms stereotypes in attempt at to appear personable.
Something about the UK manager's banter didn't smell right; was his inference that we, his audience, harbour racist tendencies jocular or just plain offensive?
His reinforcement of that old stereotype; that the Scots hate the English, also served to reinforce that other old stereotype; that the English can be real arseholes at times.
Would he have made the same "you probably hate me" jokes as a non white guy talking a mostly white crowd, or as woman in a male dominated profession? Burkas; the backlash.
Hoodie wearer
"Wearing this is my religion, yet none of the staff in the local mall respect it" Anonymous Burka wearer (3rd generation British citizen from Bolton, worn for 6 months)
"Read my lips, it's my culture, I'm not being oppressed- my brothers & uncle told me so.
I'm only doing it to annoy my parents who left dirkdirkistan to
escape this kind of thing...but hey, it was either this or becoming
a Goth" Generic Turk
"it's banned in public here in Turkey, yet people say we're too Muslim to be in the EU. We surely weren't doing it for anti religious purposes... just hope they don't ban the fez"
Generic Papua new Guinean Tribesman
Batman
Trinney and Susanna "Too beautiful for the gaze of men? I know we are, but don't flatter yourself, darling; black is so last season. Anyway, is it really modest to think of oneself as more modest than anyone else? "
"What's all this fuss about the burka? Everyone knows Muhammad prefers females wearing school uniforms. Allah al Fubar! Just kidding"
Fat camp
Come on...go for the
Drop and give me 10 (doughnuts). Singer "wishes she was a punk rocker" yet can't understand why she's released just the type of pop shite real punk rockers hate.
Chubby models: a dangerous precedent in an obesogenic society?
Those claiming stick thin models are creating a dangerous anorexia epidemic...should examine their logic when proposing models at the other end of the BMI spectrum.
How could anyone expect overweight cover girls to reinforce an idea of "healthy eating", without encouraging those already overweight to eat even more?
Do slim models have much influence on a society where teen obesity is running at 30% and anorexia is at 0.6%?
Would having overweight models give an excuse to fat teenagers to remain fat, the same way that slim models may provide excuses? Does having models of an "average" weight...in a society where the average person is obese going to do anything to help anyone? Why not have models of a healthy weight?
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"Strange how we don't have that sort of problem here... despite being evil" 
"Why is the killer blaming me? Ok, so I post-nataly aborted his child, but that's my self-dammed prerogative. Why can't these humans take responsibility for themselves?"
"If I ever want my photo on the front cover of a newspaper, I know exactly what to do..."
Del on earth |
Opinions expressed here are not meant to be taken too seriously. |