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You've spent all day at a feis, and you're having dinner at a nearby restaurant. Suddenly, you hear the sound of an accordion nearby. Could it be that the musicians are here, too? You whip around, trying to spot them, but no one is there. What's happening? Have you lost your mind? Well, that's always a possibility, but it's far more likely that you suffer from that common ailment known as feis syndrome.
Feis Syndrome
A mysterious disease, feis syndrome is known to include many different symptoms. Feis syndrome is most likely to begin two to three days before a feis, and may continue for up to a week after a feis. The most common causes are overexcitement for upcoming feiseanna, increased practice time, and, far more seriously, documented addiction to Irish dancing.
Symptoms
The symptoms of feis syndrome can be divided into three categories: pre-feis, feis, and post-feis. The pre-feis symptoms include, but are not limited to, the following.
Pre-Feis Symptoms
Feis head: the most obvious and most common symptom, feis head is the appearance of being a multi-colored spiky porcupine. For unknown reasons, this seems to be found exclusively in female patients.
Excessive practicing: This often occurs at the last practice before a feis. The patient may insist on dancing "just one more time," despite having danced the same dance seventeen times already.
Pre-feis jitters: Not to be confused with feis jitters, pre-feis jitters include a feeling of anxiety mixed with excitement, with a small twist of fear. The attention is centered on the patient's performance.
Insomnia: difficulty in sleeping. This may be related to pre-feis jitters and/or feis head.
Feis Symptoms
Early rising: For unexplainable reasons, the patient rises unusually early. Even patients who normally are positively enamored of sleep will find themselves greeting the dawn. Again, this may be related to pre-feis jitters or feis head. Early rising marks the transition to the second stage of feis syndrome.
Hurry-up-and-wait disorder: The patient becomes extremely anxious about arriving at the feis on time, and wants to leave as quickly as humanly possible. Once there, the patient is confronted by the fact that she must wait several hours before he or she can dance.
Hair obsession: Often linked to feis head, the patient becomes VERY anxious about her hair. Usually only a feminine phenomenon, the patient runs about frantically, asking every familiar person, "Is my hair all right? Is my hair all right?"
Hummingbird disorder: The patient may survive the entire day on only a candy bar and lots of water, and seems to be running off sheer adrenaline. The patient doesn't feel hunger until after the last dance, when hunger becomes extreme and urgent.
Feis jitters: the patient becomes very nervous or excited, often babbling about nothing at all, and pausing only every now and then to stretch and to ask once more, "Is my hair all right?"
Post-Feis Symptoms
Feis ear: the illusion of hearing all music as Irish dance music, complete with accordion. More likely to occur in situations with background music. After extensive research, the Siamsa facility has determined that excessive exposure to accordion music causes the tunes to implant themselves in the patient's brain. An alarming development of this symptom is group feis ear, in which several patients will stare at each other wide-eyed and gasp, "I just heard the Blackbird!" Most alarming, however, is when the patients actually like the symptom!
Dancing fingers: situation in which one's fingers start to dance the steps, either consciously or subconsciously. Usually occurs when the patient is unable to dance.
Feis mouth: uncontrollable desire to discuss every aspect of Irish dancing in general and the feis in particular, often over and over. Likely to cause annoyance to friends and family.
Feis feet: the desire to dance despite having spent the majority of the day dancing. This desire often pays little attention to whether or not the patient must get up early in the morning, how the patient's feet ache, etc.
Prognosis
Feis syndrome can usually be expected to clear up within a week. However, in certain rare cases, feis syndrome can become a chronic and permanent condition. Many of the symptoms become constant, and further bizarre behavior, such as devoting time and energy to the upkeep of a website devoted entirely to Irish dance, may occur.
