Aqua Teen Hunger Force -- Supermodel
Transcript and screenshots by Audra. Aqua Teen Hunger Force is TM & © 2001 Cartoon Network. An AOL Time Warner Company.
<Laboratory of Dr. Weird, South Jersey Shore>
Dr. Weird: Gentlemen, behold! (Points to lawnmower) I have made love to this machine, and now upon retrospect I ask, why?
Steve: I'm sure someone thinks that's pretty neat. ...So did you do that for science or--
Dr. Weird: No! It was free! And she was drunk. She didn't know what she was doing. (Lawnmower gives birth to an egg) My metal boy!
AQUA TEEN THEME
<Aqua Teens' House>
Meatwad: Boy, sure is nice not having Shake around.
Frylock: Yeah, it is weird that he would just go down to Guatemala and be a missionary. In fact, it's not true.
Meatwad: Look here, he could be down there on a prom date with Santa Claus on the Moon for all I care. Point is, I can do whatever I want with my toys.
Frylock: Put up your toys.
Meatwad: Shut up.
(Shake comes in)
Shake: Yo! Guess who's back?
Meatwad: Oh, hell.
Frylock: Well that's good. How was your mission trip? And where did you get that nose?
Shake: What nose?
Frylock: The one sticking out of your face.
Shake: Oh, you mean the growth spurt? Yeah, well it's common with kids my age. When you're a little older, you reach something called maturity. Look it up, wussy!
Frylock: It also goes by the name of rhinoplasty, doesn't it?
Shake: Yes, during my mission trip I had a small procedure done so I can breathe better and hit the high notes.
Frylock: And when do you sing?
Shake: Don't be jealous because I'm attractive! Why don't you go back to your ugly room and get on that chat with the girl you're afraid to meet in person.
Frylock: You leave her out of this.
Shake: By the way, did you tell her that you're a box of freakin' fries? (Frylock adjusts Shake's nose) Oh thank you. Bonus, hey, you got a goatee. Yeah, that's in style.
Frylock: Alright, alright, fine.
Shake: Like you got a dead rat on your face.
Frylock: Well you just let me know how those coconuts work out for you, okay?
Shake: I don't know what you're talking about. (To Meatwad) Can you tell these are coconuts cuz they spray-painted them and they looked pretty good when I looked.
Meatwad: No, you lookin' good, boy. Them professional nostrils. Somethin' about you...I can't put my meat on it, but you seem smarter, in the nose area.
Shake: Well thank you, I am.
Meatwad: Yeah, it'd be great too if you had some cheekbones, you know, complete the set.
Shake: Well what's that supposed to mean?
Meatwad: Well hey don't pin me down. You're face just seems a little front heavy. But hey, you work with what God gave you, right? I mean nobody says anything about it. --But they are thinkin' it.
Shake: Nobody says anything about me?! Why not!?
Meatwad: Number one, your cheeks are hollow. Number two, you ain't got no masculine cut to your jaw. I mean, you could be a man or a woman. What are ya?
Shake: Frylock! I gotta go back down to Guatemala for some more cheap sur--m--mission trip...lotta kids...big trouble.
Frylock: When will you be back?
Shake: That's really up to God now, isn't it? He works through me. No one touches any of my stuff! I am a man, damn it!
Frylock: (to Meatwad) What did you say to him?
Meatwad: Shh, hear that? That's the sound of him not being here. You thank me later.
<Aqua Teens' House>
(Shake returns)
Shake Come out here and shake a MAN'S hand, baby!
Frylock: Damn, son, that looks...horrific.
Shake: Don't be jealous. I'll send a couple skanks I don't want your way. Don't worry.
Meatwad: What's that on the side? That ain't right.
Shake: Are you serious? Just hold on a second, alright?
Meatwad: Yeah you better take care of that.
Shake: That's what I'm talking about. How does that look?
Frylock: What is that pumping into your jaw?
Shake: Natural spring saline. I woke up one morning and realized I was going through the change. You know you should take sex ed, then you'd know what this stuff was all about.
Frylock: Look, all I'm saying is it just looks really infected, okay?
Shake: Well I'm not using the gravity feed system. Do you know how dumb I'd look in a magazine laying on a couch with the half-zippered jeans of some chick holding a frickin' saline bucket over my head, to feed my jaw?
Frylock: Alright, alright, I don't want to ruin your...career. I just want to say that some antibiotics might not be such a bad idea.
Shake: Antibiotics? In Guatemala? Forget it. They give you a rat turd with a little season salt. No. I'll do the surgery there and the painkillers here. If I did surgery. Which I didn't.
Meatwad: You're lookin' like a man's man now, boy. You gonna chop down some trees and build a log cabin so you can live off the land and wrestle bears?
Shake: I was thinking about it.
Meatwad: I just don't know how you're gonna see any bears with that fat sagging over your eyes.
Frylock: Meatwad, don't.
Frylock: What? He's our friend. We need to be honest with him. Here's a test. Now look at me, Shake. Can you see me, through all the fat dripping over your eyes?
Shake: Well now that you mention it, I don't know.
Meatwad: You can't. Look here. You want your blue jean ad?
Shake: More than anything.
Frylock: A blue jean ad? Look, Shake, a lot of times the media tries to present an image that isn't exactly true to life. I mean, you understand what I'm saying, right?
Shake: No, I do. I do. I understand that some people--Meatwad--don't look good, and that they should hide from the cameras at all costs. It's the beautiful people that are the smart ones, and it's that very same smartness that makes them rich.
Frylock: Shake, people are different all over. I mean, it's not how you look on the outside. It's what's inside that counts.
Shake: Thank you, dad. I get the message. Is that what you're trying to tell "69SoFine"?
Frylock: You read my e-mail?
Shake: Do you think she gets that you're a fireman yet?
Frylock: Well screw you!
Shake: Oh, good one! Never heard that one before. Boy, do I feel burned.
Meatwad: (to Shake) Look, you don't listen to him, okay? He ain't vain like you are.
Shake: That's right. He doesn't know.
Meatwad: What you need is to lose the eye fat, get yourself some soft pillowy lips, rock hard abs, and how about a giant brain horn?
Shake: I know. I couldn't find a guy with the expertise. Look at me. This is my meal ticket, you know what I'm saying? I only have one face.
Meatwad: And that is another issue I wasn't going to bring up, but I think you forced me to. You need a second little one so you can do _____ ads
Shake: You're right, but I can't afford to go back to Guatemala. It's all fish bladders and coconuts down there. We need someone who wears shoes, and washes their hands.
Meatwad: Don't you worry now. I know me a guy.
<Carl's House>
Meatwad: Hey, Carl.
Carl: Hey, yourself. Who's your friend over there, smells like Almond Joys?
Shake: Hey, it's me, Shake!
Carl: What did you get that done in Guatemala or somethin'?
Shake: Get what done?
Meatwad; Yeah, he did. We're calling in the pros now. Is your buddy out of prison yet?
Carl: Which one? Cuz there's three.
Meatwad: Oh you know which one--the guy that was in the hotel with the people, and the welding.
Carl: Oh, Terry, yeah, yeah he's out. But part of his parole is he's not supposed to, you know, do what he was doing...to flesh.
Shake: We need him. Otherwise people are going to look at me and wonder what could have been.
Carl: Alright, whatever. We'll meet at the docks at midnight. I got a 10% finder's fee. You never saw me.
Shake: Fine, but I'll need a receipt, because this is a business expense.
<Body Shop at the Docks>
Carl: Alright, he wants you to drink all that before you go in there.
Shake: Easily done, my friend. Now you're talking my language. What's this thing for?
Carl: Yeah, that you'll bite down on so you don't swallow your tongue.
Shake: Now?
Carl: Oh, you'll know when, I'm pretty sure of that.
Shake: Alright! Hello, Hollywood, let the games begin, baby!
(Screaming)
Meatwad: Listen to that. Goodness. Boy, he's doing some work, isn't he?
Shake: (pauses screaming) No, I want that higher (continues screaming)
Carl: Yeah, he builds hotrods mostly--sometimes faces.
Meatwad: Well, we just thank you, Carl. You been real good to us.
Carl: Yeah shut up, I need my money now.
Shake: (comes out bandaged up) Wow, he's quick and relatively clean. You know this beats the jungle surgery any day. Snakes everywhere, you can't get rid of them.
Carl: Oh, I see he sold you on the Tijuana Supremo package.
Shake: Well, you know initially I was skeptical, but one I saw them in the showroom, I mean come on. You'd be a fool not to get it.
Carl: Let's get out of here now and how about you shut that off before the cops see us, okay?
Shake: Hang on, I'm still plugged in here.
<Aqua Teens' House>
Shake: Frylock, get out here. I'm about to unwrap my present to the jean-wearing populace.
Frylock: Uh, you sure that's wise, Shake? I mean, it's only been a couple of days since your, uh--
Shake: Yeah right, I'm not waiting six weeks.
Frylock: Alright, as long as you know what you're doing.
(Meatwad removes bandages)
Shake: Oh. My. God. I want you to contact Jordache and tell them I'm on my way!
Meatwad: Whoa, what happed to your butt? This is like a little shelter down here.
Shake: Well, if you add somewhere, stupid, you obviously have to subtract from somewhere.
Meatwad: So then they took your butt, and put it on your face.
Shake: They what now?
Meatwad: You oughtta see this butt. It's flat.
Frylock: Actually, it's concave, isn't it?
Meatwad: Yeah, you got an ass-face, boy.
Frylock: Yeah, I guess you are right--
Meatwad: I ain't talkin' to you. I'm talking to ass-face over here. What do you think, ass-face?
Shake: How am I gonna fill the jeans if I don't have an ass?
Meatwad: You ain't. You need to get yourself a job making horror movies. "Return of the Deadly Ass-Face."
Shake: Well, fine.
Meatwad: Never go back to Ass-Face Lake.
Shake: Well, fine, I won't do jean ads. That's simple.
Meatwad: Deadly Ass-Face Lake Camp. I need to work on that one.
Shake: But I could do underwear, right?
Meatwad: You could do a hospital ad, and they wouldn't have to use makeup.
Shake: No! This isn't happening!
Meatwad: You a sucka.
Shake: No! What have I done? Frylock, you're into that science crap. You can straighten this all out for me.
Frylock: Oh, I thought I was inferior. I don't know. Is the unwashed allowed to touch the golden?
Shake: Well maybe this one time I can let it pass. I won't tell anyone.
Frylock: Listen, it's one or the other, okay? Either you get your ass back or you keep that face.
Shake: I choose...the ass!
Little Face: Y'all thought Michael Jackson was crazy.
(Later)
Meatwad: Has he eaten yet?
Frylock: No, you can tell he's still depressed.
Meatwad: Is he out of my room yet? What? I need my space!
Shake: I can hear you out there! Maybe I'll get a Benaton ad, where they look for freaks.
Frylock: Shake, you're not a freak, okay? I mean, yes you have a pair of large nostrils going down your back and they're running.
(Carl comes up to window)
Carl: Oh God, look at that! (Frylock closes blinds) Hey, Fryman, what are you doing?
Shake: Was he talking about me?
Frylock: Of course not.
Carl: Aw, you missed it, a huge milkshake, yeah he's like a frickin--
Frylock: I gotta go.
Meatwad: Frylock, please, let me handle this, okay?
Frylock: Good, because I gotta get out of here.
Meatwad: Did you change something? You look kinda different.
Frylock: No, no I'm the same. How does this coat look? Pretty cool, huh?
Meatwad: I'd loosen that belt. I mean she's gonna think you ain't got nothin' down there but a spine or snake bottom.
Frylock: She? Oh, I'm just going to run a few errands, you know.
Meatwad: Yeah right. Here. (Hands Frylock "Phantom of the Opera" mask) Say something about how bad the fire was and you got your face burnt up. Play the pity card. It's your only hope.
Shake: Hello? Hello? Me!
Meatwad: Better eat that soup. It's gonna help you feel better.
Shake: Alright, if you think so.
Meatwad: Whoa, little piggy. Show a little self-control. Nothing grosses me out more than fat people, like you.
Shake: I'm fat?
Meatwad: As hell. Have you seen yourself? I would not eat ANY more. Unless you gonna get rid of it, you know what I mean?
Shake: What DO you mean?
Meatwad: I'm not talking about digestion. I'm talking about this. (Sticks finger down throat)
Frylock: Meatwad, NO!
THE END