Aqua Teen Hunger Force -- Spirit Journey Formation Anniversary
Transcribed by Audra. Aqua Teen Hunger Force is TM & © 2001 Cartoon Network. An AOL Time Warner Company.
(Laboratory of Dr. Weird -- South Jersey Shore)>
Dr. Weird: Bull@#$%!
<Intro>
<Aqua Teen’s House> (Meatwad’s Birthday)
(Meatwad beats Frylock with a piñata stick)
Frylock: No! Meatwad! Ow! Ow!
Meatwad: Break, stupid!
Frylock: Meatwad, the piñata is over THERE!
Meatwad: Where is it? Here?
Frylock: Ow! You’re the birthday boy. Let’s just take off the blindfold. Maybe you could—
Meatwad: Where is it, back here?
Frylock: Meatwad! (blows up piñata with his eye bolts) Hooray, Meatwad! You hit it, see?
Meatwad: Alright! Where’s the candy?
Frylock: Look, you got a cake. Who needs candy? Come on, Meatwad.
Meatwad: (hits cake with piñata stick) Is there candy in there?
Frylock: Look, just get your damn friends in here.
Meatwad: Frylock, I’m friends with a toilet paper tube, and an apple, and a box. I’m crazy in the head.
Boxy Brown: Whoa, you gonna dis me, boy, dis me to my face.
Meatwad: Boxy, please, don’t take it like that.
Boxy Brown: Well, how am I supposed to take it then?
Meatwad: We just want to celebrate my birthday with some cake—
Boxy Brown: No, I don’t want no cake. I want me some PIE. You understand what I’m sayin’?
Meatwad: No sir.
Boxy Brown: Well, let me break it down. You know when you’re in the shower with some fine, foxy hoochy-mama, and she got that…
Meatwad: WHAT!?
Frylock: Uh, Meatwad?
Meatwad: I don’t know if I believe that, I mean, I’ve seen action figures without their pants. They ain’t got that.
Frylock: Uh, Meatwad…
Meatwad: Shh! He is talking here.
Frylock: Oh, oh, you know I don’t mean to interrupt—
Meatwad: Watch out, he’s got a knife!!
Frylock: Okay, okay, Boxy, put the knife down. Let’s all sing “Happy Birthday,” ready? Happy—
Boxy Brown (sings): Uh-uh, Happy Birthday. Uh-uh, Happy Birthday, birthday—
Shake: Hold on! Stop! Don’t sing! Hold on a second!
Frylock: Oh, look who showed up. I thought you said you didn’t do birthdays.
Shake: Do them? I am responsible for the paradigm shift in birthdays and how they will be viewed in the following century.
(Meatwad opens Shake’s present)
Frylock: Shake, what the hell is that?
Shake: You know the birthday song? Yeah, the famous one that usually puts everybody to sleep?
Frylock: Oh yeah, you mean the one we were trying to sing when you interrupted?
Shake: Well kiss that snooze-fest goodbye, because I wrote a new one, and from now on whenever someone blows out candles or unties a ribbon, THIS is what their waitresses will be singing (turns on tape machine):
Deep within the wall of time a creed shall thus be born.
See the mighty united with the egg of tyranny.
Check this force within the womb of life for three-quarter and nigh a year,
The creed shall thus be born. The creed shall thus be formed.
(guitar riff)
Shake: This is Zakk Wylde.
Meatwad: This is Ozzy’s old guy?
Shake: The man knows his way around five strings.
Frylock: You’re telling me that THIS is the new birthday song?
Shake: Gee willikers, it must be Obvious Day at Camp Stupid. What it’s called is “Spirit Journey Formation Anniversary.” It came to Geddy and I in a dream.
Frylock: Geddy?
(song continues in the background:
And every year raineth down the celebratory tears.
A celebration of the years from the immortal sky.)
Shake: Geddy Lee, lead singer of Rush.
Meatwad: Rush! Geddy Lee! (sings) Fly by night--
Shake: Will you shut up when the big people are talking. He happens to be extremely highly paid for his input on this project.
Frylock: Tell me this fades out right here.
Shake: Alright, hang on. See this is where you’re supposed to say the number of years. I’m gonna rewind it. You do it. Alright, here we go.
Meatwad: Okay.
(Zakk Wylde sings: A year of yeeeears... )
Shake: Say it! How many years are you!?
Frylock: Just say how old you are, Meatwad.
(A year of yeeeears... )
Meatwad: I don’t know.
Shake: Alright, you’re just ruining the song. What are you, 55? 56?
Meatwad: Yes, I’m 55.
Shake (sings): Fify-five bells…
(song continues:
…will chime,
when the heavens open up, and drink from the silver cup.
A creed shall thus be born. A creed shall thus be formed.)
Frylock: You gotta be kidding, Shake. No one’s gonna sing this.
Shake: Well they better, cuz otherwise how am I going to pay Zakk Wylde for his priceless participation in my project? See I gotta get royalties on this.
Frylock: Okay, it’s done, right?
Shake: Hang on. We’re going to repeat this verse again, and then there’s another verse about the death cycle, which Zakk and I both feel is really important in the piece.
(song continues:
And blow the magic horn...)
Frylock (turns tape off): That’s it. This sucks.
Shake: You can’t have birth without death. It’s the duplicitous edge which we all walk upon.
Meatwad: Can I blow out the candles now? Cuz there’s wax all over my cake.
Shake: Of course. It’s your birthday. But you gotta cough up the royalties first.
Frylock: How much did that cost you, Shake?
Shake: I’m so tired of people in the private sector. Look, every business has an initial investment, okay? Everybody has birthdays and they all need to sing.
Frylock: How much did it cost?
Shake (consults notebook): Well I guess we’ll start with travel. Zakk, as you well know, travels by a train of white stallions, which I had to buy and feed. And of course, you know, the snow machine—
Frylock: Give me that. $1.4 million!?
Shake: The money is gonna roll right in. You know how many birthdays there are a year? There are hundreds! Literally…hundreds.
Schooly-D: Shake-zula ain’t got no business in business.
Shake: You see this!? How much can a horse eat!? They’re white, they gotta be bleached! What the hell is this crap!?
Frylock: Uh, Shake, I got Zakk’s people on the phone. Here. They still haven’t gotten the check.
Shake: Well I haven’t gotten their invoice. Tell them to re-fax it.
Frylock: Uh-uh, you tell them.
Shake (throws the phone through the TV screen) How are we gonna do that?
(Knock on the door)
Shake: Wait, okay. If that’s the guy about the house, tell him I’ll be right there.
Frylock: House?
Shake: Yeah
Frylock (looks outside, sees sign): “For Sale”? You put the house up for sale?
Shake: Yeah, you know, just so we get some cash flow going.
Frylock: Shake, we rent the house! We don’t own it!
Shake: Yeah, I know that. I have no intention of leaving. But we need money. (answers door) Hey, how are you doing? So you saw the sign? I guess you want to take a look at the house. I mean, we have a couple other people coming later today. It’s really a lucky thing you stopped by.
Homeless guy (muttering): Trees…I take care of them…I’m a tree wizard.
Shake: Hey, that is great! Come on in. I got a tray of muffins here. One! Take ONE!
Homeless guy (muttering): Tree wizard…six dollars and forty-eight cents…
Shake: And as you can see it’s fully furnished. Two/Zero. No bathroom, and that is by design. We don’t want people to mess things up with their waste, do you know what I’m sayin’? …Right, of course you do, you know what I’m saying. And as you can see the phone is highly cordless.
Homeless guy: Alabama, Alabama, Alabama
Shake: Yes, absolutely, we are conveniently located adjacent to Alabama. What else? Oh, and in the back there’s a ton of science equipment, that’s gotta be worth something.
Frylock: That stuff’s not for sale.
Shake: Bring a muffin, it’s back here.
Frylock: Shake, he’s gone, and so is the TV.
Meatwad: And the muffins too.
Shake: I’m sorry, did I not bury you in the backyard? Stay away from the muffins!
Frylock: Shake, look at this. We got another potential buyer.
Meatwad: Hey y’all, it’s snowin’! They’re gonna cancel school!
Shake: Oh no, what kind of car is it? Don’t tell me it’s a chariot driven by a chain of white stallions.
Frylock: Oh, it’s a chariot driven by a chain of white stallions.
Shake: Oh hell, it’s Zakk! You gotta cover for me! I wasn’t here!
Zakk Wylde: Yo, is Milkshake here?
Frylock: No, no, no, I mean—
Zakk Wylde: The beating I’m about to put on him is gonna be indescribable.
Meatwad: He’s in the back. Go ahead and get him.
Zakk Wylde: Oh thanks. Nice place, by the way. Hey! I see ya!
Shake: Zakk, my man! I’ve been looking all over for you. Thank God you stopped by.
(Zakk pulls out his ax)
Shake: No, NO! Put that down.
Zakk (smashes Shake in the head with the ax): So where’s my money?
Shake: Owwww! Is this really about money? I thought it was about the love. I thought it was about the music.
Zakk: No, it’s about the money.
Shake: The jack is gonna start rolling in. You know that live event I alluded to? It’s happening. And I want you to check out this venue cuz we’ve got an exclusive booking, baby.
<Abandoned Pizza Potamus>
Shake: See, kids love pizza, and they love squalor. Meatwad’s already experiencing our interactive fun zone.
Meatwad (handling multi-colored exposed wires): Hey which one you can eat and which one you can’t?
Frylock: Meatwad, put that down.
Meatwad: I know, DAD, don’t eat the hot lead, but the ground’s pretty tasty though…
Frylock: No.
Shake: Frylock, will you please calm down. I know we have to have rubber mats put in, because the kids, the kids need to be grounded.
Meatwad: This asbestos is itchy.
Frylock: You’re just gonna blast that dumb-ass song in here, aren’t you?
Shake: Not me. The kids are coming to see the Black Mountain Scorpion Ho-down Bluegrass Experience Gang! Featuring Zakk Wylde on washtub bass! Zakk? Did we not do the sound check?
Zakk: Uh, no, jackass, I’m not working with any plastic scorpions. These things are beyond gay.
Shake: Zakk, the song needs exposure, and the only way to do that is to tour.
Zakk: Dumbass. Take a look. These things are bolted into the ground.
Shake: Well, yeah, we’re talking about wicked, poisonous scorpions. There are gonna be children here, I mean come on!
Zakk: Okay, where’s Geddy?
Shake: Geddy? Geddy who?
Frylock: Geddy Lee.
Shake: I don’t know, I don’t know who you’re talking about.
Meatwad: Of Rush! Of salesmen? (sings from “The Spirit of Radio”) Of salesmen—
Frylock: You swore to God that he would be here.
Shake: Yeah…um…Geddy’s people said that he was heavily involved with his solo album—
Zakk: He wouldn’t do it, would he?
Shake: Well, of course he would do it—
Zakk: If you had the money.
Shake: Well mostly I was dealing with the maid who answers the phone at his house, but I have told Consuela several times…he’s getting a Post-It on the fridge, I do know that.
Zakk: Why did I ever get wasted and work with you? I mean this isn’t even a real microphone. It’s a stick with a marshmallow on it.
Shake: The room is intimate. Just project, project.
Zakk: Project WHAT!? I don’t even know what the f*** you’re talking about!
Shake: You gotta go from the diaphragm.
Zakk: I mean I was f***ing wasted when we recorded it!
Shake: Just follow Deadly’s lead on this. He knows this song like the back of his stinger. And watch out for the stingers. They will kill you. Come on, Meatwad, come out and dance.
Meatwad: What are those, big roaches?
Shake: No, they’re scorpions. You want to meet them?
Meatwad: Scorpions! No!
Shake: Hey, Zakk Mild, let’s kick it up a notch. What do you want, a drink? You need some pills? Need me to get some bitches?
Zakk: Uh, no. I ain’t doing this.
Deadly Scorpion #1: Look, I know what you mean, I’m not really feeling it, because I can’t feel like humans, you know? If only there was some way.
Deadly Scorpion #2: Say, man, I don’t know if it’s that, I just think the song sucks.
Deadly Scorpion #1: Is it that it sucks, or you just want to do like solo things? Is that what you want to do?
Deadly Scorpion #2: Yeah, maybe if I do that I will!
(Deadly Scorpion #1 opens up and extends a laser cannon)
Deadly Scorpion #2 (opens up and extends a laser cannon as well): Hey, man, don’t you pull that s*** out unless you’re gonna use it.
(They fire on each other and blow the place up)
<Outside> (Meatwad pulls a crispy Frylock and Shake in the “Danger Cart,” humming “Tom Sawyer” by Rush)
Shake: Can I just say that when I ordered them I had no idea that they came armed with laser canons. She probably charged me extra too.
Frylock: So what are you going to tell Zakk’s wife and children?
Shake: You saw him. The guy was drunk and out of contol.
Frylock: What’s that jet doing in our yard?
Shake: Oh hell, what does it look like?
Frylock: It’s in the shape of a bass guitar and it’s painted with a giant owl—
Shake: --swooping down from the moon, I know. It’s Geddy’s jet. Floor it! We’ve gotta get the hell out of here!
Meatwad: Oh yeah, hi, Geddy (sings from “Tom Sawyer”) The river--
Shake: Shut up! Just keep driving. Don’t look at him. Go, go, go.
Frylock: Where are we going?
Shake: Mexico, Mexico! Ándale!
<End credits>