Space Conflict From Beyond Pluto
Aqua Teen Hunger Force
Space Conflict From Beyond Pluto
Transcribed by LAWRENCE. Aqua Teen Hunger Force is TM & © 2001 Cartoon Network. An AOL Time Warner Company.
(Dr. Weird's lab)
Dr. Weird: Gentlemen, look, and behold!
(Camera shows Dr. Weird's feet. His outfit drops to the floor, and he laughs. Steve looks confused.)
(Aqua Teens theme)
(Camera zooms in on Aqua Teens' house from space. Frylock is playing the first part of "La Cucaracha" on a keyboard. The keyboard plays the next part back by itself. The house shakes.)
Frylock: Yes! Contact! Computer, triangulate the coordinates of the signal!
(Two aliens are shown on the computer screen.)
Oglethorpe: Hey, neighbor! What is up!
Emory: Hey! How's Earth goin', and stuff?
Frylock: Aliens! I can't believe it! Are you a peaceful race?
Oglethorpe: Well, yes. We are barbecueing, aren't we not?
(A grill is shown.)
Emory: How do you want your melon?
Oglethorpe: Emory! The melons are on fire!
Emory: Well, of course they're on fire. They're not made to be cooked.
Oglethorpe: What do you know of fire? You prance around like you have laser eyes. You don't!
Frylock: So, you don't have laser eyes? Because it was my hypo--
Oglethorpe: Hey, hey, hey! We are barbecueing here. Why don't you come on up?
Emory: Yeah, and bring a cold six.
Frylock: Okay. How do I do that? I mean, do you have some sort of particle transmitter, or...
Oglethorpe: Particle tran--what do we look like, a couple of nerds?
Emory: There's totally a particle transmitter.
Oglethorpe: Oh, yes. One of those. We have that.
(Frylock disappears.)
(The Plutonians' spaceship)
Oglethorpe: Dude! Get these gross shanks of flesh out of my dominion!
(Oglethorpe knocks over the grill.)
Emory: Oh, that is great. Why don't you burn the ship down, while you're at it?
Oglethorpe: Shut up! I have an amazing plan to betray our new friend!
(He laughs.)
Emory: I thought the plan was to barbecue with him.
Oglethorpe: Plans are for fools! When he gets here, we melt him! And laugh on into the night.
(He laughs again.)
Emory: Why don't we just like, you know, talk to him, and stuff?
Oglethorpe: Why don't you just shut up, and let me do what I want for a change!
Emory: What about this fire?
(Frylock appears with a six-pack of beer.)
Oglethorpe: Put it out!
Frylock: Hey, guys. I'm here.
Oglethorpe: Who are you?
Frylock: I'm Frylock. You know, we spoke earlier.
Oglethorpe: No!
Emory: welcome to sp-, uh, space!
Oglethorpe: Oh look, the room where we melt people.
(Camera shows the room. There are flashing lights and beeping.)
Oglethorpe: You melt away, ja?
Frylock: No, I'd rather not. Say, say what is this thing around your neck? Some sort of galactic space collar, or--
Oglethorpe: This? Oh, this is a sweatband.
Emory: Yeah, it keeps the sweat out of our eyes.
Oglethorpe: Is that what yours does? Mine doesn't work then. It's broken.
Emory: 'Cause yours is a droolband, man.
Oglethorpe: Oh, thank you, very good, Emory! Oh, look, what's over there?
(Camera shows the melting room again.)
Oglethorpe: Oh, it's Melt Disney World!
Frylock: Yeah, I've seen it, okay! What are these spikes, these spikes all over your body, I mean, surely they have a purpose.
Emory: What spikes?
Oglethorpe: Oh, these. No no no, these are not spikes, they are pointy arms.
Emory: We squirt soap out of 'em, and that's how we keep the ship so clean. See?
(Soap squirts from one of Emory's spikes.)
Frylock: That's soap? Really? Well it kinda smells like waste.
Emory: Well, one man's waste is another man's...soap! You know what I mean, guys?
Oglethorpe: Hey hey, what is all this interrogation? Let's toss the frisbee.
(Oglethorpe tosses a frisbee.)
Oglethorpe: Over there!
(Camera shows melting room.)
Oglethorpe: Where we will melt you into fluid!
(Oglethorpe throws the frisbee on the floor and stomps on it.)
Frylock: Is there maybe a higher brain form that I could speak with?
Oglethorpe: Nein! We are on a top-secret mission of world domination!
Frylock: World domination? You guys couldn't take over a damn bowl of Jell-o.
Emory: Is that, like, an important place or something?
Oglethorpe: Where is it?
Frylock: Okay, look, which one of these buttons beams me out of here?
Oglethorpe: Those buttons are red! You'll destroy us all!
(Frylock pushes a button. Balloons and confetti fall from the ceiling and music plays.)
Emory: Alright, party time!
Oglethorpe: Whose birthday is it? Someone gets a spanking!
(Frylock pushes another button. Shake appears on the ship.)
Shake: Hey, happy birthday! Hey, who's the lucky boy?
Frylock: Shake, how did you get in this beam?
Shake: Look, that beam came from space. You don't own space, so stop acting like you do.
Frylock: I'm outta here.
(Frylock pushes a button on the control panel and disappears. Shake and the aliens stare at each other for a few seconds. Shake walks over to them.)
Shake: Hey, how ya doin?
Emory: Oh, fine, fine.
Shake: Tell you what, I wish I was--oh my g--that beam, coming up like that, the speed, you might wanna adjust that. It really did a number on my back, there. I mean, and I don't wanna say whiplash, just yet, cause that's a little too far, but, you're insured, right?
(Silence.) Oglethorpe: Oh look, what is that over there?
(Camera shows melting room yet again.)
Shake: No, you know what, if i could just maybe lay down, my back might straighten out a little bit. That'd be good for now.
Oglethorpe: Well, you might be interested to know that we are just about to destroy your planet!
Shake: Oh, go ahead, I'm not there. That's fine.
(Shake makes some choking noises.)
Emory: You really think we need to blow up their planet?
Oglethorpe: Is that what we said, blow it up? Let's blow it up!
Emory: Okay, fine.
(Emory goes to the control panel, and Oglethorpe goes to the window. Emory pushes a button. More balloons and confetti fall.)
Emory: Did it blow up, man?
Oglethorpe: You are toying with me! Drag the slave into the Melterium!
(Aqua Teens' house)
Meatwad: Look, Frylock, look at your carpet. It's burning.
Frylock: Fire is bad, Meatwad, you shouldn't play with it.
Meatwad: Oh, I know, I know. I use it in my work.
(Camera shows Carl's house and yard on fire.)
Carl: What is this? Who did this?
Frylock: You cannot cut someone's lawn with matches, Meatwad!
Meatwad: Look, I know that. You gotta have gasoline, otherwise how's it gonna spread to the street?
(A knock on the door.)
Carl: Open this damn door now!
Meatwad: Oh, is he mad? Don't open it.
Carl: I heard that! Open this door!
(Frylock opens the door.)
Meatwad: Hey Carl, how's that yard looking? Pretty good, I bet, huh?
Carl: Oh, it's done. So is the vinyl siding on my house. Where's Shake?
Frylock: He's in space...with...aliens.
Carl: Oh yeah, yeah of course. Why did I ever question that, huh? You know I gave Shake twenty dollars to cut my lawn.
Meatwad: Yeah, he subbed it out. And look, he gave me this chrome sled. Boy, I hope it snows soon, don't you, Carl?
Carl: Oh, yeah, I can't wait. A winter wonderland. Now let me see that sled. It's my freakin' hubcap.
Meatwad: Well hell, I don't know. I ain't never cut a yard before.
Carl: So, where...exactly...in space...is he?
(Spaceship. Shake is asleep in the melting room. Emory and Oglethorpe are looking at him through a window.)
Emory: So why isn't he, like, melting? I mean, the beam's supposed to be on.
Oglethorpe: Well, it's not! I'm looking right at it, and it's not on!
Emory: Maybe we need the remote control.
Oglethorpe: Well maybe you shouldn't have run the melter through the VCR, Scheisskopf!
Emory: Well, maybe it's because you said "I want all meltings to be taped", even though you never watch 'em!
(Shake is awake. He knocks on the door.)
Shake: Hey, can you guys let me out?
Oglethorpe: No, don't come out yet, it's too dangerous! Look! "Make Your Man Happy: Eight Ways to Healthy Buns!"
(Oglethorpe shoves some magazines into the melting room.)
Oglethorpe: Now where's that damn remote?
Emory: Well, if I'd had it, he'd already be a puddle now, wouldn't he?
(Shake pushes some buttons.)
Oglethorpe: Just find the VCR, and I--
Emory: It's in the escape pod, man.
(An escape pod is jettisoned from the ship.)
Oglethorpe: What in the hell was that?
Emory: Uh, that was the...escape pod.
Oglethorpe: Damn it!
Shake: Hey, you wanna let me out? I need to eat!
Oglethorpe: Quit pushing the buttons in there!
Shake: This whole ship's a bunch of buttons! And I'm done with this Redbook, I was done with it the minute I saw it. And I'm hungry!
Oglethorpe: You will eat what we say!
Emory: You will eat when we say! That's right!
Shake: I am a guest, and you're not treating me like one.
Oglethorpe: Fine. You want to eat? Let's see if you can eat...PIZZA!
Shake: Pizza? Really? Bring it on, I'm ready!
(The background in the melting room changes to an underwater scene, with pieces of pizza floating by. Music plays, and a voice is heard.)
Announcer: Prepare your stomach to set sail on the virtual sea of pizza.
(Shake jumps into the air, trying to eat the virtual pizza. He fails.)
Shake: You gotta be kidding me. This is it?
Announcer: Smell the cool salt air...
Shake: I can't eat this!
Emory: We could still melt him. Like, I have this really bitchin' hair dryer...
Oglethorpe: Well, if you think that will work, break it out then. That will only take FOUR THOUSAND MOLTONS!
Emory: I'm just trying to help!
Oglethorpe: Well, I think screwing everything up is a funny way of hel--
(A phone rings.)
Oglethorpe: The space phone is ringing. Where is it?
Emory: You had it last.
(In the melting room, a phone that looks like a toy robot walks up to Shake. It makes some robotic noises.)
Oglethorpe: If I had it, it would be put back in the charger, 'cause you don't know how to put things back.
(Shake picks up the phone.)
Shake: Hello?
Oglethorpe: You give that phone directly to me!
(He snatches the phone from Shake.)
Oglethorpe: I found the phone!
(Frylock's voice is heard on the other end.)
Frylock: Hey, can I speak with Shake?
Oglethorpe: The phone is for you.
Shake: Well.
Frylock: Uh, Shake...
Shake: What do you want?
Frylock: Carl is here...
Shake: How did you get this--I'm not here!
(At the Aqua Teens' house, Frylock, Carl, and Meatwad are watching Shake on the computer.)
Carl: Oh, you're not there?
(Pause.)
Shake: Hello, Carl.
Carl: Hey, buddy, how ya doin' there? Pizza Land, huh? That's lots of fun. Hey, uh, I wanted to let you know that YOU BURNED MY FREAKIN' HOUSE DOWN!
Shake: But the grass is gone, correct? Look, that is the cost of doing business. I told you there would be risks.
Carl: Yeah, no, the grass is gone. Just like your face is gonna be gone when I shove it in a pastrami slicer.
(Shake laughs.)
Shake: Slice my face off! You are clever! You're quick-witted! Well, look. Relax, and I'll be down there in like, five minutes, and we'll iron all this out, okay?
Carl: Oh yeah, that sounds great, that sounds great, yeah, we'll iron it out. I'll go get my iron. My TIRE iron.
(The picture fades on Frylock's computer. Shake hangs up.)
Shake: Well, it looks like i'm not going back there. This uh, pizza sea, does it do anything better than this?
Oglethorpe: You want me to speed it up?
(The pizza moves by faster.)
Shake: I mean, do you have anything like a, like a mountain adventure, or, uh...
Emory: We do have another one.
Oglethorpe: Ja!
(Pause.)
Emory: Some people like it.
Shake: Okay, load it up.
(The scene changes from underwater to an outdoor scene with a horse.)
Announcer: Welcome...to this horse's anus.
(Carl's house)
Meatwad: Hey Carl, you want me to shampoo the rug?
Carl: What's the freakin' point, meat man?
Meatwad: So you can give me some money.
(Spaceship)
Emory: Man, he's been in that horse anus room for a long time.
Oglethorpe: Yeah, he has been in there.
Emory: I did it once. That was enough.
(Shake comes out of the room.)
Shake: Man, that was amazing! You start off as this blade of grass, and then you go inside and it's like a luge! You go down the esophagus, you're in the stomach, large intestine, small intestine...small intestine, favorite part by the way. You know, I like hanging out with you guys. But the stuff you guys have is great.
(Emory and Oglethorpe are shocked. Pause.)
Oglethorpe: Oh, look out there! One hundred dollars! On the wing of the ship!
Shake: Move! That's mine! I dropped it! Now where is it again?
(He runs to the window and knocks Oglethorpe out of the way.)
Oglethorpe: Out there, you see it? It's there.
Shake: Look, this could be very dangerous. I'll handle it, okay?
Oglethorpe: Oh, would you? Please save us, from all the money?
(Shake is outside the ship in a pod with two robotic arms.)
Shake: Shake to ship! I'm still not seeing it!
Oglethorpe: Oh, you can't see it? Well, let me turn on the light for you!
(The ship flies away, sending Shake spinning to Earth.)
Shake: Wait!
Oglethorpe: Jackass!
(Shake lands in front of Carl's house. The door to the pod opens.)
Shake: Ah, Earth. I name thee Earth!
(Carl is holding a tire iron.)
Carl: Hey, buddy!
Shake: Hey, Carl! Hey! Lawn looks great!
Carl: Likin' it?
Shake: Why's your house all curled up?
Carl: I don't know, I was hoping maybe we could have a little dialogue about that.
Shake: Hey, that's a nice tire iron, Carl. Is that yours?
Carl: Yeah, let me get in there and show you the finish on it. Up close.
(Carl gets in the pod. The door closes.)
Carl: Taste the chrome!
(Carl proceeds to brutalize Shake. The pod falls over.)
THE END
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