MC Pee Pants ATHF

Aqua Teen Hunger Force -- MC Pee Pants

Dr. Weird: Gentlemen, behold, my beautiful fiancee!
Steve: I think that's a giant spider.
Dr. Weird: You're right! I've been betrayed! Run!

(Meatwad is dancing to loud music:
I want candy, bubblegum and taffy.
Skip to the sweet shop with my girlfriend, Sandy.
Got my pennies saved. so I'm a sugar daddy.
I'm her Hume Cronyn, she my Jessica Tandy.
I want candy!)

Shake: (singing) You make me emotional--Meatwad! Turn that down!--Kissin' you--Damn it! (weilding his guitar) That's it! I'm coming back!

Frylock: Put that down.

Shake: Look, I am out there trying to write new material!

Frylock: Shake, you don't even have old material.

Shake: (snapping his guitar in half) Now who has the material? Nobody! Cuz he just made me do THIS!

Frylock: Look, look, just relax, okay? I got this covered. (Turns off Meatwad's jambox) Meatwad, you know there's other people living in this house!

Meatwad: Well I know that. That's why I got it cranked up so loud. You know, so everyone can get down with the Pee Pants.

Frylock: You've been dancing to this crap for three days straight. We all know you like candy! You've eaten every piece that's in the house!

Meatwad: I did? Well somebody better go get some more then, cuz I'm starting to fade.

Frylock: Look Meatwad, there are other kinds of music in the world. Here. How'd you like to get down with some real gangsters--from the 15th century?

Meatwad: Bach? Beethovan? Are they down with the Pee Pants?

Frylock: Well, they wore pantaloons back then, Meatwad.

Meatwad: Shoot, boy, you'd get shot wearing that in my 'hood.

Frylock: Well I think these guys are pretty darn 'dope' if you know what I mean.

Meatwad: Well then give it to me. You better be right though.

Frylock: Yeah listen to that beat. Now that's a 'kickin'' glissando.

Meatwad: Yeah it is kickin, isn't it. I sure like it. It's good. You can leave the room now. ...I mean now.

Frylock: Oh, sure. Enjoy! (To Shake:) Problem solved. (Meatwad plays "I Want Candy")--Damn it!

Shake: Here, I'll solve it! Right out of his head!

Frylock: Oh no you won't. Look, I got another idea. (Gives Meatwad headphones) This way you can still listen to MC Pee-Pants and Master Shake won't want to hit you with a guitar neck and end your life.

Meatwad: Okay, I feel you, that's a good idea, you know, I don't want to get hit with a guitar or nothin, I'm pretty young.

Frylock: (hears the music even through the headphones) Aw, what the hell? (Yelling at Meatwad) You are going to damage your ears for life! (Meatwad only hears ringing) That will not be a pretty sight!

Meatwad: What?

Frylock: Just get a new album or I'm gonna send Shake in here with that damn guitar!!

Meatwad: Fine! You don't have to yell at me! But do repeat what you just said though because something's going on in my head here.

Shake: (beating on the door with the guitar neck, singing) I like beatings! I'll beat you all day!

Meatwad: I'll just take the window.

Frylock: Yeah I think you better.

<Carl's Yard>

(Frylock and Shake go over to Carl's pool, but Carl is in the pool. They try to sneak away)

Carl: No, I know you're there.

Frylock: Oh no, we know.

Shake: Carlton! Hi! What's up, buddy?

Carl: Hey, which one of you guys has been playing "I Like Candy" for a freakin week!?

Frylock: It was your other neighbors.
Shake: Meatwad.

Carl: You know what, at this point it doesn't matter because it keeps running inside my head and it won't leave unless I blow it out--with a bullet!

Shake: Hey, whatcha eatin there, Carl? You gonna show me some love?

Carl: Jawbreakers. For some reason I can't get enough of them.

Shake: That why your teeth are blue?

Carl: Uh, no.

Shake: Oh, uh, so why are your--

Carl: Shut up. ....I like candy, ba ba ba--Damn it!

Meatwad: (dressed as Elvis) Trick or Treat, smell my meat, give me something good to eat!

Shake: Oh boy, you look great! Hey Frylock, come in here and look at this. This is adorable! And who are you supposed to be?

Meatwad: I'm Elvis! I ain't nothing but a hound dog!

Shake: Well, you ain't got no body. So tell me, are you the fat Elvis or the skinny--

Meatwad: Give me the candy! You know who I am!

Shake: Okay let's see, um, some soy sauce, ooooooh, there's some plumber's putty, and a burning candle. That ought to do you fine.

Meatwad: Well alright, now, is any of this sweet?

Shake: It'll be sweet when you go up in flames, Baretta! Have fun now!

<Carl's House>

Meatwad: Trick or Treat, smell my meat--(Carl slams door) Aw, man!

Carl: (re-opens door) Look meat-man, what are you doing trick-or-treating? It's freakin' May!

Meatwad: Look, I need candy. Now are you gonna give me some or are you gonna lose some teeth?

Carl: No, I know, I only heard your little song about a thousand times! Now I want candy, and I don't know why.

Meatwad: Shoot, I don't listen to that kiddy crap anymore. I'm kickin the adult jams now. See, check it, MC Pee-Pants doesn't just want candy now--that's childish. He needs it, and when you need something, that's a responsibility that only an adult of my maturity--(see boxes of chocolate bunnies behind Carl) Bunnies!!

Carl: Yeah, I got a deal at the dumpster, I mean, warehouse. Yeah you might want to wipe the juice off them.

Frylock: Hey, you know Meatwad and Carl have been hanging out quite a bit lately.

Shake: Why you want to stop it? Rape! Rape! Oh, rape!

Frylock: No, it's fine, but don't you think it's a little bit weird that they started washing the car at midnight, and they're still doing it?

(Carl and Meatwad are singing along to "I Need Candy"
I need candy, any kind will do
Don't care if it's nutritious or FDA approved.
It's gonna make me spaz like bobcats on booze,
A hyperactive juice that only I can produce
To use a giant drill bore straight into hell
Releasing ancient demons from their sleep-forever spell
So they can walk upon the earth and get resituated
And hawk the diet pills MC Pee Pants has created.)

Carl: Yeah that beat is bad-ass. Clean me off another one of them bunnies. I'm gonna eat it.

Frylock: Shake, did you hear this lyric, about drilling a hole straight to hell and releasing demons to run a global diet pill pyramid scheme?

Shake: I don't know. All that rap is, is clicks and whistles.

Carl: Y-y-you think we should take another pass at this because I'm still seeing paint here and it's starting to mock me.

Meatwad: Shhh Carl, this is my favorite part.

(Mess up the mix, mix up the mess
Come on down, yo here's the address
6-1-2 Wharf Avenue
6-1-2 Wharf Avenue)

Carl: 612 Wharf Avenue? I know where that is! That's the abandoned warehouse next to Melon Shakers...the, the gentlemen's club.

Meatwad: Well maybe we should go down there, Carl.

Carl: We may as well, I'm too jacked up on candy to go to sleep. Now grab me some clean bunnies for the road.

Meatwad: Marshmallow or chocolate?

Carl: Are you kidding? Both! I got a lugie that could fill a lake here.

Frylock: I don't have a good feeling about this, Shake. We need to follow them.

Shake: Look, I should not walk so a child may live--that's what it does!

Frylock: Get up!

Meatwad: Alright, Carl, we're in the 'hood now. Unless you want to get shot, you need to stay low, be quiet, and follow me.

Carl: Alright.

Meatwad: Yoohoo!! Who's here? Hey, look up there! It's MC Pee Pants! What is up, G?

Carl: Oh there he is. He's cute. Get down here and bring me some candy!

MC Pee Pants: Alright! Let's get this party started right I'm MC Pee Pants in the hizzy--

Carl: Why aren't your lips moving?

MC Pee Pants: Look my schniggies, I had a strizz-oke in my brizz-ain, okay, you know what I'm sayin, so I can't move all good. Thanks for mentioning that, thank you very much.

Meatwad: Waht up with the stroke, MC Pee Pants, I thought you was eleven.

MC Pee Pants: Yeah, uh, hey-hey, you ate a bunch of that candy before you came didn't you?

Meatwad: Oh yeah boy, you know I did. I like candy--

MC Pee Pants: Yeah I know how the song goes alright, I wrote it, okay? Where are all your friends at?

Meatwad: Oh this is just one of them. The rest of them are off poppin caps in people's...butts....Is that cool...G?

MC Pee Pants: Is the album selling? Because there's only two of you?

Meatwad: I mean I bought one, but no one else did.

MC Pee Pants: Oh nizz-ice. That's just grizz-eat.

Meatwad: Hey let's throw down some mats and mess up the mix.

MC Pee Pants: Let's not.

Meatwad: Okay.

MC Pee Pants: Let's just get into those thrones over there and not talk so much.

Meatwad: Those thrones? Next to the big drill?

MC Pee Pants: Do you see any other thrones? Cuz if you do, go jump in that throne, go ahead, have fun.

Meatwad: No, I guess not. I don't want to make any waves. I'll just, uh, come on, Carl.

Carl: Look, why do we have to strap on--

MC Pee Pants: What are you a detective now? You're questioning me. I don't have to p-pizz-ut up, up with that...I don't have to take it! Now tighten those skull screws two notches below excrutiating, otherwise the energy won't transfer to the drill.

Carl: Well I'm not getting into this lawnchair until you come down here and give up some candy. (Giant Spider jumps down on Carl)

Meatwad: Whoa, dang! You look different on the album!

Giant Spider: That's right. It's called marketing. (Drill is not moving) Damn it! Next time you gotta bring some friends!

(Frylock and Shake enter)

Frylock: Why, so you can jack them up on candy and then use their hyperactive blood sugar to power that drill, and bore a hole straight into hell, and unleash demons to run your global diet pill pyramid scheme?? I think not!!

Giant Spider: Look man, people totally misunderstand me. I rap about life on the streets. I don't advocate demons, man, come on, where you getting that schnizz-no?

Frylock: What? Look, I'm going to read your lyric sheet: to use a giant drill--

Giant Spider: Alright, fine, yes, you want me to spell it out, that's waht I advocate, yes, okay, you are correct. Look at me, man! I'm a giant spider wearing a disposable diaper. I'm insane, man! Do you know anywhere I'm gonna 'fit in'? I don't think so!

Frylock: Is that what this is all about? Fitting in?

Giant Spider: Hell no! ...yeah.

Frylock: Look, I know you're nervous. I was nervous at my first job interview. Let's just leave the puppet behind this time, okay?

Giant Spider: Look at me, man! Ask me why I wear this diaper! I'm insane, I ain't gonna get this job!

Shake: Why do you wear the diaper? Just asking.

Meatwad: They're gonna love you MC Pee Pants, just give them a chance.

Frylock: Yeah sure, you're all the things that are in this ad here. You're energetic, hard-working, you love people.

Giant Spider: No, I love the liquid inside people! How many times do I gotta tell you, man? I'm insane! I eat people-juice! No one's going to hire a people-juice-eater!

Frylock: Look, we're here to change all that. Now pull up your diaper. You want to make a good first impression.

Meatwad: Yeah, we're right behind you.

Shake: Yeah, behind these blast shields.

Meatwad: Now you go in there and you make the best pizza you possibly can.

Frylock: Make us proud.

Giant Spider: Alright, man, I'll do it, man, but I don't know, man, hey wait a minute, man, this ain't no restaurant, man! (Pizza Potamus explodes)

<Carl's Pool>

Frylock: Look, he was never gonna make it in the outside world. He was brutally insane. Besides, he was an eight-foot spider wearing a diaper!

Shake: Who am I talking to? Because I don't KNOW you.

Meatwad: Well wherever he is--

Shake: He's in Hell!

Meatwad: Well wherever that is--

Shake: It's a fiery pit of unpleasantness at the center of the earth.

Meatwad: Okay! Well wherever THAT is, do not say anything, I just hope that he found some people that he can fit in with.

<Hell>

Giant Spider: Hey, hey, guys, hey man, who's into rap, yo?

Demon: We're into speed metal.

Giant Spider: Hey man, it's cool.

Demon: No, it isn't.

THE END

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