mc chris
- KNOWING
IS HALF THE HASSLE
|
The official "Knowing Is Half the Hassle"
CD is still available!
OWN IT!
This is our time! Blast it from the boombox! Liberate
the Goondocks! (White Kids Love Hip Hop)
Track List
1. Ten
Year Old 3:30
2. Co-efficient (skit) 1:13
3. Cookie
Breath 1:54
4. Hijack 3:18
5. Glory Hole (skit)
0:50
6. White Kids Love Hip-Hop 2:59
7. The Hammer (skit) 1:51
8. Geek 3:34
Impressions
I love mc chris's lyrics! These songs have got some great pop
culture references in them--"Ghostbusters," "The Goonies,"
Monty Python, etc. I finally got around to annotating them for all of you
who happen to be born after 1980. ;-) I think "Geek" and "Hijack"
are the "Fett's Vette" and "DQ Blizzard" of this album.
They are my favorites. But none of the other songs fall short. "10 Year
Old" is the perfect opener and fun to sing along to. It's also the one
that is stuck in my head the most. "White Kids Love Hip Hop" has
some classic lines ("Fast food cartoons after hittin’ some herb"--a
reference to Aqua Teen Hunger Force), and "Cookie Breath"--I'd never
heard a love rap before, but this one is very bouncy and catchy and has a
great 80s quality to it. Does anyone know what the sample in the background
is?
The skits are humorous, and yet very disturbing. mc chris is
a geek getting picked on and beat on by a bully, who totally sounds like he
is channeling Biff, Griff, or Mad Dog Tannen (or maybe I'm just under the
influence of my "Back To the Future" DVD box set, but seriously,
I keep expecting him to yell, "HELLO!? MCFLY!?"), and in the last
skit, the geek pulls out a gun and shoots the bully. This leads up to the
last song of the album, "Geek," in which the chorus is, "Stop
pickin' on me, because I’m a geek. I’m strange to you. You’re
strange to me. Well, one of these days I’m gonna pack heat. Your brain's
on the wall, my face on TV." Scroll all the way to the bottom for the
transcripts of the skits.
Want to talk about the album? Post on my new message
board!
Click
here to see scans of my limited edition CD, #171 of 200.
Annotated Lyrics
10 Year Old
Kid: MC, can I have your
autograph?
MC Chris: Sure kid. I'm in a real hurry.
What's your name?
Kid: It's Mikey.
MC Chris: Okay, Mikey.
Kid: MC, I hope I have a real high voice like
you someday.
What’s my name? MC. And what do I do? Rap.
MD’s screaming need 50 cc’s of MC stat.
ER staff be freaking like Mariah* on the rag.
MC Chris squeezing contents out of tiny plastic bags.
It’s like hypnotizing eyes and getting digits on the pad.
Legs seperate like hyphens because MC’s still the mac.
Identify the items by the bar code on the tag.
Identify the rapper cuz he’s knee deep in the vag.
I got my glocks cocked. I got my nines primed.
I got my crosshairs locked on Kelly Lebrock*’s
behind.
I got my lungs locked on chemotherapy kind.
I got more rhyme than Shel Silverstein* and
Shakespeare combined. |
* Mariah (Carey): pop diva who had a nervous
breakdown in 2000.
* Kelly LeBrock: model/actress who starred
in "Weird Science," 1985; may be best remembered for her Pantene
commercial ("Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.")
* Shel Silverstein: author of the children's
classic, "The Giving Tree" (1964), amongst others.
|
Chorus
I sound like a ten year old or so I’ve been told,
But you don’t need a voice that’s low to make the microphone gold.
Others claim that they be Midas, but they got laryngitis,
So why don't you kick it with the MC with the voice that’s the highest?
I sound like a ten year old or so I’ve been told,
But you don’t need a voice that’s low to make the microphone gold.
Others claim that they be Midas, but they got laryngitis,
So why don't you kick it with the MC with the voice that’s the highest?
So come on.
MC Chris: Here ya go,
kid.
Kid: MC, one more thing.
MC Chris: Come on, I gotta
get on stage.
Kid: I got a question.
MC Chris: What is it?
Kid: How'd you get to
be such a big star?
MC Chris: Well, I'm a
pretty good fucking rapper.
What’s my name? MC. And what do I do? Rock.
I’m intimidating jocks and inseminating socks.
And I’m infiltrating flocks of fembots*,
high off that hemlock,
Mudwrestling bittie buttocks like ox.
Let’s knock Chucks* cuz we can’t
afford boots.
Let’s get high, a.k.a. pull tubes.
Don’t ask why. Just let it all loose.
Watch this mike get abused. Watch me change your attitude.
Call me Gavin*. I’m the captain of this
Carnival Cruise.
Kathy Lee lets me rub my dick on her boobs.
Seems tweens in cleavage jeans is many a man’s muse.
All MC needs is just a bucket of booze.
Watch me blow a load on your butt tattoo.
Watch me come back for seconds like it’s Chinese food.
No one can hear you scream, cuz it’s a soundproof room.
I’m done. Get the fuck out. Send in number two. |
* Fembots: female androids battled by Jaime
Sommers in "The Bionic Woman" in the 80s, and now by Austin
Powers.
* Chucks (Chuck Taylors or Converse): canvas
sneakers that have recently come back into fashion. If you grew up in
the 80s you probably owned about 20 or 30 pairs of these in every color
imaginable.
* Gavin (McLeod): played Capt. Steubing
on "The Love Boat."
|
Chorus
Kid: Um, MC, I got one
more question for ya.
MC Chris: What is it,
kid? I gotta get on stage.
Kid: Will you be my daddy?
MC Chris: Yeah, I'll be
your daddy. Get in the van.
What’s my name? MC. And what do I do? Roll.
I’m all up in that shit like it’s fucking camel toe.
Olsen twins* on my dick like it’s a stripper
pole.
If you’re hooked on the shit, my middle name is Methadone,
So let’s do this quick so no one will ever know.
MC nice, got more ice than a fucking Eskimo.
He’s not whack Nickleback singing songs for Michelob*.
Jigga Man, why you treat me like animal?*
At the mall, at the park, rollerink, backyard,
Soft-hearted bard who makes the hardcore hard.
I weigh a buck fifty, stand five point five,
And when I muff dive, you see the fucking fur fly.
Don’t own a celly. My sneakers is my ride.
Been disgraced, demoted. I been denied.
All my fan mail says someday that I’ll get signed.
mc chris, lower case, no dots. Rewind! |
*Olsen twins: With movies, television, music,
video games, their own clothing line, etc, Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen
were named the richest teens in the world.
* "Whack Nickleback singing songs for Michelob":
I believe this refers to Nickelback's 1 Night Stand Tour, which was sponsored
by Anheuser-Busch, but I'm not sure. I don't follow Nickelback.
* "Jigga Man, why you treat me like animal?":
lyric from "Girls, Girls, Girls" by Jay-Z.
|
I sound like a ten year old or so I’ve been told,
But you don’t need a voice that’s low to make the microphone gold.
Others claim that they be Midas, but they got laryngitis,
So why don't you kick it with the MC with the voice that’s the highest?
So come on.
Cookie Breath
MC Chris: What up, everybody?
This is MC Chris. This song is dedicated to someone very special to me.
Southern belle from the A-T-L,
Eyes set on mind melt, she makes my heart swell.
I love the way she feels. I love the way she smells.
I love the way she talks. I love the stories she tells.
There’s nothing I don’t like, sold hook, line, and sinker.
She’s got this rapper wrapped around her manicured finger.
She’s dramatic and simple, kinetic and nimble.
She’s a fickle little riddle and she makes me go mental.
I’m in love. That’s the one thing that I’m sure of.
Can’t get enough of this stuff. Can’t get enough of her hugs.
She makes me not want to drink or do any drugs,
Hold her forever until the sun comes up.
Chorus
Why, oh why won’t you be mine?
I tried so hard not to cry.
Can’t contain what lies inside.
Could you call me up and just say, "Hi"?
Why, oh why won’t you leave that guy?
Why, oh why must I be denied?
When, oh when will the time arrive
When you look me in the eyes and say you're mine?
Southern belle from the Bible Belt.
Together forever? Only time will tell.
Until I know for sure, know that I’m in hell.
When you kiss me deep, know that it’s deeply felt.
My eyes well up when your car pulls up.
Feel like a dumb fuck that’s shit out of luck.
Love bites. Love bleeds*. Love fucking sucks.
I'm so stuck in a rut, knowing your love is a must.
Are we really just friends? Will this night ever end?
I tried to imply that it was all just pretend,
But a lie that size makes a man a mess.
Oh, when will I see you again? |
* "Love bites. Love bleeds.":
the beginning of the chorus of "Love Bites" by Def Leppard, 1988. |
Chorus
Hijack
Airport clerk: Okay Mr.
Chris, before I give you your ticket I just got a couple questions for you.
MC Chris: Uh-huh.
Airport clerk: Have your
bags and luggage been in your possession since you packed them?
MC Chris: Yes.
Airport clerk: And, uh,
did anyone give you any items or packages to take on board today?
MC Chris: No.
Call it a rebound of a hip hop devout, got my heat out,
Feel alright like it is Friday night and Pop says, “Yo, let’s eat
out.”
That’s what I be about. On the mike is where I be now, indeed now.
Good for you and easy to chew, like a big bowl of puppy chow.
See how, I get up on the mike and I can excite.
You may call it tripe. That’s just spite. I know my shit’s tight.
Psych. It’s like when I was just just a tyke on my trike
And all the big kids would flip lids on their BMX bikes.
Go take a hike, and don’t forget the trail mix, bitch.
Beats I know come from a Casio, so call me Chris,
As in MC, envy, I be on the top of the list.
You try to diss, I won’t resist. You’ll feel the kiss of my fist.
I never miss. You’re gonna need a first aid kit.
Remove your whack-ass rhymes like it be a cancerous cyst.
You can’t deny your tight ass behind be so moving to this.
Well MC Chris hold down his shit like he was holding bong hits.
|
Like Mahatma Gandhi followed by a horde of hotties
Or the Feds on the trail of a Mr. John Gotti*,
I’m a sound wave tsunami, vocal origami,
Hijack the mike and it’s not like anyone can stop me.
x2
It's not like anyone can stop me.
It's not like anyone can stop me.
It’s like arithmatic, the way I make it stick.
Some say it’s gibberish. Some say it’s silly shit.
But some people pay a cover charge to listen to it.
Some people take the PATH* train to Jersey
for it.
Ladies in the corners with the hand on your hip
I'll make you jump so high that the record will skip.
I'll make you feel so good that the room starts to spin.
My favorite kind of nut is a macadamian.
I say come on all you honeys, I am begging to begin.
I say I gotta get the grand, gotta get within.
Gotta get more cream than Wisconsin.
Honeymoon Suite at the Sheridan,
Bathtub full of expensive gin,
Lots of candles and vi-o-lins,
Bi-ki-nis made of di-a-monds
Honeys begging me to break their hy-o-mens.
|
* John Gotti: New York City mob boss who
escaped conviction for years in the late 80s/early 90s. He finally was
imprisioned for life in 1992. He died in prison of cancer in 2002.
* PATH (Port Authority Trans-Hudson): the
train that runs between New York City and New Jersey.
|
Like Mahatma Gandhi followed by a horde of hotties
Or the Feds on the trail of a Mr. John Gotti,
I’m a sound wave tsunami, vocal origami,
Hijack the mike and it’s not like anyone can stop me.
x3
It's not like anyone can stop me.
It's not like anyone can stop me.
White Kids Love Hip Hop
White kids love hip hop and disc jocks, go-carts
and fist fights,
Getting drunk on Bud, then getting high like a pitch pipe.
Are you an MC Chris type--a hip hop loving half-pint?
Then just turn on your heartlight*. A bunsen
burner barfly.
This is our time*. Blast it from the boombox.
Liberate the Goondocks*.
Saw your cousin in a, a tube top. Bust a nugget in a, a tube sock.
It’s Tupac. It’s big pop. It’s hip hop. It don’t stop.
I love that song. I love that groove, motherfucker. Well, I can’t help
but move.
So if you don’t mind, if it’s alright with you,
I’m gonna get in the Electric Slide line just to prove that |
* "Turn On Your Heartlight": 1982
Neil Diamond song from the movie, "ET."
* "This is our time": A quote
from Mikey (Sean Astin)'s speech from "The Goonies" (1985),
when he is convincing the others to keep searching for the treasure to
save their homes..
*The Goondocks: where the Goonies live.
|
White kids love hip hop.
White kids love hip hop.
White kids love hip hop.
Oooh.
White kids love hip hop and Axl*,
tractors and Rambo*,
Playing "Unreal Tournament"* with
infinite ammo.
Taggers and vandals in black socks and sandals
Doing as many drugs as they can motherfucking handle.
Skipping school, breaking rules, and flipping the bird,
Fast food cartoons* after hitting some herb.
Freaking them flirts, making them purr til it hurts,
Just a couple nerds clocking the curbs.
A couple of words about my nilla-wiggas,
Packin peters that are measured in milimeters.
We don’t talk in the theaters like we’re Siskel and Ebert.
We drink box wine and we listen to Weezer. |
*Axl (Rose?): lead singer of Guns N Roses
(maybe) or could mean Axel Foley again, from "Beverly Hills
Cop," who was referenced in "The
Tussin"
* Rambo: 80s action hero played by Sylvester
Stallone
* "Unreal Tournament": first-person
shooter video game
* Fast food cartoons: Aqua
Teen Hunger Force
|
White kids love hip hop.
White kids love hip hop.
White kids love hip hop.
Oooh.
Geek
Chorus
Stop pickin on me because I’m a geek.
I’m strange to you. You’re strange to me.
Well, one of these days I’m gonna pack heat.
Your brain's on the wall, my face, my face on TV.
They dissipate the pungent odor of a power holder.
Sand kickers coming sixty clicks upon the sonar.
They’re gonna fold me over like a Trapper Keeper folder.
If this was D&D, you’d see me jump into a portal*.
I’m a geek--spelled G-double-E-K.
I meet my boys in the basement about every day.
A card table, comic books and cans of coke
That we blow out of our nose after a Star Wars joke.
We got style--tape on our glasses,
Zits on our faces, and hair on our asses.
Shiny shoes, belt buckles, and pocket protectors,
Tricked out back packs like my main man Venkman*’s.
We got problems--namely the jocks,
The SUV suckers with class rings on their cocks.
Otherwise known as the motherfuckers touching the tit.
If I was Wolverine, you’d hear my knuckles go, "SNIKT*."
I’m not perfect--the before picture of Peter Parker*,
I always trip and drop my tray in front of the girl that always sparkles.
I got brains--fuck B’s and C’s.
I got a grade point average higher than Hendrix on New Year’s Eve. |
* Portal: In the RPG, Dungeons and Dragons,
a player can open a portal and go through it to escape a situation.
* Venkman: Peter Venkman from the "Ghostbusters"
movies; played by Bill Murray
* SNIKT: The way the sound of Wolverine's
claws emerging is always written out in the "X-Men" comics.
* Peter Parker: Spiderman's geeky
alter-ego
|
Chorus
Don’t fuck with a geek just cuz he got a
gift.
You get in my way bitch, you get a Vulcan neck pinch*.
One night I didn’t go to sleep--up playing Risk*.
At dawn I won, got global dominance
But it in the hallway it’s completely different shit.
Can’t get my locker open and my pants are always split.
Can’t seem to catch a ride. Can’t ever get a date,
But in my mind 7 of 9* thinks I’m great.
Prom night bites. Primadonnas prevail.
I’m at home reciting lines from "The Holy Grail*,"
Stuffed nose and some swollen glands,
Never been kissed, never been holding hands.
Just bust my biscuits over Britney in a bubble bath.
Darth Vader with inhalers in case my lungs collapse.
The dragon died from heart attack.
You may advance and yo, I upped your armor class*.
Being a geek, it aint so bad.
I can’t get laid, I got Japanime stashed,
And a mind jam packed with sci fi facts.
Dreadnoks* rock! Dinobots*
kick ass! |
* Vulcan neck pinch: technique used by Mr.
Spock on the original series "Star Trek" to render a person
immediately unconscious.
* Risk: war game that can be played
online
* 7 of 9: character on "Star
Trek: Voyager" played by Jeri Ryan, the object of maybe geeks' fantasies.
* "The Holy Grail": movie starring
the British comedy team, Monty Python.
* "The dragon died from heart attack...armor
class": terms used in playing Dungeons and Dragons
* Dreadnoks: a gang of mercenaries who work
for Cobra on GI Joe
* Dinobots: dinosaur Transformers
|
Chorus x 2
Skits
Geek - mc chris
Bully - John Gemberling
Coefficient
Geek: (singing under his breath) ...talking bout math, math, I love
math, gettin my books for school, math--
Bully: Wait a minute, math!? MATH!? Hey, what the fuck are you doing over there,
you little GEEK?
Geek: Oh, don't hit me.
Bully: You were just jabbering about math? What is these, math books? There
they go! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Geek: Oh, you knocked the books out of my hands! I gotta pick them up now. I
gotta get to...I gotta get to class.
Bully: Hey, you like math, do you?
Geek: Yeah, I like math.
Bully: I got a practical math application for you.
Geek: Oh...
Bully: Yeah, your face plus my fist plus, uh, something that I'm gonna shove
up your asshole...
Geek: No!
Bully: ...divided by Pi, the coefficient...
Geek: Aaaah! Oh! Ow! You're hurting me! Oh, this is so painful!
Bully: Shut up! If you think this is painful, meet me in the boys' bathroom
at 2:00...
Geek: No...
Bully: ...and then I'll show you painful.
Geek: Oh God...(cries) One day, I'm gonna show him...
Glory Hole
Geek: ...history, history, I love history--
Bully: AH, you're here in the boys' bathroom, good. You're actually a little
early.
Geek: Sorry, I'm very punctual, sorry...
Bully: ALRIGHT GET OVER HERE, ya little GEEK!
Geek: Oh no, you're forcing me into the stall!
Bully: That's correct!
Geek: Oh no, you're sticking my head into the toilet water!
Bully: That's precisely what I'm doing! HAHAHAHA
Geek: And now you're flushing, oh God, it's so embarrassing!
Bully: And now let me tell you what I'm gonna do...
Geek: No...
Bully: I'm gonna smash your head into the side of the stall...
Geek: Oh, you wouldn't!
Bully: ...until it goes all the way through the stall...
Geek: All the way though?
Bully: ...leaving a glory hole.
Geek: A glory hole?
Bully: And then you're gonna go around to the other side, and I'm going to stick
my cock anonymously through the glory hole...
Geek: Oh...oh no...
Bully: ...and if it doesn't get sucked, I don't know what I'm gonna do.
The Hammer
Geek: ...economics, I love economics...
Bully: HEY over there! Where do you think you're going?
Geek: I'm gonna go home!
Bully: Thought you were gonna get out of school without talking to me first?
Geek: School's over. I wanna go--
Bully: I got some recollections I want to share with you.
Geek: Oh, recollections on what?
Bully: Let me think back on how many of your family members' CUNTS I've licked
today!
Geek: Oh, how offensive!
Bully: Let's see, your SISTER...
Geek: Oh!
Bully: ...your MOTHER...
Geek: Not my mother!
Bully: ...Your GRANDMOTHER...
Geek: My grandmother?
Bully: I dug up your GREAT GRANDMOTHER...
Geek: Oh, you wouldn't!
Bully: Her cunt tasted like SKELETONS!
Geek: Oh, that's gross!
Bully: HAHAHAHAHA
Geek: HEY! How do you feel about THIS!?
Bully: Oh my God! Aah!
Geek: I bought this gun at lunch!!
Bully Oh my God!
Geek: And now I am pointing it right at your face!! I'm tired of the way you've
been treating me!! And I'm not gonna take it anymore!!
Bully: Please! Please! I...I...looking at your gun, I...I'm rethinking all of
my bullyism...and I...uh...I just think if I were to get a second chance...
Geek: You can't get a second chance!! You are way too mean, and therefore, you
deserve to get capped!! I am pulling back the...thing that you pull back before
you fire the gun!!
Bully: The hammer?
Geek: NOW I AM PULLING THE TRIGGER!!
Bully: OH MY GOD! YOU PULLED THE TRIGGER ON THE GUN AND THE BULLET'S FLYING
OUT OF THE GUN AT LIGHTNING SPEED! AAH! OW! IT HIT ME IN THE HEAD!
Geek: HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, BULLY!? HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT!?
Bully: AAH! OW! I'm dying...dying.
Geek: Wait a minute, what have I done? (cries) I'm sorry...who will I talk to
now? What have I done...what have I done?
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